At The American Catholic we are dedicated to giving you up to date news on the election campaign. Thus we have this report from Acts of the Apostasy:
(AoftheANews) NEW YORK – The guardian angel for Democrat Vice-Presidential candidate Tim Kaine told AoftheA News that he is quitting the Clinton campaign, and has announced his endorsement of Donald Trump.
“I’ve had it with him. Completely had it,” the angelic messenger said, relentlessly puffing on a Marlboro. “I haven’t slept in days. He’s driving me nuts. His comments on so-called same-sex marriage over the weekend were the final straw. He really thinks the Church will someday change its position. Sure, he was taught by Jesuits, but he oughtta know better.”
The bedraggled, unshaven divine host of heaven went on. “I probably should have done this when Hillary selected him, but I had hope, you know? Turns out I was just fooling myself.”
He explained that his endorsement of Trump was merely an attempt to get Kaine’s attention. “I’m hoping it’s a wake-up call,” he said, pouring himself a glass of Jack Daniels. “Shock him a bit. Once he hears I want to ‘make America great again’, he’ll come to his senses. Maybe. I’m so beyond frustrated.” Continue reading
Father Z would prefer to vote for Millard Fillmore’s rotting corpse than Clinton-Kaine. I completely agree with him:
As I have often said and written, I would vote for the corpse of Millard Fillmore (the last Whig President and an anti-Catholic No Nothing) to keep Hillary Clinton out of the White House. And now, with Tim Kaine (can. 915 NOW!) on the dem ticket, I would extend my preference for Fillmore’s cadaver also to Fillmore’s VP’s cadaver… except that Fillmore didn’t have one, that is, he didn’t have a VP.
Fillmore ascended (descended?) to the presidency upon the untimely death of Zachary Taylor (+1850) from a nasty gastric malady after eating, they say, iced milk and raw fruit. (Be wary of milkshakes!) There was a theory that he was assassinated with arsenic or some such. As a matter of fact, in 1991 they would dig him up, Taylor, that is, to test his remains for arsenic. They determined that it wasn’t arsenic. It was probably the gastroenteritis that got him after all. Gastroenteritis got him with the help of his doctors, of course. They bled and blistered him and gave him massive doses of an emetic to induce vomiting called ipecac (I’ll bet that’s as nasty as it sounds), opium, quinine and calomel (aka mercury chloride) which was used as both a laxative and a horticultural fungicide. What could go wrong?
Yes… that paragraph, with its emetics and laxatives and gastric problems, the bitterness of the quinine and the delirium of opiates, surely sets the tone for what follows.
And now to Tim Caine, or, No. 2 (on the ticket).
Spotted at The Stream:
Catholic Church Will Change on Marriage, Kaine Tells Radical LGBT Group
WASHINGTON (AP) — Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Kaine is predicting that the Roman Catholic Church may eventually change its opposition to gay marriage. [Can’t be done.]
Kaine is a Roman Catholic [catholic] as well as a U.S. senator from Virginia and a former governor of that state. He told the Human Rights Campaign during its national dinner Saturday in Washington that he had changed his mind about gay marriage and that his church may follow suit one day. [Quisling.]
[Watch this! You may need to squint in the sight of his theological brilliance.] “I think it’s going to change because my church also teaches me about a creator who, in the first chapter of Genesis, surveyed the entire world, including mankind, and said, ‘It is very good,’” Kaine said. He then recalled Pope Francis’ remark that “who am I to judge?” in reference to gay priests. [This is little better than word salad. Wasn’t it in Genesis that we read that God created man male and female? Genesis 1 says: “And God created man to his own image: to the image of God he created him: male and female he created them. And God blessed them, saying: Increase and multiply”, Right? God seems to have had a reason for the two sexes thing: increase and multiply. What’s the old phrase? God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. No “increase and multiply” that way. Kaine seems to have fallen into the trap that God made people homosexual and that the homosexuality is one of the things God said was good.]
“I want to add: Who am I to challenge God for the beautiful diversity of the human family? I think we’re supposed to celebrate it, not challenge it,” Kaine said. [As an aside: Kaine was educated by Jesuits. I’m just sayin’.]
While he pledged to fight for increased rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer Americans, Kaine admitted that he had opposed gay marriage until 2005. [What a guy.]
“For a long time while I was battling for LGBT equality, I believed that marriage was something different,” he said. Virginia’s lieutenant governor when state lawmakers pushed for a constitutional amendment to keep marriage between one man and one woman, he recalled speaking to amendment supporters who said they hoped LGBT people would feel so unwelcome that they would move out of Virginia.
“When I heard the proponents describe their motivations, it became clearer to me where I should stand on this,” he said. [THAT’s a reason to change your mind about sodomy?]
Brilliant. Continue reading
“A Pro-Life DNC Chair!”, crows an apparently elated Michael Sean Winters in America, at the news that President-elect Obama has tapped the Virginian governor for DNC chair:
I never thought I would live to see the day. If anyone had any doubts about Barack Obama’s willingness to listen to pro-life Democrats, his selection of Virginia Governor Tim Kaine to head the Democratic National Committee should settle those doubts. Obama means business.
Perhaps, perhaps not.