Humor

Remembrance of Turkeys Past

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As we prepare for Thanksgiving tomorrow, and as we recall our blessings and thank God for each and every one, let us also remember the humble turkey and the various disasters that result when that proud bird is not treated with the care that it deserves, dead or alive.    Oldtimers like myself will recognize the above video as part of the famous “Turkey Drop” episode from WKRP, a sitcom from the Seventies.

 

Of course Turkey Disasters are not, unfortunately, restricted to the realm of fiction.    Deep frying a turkey poses various risks.

Here we have a case of the flaming avian:

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William Shatner warns of the dangers of deep frying turkeys:

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Of course there are those among us who revel in the destructive possibilities of cooking turkey.

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If deep fry a turkey you must, follow these tips: →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

PopeWatch: Did I Just Say What?

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

VATICAN–Speaking to pilgrims during his weekly Wednesday audience yesterday, Pope Francis admitted that he was kind of having a hard time making any kind of sense whatsoever of what he just said.

The Pontiff, who has been known to make off the cuff remarks in the past, told those gathered in St. Peter’s Square that what he just said was “admittedly kind of weird.”

“I said what?” Francis asked those gathered. “There’s no way I just said that. OK, that’s just weird. Seriously, what the heck is it with me? Am I trying to change doctrine or something? How am I gonna explain this to my secular friends? Oh boy, I can see their faces now. I bet they’re just itching to ask when I’m gonna start allowing divorced gay Catholics to receive communion. This is great…just great. I’m so freaking pissed right now I think I’m gonna go blog about it.” →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

PopeWatch: Next Election

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

Ahead of the next Papal Elections, many Cardinals have begun to distance themselves from the Pope, whose approval rating amongst traditional leaning Catholics is at an all-time low.

As these Cardinals are beginning to focus on their possible election to the throne of St. Peter, they are increasingly calculating how close is too close to an unpopular Pope Francis.

The Pope’s dismal poll ratings with traditional minded Catholics could sink many cardinal’s hopes for becoming next in line to become Vicar of Christ, especially with battleground bishops and swing cardinals.

“If he is where he is now for the remainder of his papacy, it’s not going to work for liberal cardinals who want to impress members of the Collage of Cardinals on the right,” said Cardinal Raymond Burke who stated earlier this year that he would not seek election during the next conclave. “I think that if the next conclave goes to the right, that it will be more of a referendum on Pope Francis’ loose words, then on a conservative agenda.”

Some right-leaning cardinals are also keeping their distance from next year’s Synod on the Family after recent remarks made by Pope Francis regarding the easing up of the annulment process so that any Catholic wanting an annulment can have one by simply turning to their spouse at anytime and saying the words, “thou are art banish’d.” →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

The Modern World is Going to Hell: A Continuing Series: The Trashy Vermin of the Apocalypse

The  fifth in my series of posts in which I give rants against trends that have developed in society since the days of my youth, the halcyon days of the seventies, when leisure suits and disco were sure signs that society was ready to be engulfed in a tide of ignorance, bad taste and general buffoonery.

We have started off the series with a look at seven developments that I view as intensely annoying and proof that many people lack the sense that God granted a goose.  I like to refer to these as  The Seven Hamsters of the Apocalypse, minor evils that collectively illustrate a society that has entered a slough of extreme stupidity.  Each of the Seven Hamsters will have a separate post.  We have already discussed here the Tattooed Vermin,  here the Pierced Vermin, here the F-Bomb Vermin and here the Texting Vermin.  The fifth of the Hamsters is the Trashy Vermin.

I grew up in a blue collar family in which money was never plentiful.  ( I loved the old Jackie Gleason show The Honeymooners.  It was a howlingly funny show and they were more broke than we were.)   However, my parents always found money in our budget to make sure that all of us had good clothes to wear for Church and special occasions.  “Good clothes” meant a suit and tie for Dad, a nice dress for Mom, and sports jackets and ties for myself and my brother.  Now I know those of you born after 1980 will find this hard to credit, but we were not uncommon in that regard.  At Mass virtually every one was dressed that way.  (I still dress that way, and it is uncommon enough  that a visiting priest brought how I was dressed to my attention as I entered Church with my family a few years ago.)  Evidence of this is clear in the movies from the period.  For example, we have the film Blackboard Jungle (1955), which at the time was thought to be a shocking look at juvenile delinquency. →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

PopeWatch: Jenky v. Dolan

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

A verbal battle between two Catholic leaders over the body of legendary Archbishop Fulton Sheen has put the former television personality’s sainthood campaign on hiatus.

The bishop of Peoria,  Illinois, Bishop Daniel Jenky, has been working to beatify Sheen for some time, but all that came to an unexpected hiatus this week when Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York reportedly told Jenky to “Back up before you gets smacked the heck up.”

In a letter to Jenky, the New York archdiocese issued a statement saying that Dolan opposes the “dismemberment of the Archbishop’s body” for the purpose of collecting relics, and concluded it by inviting Jenky “if he so dared,” to try to take even one step on “Dolan’s turf.”

Spokesman for the New York Diocese John Frank told EOTT today that Dolan was saddened by accusations leveled on him by the Peoria bishop, and said that since Jenky was “itchin’ for a stitchen’,” that the New York Diocese would accommodate him and set up a bare knuckle, mixed martial arts throw down in the octagon.

Even the Vatican office that oversees the creation of saints hasn’t been able to resolve the unusually public dispute between New York and Peoria, but have shown a lot of interest in the MMA fight between the two bishops.

Peoria Diocese spokesman Donald Walters told reporters today that Jenky has accepted the challenge, and cautioned Dolan against instigating Jenky anymore than he already has, saying that Dolan would do well to “check himself before he wrecks himself” because Jenky is reportedly “bad for his health.” →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

Wasted Minds

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The one material thing we will never run short of on this planet is human ignorance, especially among those who are considered “well educated”.

PopeWatch: Science

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

 

VATICAN––In a stunning break with centuries of Catholic teaching, Pope Francis announced today that the forces of Gravity and Electromagnetism are real, adding that “God is not a magician with a magic wand.” This is in stark contrast with the teaching of his predecessor, Pope Benedict XVI, whose third Encyclical is entitled “God the Magician: Why Gravity Doesn’t Exist.”

During this address to the Pontifical Academy of the Sciences, Pope Francis rocked the Catholic world, which has been a staunch enemy of science since the Church’s public excommunication, execution, and dismemberment of Galileo in 1633. His statements have been called “progressive” by the liberals in the Church who, contrary to the Catechism of the Council of Trent, deny that every falling object is pulled downward by an angel created for that specific purpose by Jesus and Mother Mary.

“It is not inconsistent with the Catholic faith to believe that matter warps space-time,” Pope Francis stated, “such that objects that would normally have travelled in a straight line would bend their path along this curvature and even fall toward the heavier object.” This is a direct contradiction of the teaching of Doctor of the Church St. Bonaventure, who proved through Aristotelian philosophy that objects are attracted toward one another through Love of God and neighbor.

His Holiness did not limit his remarks to gravity, but included the “thorny issue” of electromagnetism in his remarks as well, stating that a Catholic has the right to believe that light travels through space as an electromagnetic wave. This implies a non-literal reading of the Book of Genesis, which says: “And God said: ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light, which is the brightness of God’s teeth when he smiles.” →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

The Modern World is Going to Hell: A Continuing Series: The Texting Vermin of the Apocalypse

The  fourth in my series of posts in which I give rants against trends that have developed in society since the days of my youth, the halcyon days of the seventies, when leisure suits and disco were sure signs that society was ready to be engulfed in a tide of ignorance, bad taste and general buffoonery.

We have started off the series with a look at seven developments that I view as intensely annoying and proof that many people lack the sense that God granted a goose.  I like to refer to these as  The Seven Hamsters of the Apocalypse, minor evils that collectively illustrate a society that has entered a slough of extreme stupidity.  Each of the Seven Hamsters will have a separate post.  We have already discussed here the Tattooed Vermin,  here the Pierced Vermin and here the F-Bomb Vermin.  The fourth of the Hamsters is the Texting Vermin.

→']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

PopeWatch: 1965

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Los Angeles, CA–A Loyola Marymount professor Wednesday found what he is considering undeniable evidence of his theory that the Mass was founded in 1965, as opposed to the year 33 as has been formerly thought.

“It was primarily at the Second Vatican Council that the Holy Spirit descended upon the council fathers and thereby founded the Church,” said 68-year-old Church historian Marty Jenkins. “From documents that we’ve found, the Lord came to the council fathers, and when he had given thanks, he broke the bread, and said, ‘This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.’ It was here that Christ founded the Mass…not at the Last Supper. The Last Supper was just a trial run.”

Jenkins went on to say that up until then, no Mass was ever valid, going on to compare pre-conciliar Catholics with Jews during the exodus. “You see, the Jews did not have to wander the desert for 40 years. If was only because of the hardness of their hearts that God prolonged their wandering. So then is the case of the pre-conciliar Church. God allowed them to spiritually wander the desert of ignorance and hatred until they were enlightened in the 60’s. Only then were they allowed into the promise land of the Mass.”

When asked what evidence he had found to prove his theory, Jenkins responded, “I’m a tenured professor of Church History at Loyola Marymount University…what else needs to be said?” →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

The Modern World is Going to Hell: A Continuing Series: The F-Bomb Vermin of the Apocalypse

The  third in my series of posts in which I give rants against trends that have developed in society since the days of my youth, the halcyon days of the seventies, when leisure suits and disco were sure signs that society was ready to be engulfed in a tide of ignorance, bad taste and general buffoonery. We have started off the series with a look at seven developments that I view as intensely annoying and proof that many people lack the sense that God granted a goose.  I like to refer to these as  The Seven Hamsters of the Apocalypse, minor evils that collectively illustrate a society that has entered a slough of extreme stupidity.  Each of the Seven Hamsters will have a separate post.  We have already discussed here the Tattooed Vermin and here the Pierced Vermin.  The third of the Hamsters is the F-Bomb Vermin. →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

Bouncers Hardest Hit

Church Bouncer

 

 50.        Homosexuals have gifts and qualities to offer to the Christian community: are we capable of welcoming these people, guaranteeing to them a fraternal space in our communities? Often they wish to encounter a Church that offers them a welcoming home. Are our communities capable of providing that, accepting and valuing their sexual orientation, without compromising Catholic doctrine on the family and matrimony?

Language from the Relatio rejected by the Synod.

 

Over at the blog That the Bones You Have Crushed May Thrill, that is a mouthful, brings news of this latest development:

 

London’s Catholic Churches are already undergoing a revolutionary change in the life of the Church in the era of Pope Francis. The long awaited message of mercy has filtered from Rome down to the pews.

Anti-gay security guards – a hitherto common sight outside Catholic Churches in London have today been told that their services will no longer be needed, as the Church in England and Wales takes on the new message of ‘welcoming’ and accepting people with same-sex attraction.

For the past two thousand years, anti-gay security guards have been employed by the Church in order to filter out from congregations anyone who may have homosexual tendencies or inclinations. In a revolutionary move, today Cardinal Vincent Nichols and Archbishop Peter Smith made it known that henceforth, the security guards will be placed inside the Churches in order to defend homosexuals from the lethal and unpredictable stoning and/or beating that has often taken place against homosexuals during Mass and times of quiet prayer and reflection. →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

PopeWatch: Second Synod

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

VATICAN–It was announced today that a second synod, tentatively scheduled for mid-January, will solely focus on learning the fundamental teachings of the Catholic Church.

The news comes just days after Pope Francis asked synod participants to “speak clearly,” encouraging them to speak openly.  “Let no one say, ‘This can’t be said, they will think this or that about me.’ Everything we feel must be said, without fear,” Francis said. After reading the badly translated, and what many have called “severely flawed” report called Relatio Post Disceptationem, Francis has since regretted the decision to ask the synod fathers to speak openly, supposedly overestimating their intelligence.

An adviser to Pope Francis has since suggested that before moving on with another synod on the family, that the synod fathers learn some of the basics of Catholicism.

“The synod  will be headed by 16-year-old African Catholic Zyana Ndiaye and is expected to cover such subjects such as Jesus, the Church, as well as sin. Every synod father, except for those from Africa, will remain quiet and will be ignored if they attempt to offer an opinion.”

At press time, Pope Francis has issued a statement to those who will be participating in future synods, saying, “Let everyone say, ‘This can’t be said, they will think this or that about me.’ Everything we feel must be kept quiet, with fear, especially if you are going to make a Kaspar out of yourself.”

→']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

The Modern World is Going to Hell: A Continuing Series: The Pierced Vermin of the Apocalypse

The  second in my series of posts in which I give rants against trends that have developed in society since the days of my youth, the halcyon days of the seventies, when leisure suits and disco were sure signs that society was ready to be engulfed in a tide of ignorance, bad taste and general buffoonery.

We have started off the series with a look at seven developments that I view as intensely annoying and proof that many people lack the sense that God granted a goose.  I like to refer to these as  The Seven Hamsters of the Apocalypse, minor evils that collectively illustrate a society that has entered a slough of extreme stupidity.  Each of the Seven Hamsters will have a separate post.  We have already discussed here the Tattooed Vermin.  The  second of the Hamsters is the Pierced Vermin. →']);" class="more-link">Continue reading

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