1

PopeWatch: Separation Anxiety

From the most intentionally humorous Catholic site on the net, A Catholic Misfit:

FT LAUDERDALE, FL – An unidentified US bishop suggested that penalties be put in place for Catholics who help carry out any parish’s Worship Committee policy of separating families during Mass, when children are removed from the congregation for the Liturgy of the Word. He presented the recommendation while speaking Wednesday at the annual spring meeting of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.

“Canonical penalties are there in place to heal, not punish,” he said, according to ACMPress. “And therefore, for the good and well-being of these people’s souls, it’s time we take a look at canonical penalties.”

A canonical penalty is defined as a punishment imposed by the church, which could include excommunication. Catholic church laws are outlined in its Code of Canon law.

Others joined the bishop in denouncement of Children’s Liturgy policies, which have been popular since the Second Vatican Council. The unnamed bishop read a statement at the event. “The Church has the discretion in our laws to ensure that young children are not separated from their parents and exposed to irreparable harm and trauma that the Spirit of Vatican II inflicts. Families are the foundational element of our society, and they must be allowed to pray together throughout the entirety of the Mass,” he said. “Separating babies from their mothers during the Liturgy of the Word is not the answer and is immoral.”

The USCCB is not expected to issue a similar statement recommending ‘canonical penalties’ for Catholic pro-abortion politicians.

 

Go here to comment.  PopeWatch was about to call the Vatican when the Pope called him.

“Gringo, I told you I would be calling you again.”

Yes, your holiness.

“What do you think of Mark Shea?”

I’d rather not say your holiness.

“Would he be loyal to me?”

I am sure holiness if you told him to engage in self cannibalism he would immediately reach for a carving knife.

” Good gringo, good, I will be calling you again.”

Seizing my opportunity I asked the Pope about the above story.

“You gringos.  If Christ came tomorrow you would be calling me to ask about how to properly address Him!  I don’t care if you have your brats play in the streets during Mass!”  And with a loud slamming sound the phone audience came to a conclusion.

0

Ten Years of TAC: The Ten Commandments of the Science Fiction Writer

(The American Catholic will observe its tenth anniversary in October.  We will be reposting some classic TAC posts of the past.  This post is from March 26, 2013.)

 

 

My co-blogger Darwin has a good post at his blog, Darwin Catholic, expressing his irritation at three laws proposed by the late science fiction writer Arthur Clarke.  Go here to read it.  The proposing of laws seems to often go with the territory of being a science fiction writer.  Asimov had his laws of robotics, for example.  Reading Darwin’s post propelled me into imagining the ten commandments for science fiction writers, and here they are:

 

 

1.  You are a science fiction writer, and will write only science fiction:  no fantasy, no (spit) urban fantasy, no (gag) romance novels disguised as fantasy.  This rule is subject to being overruled if you really, really need the cash.

2.  You will not bow down to the idols of popular taste or to what will sell in the mass market.  Kindle and e-publishing will have your sole worship.

3.  You will not take the name of science in vain and have more than three scientific absurdities in each story that you write.

4.  All the rest of creation labors for only six days.  For science fiction writing wretches remember the words of Heinlein:  “Six days shalt thou work and do all thou art able; the seventh the same, and pound on the cable.

5.  Honor your father and your mother as they may well be the ones supporting you as you seek fame and fortune by scribbling endlessly for a living.

6.  You shall not murder other science fiction writers who shamelessly steal your ideas.  You may think about murdering them however quite a bit.

7.  You shall not commit adultery with other literary genres, unless you really, really need the money.  See the first commandment.

8.  You shall not steal ideas from hack writers.  Stealing ideas from good writers is permissible so long as you have plausible deniability.

9.  You shall not bear false witness against other writers, even if they have it coming.  (Well maybe a little bit, if they really, really have it coming.)

10. You will not covet anything that more successful writers have that you do not.  You write only to express yourself and not to gain financial riches!  (Everyone can now stop laughing.)

1

PopeWatch: Mercy Me

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

The Vatican announced today that they will be opening a second Year of Mercy.

The initiative is intended to address the crisis in the sacrament of confession and is being called, “The Year of Mercy: A Second Helping.”

“Over half of the confessions in the Church today are invalid because the faithful actually do not believe any of their actions are sinful,” Cardinal Thomas Olvelli explained. “Without an actual sin confessed, the sacrament is invalid.”

“Many penitents find the confessional line burdensome and are not able to wait for confession. That is not mercy,” The Cardinal went on to say. “During this new round of mercy, an individual will simply have the ability to have a deep, inward conversation with the Lord. Then with prudent and mature reflection, that individual will determine, in the sanctity of his or her own conscience, that he or she has never actually committed any sins, and thus maintaining the sanctity of the sacrament.”

In addition, Olvelli announced that 10,000 newly appointed “Agents of the Second Helping” will begin circling the globe this January to close down all remaining confessionals.

One Agent of Mercy, Monsignor Alejandro Pipetti, explained the initiative, saying, “Let’s face it, the confessional is a medieval torture chamber, designed to instill fear of the Lord into the faithful. How can the faithful begin to grow closer to the Lord if they fear Him? I believe it is better to have fear of one’s own conscience, especially since it can so easily be manipulated and told what is right and what is wrong. After all, there is no fear in that which you control.”

 

Go here to comment.  PopeWatch would be afraid to confess to himself.  Saying perpetual Paternosters on his knees would make blogging problematic for PopeWatch.

2

PopeWatch: The Great Escape

News that PopeWatch missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

 

VATICAN CITY—Pope Francis again eluded his security detail Monday, this time quickly releasing statements which seem to cast doubt on the Catholic Church’s longstanding positions on polygamy and Unitarianism before he could be secured again, sources confirmed.

Francis was reportedly able to trick his handlers into thinking he was still in bed by stuffing pillows under his blankets early in the morning and leaving a CD of snoring sounds on repeat in the papal apartment. By the time his head of security discovered the ruse, Francis had already given an interview to an Italian television station possibly affirming polygamy, saying, “Listen, I don’t want to come down too heavy on that. Just seems kind of harsh—and who am I to judge?”

The Pope then led his security detail on a wild chase through St. Peter’s Square, weaving in and out of the Swiss Guard, losing his pursuers in the cheering throngs. However, he did stop long enough to give a quick, scandalous statement to the Catholic News Syndicate on Unitarians, saying he thought they were “maybe, you know, not too far off.”

Go here to read the rest.  A confidential source of PopeWatch among the Swiss Guards denied the story.  “Once they isued us the tranquilizer darts, he no longer can elude us.”.

 

5

PopeWatch: Too Catholic

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Congregants of a Baptist church in South Carolina yesterday unanimously voted to remove all bibles from their church because many believe it’s too “Catholic” for their place of worship.

In a letter written to his congregation, Pastor Don Ringle said the bibles would be removed this week.

“We have discovered that there are people that view the bible as Catholic in nature,” Ringle wrote, going on to say that the bible was beginning to bring into question “the theology and core values of the church.”

“I’ve tried for years to remove certain passages from the bible, telling people to tear out this book and that, this chapter and that, until we were basically left with a pamphlet. After some consideration and dialogue with my congregants, as well as prayer, we decided the whole bible that was left to us still smelled a little too papist.”

The letter also stated that Catholic churches around the South Carolina area had until Friday to pick up the bibles if they wanted to keep them, and that if not, they would be destroyed.

A spokesman for the Catholic Church in the area thanked Ringle, but said that they have no use for abridged versions of the bible.

 

Go here to comment.  PopeWatch has been unable to confirm that in response the Pontifical Council on Interreligious Dialogue is contemplating a statement of concern that the Bible is un-ecumenical.

1

PopeWatch: Shazaam!

News that PopeWatch missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

 

VATICAN CITY—In an honest, impromptu homily delivered Monday, Pope Francis admitted he is just making most of his theology up as he goes, ignoring thousands of years of official Church doctrine in favor of “whatever pops into my head at the time.”

Where past Popes have been careful in their attempts to stay in line with official Catholic teaching, Pope Francis confessed he doesn’t really know much official doctrine, stating that he’s more of a “shoot from the hip kind of guy” when it comes to weighty topics of morality, salvation, God, and eternity.

“People ask me questions, and I’m not always sure what to say, so honestly I’m just winging it,” the Pope said in his candid, unscheduled address. “This job is really hard, when you think about it. Trying to be the Vicar of Christ and deal with everybody’s complicated theological questions all at the same time? Ugh. It gives me a headache. So I just start talking. Even I’m surprised with what comes out sometimes.”

“I just want everyone to know about, like, love and God and stuff,” he added thoughtfully before beginning to take questions from those gathered in the Sistine Chapel, with the Pope signing off on Christian fornication, adultery, and polygamy during the short impromptu Q&A session.

At publishing time, frantic Catholic leadership had located the Pope and tackled him to the ground to prevent him from saying anything further.

 

Now he tells us!  And with that PopeWatch will be on Memorial Day hiatus until May 29.

 

20

Invading America is a Very, Very Bad Idea

Shall we expect some transatlantic military giant, to step the Ocean, and crush us at a blow? Never!–All the armies of Europe, Asia and Africa combined, with all the treasure of the earth (our own excepted) in their military chest; with a Buonaparte for a commander, could not by force, take a drink from the Ohio, or make a track on the Blue Ridge, in a trial of a thousand years.

Abraham Lincoln, January 27, 1838

Hattip to Ace of Spades blog for the map.

 

 

Should hostilities once break out between Japan and the United States, it is not enough that we take Guam and the Philippines, nor even Hawaii and San Francisco. To make victory certain, we would have to march into Washington and dictate the terms of peace in the White House. I wonder if our politicians, among whom armchair arguments about war are being glibly bandied about in the name of state politics, have confidence as to the final outcome and are prepared to make the necessary sacrifices.

Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto, Commander in Chief, Imperial Combined Fleet, January 26, 1941

 

The Simpsons Do Ayn Rand

 

We struggle to be just. For we cannot help feeling at least a sympathetic pain before the sheer labor, discipline, and patient craftsmanship that went to making this mountain of words. But the words keep shouting us down. In the end that tone dominates. But it should be its own antidote, warning us that anything it shouts is best taken with the usual reservations with which we might sip a patent medicine. Some may like the flavor. In any case, the brew is probably without lasting ill effects. But it is not a cure for anything. Nor would we, ordinarily, place much confidence in the diagnosis of a doctor who supposes that the Hippocratic Oath is a kind of curse.

Whittaker Chambers, Big Sister is Watching You, National Review, December 28, 1957

 

 

 

 

 

Gary Cooper thought the speech of Howard Roark was rambling and confusing and didn’t make sense.  Ayn Rand was furious that the full speech from her novel was not given in the film.  Critics savaged the film.  The film can be enjoyed if viewed as a parody of a movie based on a bad novel.  If considered in that manner, the film is a laugh fest!

PopeWatch: Bad Deal

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

Pope Francis announced Tuesday that he will withdraw the Vatican from the Columbia House 8 CDs For A Penny Deal, breaking with European churches, and fulfilling a major conclave campaign promise.

“Today’s action sends a message that the Vatican no longer makes empty threats,” a boastful Francis told the press, going on to attack his predecessor Benedict XVI. “Signing up the Vatican for this was horrible, one-sided deal that should have never, ever been made. Columbia house gets its money, but we really don’t get anything because no one uses CDs anymore.”

Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby issued a statement denouncing Francis’ decision while urging Columbia House to “continue to meet its own obligations in bombarding the Vatican with special new offers.”

“Our church remains committed to ensuring the agreement is upheld, and will work with all the remaining parties to the deal to ensure this remains the case so that we may ecumenically come together once a month to discuss CDs that we like and those that we disliked.”

Some in the Catholic Church, with one anonymous Cardinal saying, “While I strongly opposed the Columbia House deal, it is a grave mistake to walk away from this deal without a plan for ensuring that [Columbia House] doesn’t launch a barrage of email offers.”

 

Go here to comment.  PopeWatch eagerly awaits the excommunication by Pope Francis of all who initiate robo calls.

CNN: Evil Trump Kidnaps Three Happy Guests of North Korea

From the ever brilliant The Babylon Bee:

 

ATLANTA, GA—An exclusive new CNN report revealed Thursday that President Trump has kidnapped three people from the paradise of North Korea, forcing them to get on a plane and return to the United States against their wishes.

 

A teary-eyed CNN anchor broke the story, visibly enraged at the egregious act of international terrorism. CNN reporters had discovered that the three visitors had been in North Korea enjoying a vacation for many months before Trump unilaterally decided to have them forcibly flown back to America, even aggressively accosting them when they landed.

“This heartbreaking story shows just how low President Trump will go,” the anchor said, his voice quavering. “How much longer will this country allow this madman to go on trampling the name of the United States on the world stage? This is an unprecedented act, for a sitting president to personally kidnap perfectly happy visitors to the communist wonderland of North Korea.”

 

Go here to read the rest.

 

2

Taco Appropriation

From The Babylon Bee:

 

IRVINE, CA—Cultural appropriators in America, you’ve just been put on notice. Fast-Food giant Taco Bell has announced that from now on it will only serve customers of Mexican descent to ensure that “everyone stays in their lanes.”

 

Patrons will be asked to show proof of their Mexican heritage at the drive-thru window or dine-in counter, and anyone who doesn’t meet the stringent racial standards won’t be able to partake in Taco Bell’s authentic Mexican cuisine.

Great job, Taco Bell! It’s important for restaurants to make sure that people of different ethnicities are not experiencing each other’s cultures, or harmfully colonizing fast food.

 

Go here to read the rest.  I knew this was going to happen long ago:

 

 

2

PopeWatch: Robertson Guard

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

In an effort to become more inclusive, The Pontifical Swiss Guard announced this morning that it would begin defending leaders of other faiths for the first time in its long history.

Beginning next month, the Pontifical Swiss Guard will be known as the Interreligious Swiss Guard.

“Interreligious Swiss Guard perfectly represents the new, inclusive program to help protect Protestant pastors, rabbis, and other religious leaders, including the security of their megachurches, synagogues and so on,” said Commander of the Interreligious Swiss Guard Christoph Graf.

Graf went on to announce that twenty members of the Swiss Guard have already been ordered to move from Rome and to be stationed at The 700 Club headquarters in Virginia Beach, Virginia, next week where they will have the duty to protect and defend television personality Pat Robertson.

“As we enter the dawn of a new era for our organization, it is important that no religious leaders feel excluded. We no longer want anyone to think that their religion and leadership is not worthy of protection,” Graff said.

Requirements to enter the Interreligious Swiss Guard will also change to reflect the new standards. Guards must be Catholic or not, single males or females with Swiss citizenship or citizenship from any another country, who have obtain certificates of good to decent conduct.

The official oath that will be sworn in Virginia Beach next week will be as follows:

I swear I will faithfully, loyally and honorably serve Pat Robertson and his descendants, and dedicate myself to them with all my strength, sacrificing, if necessary, my life to defend them. I assume this same commitment with regard to Christian Broadcasting Network executives whenever the Network See is vacant. Furthermore I promise to the Commanding Captain and my other superiors respect, fidelity and obedience. I swear to observe all that the honor of my position demands of me.

 

Go here to comment.  The Vatican has refused to confirm or deny that the new Guard will be armed with recordings of the homilies of the Pope.

9

Weird Al Parody of Star Wars Before Star Wars Became a Parody of Star Wars

“A refurbished Star Wars is on somewhere or everywhere. I have no intention of revisiting any galaxy. I shrivel inside each time it is mentioned. Twenty years ago, when the film was first shown, it had a freshness, also a sense of moral good and fun. Then I began to be uneasy at the influence it might be having. The bad penny first dropped in San Francisco when a sweet-faced boy of twelve told me proudly he had seen Star Wars over a hundred times. His elegant mother nodded with approval. Looking into the boys eyes I thought I detected little star-shells of madness beginning to form and I guess that one day they would explode.

‘I would love for you to do something for me,’ I said.

“Anything! Anything!’ the boy said rapturously.

‘You won’t like what I’m going to ask you to do.’ I said.

‘Anything, sir, anything!’

‘Well,’ I said, ‘do you think you could promise never to see Star Wars again?’

He bursts into tears. His mother drew herself up to an immense height. ‘What a dreadful thing to say to a child!’ she barked, and dragged the poor kid away. Maybe she was right but I just hope the lad, now in his thirties, is not living in a fantasy world of secondhand, childish banalities.”

Alec Guinness,  A Positively Final Appearance (1999)

 

 

 

 

 

4

PopeWatch: Cats

News that PopeWatch missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

 

VATICAN CITY—In a sweeping statement Tuesday, Pope Francis announced his belief that all cats across the world are Christians. Although pundits frequently acknowledge the Pope’s progressive policies, Catholic scholars are calling this a “truly unprecedented” move.

 

“A Pope hasn’t made a declaration like this since Pope Alexander VI issued a Papal Bull against Llamas in 1493,” noted one high-ranking official at the Vatican, who chose to remain anonymous. “One thing is certain: this will change the conversation on whether an individual can truly ‘own’ a cat.”

Several years ago, scholars universally acknowledged that all dogs go to heaven. It is unclear whether or not today’s announcement jeopardizes this previous belief. When asked about any possible conflict, the Vatican’s media specialist responded: “That was a predominantly Protestant perspective. I think it originated with Karl Barkh’s Dog-matic theology.”

 

Go here to read the rest.  PopeWatch would say something pungent, but Cats purportedly have long memories:

 

16

Do You Know Who I Am?

My advice to clients when involved in a traffic stop.  Be polite and professional.  Do not argue with the cop.  Answer questions as briefly as possible.  Concentrate on what the cop is saying.  Keep track of how long the stop lasts.  Politely decline to take any tests or to allow any searches of your vehicle.  Get to me as soon as possible after the stop to tell me exactly what was said and done.  Any argument about the stop will be done by me in Court, where it matters.

 

Caren Turner, ex Ethics Commissioner for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey gives us a great example of how not to handle a traffic stop (strong language advisory):

 

Way to go Caren for turning a meaningless traffic stop into a life altering calamity for yourself!  Give her a hand ladies and gentlemen for giving us all an example to avoid!

18

Ban the Van

I assume that all of you have heard about the tragic van attack in Toronto that took ten innocent lives and injured fifteen.  Politicians around the world have offered the usual thoughts and prayers.  My friends that is simply not enough.  These attacks will not end until we ban the van.

These behemoths of the road are always potential engines of mass destruction, whether used deliberately for that purpose or accidentally. Please do not respond in opposition to a common sense ban on vans by citing some mythical right to use the mode of transportation of our choice.   Our ancestors rode on carriages powered by a horse. Two at most. They did not intend for us to use fully automatic transmission with engines capable of making cars go 120 mph. NOBODY, AND I MEAN NOBODY, in a civilized society needs to have a vehicle with a 10 speed automatic transmission or even a 7 speed automatic transmission.

In cities around the globe bollards are being placed along streets to prevent rogue vans from suddenly mowing down pedestrians.  How much more rational to simply ban the van.

Please don’t give me the sophistical argument that vans serve a useful purpose.  We have alternative means of transportation, including shank’s mare, and if just one life is saved, a ban on vans is completely justified.  In 2016 there were over five million automobile collisions in the US, many involving vans, with a stunning 37,000 fatalities, with the maimed and injured numbering in the hundreds of thousands.  It is time for this carnage to cease, now!

I can hear the counterargument that if we outlaw vans only outlaws will have vans.  Precisely!  Easier for law authorities to confiscate them and imprison the malefactors.  It is time to take a stand for our lives, and the lives of our children!  Vote out of office all van loving politicians, in thrall to the money from the merchants of death, the manufacturers of these blood stained vans.

 

Ban the Van!  Ban the Van!  Ban the Van!

 

1

PopeWatch: April Fools

In a little noted meeting with media on April 1, 2018, Pope Francis proclaimed his papacy the April Fools Pontificate:

 

We are all, or should be, fools for Christ.  And in the Spirit of Our Savior who smiled and laughed while He walked among us here on Earth, I have striven to present to the Faithful a minuscule fraction of the mirth that God experiences from watching the pratfalls of mankind as we wend our way through History.  It pains me that many Catholics have failed to get the joke, and have taken many of my humorous asides seriously.  Now, really, who could possibly think, for example, that the Vicar of Christ would ever talk about Catholics breeding like rabbits, except as a joke? My laugh riot “encyclicals” have been mistakenly moved out of the papal joke category and have been taken, incredibly, as actual encyclicals by too many humor impaired of the Faithful.  It is rightly said that when a comic has to explain a joke, the joke is ruined.  To simplify matters, I do here proclaim that in future if I make a statement dressed as Bobo the Papal Clown, the Faithful may assume that I am speaking gravely and seriously.  On all other occasions I am only being my customary Pontiff Fun and jesting with you.  I hope this statement has been an adequate clarification and that the nasty American Catholic blogs will now cease to pursue me as if I were actually serious as to the buffoonish statements and writings that have made my pontificate, I trust, truly memorable, and a source of laughter for intelligent orthodox Catholics.

The Pope then had members of his Swiss Guard spray the members of the Fourth Estate present with seltzer water, and the audience was at an end.

2

PopeWatch: Pope Resigns!

In a shocking development Pope Francis has announced his resignation effective Easter Sunday, April 1, 2018.  The Vatican statement is as follows:

 

“His Holiness has announced his resignation which will be immediately after Easter Mass.  Noting that he has accomplished much of what he set out to accomplish, he has said that it was time for a younger man to take on the blessed burden of Mother Church.   He plans to retire to Argentina and to spend his time praying, in good works and blogging.  He assures the faithful that no doubt the Holy Spirit will be as efficacious in the choice of his successor as the Holy Spirit was when he was chosen.  He has enjoyed his time as Pope except for the cruel attacks by some American Catholic bloggers.”

The Pope Emeritus has announced his fond farewell to Pope Francis and has mentioned that in the unlikely event the Conclave were to choose him, he would reluctantly agree to serve.

PopeWatch has been unable to  confirm the rumor that a rainbow out of a clear sky suddenly appeared over Saint Peters at the time  of the announcement of the resignation.

 

Then PopeWatch woke up, and with that PopeWatch will be on Easter hiatus until April 2, 2018.

7

The Big Jew Weather Machine

 

One thing I have noted about antisemitism over the years is that it almost invariably is useful as an idiot detector:

 

Trayon White, who is currently in his first term on the council, posted a video to his Facebook account on Friday of a snowy sky. White can be heard narrating in the background about the cold weather.

“It just started snowing out of nowhere this morning, man. Y’all better pay attention to this climate control, man, this climate manipulation,” White says in the video, which was first reported on by the Washington Post on March 18. “That’s a model based off the Rothschilds, controlling the climate to create natural disasters they can pay for to own the cities, man. Be careful.”

Go here to read the rest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The best comment on all this was a tweet purportedly from the Mossad noting irately that everyone knows the Rothschilds haven’t controlled the weather machine in four decades.  Personally I suspect that it is now controlled by Elvis and the Cattle Mutilators in league with the Calvinist Illuminati.

6

PopeWatch: Mystery

 

 

Investigators are today pouring over the Vatican attempting to locate Pope Francis and approximately three quarters of the clerics who either work in the Vatican or who were visiting there.  Italian police were summoned to the Vatican in the early morning hours of March 17, 2017 by Cardinal Sarah who reported that he was reading his breviary when he suddenly heard Irish music, smelled the odor of corned beef and cabbage and heard what sounded like someone yelling in a deep voice Et serpentium!  When he left his apartment to check he quickly realized that something was amiss due to the immense quiet and what the Cardinal described as a sense of sacred tranquility that had suddenly descended upon the Vatican.

Police have found no items stolen and nothing out of place, except an abundance of shamrocks and the missing clergy.  People with information as to the vanished clergy are urged to contact Interpol.  It is rumored that members of the Irish Republican Army are being questioned.

2

PopeWatch: Tide

From the most intentionally humorous Catholic site on the internet, Acts of the Apostasy:

 

(AoftheANews) – CINCINNATI – In an effort to increase attendance at their monthly LifeTeen Mass, Sts Proctor & Gamble in suburban Cincinnati will feature Tide Pod colored hosts, featuring the dark blue and orange swirl.

Director of Youth Outreach Dee Terjent explained the decision to AoftheA News. “We know it’s going to be controversial, but we want to juxtapose how ingesting actual Tide Pods is dangerous, while ingesting the Body of Christ brings you life. And cleans you up at the same time.”

Late in 2017, the “Tide Pod challenge” became the latest fad among teenagers, where they’re dared to bite into and even swallow the miniature laundry soap packets. Tide has worked diligently to increase awareness on the inherent dangers, while YouTube has been systematically removing videos from its service.

“We are in no way encouraging kids to partake of the challenge,” Terjent said. “Our goal is to tell them to think about the consequences, and don’t go along with the crowd. Kids are always going to do dumb things, but if the dumbest thing they ever do is attend a LifeTeen Mass, then I feel we’ve done our job.”

Fr. Ken Moore, pastor of Sts P&G, approved the idea. “I know I’ll get some blowback for this, but at the end of the day, I will have gotten kids to come to Church and hear a positive message. And frankly, I’m of the opinion that if more parents washed out their kids’ mouths with soap, they wouldn’t be daring one another to eat it.”

 

Go here to comment.  PopeWatch called the Vatican.  Since the Pope is no longer speaking to PopeWatch, he attempted to speak to anyone who would speak to him.  Thus he ended up talking to Sister Mundus Maria, who is in charge of the Vatican Laundry.  She indicated that she was familiar with Tide and that  in no circumstance  should it be ingested, no matter how delicious it smells.  As to Tide colored hosts, she thought that the Father proposing it obviously had too much starch in his collar.  PopeWatch thanked her for her time and Sister said that she was always happy to chat when she was waiting on loads of laundry to finish drying, but that she could under no circumstances reveal laundry secrets except that the Pope always wanted his clothes dried on the mercy cycle.  And with that, the conversation came to an end.

3

PopeWatch: Lenten Calculations

 

 

 

From Acts of the Apostasy, the most intentionally funny Catholic site on the net:

 

(AoftheANews) – DUNDEE – Police were called to Our Lady of Just Desserts on Sunday, February 11, in response to an altercation among a group of parishioners following the 10 AM Mass. What had begun as a disagreement between two mothers turned into a near riot, resulting in the entire Dundee police force descending en masse to restore peace.

“It happened in the Social Hall,” said Dundee Police Chief Ed Cruller. “Two moms were arguing over the proper way to calculate the 40 Days of Lent, and from there it escalated out of control. Fortunately, no one was hurt during the altercation, though a platter of donut holes suffered significant damage, and could not be salvaged. Believe me, we tried.”

The women involved, May de Fource and Bea Whitchu, spoke separately with AoftheA News via telephone.

“I still don’t know what happened,” May said. “I said to Bea, it’s going to be tough coming to coffee hour when you’ve given up sweets for Lent. Bea replied with ‘but Sundays don’t count in Lent’, and we went back and forth. Next thing I know, she’s calling me ‘holier than thou’ and ‘righteous zealot’, and I think I might have thrown a chair.”

“Sunday’s don’t count,” Bea said. “That’s how you get to 40 days. Otherwise Lent is 46 days, which makes no sense. She got in my face about being a slacker, so once I finished my glazed chocolate donut holes, I might have shoved her or something. Frankly, I think May’s suffering from sugar withdrawal, because normally she’s just passive aggressive, not regular aggressive, you know?”

“We’re still taking statements, getting details,” Chief Cruller said. “From most accounts, their husbands became involved, then their kids, and then half the hall. We arrived, restored peace, and escorted parishioners off the premises. Both women have agreed to not press charges. We also confiscated the donut holes as evidence.”

The pastor, Fr Tim Bitz, told AoftheA News he appreciated the police’s quick response and restoring order. “This could have been as bad – if not worse – than Lent 2012, when I filled the holy water fonts with sand. Talk about a riot!”

Go here to comment.  PopeWatch called the Vatican but was advised by the nun running the Vatican switchboard that the Pope had left a message for PopeWatch:  “Tell the gringo I have given up talking to him for Lent!”.

1

PopeWatch: Shadow on the Land

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

The world’s most famous pope foresees no early end to his papacy.

The Pope’s handlers announced Friday that Pope Francis had seen his own shadow earlier that day.

Legend has it that if the furry Pope casts a shadow on the feast of St. Agatha, the people of the world are to expect no less that six more decades of the Francis papacy, or at least Francis-like papacy.

 

“It’s really a cool thing to see,” said Alice Moya, just one of the hundreds of spectators that gathered at the Vatican Friday. “It’s one of those things that you hope to one day scratch off your bucket list.

Bundled up and dancing to music in the freezing cold, another visitor, Tabatha O’Neill, told EOTT that the event was all that she had imagined.

“The event was really fun. One of the Pope’s handlers took him out of his cage, a humble looking cage, of course, and pulled him up by the scruff of his neck. Then he pretended to listen to something Francis was saying before finally announcing that the Pope had announced 60 more years of his papacy. That’s when I threw up. A lot of people booed while others cheered. Then, as is custom, everyone went on to their blogs or other website comboxes and started going apesh-t at each other. It was fun.”

Go here to comment.  PopeWatch attempted to contact the Vatican but he is currently stuck in a timewarp where he wakes up each morning hearing this song, except the lyrics refer to Pope Saint Francis:

 

Pray that PopeWatch escapes soon from the timewarp, certainly sooner than 60 years.

 

4

PopeWatch: Vatican Shutdown

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Hundreds of thousands of priests from around the world have either been sent back to the rectory or have been told to not show up to say Masses today as clerical furloughs took affect midnight due to the Vatican shutdown.

Cardinal Robert Sarah delivered an ominous warning to cardinals gathered at the Vatican this morning, saying that “The shutdown is going to get a lot worse tomorrow if the Pope doesn’t act immediately.”

Essential spiritual services such as Confessions, Anointing of the Sick, and Masses will continue, although no public Masses will be allowed.

Still, liberal Catholic cardinals are insisting the shutdown is “not nearly as bad” as the last time this happened under Pope Benedict XVI, but many still see this as a blemish on Francis’ legacy.

It was Francis, after all, who during the 2013 papal conclave famously criticized Pope Benedict, saying, “A clerical shutdown falls on the Pope’s lack of leadership. He can’t even control his Church and get people together in a room. A shutdown means the Pope is weak.”

“Problems start from the top, and they have to get solved from the top, and the Pope’s the leader, and he’s got to get everybody in a room, and he’s got to lead,” then-Cardinal Bergoglio said in a radio interview in 2013. “And he doesn’t do that, he doesn’t like doing that, that’s not his strength. And that’s why you have this horrible situation going on in Rome. It’s a very, very bad thing and it’s very embarrassing worldwide.”

When asked what he would do if he were pope, Francis said “Well, very simply, you have to get everybody in a basilica. You have to be a leader. The pope has to lead. He’s got to get whoever’s head of Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith and everybody else in a basilica, and they have to make a deal. You have to be nice, and be angry, and be wild, and cajole, and do all sorts of holy things. But you have to get a deal.”

Go here to read the comments.  Eye of the Tiber, get thee behind me Satan with this temptation!

4

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Patriotism in the female sex is the most disinterested of all virtues. Excluded from honors and from offices, we cannot attach ourselves to the State or Government from having held a place of eminence. Even in the freest countries our property is subject to the control and disposal of our partners, to whom the laws have given a sovereign authority. Deprived of a voice in legislation, obliged to submit to those laws which are imposed upon us, is it not sufficient to make us indifferent to the public welfare? Yet all history and every age exhibit instances of patriotic virtue in the female sex; which considering our situation equals the most heroic of yours.

Abigail Adams to John Adams, June 17, 1782

 

 

 

 

 

8

Oh, the E-mails I Receive

Lawyer African scam mail:

 

Dear sir

We are large scale miners located at Tarkwa in Western Region Ghana with postal address as follows: Achimota, Accra – Ghana, West Africa. We are incorporated under the Companies Code 1963, Act 179 with RC No: 63,556 (Registrar of Companies, Ghana). We are duly registered with the Minerals Commission as well as the Precious Minerals Marketing Company Limited, Ghana (PMMC).
We have export permit issued by PMMC and certificate of non -criminal origin issued by the High Court, Ghana. We sell gold dust mined from our concessions.We offer for sale 800 kilogrammes gold dust characterized as follows: Commodity:Gold
Form: Alluvial Dust Quality: 22+ Carat (94%) Price: 24,000.00$US per kilogram Origin: Ghana Deleterious
Element: 0% Cyanide A full corporate offer will be sent upon demand.
WE HAVE GOLD DUST AND BAR FOR SALE LOOKING FOR RELIABLE BUYER
WORLDWIDE. YOU CAN HELP TO CONNECT US WITH ANY BUYER AND TAKE YOUR COMMISSION AS AGENT.
contact me at Joelbakker44@yahoo.com
Yours faithfully
Mohammed Maliknd

 

15

PopeWatch: Applause

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Longtime parishioner of St. Gertrude Catholic Church Stewart Donaldson is being accused of insensitivity and for “not being a team player” after he was seen not clapping after the church’s pastor concluded his homily last Sunday.

Donaldson’s refusal to applaud after the homily was seen by many in the parish, including Fr. James Thomas who delivered the homily, as a slap in the face. Donaldson was subsequently called to the front of the church to answer for himself.

Parish council members that were present at the Mass have denounced what they are calling Donaldson’s silent protest of the church and of Father Thomas in particular.

“Fr. Thomas gave a wonderful homily about community and coming together as one family,” said one member of the parish council, Maria Forte. “His refusal to clap was basically him saying ‘To hell with this community—to hell with coming together.’ So when he was called to the front, everyone was obviously really angry him. Remember—this is the same guy who doesn’t applaud for the church band when Mass is over, so he’s clearly insane. That’s the reason we ended up not even giving him the opportunity to answer for himself.”

“People were shouting and throwing hymnals at him,” said parishioner Tabitha Joans. “He was very lucky to only be banned from ever entering the church. Could’ve been a lot worse. And poor Fr. Thomas has been a mess ever since Sunday. He’s so self-conscious now that he says he won’t ever deliver a homily again.”

 

Go here to comment.  PopeWatch called the Vatican for comment and after a lengthy wait talked to the Pope.  “Gringo I have told you to stop calling me!  Do I have to get a restraining order?  Applause after a homily?  You gringos always think up new forms of blasphemy.  I will have to consider a mass excommunication against those who break the Holy Silence of the Mass.  Now, never call me again, or else I will excommunicate you!”  And with that the conversation came to an end.

2

The Dino Conspiracy

 

Hattip to commenter Nate Winchester.

 

 

 

A video celebrating the unsung contribution of Dinosaurs to US victory in World War II.  Prior to this video the only other source to recall this forgotten chapter of World War II was Star Spangled War Stories, a DC comic book series in the Sixties.

 

 

 

Why has this history been kept from us?  An accident?  I think not!  It is a conspiracy so vast that the almost entire lack of evidence proves the conspiracy!

8

PopeWatch: Reverence, Where Art Thou?

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Sierra Nevada–More than five dozen searchers scoured the Sierra Nevada foothills for the missing reverence at a Mass at the Church of St. Margaret Mary Alacoque yesterday.

Reverence was due to appear promptly for the 9am Mass, but two hours after the Mass had concluded, a search began with helicopters, including a National Guard Blackhawk, looking for any signs of reverence.

Using thermal infrared technology, searchers have still not been able to locate any clues to the whereabouts of the reverence expected at Mass, but a spokeswoman for the Church of St. Margaret Mary Alacoque, Dana Whitmore, told EOTT today that several parishioners were being investigated after being seen walking out of Mass wearing shorts and flip flops.

“We cannot release the names of those being questioned at this moment,” Whitmore told the press. “But we can say that officials from the diocese have spoken to St. Margaret Mary’s pastor Fr. Neville Mayfield about why his altar boys and altar girls were allowed to chew gum while staring out into space during the Consecration.”

Nine ground search teams made up of the Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter were later dispatched to find reverence. They focused on the areas in and around the pews as well as on the Sanctuary.

Reverence was not the only thing being sought. In another part of the Sierra Nevada, a search was underway near St. Matthew Catholic Church to find solemnity and piety.

 

Go here to read the comments.  PopeWatch has been unable to confirm that the missing Reverence has been sighted at the Vatican shaking its head.

3

PopeWatch: Recreational Heresy

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

 

Roman Catholic dioceses in California began allowing recreational heresy Monday in what has been seen as a milestone in the mainstreaming of dissent.

Lines formed outside churches licensed to allow heresy hours before Mass and CCD times, and RCIA teachers said they had stocked up in expectation of huge demand for new types of heresy.

“There’re bigger crowds here than I saw at all the Christmas masses put together this year,”  said pastor of St. Basil Catholic Church, Matthew Dreyer, whose Legalize Dissent campaign has garnered thousands of followers on social media. “We’ve had dissent for decades now, but we’ve been marginalized to more liberal parishes. Now we can finally come out of the shadows and into the rad trad parishes.”

At one Catholic church in San Diego, hundreds lined up for hours to have a chance to be among the first to teach heresy at an RCIA or CCD class at a liturgically orthodox parish.

“There’s really nothing that the priests can do now to stop it,” said California native, Connie Schick. “The USCCB gave us a voice—they gave us a vote and we did it. Finally, we did it!”

Speaking with EOTT, Dreyer said he expected a 25% bump in dissent overnight, but that it could be as high as 50%.

California is the sixth state to allow the use of recreational heresy, and as one of the largest concentrations of Catholics in the United States, it has been widely seen as the corner stone on which legalization of mainstream heterodoxy will be built in the country.

Go here to read the comments.  PopeWatch managed to get the Pope on the phone for a comment:

“Gringo, I have warned you to stop calling me!  Of course California has embraced recreational heresy.  They are all loons out there, especially the bishops I have appointed.  In the 2005 Conclave I told Mahony that if he didn’t stop chattering I would have to use my rosary as a garotte.  No, you may not quote me!”.  With that, the Holy Father brought the call to an end.

The Vessel With the Pestle

Hands down the most hilarious sequence in all the films I have seen is the below from the Danny Kaye movie The Court Jester (1955).

Hawkins: If I die, just pray that I die bravely.

Witch: You’ll not die, you’ll not have to fight him. Griswold dies as he drinks the toast.

Hawkins: What?

Witch: Listen. I have put a pellet of poison in one of the vessels.

Hawkins: Which one?

Witch: The one with the figure of a pestle.

Hawkins: The vessel with the pestle?

Witch: Yes. But you don’t want the vessel with the pestle, you want the chalice from the palace!

Hawkins: I-I don’t want the vessel with the pestle, I want the chalice from the what?

Jean: The chalice from the palace!

Hawkins: Hm?

Witch: It’s a little crystal chalice with a figure of a palace.

Hawkins: Th-the chalice from the palace have the pellet with the poison?

Witch: No, the pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle.

Hawkins: Oh, oh, the pestle with the vessel.

Jean: The vessel with the pestle.

Hawkins: What about the palace from the chalice?

Witch: Not the palace from the chalice! The chalice from the palace!

Hawkins: Where’s the pellet with the poison?

Witch: In the vessel with the pestle!

Jean: Don’t you see? The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle.

Witch: The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true!

Jean: It’s so easy, I can say it!

Hawkins: Well then you fight him!

Witch: Listen carefully. The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.

Hawkins: Where the pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.

Jean: Good man!

Witch: Just remember that.

Random Guard: Sir Giacomo! Sir Giacomo, into your armor! And you, to your place in the pavilion.

Hawkins: The pellet with the poison… the pellet with the poison is in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the true that is brew. Eh… brew that is tru- The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the true that is brew. Eh, eh, brew that is true. Eh. The chestle with the pal- eh, eh, palace with the…

Random Guard: Look out!

[lighting strikes armor, magnetizing it]

Random Guard: Hurry, now, get into your armor!

Hawkins: The pestle with t… the pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle, the palace from the chalice has the brew that is blue. Eh, no… The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle. The cha- eh, the pellet with the plip… the pellet with the poisle’s in the vessel with the plazzle. Eh, the plazzle with the vlessle. Eh, the the bless… The vessel with the plozle is the plazzle with the…

Random Guard (interrupting): Come along, Sir Giacomo. His majesty is waiting.

Hawkins: The pestle with the poilet…

Random Guard: And take your helmet!

Hawkins: (Muttering “pellet with the poison”) Thank you.

Hawkins: The pellet with the poisley’s from chalice with the pazley.

Hawkins: I’ve got it! I’ve got it. The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true, right?

Witch: Right. But there’s been a change. They broke the chalice from the palace.

Hawkins: They broke the chalice from the palace?

Witch: And replaced it with a flagon.

Hawkins: Flagon.

Witch: With a figure of a dragon.

Hawkins: Flagon with a dragon.

Witch: Right.

Hawkins: Did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle?

Witch: No! The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon, the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!

Hawkins: The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon, the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.

 

Witch: Just remember that.

Hawkins: Yes, thank you very much. The pellet with the chasley, eh… the pellet with the poison is in the pasley with the chazzle. Eh, just remember that.

Griswold’s Lackey: Beware of the drinks. One of them is poisoned.

Griswold: Poisoned! Are you sure?

Griswold’s Lackey: I heard the witch.

Hawkins: The poisel with the plesley is the chaz… eh…

Griswold: The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon, the pestle with the pizzle… the pizzle with the f- the, the, the viss…

Griswold’s Lackey: No, no, no…

Hawkins: The pellet with the poisley is the chalice with the… he he (laughs nervously at guards)

Griswold’s Lackey: …Vessel with the pestle.

Griswold: The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.

Griswold’s Lackey: Right. Don’t forget it.

Griswold (mutters): The palace with the dragon… no, no, no.

MC: The knights will approach each other!

Crowd: (Cheers)

Hawkins: The pellet with the poisle is in the flaggle with the chalice.

Griswold: The poison’s in the dragon with the pestle.

Hawkins: Eh, ah, the chazzle is in the poisley with the plellice with the plan- eh, plaglice.

Griswold: The pellet with the dragon’s in the pestle with the poi-

Hawkins: The pezley with the poisle is…

Griswold: The dragon with the poisle’s in the pestle…

Hawkins: Pazzle with the fleegle…

Griswold: (Retrieves helmet magnetically held by H’s armor)

Hawkins: The poisley with the plazzle is the plazzle with the ploizle

Griswold: (Mutters)

Hawkins: The chalice with the pa… the flagon with the cha… the floizle with the flagon is the chalice with the poison.

MC: The knights will face the king!

Hawkins & Griswold: (muttering) (sight gags)

MC: They will approach the royal pavilion!

Hawkins: The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon!

Griswold: The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!

Hawkins: Oh, no, pglk, you’ve got the wrong one!

Roderick: Stop this mockery! There will be no toast! Put them to horse, let them choose weapons, and fight!

 

 

13

As God is My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly

Well actually some Turkeys can.  Wild Turkeys can fly, albeit clumsily and not more than about 100 yards at a time.  Domestic Turkeys, bred for the table, cannot fly, largely due to their overdeveloped chests, home to all that prized white breast meat.  I don’t know if the publicity stunt would have fared much better with terrified flying wild Turkeys landing near onlookers.  Some things man simply was not meant to meddle with, and that includes dropping Turkeys from great heights.

 

2

PopeWatch: Twitter and Beep

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

 

Pope Francis took to Twitter on Wednesday afternoon to chastise some in the priesthood and the laity who use their cell phones to take pictures during Masses, saying they should focus on God instead.

“The priest does not say ‘lift up your cell phones to take pictures’ during the Mass,” Francis tweeted to almost 15 million Twitter followers just before he consecrated the Body and Blood of Christ. “He says ‘lift up your hearts.’”

A short time later, Pope Francis could visibly be seen regularly checking his post to see how many likes and retweets he was receiving, with an assistant holding his phone to show him as he distributed communion.

“It makes me very sad when I celebrate Mass here in the piazza or in the basilica and I see so many cell phones held up. The Mass is not a show. I know it sometimes seems like one with all the guitars and balloons and other crap we allow, but it’s not. so remember, no cell phones!”

Francis later went on to take a minute during the announcements to tweet, “Zzzzzzzzzzzzz…”

 

Go here to read the comments.  PopeWatch called the Vatican to ask the Pope for comment.  PopeWatch was put on hold, but the Pope never picked up.  Instead PopeWatch received this text:  Gringo, stop bothering me!  Il Papa.

PopeWatch will not go away forever Holiness, but will be on Thanksgiving hiatus until November 27, 2017.

7

Countess Von Zeppelin Accuses Theodore Roosevelt

 

Countess Isabella Von Zeppelin through her attorney and medium Gloria “no spectral ambulance should go unchased” Allred, today accused former President Theodore Roosevelt of groping her.  Through unearthly sobs, the spirt of the Countess wailed, “It was while he was a student in Germany.  He asked me if I wanted to see his collection of stuffed animals.  Always having an interest in taxidermy I followed him into his room.  While I was admiring a stuffed owl, the American swine had the effrontery of tapping me on the shoulder to direct my attention to a stuffed raven.  I off course fled the room in tears.  I have remained silent for well over a century with this shame and I now had to speak out.”

Ms. Allred then challenged Congress to conduct a séance to bring President Roosevelt back from the dead to face ex post facto impeachment.  Repeated requests for comment from the former President have gone unanswered.

3

PopeWatch: Butter or Margarine

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Despite efforts to figure whether they were in a Catholic or Protestant service, local parishioners were left baffled after an “animated” man wearing vestments put on a head mic and began pacing back and forth as he delivered his sermon.

“The man looked like a priest and I was quite certain I was in a Catholic Church,” said longtime parishioner Joyce Parlin who had no clue as to what the hell was going on. “But he kept pacing back and forth, ending each statement with a ‘can I get an amen?’ No one was exactly sure what he was asking for. I overheard one gentleman respond, ‘yes, I suppose,’ but the priest or pastor or whatever he was kept desperately asking if he could get more amens.”

Parlin went on to add that the priest or pastor or whatever the heck he was continually used words like “fellowship” and “ministry” during his sermon, words, Parlin admitted, she had never heard before.

“He also used the phrase ‘saved by the Blood of the Lamb,’ which I suppose is some sort of Christian take on the TV show ‘Saved by the Bell.’ Hell, I don’t know.”

At press time, the band has begun singing praise a worship as beach balls are being thrown to and fro, confirming that the event is a Life Teen Mass.

 

Go here to read the comments.   PopeWatch called the Pope for comment, but when he answered he was either speaking in tongues or gargling and PopeWatch was unable to understand him.

3

PopeWatch: Veneration

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

 

Protestants from across the globe flocked to Wittenberg, Germany Tuesday to venerate a statue of Martin Luther in honor of the 500th anniversary of the Protestant Reformation.

Many in the Lutheran and Lutheran-leaning community including pastor of Torrential Downpour Church Morgan Kremin attended ceremonies that started with a morning veneration of the statue of Martin Luther located near All Saints’ Church in Wittenberg and concluded with a collection to help fund the building of several new mega-churches.

“Could the money have gone to the poor–yes,” Kremin admitted to EOTT. “But it’s important that we build these churches so that everyone, be they rich or poor, can come to worship the Lord, even though praying to Jesus is no different in a large church than it is in a home, or even though we know that, for the most part, the homeless don’t actually ever come to our church, and that asking our people, many of whom are struggling to make ends meet, to spend their hard-earned income on exorbitant churches is one of the issues we had with the Catholic Church during the Reformation. But the fact remains that building large things and paying for ridiculous salaries cost money. There’s no way around it.”

Kremin went on to clarify, saying that it wasn’t at all like the selling of indulgences since the selling of indulgences meant that people were essentially paying for their salvation, while what Kremin was saying was that being a true Christian and therefore being saved is contingent on Christian’s paying for such expenditures.

“Totally different.”

 

Go here to read the comments.  PopeWatch called the Vatican for comment, but was told that the Pope was busy polishing his statue of Luther and couldn’t come to the phone.

 

9

Debate: Has Halloween Become Too Commercial?

“I got a rock.”
Charlie Brown

 

 

 

 

 

From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion.  My last trick or treating experience as a child was in 1969 and I reared my children in the McClarey Halloween tradition of ample candy, cheap costumes and Dad falling asleep on the couch after over indulging in candy.  May my offspring keep these hallowed traditions alive for the next generation!