Humor

PopeWatch: Rabbits and Hares

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber :

Just a day after Pope Francis told Catholics that they should not feel like they have to breed “like rabbits” because of the Church’s ban on contraception, an American Imam today echoed the Pope’s words, urging Catholics to listen to their spiritual leader.

“Yes, that sounds like an excellent idea,” the Imam reportedly said this morning. “Having many Catholic children is such a burden, and the Catholic world is so overpopulated already. One Catholic child, maybe two, is plenty to bring into the world. Maybe none at all is best.”

The Imam, who has a meager 8 children himself, praised the progressive culture of Europe, where both marriage and child-bearing have reached an all-time low in most countries. “When it comes down to it, a Catholic is really being selfish when bringing more people to suffer in this world. Contraception, even abortion, is really the best option for Catholics.” The Imam concluded, “On the other hand, in a generation or so none of this will matter anyway.” →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

PopeWatch: Clarification

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

En route to the Philippines from Sri Lanka yesterday, Pope Francis said that he was ready to “punch” anyone who insults his mother, showing that there are limits to freedom of expression.

“We have a duty to speak openly. To have this freedom, but without offending. It’s true that you cannot react with violence, but if my aide Doctor Gasbarri, who is a friend, badmouths my mother, a punch would be coming for him,” Francis said before holding up a finger and asking those present to hold on a second. “Hold on…let me take that back. I would not punch him in the face. At least not at first. First, I would kick him in the n–s. Then a knee in the face would be coming for him. After this, I would have many options. I could put him in a headlock, a figure-four leg lock, a vice grip, the Colossal Clutch, the Turantual, the Boston Crab…any of these maneuvers would help to rectify the wrong said about my mother.”

Francis went on to beg those seated around him to “try” him if they did not believe him, saying, “try me…say one thing, I beg you…pleeeeaase say something!” →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

Ferrara v. Shea

 

 

Break out the popcorn!  The latest in the longstanding Ferrara v. Shea feud:

 

 

The “Francis effect” appears to be driving Mark Shea over the edge as he doggedly stays the neo-Catholic course of defending the indefensible no matter how indefensible it becomes. Given a Pope who has just cooperated with the Abortion President to sell out the oppressed Catholics of Cuba, with thanks from both Obama and Cuba’s communist dictator, and who approved a synodal document calling for appreciation of the “positive elements” in concubinage and “valuing” the “orientation” and the “gifts and qualities” of “homosexual persons,” Shea is now faced with a growing army of messengers that have to be shot, including a few cardinals and bishops.

Shea is beside himself over a searing critique of this pontificate by Maureen Mullarkey that appeared in—oh the horror!—First Things. He cannot believe it: “This was not written on a bathroom wall where it belongs.  It was not published on some blog published from Ignatius Reilly’s basement.  This was published by First Freakin’ Things.” Yes, First Freakin’ Things, the preeminent journal of “moderate” Catholic opinion that could never be accused of “rad trad” leanings.A bewildered Shea wants to know: “First Things: What happened to you guys?” Francis happened, that’s what. Now, if Shea were a reasonable man he would recognize that there just might be a serious problem with this pontificate when even First Things begins voicing objections to such elements of the Bergoglian program as “his clumsy intrusion into the Middle East and covert collusion with Obama over Cuba” and his “sacralizing politics and bending theology to premature, intemperate policy endorsements”—a reference to Francis posing between two environmental activists while holding an anti-fracking T-shirt.

→']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

PopeWatch: A Big Raffle

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

As spiritual leader of over 1.2 billion Catholics, Pope Francis has received hundreds of gifts from devotees and world leaders since his election in 2013. But now Pope Francis is cleaning out his closet and raffling off items that range from a Fiat to the papacy to raise money for the poor, according to the Holy See.

The pope’s raffle of items that not only include the papacy, but will also reportedly include every item in the Vatican Library, as well as every member of the Curia, will end this Thursday when the winning numbers will be announced on the Vatican website.

Among the 13 items Francis is giving away are a leather suitcase, a Homero Ortega Panama-style hat, an espresso coffee machine, the Chair of St. Peter, the Basilica of Santa Maria Maggiore, and Cardinal Burke. →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

Thoughts

Pope Francis and Pope Emeritus

 

An interesting picture of the Pope and the Pope Emeritus.  Let’s have some fun with it!  Time to write thought balloons.  An example:

Pope Francis:  I wonder if he is jealous about the slobbering media coverage I receive!

Pope Benedict:  I wonder if he is jealous that I no longer have to care a fig about the media!

 

Contribute your thought balloons in the comboxes.

Law School Was A Natural

Devil Advocate

Hattip to Instapundit.  I tend not to read much fiction, but I will make an exception for this, which takes a look at the parents of a very unique precious snowflake:

 

Alan and I knew instantly that our child was exceptional. He was just so adorable, with his pentagram birthmark and little, grasping claws. His red eyes gleamed with intelligence. When the doctors came in with all their charts, they just confirmed what we already knew. Our child was “one of a kind” and “unlike any creature born of man.”

Alan and I were ecstatic — but also a little bit nervous. Raising a gifted child is a huge responsibility. And we were determined not to squander Ben’s talents. We vowed then and there that we would do all we could to ensure he achieved his full potential.

The first step was getting him into the right preschool. We figured it would be a breeze, given Ben’s obvious star quality. But, to our great surprise, he struggled with the interview requirement. At Trevor Day, a teacher asked him how old he was. Instead of saying “three,” he gored open her stomach and then pinned her to the ceiling with his mind. We were able to get him an interview at Trinity, thanks to a family connection. But when Ben saw the crucifix in the lobby, his eyes turned black and the walls wept blood. Why was Ben behaving this way? There was only one logical explanation: attention deficit disorder. We took him to a specialist on Park Avenue, and within five minutes our son had his first prescription for Ritalin.

************************************************

The Kilmax, I noticed, had produced several troubling side effects. Ben’s eyes — usually so bright and searing — had dimmed to a pale ocher. His horns were pointed downward and his fur was falling out in clumps. I was telling him about another option — the birthright trip to Israel — when he suddenly held up his claw, cutting me off midsentence.

“No . . . more.”

I screamed for Alan, and he came running.

“Ben spoke!” I cried. We leaned in toward our son, keeping as still as possible. Ben gasped a few times, obviously struggling. Eventually, though, he managed to continue.

“No more . . . arrrrrgh! Pleeeeeaseeeearrrrrgh! Me . . . not . . . sick. Me . . . arrrrrrrgh! Monster. Let . . . be . . . monster. Let be monster.”

My eyes filled with tears. I’d always assumed that Ben would never talk — and now here he was, carrying on a full conversation!

If Ben could master language, there was no limit to what he could achieve. I whipped out my iPhone and typed in Han’s number from memory.

It was time to start thinking about law school. →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

PopeWatch: Demonic Cats

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From the only accurate source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

 

Pope Francis continues to show he’s not your average pope. During a public appearance this afternoon, Francis attempted to comfort a girl whose cat had died, saying, “One day, we will see our animals again in the eternity of Christ. Paradise is open to all of God’s creatures. All of them except for cats. In that case, little girl, the only way you will see your cat again is if you reject God’s grace and end up in hell.”

The Pope’s comment has reignited a debate on the subject, with the Humane Society saying that if Pope Francis believes animals have souls, then “we ought to seriously consider how we treat them,” a representative said. “We have to admit that all animals, save for cats, panda bears, and sloths are sentient beings, and they mean something to God.” →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

Soviet Union and Tetris

A nice manic history of the Soviet Union and post Soviet Union a la the game Tetris.  Studying the history of Russia has explained to me why it is no mystery that so many Russians are so fond of vodka.

PopeWatch: The Force

 

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

 

VATICAN — Vatican television took the liturgical world by storm last Friday by giving Catholics their very first official look at a short teaser trailer from the upcoming papal Christmas Mass.

Focusing much of the trailer on new cantors and deacons that will play a role in the Mass, the 88-second Christmas Mass teaser had many excited about Christmas. But along with those feelings of Christmas ecstasy came some controversy with liturgical purists about the Pope’s unique new crossgaurd lightsaber crosier, which has consequently polarized many die-hard fans of the Mass.

Many of the complaints and cynicism stem from the belief that the new crosier is just a cheap Vatican “it looks cool” thought process and that having these side-angled blades would just put the Pope at risk of cutting himself during the entrance procession.

“Popes haven’t had crosiers like this before, so why now?” asked one blogger. “It’s gotta be to sell more merchandise. It’s Christmas season after all and the Church could be using this as a way to sell more of their line of papal action figures.”

Many say that the “Crosier 2.0” has a major flaw in the design, saying that the light emitter sticks out  inches before the laser quillion begins on each side of the crosier, meaning that the little emitters could simply be severed off if it came in contact with another crossguard lightsaber crosier, and if that crosier were to slide down the main shaft.

The Vatican has come out in defense of the new crosier, with an inside source saying that there is no chance of severing off the side emitters because a Mass typically does not have more than one person carrying a crosier. He also went on to explain why the crosier’s cross guard works.

“The crosier lightsaber beam goes all the way through the handle so even if you cut off the metal, the beam is still there. It’s really not that hard to figure out.” →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

Remembrance of Turkeys Past

As we prepare for Thanksgiving tomorrow, and as we recall our blessings and thank God for each and every one, let us also remember the humble turkey and the various disasters that result when that proud bird is not treated with the care that it deserves, dead or alive.    Oldtimers like myself will recognize the above video as part of the famous “Turkey Drop” episode from WKRP, a sitcom from the Seventies.

 

Of course Turkey Disasters are not, unfortunately, restricted to the realm of fiction.    Deep frying a turkey poses various risks.

Here we have a case of the flaming avian:

 

 

William Shatner warns of the dangers of deep frying turkeys:

 

Of course there are those among us who revel in the destructive possibilities of cooking turkey.

If deep fry a turkey you must, follow these tips: →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

PopeWatch: Did I Just Say What?

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

VATICAN–Speaking to pilgrims during his weekly Wednesday audience yesterday, Pope Francis admitted that he was kind of having a hard time making any kind of sense whatsoever of what he just said.

The Pontiff, who has been known to make off the cuff remarks in the past, told those gathered in St. Peter’s Square that what he just said was “admittedly kind of weird.”

“I said what?” Francis asked those gathered. “There’s no way I just said that. OK, that’s just weird. Seriously, what the heck is it with me? Am I trying to change doctrine or something? How am I gonna explain this to my secular friends? Oh boy, I can see their faces now. I bet they’re just itching to ask when I’m gonna start allowing divorced gay Catholics to receive communion. This is great…just great. I’m so freaking pissed right now I think I’m gonna go blog about it.” →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

PopeWatch: Next Election

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

Ahead of the next Papal Elections, many Cardinals have begun to distance themselves from the Pope, whose approval rating amongst traditional leaning Catholics is at an all-time low.

As these Cardinals are beginning to focus on their possible election to the throne of St. Peter, they are increasingly calculating how close is too close to an unpopular Pope Francis.

The Pope’s dismal poll ratings with traditional minded Catholics could sink many cardinal’s hopes for becoming next in line to become Vicar of Christ, especially with battleground bishops and swing cardinals.

“If he is where he is now for the remainder of his papacy, it’s not going to work for liberal cardinals who want to impress members of the Collage of Cardinals on the right,” said Cardinal Raymond Burke who stated earlier this year that he would not seek election during the next conclave. “I think that if the next conclave goes to the right, that it will be more of a referendum on Pope Francis’ loose words, then on a conservative agenda.”

Some right-leaning cardinals are also keeping their distance from next year’s Synod on the Family after recent remarks made by Pope Francis regarding the easing up of the annulment process so that any Catholic wanting an annulment can have one by simply turning to their spouse at anytime and saying the words, “thou are art banish’d.” →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

The Modern World is Going to Hell: A Continuing Series: The Trashy Vermin of the Apocalypse

The  fifth in my series of posts in which I give rants against trends that have developed in society since the days of my youth, the halcyon days of the seventies, when leisure suits and disco were sure signs that society was ready to be engulfed in a tide of ignorance, bad taste and general buffoonery.

We have started off the series with a look at seven developments that I view as intensely annoying and proof that many people lack the sense that God granted a goose.  I like to refer to these as  The Seven Hamsters of the Apocalypse, minor evils that collectively illustrate a society that has entered a slough of extreme stupidity.  Each of the Seven Hamsters will have a separate post.  We have already discussed here the Tattooed Vermin,  here the Pierced Vermin, here the F-Bomb Vermin and here the Texting Vermin.  The fifth of the Hamsters is the Trashy Vermin.

I grew up in a blue collar family in which money was never plentiful.  ( I loved the old Jackie Gleason show The Honeymooners.  It was a howlingly funny show and they were more broke than we were.)   However, my parents always found money in our budget to make sure that all of us had good clothes to wear for Church and special occasions.  “Good clothes” meant a suit and tie for Dad, a nice dress for Mom, and sports jackets and ties for myself and my brother.  Now I know those of you born after 1980 will find this hard to credit, but we were not uncommon in that regard.  At Mass virtually every one was dressed that way.  (I still dress that way, and it is uncommon enough  that a visiting priest brought how I was dressed to my attention as I entered Church with my family a few years ago.)  Evidence of this is clear in the movies from the period.  For example, we have the film Blackboard Jungle (1955), which at the time was thought to be a shocking look at juvenile delinquency. →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

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