4 Responses to Goldilocks and the Purple Mattress

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PopeWatch: Clown Masses

Saturday, February 4, AD 2017

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

 

Reports out of Cincinnati, Ohio today suggest sightings of Creepy Clown Masses are on the rise nationwide, and at levels not seen since the introduction of the 3rd typical edition of the Roman Missal five years ago.

While anecdotes abounded in the 1990’s, most Catholics had never seen a Creepy Clown Mass themselves until recently.

“I was ascending the side altar for my morning Latin Mass when I suddenly heard a calliope playing ‘All Are Welcome’ for a procession of creepy clowns in the nave,” said Monsignor Adrian Fitch. “They wouldn’t leave until I let them present the gifts. Another time I felt this hand on my shoulder and, at first, I thought it was just crazy ol’ Sister Ann [Provincial of the Congregation of Pant-Suited Pantomimes] extending her hand again for the Consecration, but nope, it was a freakin’ creepy clown with a chalice in one hand and a machete in the other.”

While some are calling the phenomenon a natural response to calls for more inclusive and diverse faith communities, others are calling it a publicity stunt for the upcoming Vigil of All Saints Day.  A growing minority, however, are attributing it to the circus atmosphere of the current Pontificate.

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2 Responses to PopeWatch: Clown Masses

  • I did notice a Franciscan once wearing about a size 17 pair of floppy sandals, but alas, I admit to being neglectful in not reporting him to the Chancery .
    Also, if we do spot a clown ready to have a Mass, are we required to accommodate him?

  • Don L.

    Hummm. My small PIETA prayer booklet, so old it’s held together by tape,glue and luck, states; Never attack a priest. Clowns masquerading as priests are fair game. Priest masquerading as clowns preparing to celebrate Holy Mass….Well they need prayer and twist on the ear lobe. Sr. Agnes style.

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PopeWatch: Tramp Stamp

Saturday, January 21, AD 2017

 

 

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

 

According to several reports out today, the Vatican will be issuing lower back tattoos to Catholics in honor of German priest and protestant reformer Martin Luther this October.

Although Martin Luther was declared a heretic and excommunicated in 1521, Vatican officials have reportedly sent letters to all Catholics that are “able and willing” to visit Rome for the “official issuing of the ecclesiastical tramp stamp.”

“We believe that Martin Luther, though deemed a heretic by the antiquated Catholic Church, is deserving of recognition for being a witness to the gospel,” said Vatican Tramp Stamp official Eduardo Rosalini. “Also because we want people to like us. No matter whether it’s our fault or not. We do as Christ did in the Scriptures when he apologized to Pontius Pilate, blaming hypocritical members of the Sanhedrin for driving [Pilate] away from a potential conversion to Judaism.”

Rosalini went on to say that, although Catholics will not be eligible for indulgences for getting the tramp stamp due to Luther’s stance on the issue, they will, nevertheless, be compensated with salvation “no matter what sins they commit after the getting the tattoo.”

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8 Responses to PopeWatch: Tramp Stamp

  • Whoa, it looks like a “move over Che” moment has arrived.

  • Tattoo’s..?

    Wait for the ecclesiastical piercings!

    The crucifix hammer and sickle is charming. It will make great nose hardware for Lent. Sort of a mortification of the flesh.

  • In remembering that Henry V111 made himself the Head of the Church in England about 1535, and other nefarious happenings during that Century, satan might have uttered, as the Century clicked over,
    ‘One small step for Lucifer…one Giant step for evil’s kind.’ Timothy R.

  • But what about the women and the men who say they are women? Can they not have the tat where Madonna is having her protest tat done?

  • I was one of the Police Officers assigned to play bodyguard to Madonna when she was here filming the movie “A League of their Own”. To say that I was unimpressed with her, would be an understatement. TR.

  • My guess is that Madonna had sold her soul out years ago..1978 – 80.
    Her popularity and misuse of Catholic names, the Sacredness of our identity as a Holy Church as well as wearing rosaries while behaving like a woman possessed..this for fame and fortune.

    She will understand the question; What profit a man if he gains the whole world but looses his soul in the process?

    Micheal Jackson comes to mind.

    Pure implosion.
    I’m surprised Madonna hasn’t self destructed yet.

    God have Mercy.

  • Philip…I am more concerned with all of the young girls that she SCANDALIZED ! Jesus said that for anyone who scandalizes a child, “It would be better for them to have a great millstone hung around their neck and thrown into the Ocean” ! TR.

  • Instead of correcting the faults of the clergy, Martin Luther destroyed the faith of the people, depriving the people of the Truth of the Catholic faith. Luther excommunicated himself. Not even the Pope can live his free will for Luther. What is bound in heaven cannot be unbound on earth by the Vicar of Christ, nor ought it be loosed. Luther tramped out of the Church of his own free will and Francis cannot change that… not even with a Tramp Stamp.

16 Responses to Hollywood Glitterati: We Hate You! We Really Hate You!

  • I have no idea who these Hollywood people are. Never heard of any of them.

  • They are conservative journalists doing a parody of the Hollywood political videos where the Glitterati tell us lesser breeds how to vote and think.

  • OOOPS

    “You would need a heart of stone not to laugh like a hyena.” Instapundit

    “Hear the lamentations of their women.” Conan the Barbarian

  • I wish that the Hollywood actors and actresses who made the previous political videos against voting for Donald Trump would be compelled to watch this one. These people really need to be put in their rightful places: “You’re actors and actresses. You pretend on TV and in film to be engineers, scientists, doctors, lawyers, police officers, soldiers, sailors, marines, airmen, etc. But you’re NOT. You know no science. No engineering. No medicine. No law. No history. No religion. Everything you do and everything you are is fake by virtue of your occupation where you pretend to be that which are NOT. So stop telling those of us who truly are engineers, scientists, doctors, lawyers, police officers, soldiers, sailors, marines, airmen, etc. how to think and act true to our vocations. We are the goal, the end that you emulate, that you pretend to be in your acting. Never tell us to emulate you.”

  • Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus.

    Damn straight!
    Great point.

  • We must remember that actors are hypocrites by definition.

  • I am convinced (eight plus decades of experience with a tad of psych training) that these people, as well as the petulant Obama and spouse, really hate themselves, badly, and must spend their entire life gaming celebrity power to take down everyone else.

  • In response to what Mike Dowd says : I laughed so hard I nearly spilled coffee all over myself ! You’re right.
    Who cares if Bon Jovi hates us ? Err, whoever, or whatever that is. Is it a real person ?
    Timothy R.

  • Klavan shared a clip–probably the same video, too much noise in here for me to listen/watch– and did a very funny riff on the “repeating, repeating, REPEATING” thing.

  • They are performing propaganda in a manner that would make Joseph Goebbels proud. Here are a few recommendations of Hitler’s Minister of Propaganda:
    A lie told once remains a lie but a lie told a thousand times becomes the truth
    If you tell a lie long enough, it becomes the truth.
    There is no need for propaganda to be rich in intellectual content.
    …the rank and file are usually much more primitive than we imagine. Propaganda must therefore always be essentially simple and repetitious.
    The most brilliant propagandist technique will yield no success unless one fundamental principle is borne in mind constantly – it must confine itself to a few points and repeat them over and over.

  • I refer to the Hollywood propagandists, not the parody.

  • Mr. Walsh, did you copy that from the DNC manifesto ?
    Timothy R.

  • If you liked that one here is another. This time from Stalin and he seems to define the Democratic Party policy for welfare: The way to handle people is to treat them like chickens. Take away everything they have by plucking all their feathers and then throw them a few bread crumbs. They will then follow you forever. My source is: http://www.azquotes.com/
    Very Interesting!

  • In the 80’s movie, 16 Candles, Anthony Hall tells a guy, “I’m the king of the dipshi—-“. Kind of made me think of Chuck Schumer.
    Timothy R.

  • Chuck Schumer… Head Clown.
    Donald Trump

  • Pingback: MONDAY EDITION | Big Pulpit

4 Responses to Do They Know What Christmas Is?

3 Responses to Save the Snowflakes!

8 Responses to John Wayne: Teacher

  • Pray constantly. Holy Mother Church teaches us to patiently bear all wrongs and to willingly forgive all injuries. Know that we are “poor banished children of Eve mourning and weeping in this vale of tears.” The Fourth Sorrowful Mystery (The Carrying of the Cross) teaches us to desire the virtue of patience and to pray for the grace to carry our crosses without complaint.
    .
    Two times (many years ago) I was in need of mood adjustments. Once, I had given-in to feeling sorry for myself and whining. An unlicensed psychotherapist told me, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”
    .
    Years later, I was again guilty of the cry-baby routine. Another unlicensed psycho/medical pro told me, “Life is hard. Then, you die.” I often think of both when I feel weak and cowardly. It wakes me up.
    .
    Anyhow, neither man called me, “Nancy.” There would have been blood shed.

  • Off topic: TV watching the Army/Navy game, CBS Sports showed the inspirational scene of a full-bird colonel Catholic Chaplain (in dress blues) kneeling and saying the Holy Rosary behind the Army bench.
    .
    Our Lady of Victory, pray for us. .

  • John Wayne: The Anti-Snowflake.

  • I am no theologian, but one wonders how Jesus taught. I doubt He had any tolerance for poor little snowflakes. Having seen John Wayne instruct a schoolboy in speaking, we may now know how Christ taught the mute to speak.
    .
    Just sayin…..I think that Jesus was a manly man.

  • Ah YES , the Duke – bring back the Duke. A legend of our time.

    No more mamby pamby BS – bring back the Duke.

  • Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus

    Jesus rewarded the faithful.

    So your assumption is correct.
    You of little faith is wimpy, however the visuals abound where the lame walk, the blind see, the hemorrhage stops and the servant is healed. “Your Faith has healed you!”

    A courageous faith is the confidence and strength in trusting and believing.
    John Wayne style no doubt.

  • Here, here!!

  • Hey, I just enjoyed these clips. I never even thought of how Jesus would have behaved in similar situations. Something wrong with me?

4 Responses to Trump 2018

PopeWatch: Safe Spaces

Saturday, December 10, AD 2016

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops met in Baltimore yesterday to discuss churches in the United States providing “safe spaces” from hostile Catholic teachings, such as abortion and same-sex marriage.

Bishops at the assembly said that serving Catholics that are emotionally distraught by certain Church teachings is “part of our identity as Catholics,’’ and pledged to provide safe spaces in every church in America.

‘‘We stand ready to work with frustrated Catholics and to provide them with safe spaces within churches where they may go during homilies that are hostile in nature,” bishops said. “Our duty as shepherds is to lead our flock not only to the good news of Jesus Christ, but also to the well of refuge from insensitive, unsympathetic, and judgmental teachings. That well ought to be within a cry room, which shall remain being called ‘cry rooms,’ as all are welcome to express their feelings, either by outrage or outright crying, within these rooms without feeling threatened by the glare of impolitically correct, rigid parishioners. I propose that these adult cry rooms should be specifically designed for emotional adults so that they may participate and partake in the Mass while being acoustically sealed off, so that they may not hear whatever is being spewed out of the mouth of an insensitive priest.”

 

The bishops went on to pledge that they will work to ease doctrinal rhetoric in churches, saying that “just like any other work place, a church is not an appropriate place to discuss politics or religion.”

At press time, bishops are voting on whether to grant a dispensation to Catholics who are still emotionally unsettled by Trump’s presidential victory from having to attend Mass until he is out of office.

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5 Responses to PopeWatch: Safe Spaces

22 Responses to My Feeling Precisely

  • I salute you who have to put up with that nonsense at Mass.

    The Mass of the Ages has none of that, but, it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea either.

  • pf

    same here….our priest is centered on Christ.
    Not man.

    The general rubrics of the Roman Missal is void of the Protestant practice mentioned.
    At least the last time I checked it was.
    Who knows now-a-days?

    Something else you won’t see happening from our pews is the mimicking of the priests hand and arm gestures as he recites; “For the Kingdom, the Power and Glory be yours now and forever.” You will notice our hands clasped together with fingers pointing heavenward. Something that Pope Francis ridiculed an altar server for a couple of years ago; “What’s a matter..are your hands stuck together?”

    I do recall Fr. Larry Richards ( on EWTN radio)
    telling a listener that the early Church did raise their hands as a practice, however, it is not a norm today.

    Interestingly, some of the German Cardinals bare a striking resemblance to Dr. Zaius.
    Hummm.

  • There are a couple of Byzantine-rite churches about a 40 minute drive from you (in Joliet). There’s another in Lockport, Ill. about 45 minutes away. Nearest Maronite Church is in Lombard, Illinois, about 67 minutes away.

  • Not needed Art since in my parish of Saint Patrick’s in Dwight we don’t do the hand in hand Our Father.

  • Art: at our Byz Rite parish, some do hold hands.

  • I heard fr Larry Richards talk about it being important to do what congregation does where you are celebrating mass that day because unity. I wonder which more important unity with local, or unity with Church through the rubrics

  • Quick as lightening, the practice of holding hands came in. For a couple of years, it was a norm that I just refused to participate in. Now, as suddenly, folks holding hands find themselves twos and threes.

    I don’t know what changed but I am glad to not be harassed about it.

  • . It’s cultural not right or wrong nor masculine/ feminine. Christ was far more touchy feely than us cold temperature folk when He let John at the last supper lean into his chest or when He said this to a male host in Luke 7:45: ” Thou gavest me no kiss; but she, since she came in, hath not ceased to kiss my feet.”. I’m not inclined to it at Mass but I do not refuse if the person next to me tries it. If a female were excessively beautiful facially ( my weakness) like the slimmed down Melissa O’Neil of Dark Matter ( half Irish, half Chinese…stunning), I if alone wouldn’t sit near her in a pew for several reasons including being distractive of the Our Father if she signalled me to hold her hand….since Aquinas, who chased a woman out of his room with a torch,wisely noted…”Joy is higher than pleasure but pleasure is stronger than joy.” Wherefore Aquinas didn’t dialogue with the lady of the night that his family sent to him, but he carried a torch not for her but toward her….big difference.

  • It is one of the main reasons I feel a physical repulsion when invited by otherwise well-meaning Catholics to attend “services” at the local Novus Ordo celebration. I do so, but it is like eating nails.

    That, and the horrendous music. Just yesterday the local classical music station played a flawlessly executed rendition with 4 voices of Mozart’s short motet, “Ave Verum Corpus”. I had to stop what I was doing and listen. I could hear a pin drop. We exchanged this, for “Let There Be Peace on Earth”?

    One plus: when I attend a N.O. service, it tells me what I could be dealing with EVERY Sunday.

  • I want to echo David Spaulding. What he describes has been the experience in my small Cajun town.
    .
    I clearly remember when everyone (it seemed) was holding hands, even I joined in. But, without any direction from the priests, people just …. stopped. Sure there are a few people here and there who do; and there are even a few nearby parishes where it might be the norm, but not to the degree that it once was.
    .
    Thank goodness.

  • Those hands that are being thrust at you either to be held or to be shaken are the same hands that, in a few minutes, will be thrust out to receive Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ from, probably, a Eucharistic minister.

  • Another reason for me not to hold hands. I only receive by mouth.

  • Yes. By mouth and kneeling on the communion rail. Our church has been restored from the awful post Vatican II highjacking, to the pre-V II condition.
    Beautiful and rich in relics of many Saints respectfully located in their reliquaries surrounding the altar. The statues returned and with them the honor due to the Sacred.

    I do love our faith community and the holiness that attracts our young men and women to feel called to religious life. This matters! The surroundings matter and God who willfully subjects himself to be present in the Eucharist and housed in the tabernacle is front and center in our old traditional Church.

    To think for a moment that we have a pontiff who is discouraging these forms of revival, TLM to be exact, it’s unbelievable.

    Our vocations to religious life are soaring from our little community, Cedar Michigan, and it is due to Christ being honored 24/7 in our Adoration chapel. This is the key! Jesus does the rest! Adore him and he will turn the priest from facing the community to facing Himself, and when that happens watch out! Watch the graces flow. Watch the young men yearn to learn Latin and become Holy. Watch and listen to the young girls who sing as if angelic.
    Chaste and happy, not feeling discriminated against for not being allowed to be altar servers. Watch for the coming of Christ!
    The new Springtime nears.

  • That, and the horrendous music.

    The pseudonymous Diogenes once asked, “Do you know anyone who likes this stuff other than div school twinks?” The diocese of Rochester commissioned a survey of musical tastes about a dozen years ago. The responses were as follows: 24% said ‘traditional music only’; 18% said ‘modern music only’; 29% said ‘mixed’; and 29% said they were indifferent or disliked music generally. I lived in the Diocese of Syracuse at the time, and cannot imagine that the balance of opinion would have been much different. Syracuse was free of Bp. Clark’s initiatives in parish governance (appointing some dame as ‘parish administrator’ and then having traveling sacramental capons appear and say Mass per her specs) and free of the lavender cabal in Bp. Clark’s chancery. OTOH, Bp. Moynihan was less gracious with the Latin Mass communities and standards of parish music were (best I could survey) lower.

    So, presupposing you had the same balance of opinion in Syracuse as you did in Rochester, what were you served? Well, the people who dislike music were generally accommodated with the 8:00 services. The people who wanted only modern music were treated to 11:00 masses for which the musical selections over a 4 or 5 week period were about 85% modern and 15% traditional. Everyone else got flipped the bird. I discovered one village parish about 50 miles outside of Syracuse for which the music was traditional by default. Masses which just had plainchant and polyphony were almost unknown and only seen (AFAIK) in and among Latin Mass communities.

  • Having attended a Christmas concert at the Nation Shrine last Friday eve with an orchestra and 2 choirs, and then the Bishop’s installation service at St. Thomas More Cathedral on Tuesday with beautiful music, the papal nuncio, 3 cardinals, a dozen bishops from Roman and Byzantine rites, most of the diocese’s priests, deacons and seminarians the bar has been set pretty high. Today we were back at our cinder block church with folding chairs with Marian hymns sung acapella ugg.. We sing the Sanctus and Agnus Dei well though.
    I don’t care for the introduce yourselves to your neighbor before Mass and the Kiss of Peace. If I have a cold I wear gloves or keep my hands in my pockets, but I never freeze someone out if they have made an overture to me..

  • Dear Lord in Heaven! Will you folks fit in with the worship in Heaven with people from all around the world who worship in a slight variation than you? You folks make greeting another Christian for whom Christ died almost a sin. I simply do not understand.

  • Bill Bannon, it sounds like you would have difficulty even in a business setting shaking hands in a casual or introductory greeting if a woman is beautiful. Even though I want to be shocked by that, I know enough of human nature & weaknesses, to be glad you discipline your self in order to control your weakness in this area. I, as a female, often have difficulty with the dress of many women partaking part in the service because their clothes are so revealing. I am not attracted to the women in any way–I am offended by their lack of modesty and respect. To me, dressing immodestly and going to church makes the church service all about you–rather than the worshipping of God.

  • “Will you folks fit in with the worship in Heaven with people from all around the world who worship in a slight variation than you?” – ‘The Christian Teacher’ (TCT)
    ..
    Well, so much for empathizing and not judging others’ sentiments by one’s own comfort zone. If TCT decides the protocols of the heavenly court and the company of the blessed, I will wait for ‘the next bus’ (cf. “The Great Divorce” of CS Lewis).

    Maybe to assist your comfort zone TCT, it would be best if Bannon and I not attend your party.

    (Sorry for speaking for Bannon, but I am comfortable with the likelihood that he isnt going to be trying to hold my hand while we are trying to experience according to our mode the Beatific Vision—–presuming I should somehow, given my quite checkered life, be so fortunate as to gain the lip of heaven. Sounds like a bonus to me.)
    ….

  • And, Philip, thank you for describing the profound experience you have in your N.O. church. From your lips to God’s ear.

  • Steve Phoenix.

    What’s profound is the sacrifices made by my fellow Catholics who travel over an hour to belong to our parish. We’re only 2 miles away, however my friends drive long distances to be a vibrant part of this faith community. Amazing!

    It’s God who’s glory we seek.
    We have many blessings at Holy Rosary.

  • “Well, so much for empathizing and not judging others’ sentiments by one’s own comfort zone. If TCT decides the protocols of the heavenly court and the company of the blessed, I will wait for ‘the next bus’ (cf. “The Great Divorce” of CS Lewis).”

    My point exactly. God decides the protocols–not man.

  • “Will you folks fit in with the worship in Heaven with people from all around the world who worship in a slight variation than you?” – ‘The Christian Teacher’ (TCT)
    ..
    Didn’t quite get the message the first time that God decides the protocols. Glad to hear it now.

PopeWatch: Rigid Moses

Saturday, December 3, AD 2016

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber

 

Pope Francis on Monday warned against the excessive rigidity of the Ten Commandments and said “God gives us the freedom to search our own conscience for commandments.”

“I always try to understand what’s behind people who are too young to have seen Moses walk down from Mount Sinai with the Ten Commandments, and yet still they want to obey them,” Francis said. “Sometimes I find myself confronted with a very legalistic person who follows the Commandments and I ask myself, ‘Why so much rigidity?’ This rigidity in following the Commandments always hides something, insecurity or even something else.”

Pope Francis went on to say that, “Behind an attitude of always feeling like you must follow the rigidity of the Commandments there is something else in the life of a person. The Commandments are not a gift of God. The Beatitudes are because they are not a list of rules that stiffen us and make us rigid; they make us feel good.”

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14 Responses to PopeWatch: Rigid Moses

  • Following in the footsteps of rigid Moses comes Springfield Illinois Bishop;
    http://www.courageouspriest.com/bishop-paprocki-sets-record-straight

    If anything, PF has successfully muddied the water and created doubt. The great news is that we have bishop’s and priest’s who are worthy to their calling. They will not be called “least in the kingdom of Heaven.” Others are currently seeking that position and by their ambiguity are securing it. Poor souls.

    Thanks Bishop Paprocki.
    God bless you.

  • My sources tell me Pope Francis has been pacing the halls of Casa Sancte Marthae mumbling “Hestonus anathema sit.”

  • Perfect….and Maggie Sullivan in comments typed an amazingly long list of Francis’ name calling…..of Catholics…not of ISIS….of Catholics. Parenthetically, ISIS has been sniper shooting small children in Mosul. PBS interviewed 2 USA medics who have tended hundreds of children with bullet entries…many died after help as in the case of a girl crying on the operating table who later died. No one in Heaven will cry if such ISIS scum enter hell very soon.

  • Perhaps Pope Francis would have this in mind.

  • I’ll bet the they don’t yet realize that they’ve Photo-shopped the original Ten Commandments tablet and blurred the writing, so that now everyone can see what they want in them. There also is a casting of them in rubber to provide more flexibility to solve that rigidity issue.
    The entire intent of all this was to reduce the stress on the limited number of pastors who have been flooded with requests from second and third marriage ex-parishioners to retrain them about this conscience thing.

  • Isaiah 33:22

    (Responsorial for today’s Mass;)

    “The LORD is our Judge, our Lawgiver, our King; He it is who will save us.”

    Thanks be To God.

    Please pray for Pope Francis.
    Not necessarily his intentions, but as a wise commentor mentioned, for God’s intention in his life.

  • Bill Bannon’s comment is heart wrenching. Does the Pope care at all? Or is it all the fault of Western gringo capitalist arms dealers? God save us from this Argentinian heretic!

  • I’m prone to explaining contraception as breaking the 1st commandment in offense to God, breaking the 5th commandment as an act against life, breaking the 7th commandment in stealing pleasure but not acting in accordance with what God has Designed, and leading to breaking the 6th and 9th commandments personally and in Society.

    I do this not because I’m “rigid”, but to help Everyone avoid the sin of contraception.
    This Pope is a moron.

  • Most folks are going to find Pope Francis ‘wet noodle morality’ most merciful and not see that it is the work of the devil. This is due to 50 years of ‘wet noodle doctrine’ where sin has evaporated and everyone goes to heaven. Let us call for divine intervention and the courage to speak out against these diabolical outrages.

  • @ Michael Dowd.

    Agreed. Personally, I had difficulty with separating the Chair of Peter from the fallible man who occupies said chair. Respect for the office, in this pontificate, us different than respect for the man. I took me longer than most to finally come to that truth.

  • is…not us.. excuse my typo.

  • Wait a minute! This is Eye of the Tiber…satire, right? Right????

  • To Kmbold: Satire yes, but also the truth.

4 Responses to Me as a Psychologist

  • That is pretty close to the “therapy” with which (two times) I was cured by non-professional shrinks.
    .
    These bits of wisdom served me well. I was whining about something to a friend. He turned to me and said, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” And, years later another (younger associate) similarly responded to some useless whining. “Life is hard. Then, you die.” Words to live by.
    .
    At least my unlicensed shrinks didn’t call me “Nancy.”

  • ‘Stop it’ would be a great idea for priests in confession to tell their penitents.

  • Me being a lawyer: Answer to all questions: “It depends.”
    .
    Confession story. A few years back I needed to Confess. It’s not like it used to be. On 1950’s Saturdays every Catholic kid in the Bronx went to Confession. Now, it’s one priest for one hour.
    .
    Well, I get there and say some prayers, and see that an elderly lady is on deck. She goes in. I’m figuring, “what could an 88 year old woman have to Confess? This will be short.” My mistake: a half-hour later she emerges . . . I guess it’s less costly than seeing a shrink.
    .

  • If you were cured twice, doesn’t that mean that at least one of those times…

4 Responses to What Would Thanksgiving be Without Shatner?

4 Responses to The Bubble

As God is My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly

Tuesday, November 22, AD 2016

 

Well actually some Turkeys can.  Wild Turkeys can fly, albeit clumsily and not more than about 100 yards at a time.  Domestic Turkeys, bred for the table, cannot fly, largely due to their overdeveloped chests, home to all that prized white breast meat.  I don’t know if the publicity stunt would have fared much better with terrified flying wild Turkeys landing near onlookers.  Some things man simply was not meant to meddle with, and that includes dropping Turkeys from great heights.

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3 Responses to As God is My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly

  • Unforgettable moment in WKRP history!

    A couple of (wild) toms were scrapping behind the barn yesterday right in the heart of a blizzard, taking advantage of a scoop in the snowdrifts beneath a still-leafy oak. Looked like two kickboxers in a ring. They took off and flew just fine in 30mph gusts. Generally turkeys run for cover, but when the snow is deep, or they are startled abruptly, they fly to the treetops. A flock of 50 or 60 big wild turkeys erupting from thick brush right under your nose is… dramatic.

  • I have a flock of wild turkeys visiting my yard come spring through fall, never have seen them in winter. They are not the prettiest birds, rather ugly and not at all like the pretty depictions we see on cards for greetings on Thanksgiving, and they can be very mean. There is usually a leader of the group who will come charging at me if I step out of my slider into the yard, beak wide open ready to peck at me for no reason I can figure. They also hang out in a local cemetery and peck away at many of the decs on some of the grave sights. When I visit I usually just sit in my car by my loved one’s grave, fearing an attack. I wish they WOULD fly away, from my yard and the cemetery, they are frightening.

  • Nearly 40 years ago, early mornings we would see Wild Turkey on lawns in a NYC suburb on Long Island. They roosted in the wooded margins along the parkway running to Jones Beach.
    .
    Ben Franklin wanted the Wild Turkey, as opposed to the bold-looking Bald Eagle, as national symbol. He thought the BE is a scavenger and thief. The WT is highly intelligent and courageous. They can fly but not soar. They roost overnight in treetops. Many hunters value them. They’re hard to get.
    .
    Some farmers raise WT or WT hybrids. I’ve read that they need to clip one wing’s pin feathers so the WT can’t fly around.
    .
    Our son rented a small house on 11 acres outside Fort Polk, LA. I helped him move in. Each day about 25 wild turkey would “work” the fallow field to the left of the house; except when we were exercising our Second Amendment rights to sight in.
    .
    Less populous are Ruffed Grouse which we sometimes “kick up” while still-hunting for deer. It’s startling and you can’t swing a .30 cal. deer rifle on a freaked out grouse. Believe me I tried.
    .

PopeWatch: Instruction Manual

Saturday, November 19, AD 2016

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Telling the press today that instructions of Pope Francis’ IKEA gift to them had numerous inconsistencies, four cardinals wrote a letter to him asking that he “resolve the uncertainties and bring clarity to the instruction manual for the armchair.”

“We the undersigned, but also many bishops and priests, ask that you provide the correct interpretation to page three of the IKEA instructions for your AMÖRIS Armchair gift,” the cardinals wrote.

They went on to add that “both theologians and scholars have proposed interpretations” of how to put the armchair together, especially its third and fourth pages, “which contradict one another.”

“Compelled by our pastoral frustrations over this hastily written instruction pamphlet, and desiring to put this chair together once and for all, that faithful visitors may sit upon it, we, with profound respect, ask you, Holy Father, as Supreme Teacher of Construction, called to confirm his brothers in the build, to resolve the uncertainties and to bring clarity to these vague images of nuts, bolts, and other material that we cannot distinguish.”

A foreword to the letter states that the main issue regarding the instruction manual is that the legs of the armchair shown in the instructions in page five were not included in the box, giving the chair “no legs to stand on.”

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2 Responses to PopeWatch: Instruction Manual

  • My instruction manual says the item of concern was made in Argentina and not Rome as advertised. Furthermore it is refurbished and not OEM.

  • The dangers of outsourcing.

    The instructions were originally organized and placed into a formal manual, however the outsourcing of said manual via Germany and Argentina lead to discrepancies and ambiguous interpretations due to a lavender material that was incorrectly used to print the instructions on. Big mistake that.
    Everyone knows weak lavender can never be used for print. It’s mushy and practically impossible for the Word to adhere correctly. To correctly construct the armchair without overlooking any important steps one might be prudent by sticking to the original text on sturdy paper.

    Outsourcing costs jobs too.
    Just ask Cardinal Burke.

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