Humor

Sad Joe

Published Friday, May 18, 2012 A.D. | By Donald R. McClarey

Rumors have been afloat lately that Obama is set to dump Biden. Judging from the frenzied, one might say hysterical, tone of Biden in the speech earlier this week featured in the video clip above, one might well believe that Biden is looking at the political hook coming toward him. This might explain why Biden forced Obama’s hand on gay marriage by coming out in favor of it before Obama did. Rule one of being Veep is never upstaging the POTUS. Presumably Biden believes that if he is beloved of the base of the Democrat party, Obama will not dump him. Alas, strategizing, indeed thinking of any sort, has never been Biden’s strong suit.

Unfortunately Biden matters not one whit to the Democrat base, and by acting out he merely convinces Obama that perhaps it is time that Joe meet the acquaintance of the many individuals and groups that Obama has thrown under the bus in his political career.

This is all so unfair. Joe Biden, as beloved national clown, has been one of the few success stories of this administration. Imagine how much grimmer the past four years would have been without the comic stylings of Jollie Joe. Poltical pratfalls and endless gaffes, a tireless willingness to play the complete buffoon, nothing has been beneath Biden in his endless task to lighten the mood of the nation. I therefore announce the formation of the Biden Forever Superpac. We will do everything in our power to keep Joe on the ticket. Save Joe! I pray that we prevail, but if we fail, we will always have YouTube to remember Joe by! Continue reading →

Tagged Beloved National Clown, Election 2012, Humor, Joe Biden |

3 Comments

Satan’s Commencement Address

Published Tuesday, May 15, 2012 A.D. | By Donald R. McClarey

There is no neutral ground in the universe; every square inch, every split second, is claimed by God and counter-claimed by Satan.

CS Lewis

As faithful readers of this blog know, Satan had been invited by Saint Sincerus, the 84th largest Catholic university in the nation, to deliver its commencement address. Despite protests from the Catholic wing of the Catholic Church, Satan did in fact give the commencement address. Here is the text:

Thank you. (loud applause) Thank you all very much. Thank you, Fr. Despereaux. Please, folks (continued applause), please be seated. A little restraint every now & then. . . (laughter).

Seriously, this is quite an honor for me. I can’t say an unexpected honor, as this invitation was in the cards for some time now. And this despite all the non-attention I’ve received from many of your Catholic intellectuals; wasn’t it your own Fr. Cheever in Ancient Near Eastern Studies who said in your student paper that I don’t exist? (laughter). He’s not alone in thinking that, though I take it that after we got to know each other a bit better last night he has a different take on things. Talk about an ashen countenance when I discussed my background! Suffice it to say that he knows a bit more about ancient mythology & sacrifice than he did before we spoke. It really is too bad he can’t be here today, as he’s much in my thoughts, as are all the fine academics at this institution. Much of the work you do is directly responsible for my being here today, & I am much pleased by it.

To honor the graduates of St. Sincerus, I will focus my remarks on the creative gifts God has so richly blessed you all with, as well as on your sacred responsibility to nurture those gifts, despite the heavy costs. As you know, you live in a world in which the majority of people seek to restrain, to control, & even to deny the creativity of the few. Isn’t it a sad irony that such a gift, which can help you to make & remake your world, & which is an expression of God’s image within you, so badly frightens the unimaginative? I believe the patron of this school would be as pleased as I am with your attempts in recent years to use your creativity to produce such a life affirming environment here on campus, & would hope that you continue forward. “Fear not!” I can almost here him saying at this very moment, as he thinks about the work of your administration, faculty, & student organizations to make more people welcome here.

(loud applause from the members of the audience, who rise from their seats; shouts of “SSU! SSU!” break out) Continue reading →

Tagged Commencement speeches, Humor, Saint Sincerus |

13 Comments

The First Gay President

Published Monday, May 14, 2012 A.D. | By Donald R. McClarey

Some things truly do not need any commentary, but this is too sweet a target to forego the obligatory ducks in a barrel:

1. Somebody buy our rag, please!: Newsweek has been suffering financial woes for a very long time. Since 2007 it has lost 50% of its subscribers. I assume that the management at Newsweek now thinks they have nothing to lose from being an open arm of the Democrat party, rather than a hidden arm of that party, which was their usual mode of operation in the good old days, for them, when the magazine actually managed to make money.

2. Bubble people: The powers that be at Newsweek obviously live in an ideological bubble where calling Obama the First Gay President will help him. Most of the country does not inhabit that bubble.

3. Halo Twofer: The halo above the President is of course no accident. The folks at Newsweek regard Obama as a saint, if not higher in the celestial hierarchy. As for gays, they are by definition on the side of the angels, a somewhat patronizing attitude on TV these days where gays are trotted out to deliver lines filled with wit, wisdom and tolerance, occupying the slot previously alloted in television land decades ago to ministers, priests, nuns and rabbis.

4. Not a Put On: No clever satire is intended by Newsweek. They are in deadly earnest. More is the pity.

5. The meaning of Gay: Judging from my teenage daughter’s use of the term, “gay”, among the younger generation, frequently means “lame” or “weak”. In that sense Obama is most assuredly a gay president, albeit far from the first one. Continue reading →

Tagged Andrew Sullivan, Barack Obama, Election 2012, First Gay President, Gay Marriage, Humor, Newsweek, Sycophantic Media |

63 Comments

Would it Be Such a Big Leap From Inviting Sebelius?

Published Tuesday, May 8, 2012 A.D. | By Donald R. McClarey

Yet another controversial speaker at a Catholic college:

In a move already denounced by Catholic bishops & other leading religious conservatives, St. Sincerus University, the nation’s 84^th largest Catholic university, has invited Satan to deliver its commencement speech later this month. Also known as the Prince of Darkness, Lucifer, &, more popularly, the Devil, Satan is a divisive figure among Catholics & other Christians. Several Catholic universities have upset religious conservatives in recent years by inviting controversial figures to deliver commencement speeches, as when the University of Notre Dame, the nation’s largest Catholic University, invited President Barack Obama, who supports a woman’s right to abortion, in 2009. The invitation to Satan by SSU president Fr. Thad Despereaux comes at a time when many Catholics are highly critical of the Obama administration’s attempts to reform health care, which some claim would force Catholic institutions to violate their Church’s teachings by providing contraceptives as part of their health insurance plans. Fr. Despereaux, in comments made to the Daily Sham, SSU’s student newspaper, said that having Satan on campus gives bold witness to a central Catholic principle that God can be found in all things. “The continuing politicization of the faith indicates just how important it is for us to build bridges,” Fr. Despereaux said. “Our whole mission as a university is to bring people together. Satan is badly misunderstood by many people, & we hope to show our graduates that stereotypes, & the hatred they engender, have no place on a Catholic campus. As Catholics we are to hate hate.” Continue reading →

Tagged Humor, Kathleen Sebelius, Satan |

4 Comments

Facebook and the Ending of the Concept of Personal Privacy

Published Wednesday, May 2, 2012 A.D. | By Donald R. McClarey

From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. A few years ago I began noticing a new category of evidence emerging: Facebook evidence. People involved in child custody disputes were using the Facebook pages of their adversaries to point out misbehaviors such as drunkness, constant use of profanity, threats to kill, etc. From my perch of 30 years at the bar, I view this development with bemusement. When I was young, people were no more virtuous than they are now, but they usually had more sense than to blast out to the world that they were drunks, hedonists, verbally challenged except when using the F-Bomb, or to have photos of themselves published to the world in, and how truly Victorian the phrase seems now, compromising positions. Most people understood that their personal lives were personal, and not to be broadcast to the planet at large. Now, it seems as if exhibitionism is the order of the day, and Facebook and other social media exist to trumpet every portion of one’s life, especially the tawdry aspects. Time for me to enlist two shades from the next world to provide commentary. First, the famous phrase that Cicero used in his second oration against Verres: O Tempora, O Mores! Second, the late Ray Walston: Continue reading →

Tagged Exhibitionism, Facebook, Humor, The Onion

Sister Patricia: On The LCWR ‘Crackdown’

Published Monday, April 30, 2012 A.D. | By LarryD

(Cross-posted at Acts of the Apostasy)

(Sister Patricia Owens O’Flannery, OP, a post-modern pre-traditional omni-spiritual Dominican sister, periodically contributes to AoftheA. Today she’s been invited to offer her unique perspective on the Vatican’s recent decision on the LCWR.)

Hello, dear and gentle readers and friends of LarryD! May the warmth and vicissitude of Nature grace you with immeasurable beneficence! I have been praying for each of you every day, offering supplication that Sophia bless you and surround you with her wise wisdom, inspiring you to dance and play and immerse yourself in Her ephemeral permanence of lasting spontaneity!

You know, I’m not sure that makes a lot of sense, and if it doesn’t, please forgive me. My soul has been heavy as of late, all because of the recent announcement of the LCWR investigation. I know that many of you have been eager for my opinion and insights on this serious matter – I have felt the psychic vibrations emanating throughout the noosphere. Such confusion in your hearts, dear readers! I will try to explain and assuage your fearsome trepidations and trepidacious fears.

Before I begin, let me assure each and every one of you – the Swiss Guard have not put me or any other LCWR representative under house arrest! Those rumors are simply unfounded! We are free to travel as we wish, our passports have not been confiscated, and none of us – I repeat in the most emphatic of terms! – none of us have had our reiki stones taken away or labyrinths dismantled.

Now, as with any traumatic experience, we tend to vividly recall what we were doing at the time of the experience. For some, it was the assassination of JFK; for others, when the space shuttle Challenger exploded; and still others, when the Berlin Wall was torn down. In my own life, I vividly recall every action and emotion that coursed through me when I heard that Polly’s Polyester Pantsuit Palace in Walla Walla closed its doors, back in 1983. I had just been released from the local Catholic elementary school, and was meditating along with Chick Corea’s “The Meeting” album, and my mesquite incense infuser, when Sister Etta Loretta Loreto burst into the room, crying with the news. That was the last day I ever listened to Chick’s music. A sad sad day. The smell of mesquite still evokes a passionate tear.

But this news, hard to believe, was even sadder. I was leading a group of NCReporter editors on a pilgrimage to several Buddhist monasteries in Nepal when my 4S iphone newsfeed alarm went off (I downloaded the voice of Gloria Steinem, and she says “You’ve got fe-mail”! Isn’t that spectacular?), and I read the story with shock. The rest of the trip was ruined, as the thin atmosphere made it difficult for me to conduct any soothing breathing exercises. All I could think about, was how could this be possible? The LCWR – the prophetic voice of the world – and no one predicted this was going to happen! Continue reading →

Tagged Humor, LCWR, Parody, Sister Patricia

Hit the Road Obama

Published Sunday, April 29, 2012 A.D. | By Donald R. McClarey

The Road we Traveled is an Obama campaign video directed by Davis Guggenheim who directed Al Gore’s mendacious An Inconvenient Truth, and narrated by Tom Hanks, taking a break apparently from starring in Catholic bashing Dan Brown flicks. The film gets the Science Fiction Mystery Theater 3000 commentary from Andrew Klavan and Bill Whittle in the video above. The Obama campaign should thank Whittle and Klavan: at least someone will actually watch this piece of agit-prop drek now.