The Russians are Coming! The Russians are Coming!

Monday, May 22, AD 2017

 

 

LarryD at Acts of the Apostasy reminds us to keep an eye on the Rooskies:

MADISON – According to members of the Our Lady of the Third Degree parish council, their pastor revealed sensitive parish information to members of a Russian Orthodox church during a recent ecumenical visit.

Unconfirmed reports from council members requesting anonymity told AoftheA News that Fr. S. P. Neeyahj held a private meeting with Russian Orthodox representatives for thirty minutes this past Monday, during which classified information was divulged. They participated in an ecumenical prayer service sponsored by Our Lady of the Third Degree, and after the event, Neeyahj invited them into his parish office.

Parish officials denied the allegations at first, but were forced to scramble for explanations after Fr. Neeyahj tweeted out “Great mtg with Russian friends! Shared our summer parish picnic theme & exchanged secret potluck recipes. #BrothersInFaith”.

“As pastor, he has the right to declassify any information he wants,” one source told AoftheA News. “But it’s a trust issue. Not to mention he knows it’s parish policy to not reveal the parish picnic theme until after Memorial Day. Huge breach in protocol, and puts at risk our ability as a parish council to determine themes for future events.”

It’s unsure which recipes Fr. Neeyahj gave the Russians. Past potluck participants have taken to social media to complain that the recipes were closely-guarded, treasured family secrets, intended solely to be handed down to future generations. Father’s actions raise serious questions about what other possible details and secrets he is disclosing.

“Has he given our Dunkin Donuts contract for Coffee Hour to the Presbyterians?,” another unnamed source said. “Has he shown the Baptists our methods of parishioner data collection? Is he telling the Unitarians that, yes, they will be going to Hell? We have a right to know what’s he been saying to whom, and for how long.”

Calls to Fr. Neeyahj were not returned. A parish official told AoftheA News his whereabouts were a secret.

 

Continue reading...

One Response to The Russians are Coming! The Russians are Coming!

  • I love it. The Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming is the funniest movie I have ever seen, great ad for the Second Amendment. Did you see Johnathan Winter?
    Larry D. and The Acts of Apostasy have placed the assault on President Trump in proper perspective.
    I say again: Go see The Guns of Navarrone, when the English agent gives false information to an injured officer whom he knows will be given truth serum to extract information by the enemy.
    Our Lady promised a third world war “of unimaginable proportions”. Perhaps the Russians will be converted as they were in the film The Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming.

Leave a Reply

PopeWatch: Offensive Catholics

Saturday, May 13, AD 2017

 

 

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

A Catholic university is under fire this week after school administrators accidentally hired 37-year-old Todd Alguire, a practicing Catholic, to head their Department of Theology.

Diocesan bishop Kevin Sterling  has now demanded an investigation into the ‘offensive’ hiring after rumors spread that students would need to “brush up on the fundamentals of the Catholic  faith” before beginning this upcoming semester.

Ryan Gurley, a sophomore who described himself as ‘devoutly spiritual,’ told EOTT that his refusal to participate in any further religion classes might lead to his suspension.

“I understand that I’ll eventually either be suspended, or I won’t ever be able to graduate, but I have to stand my ground. I’ll never cave when it comes to my faith. I’m a spiritual zealot, which means I faithfully believe in every religion – so long as it isn’t Christianity, of course.  And that’s why I now stand on my rights as an American citizen and Catholic to not be forced to have to learn the tenets of Catholicism in a Catholic school. What next, having to learn the fundamentals of analytic geometry in Calculus class?”

School officials say that the accidental hiring of Mr. Alguire came after someone in the administration’s office neglected to perform a competent background check.

“This is a major oversight and, as you can probably imagine, a very embarrassing moment for the university,” said one school official. “The background process is pretty simple and straight forward. As a proud Catholic university, we do not ask for resumes or any other official documents proving competency. The only thing we do is to make sure that the applicant is either an anti-Catholic Protestant, an atheist, or an agnostic, and that if the applicant does happen to be a Catholic, that he attends no more than two masses a year, preferably none. When it comes to nearly all other departments outside of History and a couple of others, the door is wide open to practicing Catholics. That’s what makes us a Catholic university. Also, we just put up some bland, random crosses around the university so that parents of potential students may feel proud and comfortable not only sending their children here, but for paying the outrageous tuition we charge to do so.”

Continue reading...

3 Responses to PopeWatch: Offensive Catholics

  • Don
    I thought Eye was a satire sight not anew sight.

    When I attended a Major Catholic University (late 60’s early 70 ) It’s Catholicism rested on three pillars

    recruited students as a Catholic University.
    Solicited donations as a Catholic University.

    Enough other stuff so the first two did not violate the Civil Statute of Frauds.

    Otherwise an excellent secular University.

  • I attended a secular, non-Catholic, university … hence the likely reason I remain a practicing, orthodox, Catholic more than forty years afterwards. Mind you, Marxism had not prevailed everywhere in academia and beyond back then, so the Church had a fighting chance.

  • My husband’s favorite saying on the subject: “Why let a “Catholic” university send your kid to hell when a secular one can do it just as well, and for less?” Pretty cynical but true.

Leave a Reply

5 Responses to Why Brexit

  • Raison d’ etat: Power and riches to the aristocrats, subsistence for the masses.

  • Subsidiarity yesterday, today, and forever! It is not having been in the dark house that matters but having come out.

  • William P Walsh wrote, “Subsidiarity yesterday, today, and forever!”
    I have, perforce, had to read a great many EU regulations and directives and I have never encountered one without the following recital:
    “In accordance with the principles of subsidiarity and proportionality as set out in Article 5 of the Treaty, the objectives of this Regulation cannot be sufficiently achieved by the Member States and can therefore be better achieved by the Community. This Regulation does not go beyond what is necessary to achieve those objectives. [Conformément aux principes de subsidiarité et de proportionnalité énoncés à l’article 5 du traité, les objectifs du présent règlement ne peuvent pas être réalisés de manière suffisante par les États membres et peuvent donc être mieux réalisés au niveau communautaire. Le présent règlement n’excède pas ce qui est nécessaire pour atteindre ces objectifs.]”

  • “In accordance with the principles of subsidiarity and proportionality as set out in Article 5 of the Treaty, the objectives of this Regulation cannot be sufficiently achieved by the Member States and can therefore be better achieved by the Community. This Regulation does not go beyond what is necessary to achieve those objectives.” DOUBLE TALK…and can therefore be better achieved by the Communists.

  • Lip service gains no credibility by repetition.

PopeWatch: Ad Orientem

Saturday, April 29, AD 2017

 

 

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

After conducting his first symphony since being named Maestro of the New Mexico Philharmonic, Chinese-born Li Wei Chen has been under heavy scrutiny from longtime patrons for conducting Beethoven’s famous 9th Symphony while facing the orchestra.

Season subscriber Lance Humphrey told EOTT that he was offended that Chen did not conduct facing the audience like their old maestro.

“Look, I understand that the symphony is still the symphony no matter what, but I just think that turning his back toward us while conducting just takes us back to an archaic time.”

Many have reportedly labelled Chen a “Symphonic Rad Trad,” saying that he was out of touch with mainstream music.

New Mexico Symphony donor Cecilia Cotes told EOTT that it reminded her of times when she would be in music class and would be “whacked on the knuckles with a violin bow.”

“It’s completely outdated. What we want is Maestro Chen to turn and face us so that we can feel like we’re participating in the orchestral movements. Does that make sense?”

At press time, Chen has said that he would not turn to face the people, but would consider allowing a number patrons on stage to turn the pages of the sheet music during concerts.

Continue reading...

2 Responses to Publicans and Other Sinners

  • Taxes are too high, indeed. Medieval serfs handed over less of their product than the typical (about 51% of us) American taxpayer.

    It’s not only federal income taxes. There are state and local income taxes, real estate taxes, sales taxes, excise taxes, etc. The cruelest excise taxes of all are on liquor.

    Due to a minor miscalculation in estimated taxes, fro 2016 we had a refund and filed in early February. Early onset Alzheimer?

    Regarding publicani, St. John the Baptist advised them to collect no more than authorized.

  • Medieval serfs handed over less of their product than the typical (about 51% of us) American taxpayer.
    Tax receipts in total amount to 30% of gross domestic product. A subset of that would be direct taxes (or ‘personal’ taxes), which amount to about 12% of personal income. IIRC, Jerome Blum had it that early modern serfs in the Hapsburg dominions were under quite a range of assessments (which varied locally), and could here and there be notionally liable for 70% of their crop.

One Response to Quotes Suitable for Framing: Jimbo Jones

  • A lawyer associate/friend once told me the first thing one learns in Law Scholl is the short answer for all issues is, “It depends.” No lawyer jokes, some of my best friends are lawyers.

Not My Paws Only But All of Me!

Saturday, April 8, AD 2017

 

 

Larry D at Acts of the Apostasy brings us this news:

 

ROME – Reports from the Vatican indicate that Pope Francis has scheduled a stop at a local animal shelter to wash the paws of 12 dogs on Holy Thursday, after washing inmates’ feet at an Italian prison.

Church officials told the AoftheA News Vatican Bureau that Pope Francis is excited to visit the dogs spending the Easter holiday at the shelter, and extend this act of mercy towards them. It’s unsure if he will wash all four paws, or just their front paws.

“His Holiness feels that dogs deserve to be treated this way, as it’s quite evident that Jesus had a soft spot in his heart for dogs,” one official said, speaking under condition of anonymity. “You see in scripture how dogs cared for Lazarus by licking his sores, showing that they lived their Christian faith better than others at that time. You see how the Canaanite woman changed Jesus’ mind when she said ‘even dogs eat scraps that fall from their master’s table’. Plus, it wasn’t that long ago that Pope Francis declared that dogs indeed go to heaven, so it’s entirely appropriate to being Christ, and bringing Christ, to them.”

Another official said the Holy Father believes Christ’s mercy is available to every living thing, including those with mange, hip dysplasia, or worms. “Jesus didn’t come for the healthy, but for the sick. His Holiness reminds us, though, to be wary of those ridden with fleas, for if you lie with them, you will certainly rise with them and be infested.”

Animal activists are pleased with the Holy Father’s plans, and that he will be raising animal rights awareness. Amanda Hugginkhyss, director of “Animals Are People Too”, said it’s a strong sign Pope Francis is making the Catholic Church a more inclusive place. “Is what he’s doing perfect? No, but it’s a start, and like all progressive initiatives, all we hope for is a crack through which we can infiltrate, and then start making our demands for animal rights in the church.”

When asked why cats housed at the shelter aren’t included, one official told AoftheA News: “Cats are evil, that’s why.”

He also confirmed that Pope Francis’ favorite movie is “All Dogs Go To Heaven”, but wasn’t all that impressed with the sequel.

Continue reading...

9 Responses to Not My Paws Only But All of Me!

  • Please tell me this is a late April Fools joke. Or an Eye of the Tiber gotcha.

  • LarryD does humorous pieces Elizabeth. Doesn’t it speak volumes about this ponticate that one could imagine this as as being a straight news story?

  • Yes, it sure does. I woke up this morning and thought of my comment of yesterday and started feeling a bit foolish that I even considered that this was for real. Strange times indeed.
    Is that site, Acts of the Apostasy, kind of like The Onion or Eye of the Tiber then? I’ve heard of it but never looked at it.

  • Does that raccoon have any nukes? If so would that complicate the feet washing?

  • “Is that site, Acts of the Apostasy, kind of like The Onion or Eye of the Tiber then? I’ve heard of it but never looked at it.”

    LarryD is a faithful Catholic and a good writer, along with a delicious sense of humor.

  • Funny bit… the “Animals are people too,” is sadly a social justice mantra being absorbed by progressives who refuse to respect the unborn human life but gladly bemoan the abuses of dogs or cats that are “suffering.”
    I like pets however to give them a status above the sacredness of unborn human life is pathetic. A sure sign of a culture without a clue. A blackened and stained culture.

  • The Pope has decided to cancel the foot washing ceremony at the pound, citing fears of getting bit in the ass from a rabid dog-ma.

  • However, Pope Francis has agreed to administer last rites to a Self-Absorbed Promethean Neopelagian pooch that is scheduled to be put down that day.

  • Greg Mockeridge.

    The pooch in question was caught “breeding like rabbits,” and didn’t heed his Holiness command to “practice responsible parenthood.”

    Hence the decision to put the pooch down.

PopeWatch: Checkmate

Saturday, April 8, AD 2017

 

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Society of St. Pius X chess grandmaster Larcel Mafebvre has turned four of his pieces into bishops without approval from the World Chess Federation, officials have confirmed.

“Mr. Mafebvre has, without approval from the Federation, created bishops out of pawn pieces,” said World Chess Federation head Antonio Salamanca. “After speaking with Mr. Mafebvre regarding abiding by the new chess rules, wherein players are given the freedom to concelebrate the match, and to say the words of ‘checkmate’ in the vernacular, he has sadly decided to ignore our requests.”

Salamanca went on to tell reporters that Mafebvre had automatically incurred excheckommunication because of his disobedience.

“I must do what is in my conscience to preserve the dignity of the game,”  Mafebvre told EOTT in an exclusive interview. “Therefore, I have decided to consecrate four of my pieces into bishops to help my depleted side, for, from some Fischer, the smoke of Satan has entered the chessboard of God.”

At press time, one time follower of Larcel Mafebvre’s, Bavid Dawden, told EOTT that he has decided to become head of the World Chess Federation, though he only has three pawns to play with.

Continue reading...

I Resemble That Remark

Thursday, April 6, AD 2017

 

 

From LarryD at Acts of the Apostasy:

 

Horace MacTaverson, long time parishioner at Our Lady of Special Occasions, told AoftheA News this morning that he’s mighty unhappy it’s likely he won’t get to park in his regular spot this Easter.

“First row, next to the last handicap space,” he growled. “8:30 Mass, every Sunday mornin’, for the past thirty-one years.” Horace stared off into the distance and noisily clicked his partial upper plate. “Except on Easter. And that one time it snowed so hard I couldn’t make it up the drive, but that don’t count none.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Those dang Chreasters, showin’ up two times a year, actin’ like they own the place, parkin’ wherever they dang well feel like it,” he grumbled. “No respect, I tell ya. No respect!”

Horace ran his weathered hand through his sparse hair. “This is gonna mess up my mornin’ schedule. Instead of arrivin’ at ten minutes past the hour like always, I hafta get here at ten minutes before the hour, and even that’s no guar-own-tee my spot won’t be taken!”

His jaw clenched. “Just thinkin’ about this is gettin’ my goat. My whole Sunday mornin’ routine is gonna get screwed up. I hope Father says sumthin’ about this in his sermon, give these Chreasters the ol’ what for. Downright rude, coming to Easter Mass and makin’ me park somewhere else. But he’ll prob’bly just talk about love, and peace, and other stuff like that.”

Horace wagged his index finger. “And don’t get me started about my seat being taken neither! Third row, on the aisle, behind the Pattersons.” His shoulders shook with a violent quiver. “God, Easter is the worst.”

 

Continue reading...

3 Responses to I Resemble That Remark

  • Even though a Protestant my father attended Mass on his own when he travelled in the Air Force; invited missionaries to our quarters when stationed overseas, in fact, had many priest friends; and insisted that my brother and I attend Catholic school. After every Sunday Mass at St. Thomas More we’d be sitting in traffic which would trigger his tangent about the “so-called Christians in the parking lot.” He couldn’t understand how Catholics could receive Christ at Mass and then afterwards be so rude exiting the parking lot. He always said it was a factor in delaying his conversion. He joined the church at age 55. Died at age 90. We all still miss him 13 years later.

  • This is why I almost always park on the street when I go to Mass.

  • Eye contact seems to be a big plus… or having small children that delay you half an hour getting out.

    Hey, I think I figured out why the “donuts after mass” thing started!
    (We always go on Saturday if possible, but the effect is the same.)

National Atheist Day 2017

Saturday, April 1, AD 2017

Another April 1 rolls around, and it is time again to observe National Atheist Day and salute those atheists who, as part of the herd of independent atheist thinkers, bravely assert that, yes, matter and energy did arise ex nihilo without God, and that belief in God is too silly for a person of intelligence.  (Sorry Saint Augustine and  Saint Thomas Aquinas!  Sir Isaac Newton you simply lacked the intellectual heft to embrace belief in non-theism.)

 

In honor of the day, I think Sir Francis Bacon’s essay Of Atheism from 1601 might be appropriate: 

Continue reading...

12 Responses to National Atheist Day 2017

  • About your precious, special atheistic jerks: How can they be perpetually so outraged about someone the they KNOW does not exists?

    Wow! 2011. The UCONN women’s B-Ball team lost to Miss State last night.

    ‘MMMMM’ bacon!

  • Well said, Donald. Let’s just get to the heart of the issue. The Law of Conservation of Matter, to which atheists give credence, states that matter is neither created nor destroyed, it is merely converted. So, to quote Ted Knight’s character from CaddyShack: “Well, we’re waiting.” Crickets. They have no answer. They do have evasion as your post makes clear.

  • Frankly, I don’t believe in atheists…..

  • Internet atheists should be locked up in a Steel Cage Texas Death Match with Internet fundamentalist anti-Catholics. There are no groups of people more obnoxious on the Internet than these two casts of characters.

  • “The Law of Conservation of Matter, to which atheists give credence, states that matter is neither created nor destroyed, it is merely converted. So, to quote Ted Knight’s character from CaddyShack: “Well, we’re waiting.” Crickets. They have no answer. They do have evasion as your post makes clear.”

    Our scientists have decided that matter is indeed created & destroyed during the slotting of an atom. The parts of a split atom has less mass than an atom before it is split. At least that is the last I knew of the matter.

  • PS. I was always taught it was called the “Law of Conservation of Mass & Energy.”

  • “Our scientists have decided that matter is indeed created & destroyed during the slotting of an atom. The parts of a split atom has less mass than an atom before it is split. At least that is the last I knew of the matter.”

    Forgive my spelling error, please. That should have been “splitting” of an atom.

  • Christian Teacher, you are correct that it is the Law of Conservation of Mass. That said, in a closed system, the mass before and after is the same. In other words, a “split atom” may have less mass than before, but the total mass still exists within the closed system. Moreover, no scientist has created something out of nothing, ie: “created mass.”

  • Christian Teacher, you are correct. It is the Law of Conservation of Mass. However, in a closed system, the total mass is the same before and after, even when discussing the splitting of atoms. Mass is not created as no scientist has ever created something out of nothing.

  • “Internet atheists should be locked up in a Steel Cage Texas Death Match with Internet fundamentalist anti-Catholics. There are no groups of people more obnoxious on the Internet than these two casts of characters.”
    PF, is that why we have a problem with Mark Shea? “He’s an SOB, but he’s our SOB” who belongs with these other clowns?

  • “However, in a closed system, the total mass is the same before and after, even when discussing the splitting of atoms”. I’m sorry, but this is not correct. Christian Teacher gave the correct formulation.

    “Mass is not created as no scientist has ever created something out of nothing.” Yes, this is correct, and it is correct because energy is not nothing, it has mass equivalence.

  • “WE, THE PEOPLE” HAVE A CIVIL RIGHT TO OUR INNATE HUMAN RIGHTS
    “We, the people” have a civil right to our innate human rights defined in THE UNANIMOUS DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE ratified by every state and redefined away as non-existent by Supreme Court.
    “We, the people” have a civil right to our Ninth Amendment: “The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.” The Ninth Amendment of our Constitution.
    “We, the people” have a civil right to THE UNANIMOUS DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE with its reliance on the support of divine Providence.
    “We, the people” have a civil right to THE PREAMBLE to THE CONSTITUTION FOR THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA with THE PREAMBLE’S purpose of “securing the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our (Constitutional) Posterity; all future generations.
    “We, the people” have a civil right to each and every public place bought and paid for by our tax money for every peaceable assembly.
    “We, the people” have a civil right to all free lands and waterways in America taken from us by Executive Orders.
    “We, the people” have a civil right to all public domain, as “We, the people”, have a civil right to be “the public”.
    “We, the people” have a civil right to acknowledge our “Creator” in the privacy of our innermost being as sovereign persons in the public square.
    “We, the people” have a civil right to be secure in our personal privacy against assault and invasion and violation.
    “We, the people” have a civil right to “the Laws of Nature and Nature’s God”
    “We, the people” have a civil right to our Ninth Amendment: “The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.”

PopeWatch: Diplomatic Jesus

Saturday, April 1, AD 2017

 

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

Cincinnati, OH––Catholic book publisher and distributer St. Clare Press announced today that their new non-confrontational translation of the Bible will be released sometime this September. St. Clare executive Roger Hammond told the press this week that he hopes the new translation helps to appease the minds of critics that have long called the Bible violent and judgmental. “It took close to a decade to complete this ambitious translation, and we’re confident it’ll help people better understand the all-encompassing compassion contained within the scriptures. Hammond goes on to explain one of the most riveting scenes in the New Testament where Jesus, after having overturned the tables of the money changers, goes back to help clean up, apologizing profusely as he does so. Another scene in which the compassion and kindness of Jesus shines forth is Matthew 16:23 where, after having been asked by Peter to not enter Jerusalem and eventually into the hands of the Pharisees, Jesus asks Peter to “hold that thought for a moment,” before addressing Satan; “Satan, if you wouldn’t moving just a tad bit behind me? I’d really like to get this little point across to Peter. I feel so rude asking you this, but…I mean don’t go out of your way or anything…” Hammond went on to tell reporters that the project has become a kind of therapy for all those involved in the project. One employee of St. Clare Press, Beverly Tomas, said that seeing Christ in a new, more tender, and compassionate way helped her get over years of abuse she suffered by “strict and judgmental nuns.” “I remember sitting back just a year ago and reading a newly translated verse in which the old Christ would’ve said something like “Woe to you, Pharisees, you hypocrites,” but now he gently places a hand on the shoulder of a Pharisee, pleadingly, and says,”Come on guys…I was gonna call you a whited-washed sepulchers, but honestly, I don’t think you’re a bad person…I just think maybe you’re hurting,” and lightly tapping the Pharisee on the chest, Jesus said unto him, “Hey, guy…you wanna know what I think? I think you’re hurting inside…hurting right there in that big ol’ heart of yours. Is that’s why you’re acting like this? Wanna talk about it?”

 

Continue reading...

One Response to PopeWatch: Diplomatic Jesus

  • I like the new interpretation where Jesus is telling the woman at the well; “Hey it’s okay….One, four, FIVE husband’s..It doesn’t matter…As long as your happy.”

    Happiness and good well water.
    What else is there?

Nap Time

Thursday, March 30, AD 2017

 

From LarryD at Acts of the Apostasy:

 

SLEEPY HOLLOW – Three-year-old Remy Nodderson took full advantage of the gospel at Sunday’s Mass, as the priest read the long form rather than omitting the bracketed sections, allowing him to get what he called “the best nap I’ve had in weeks”.

“I was all prepared to throw a Category 6 tantrum,” Remy told AoftheA News. “It welled up inside me during the Responsorial Psalm, and I felt it cresting during the second reading. But when Father went long form for the Gospel? It was lights out, baby.”

Remy’s nap on the cushioned, soft-as-a-cloud pew bench, his head supported by his dad’s comfortably weathered leather jacket, lasted until the Sign of Peace, when his older sister Corma stepped on his face as she reached out to hug her mother.

“Yeah, if she hadn’t shoved her Florsheim up my nose, I would’ve slumbered like a baby through Holy Communion, nestled safely against daddy’s shoulder. I thought about screaming like a stuck pig for maybe half a second, but damn, that nap was soooo good. I really couldn’t care less.”

Remy yawned, stretched his little limbs, and cracked his knuckles. “Sure, my parents are grateful now. Wait til it’s 2 in the morning, and they’re still trying to make me go to bed.”

Continue reading...

4 Responses to Nap Time

  • I love Pope Benedict XVI, napping and awake.

  • That 27 hour visit to Malta occurred in April 2010. His Holiness’ catnap on the altar was not mentioned by the Times of Malta. The real news on that trip was that Benedict arranged a prayerful meeting with victims of clerical abuse, and that he praised citizens of Malta for their devotions to the faith. Abortion and divorce are illegal in Malta and he praised the citizens for their continued respect for life and marriage . Pope Benedict will 90 years old April 16th. Who knows what meds he was or is prescribed that might induce drowsiness.
    He needs our prayers even in retirement.

  • Thanks for the link, Don!

  • Thanks Larry for giving me a smile so many times with your articles!

Bear Growls: That’s the Way It Is?

Saturday, March 25, AD 2017

 

 

Our bruin friend at Saint Corbinian’s Bear gives us a Bear’s view of current events as gleaned from the mainstream press:

 

Here is a recap of world news based on the Bear’s cursory reading of stories the past few days. The Bear has been busy and may have gotten a few details wrong, but he’s pretty sure the gist is accurate.

  • WASHINGTON D.C. (March 24, 2017) — Trump the Usurper hosted a hunting trip for Soviet strongman Vladimir Putin. The pair were seen on the banks of the Potomac River clubbing adorable baby river seals to death with babies. Witnesses also report Trump the Usurper backed a dump truck full of $100,000,000 bills and buried a laughing Putin. The two men spent the rest of the afternoon playing in the pile of money like children in autumn leaves.
  • WASHINGTON D.C. (March 24, 2017) — Legitimate President Dear Leader Hillary Clinton staged a lightning raid on Richmond, Virginia yesterday, freeing thousands of slaves. Trump the Usurper had last Thursday declared the Thirteenth and Fourteenth Amendments to the constitution null and void, opening the way for the return of slavery for the first time since 1957. A Gallup poll shows 100% of Americans support the campaign of Dear Leader to restore America to the golden years when Legitimate First Partner Bill Clinton was president.
  • PARIS (March 23, 2017) —  The religious harmony of France was broken by a White male using a loudspeaker to cry “Jesus is Lord” from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Witnesses say he had a distinct American southern accent and raised an enormous Confederate flag on the tip of the landmark. He mowed down thousands of curious Parisians gathered below with an automatic machine assault rifle firing bullets of depleted uranium. With a final cry of “Soldiers of the Cross do thou likewise” he detonate a 20 megaton nuclear bomb strapped to his back, destroying France.
  • VATICAN (March 24, 2017) — Today Generic Spiritual Leader of the World Pope Francis condemned frequent terrorist attacks by Christians. “Out of all religions, why do we only see Christians committing all these terrorist acts? The exclusivist nature of a religion that offers only one means of salvation can only breed hatred. Their beliefs taste like excrement in my mouth.” The pontiff announced that a new bible was being prepared that eliminates all references to violence and incorporates wisdom from other faiths.

Continue reading...

PopeWatch: Leaving on a Jet Plane

Saturday, March 25, AD 2017

 

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Roman Curia officials pulled out all the stops this year to celebrate the 4th anniversary of Pope Francis’ accession to the Throne of St. Peter after scrounging together a few hundred Euro to surprise him with an unforgettable one-way ticket to his native Buenos Aires.

“He’s been working so hard lately, we thought he could use an extended, indefinite getaway,” said Msgr. Giuseppe Bernardo, an attaché attached to the Papal Household. “Plus it’s a 14-hour flight…ample time for several meandering in-flight press scrums.”

“He’s going to love this!” honorary prelate Anotonio Vada said, trying to contain his excitement. “We even had his boarding pass printed on poster-board like those giant ceremonial checks diocesan bishops are so fond of.”

 

At press time, the Curia was preparing to clean the universal Church while the boss was away.

“He left behind a pretty big mess,” an unnamed Cardinal prefect whispered.  “This may take a century or more.  Some of the stains might never come out.”

Continue reading...

4 Responses to PopeWatch: Leaving on a Jet Plane

Cry Rooms and Blogging

Friday, March 24, AD 2017

 

 

I make a point of stopping by Acts of the Apostasy a few times a week.  Here is a sample of why I do so:

 

” title=”

CHEYENNE – As Catholic Mommy blogger Courtney Kitchener-McGavin held her slightly irritable two-year old daughter Jayden during Sunday’s 11:00 AM Mass, she mentally drafted a white-hot post condemning the parishioners around her who were perturbed she didn’t take her daughter to the crying room.

“These people are gonna get it,” she hissed, her nostrils flared and eyes narrowed to mere slits of seething anger. “Tomorrow’s blog post is going to absolutely rip these people a new one. How dare they look at me with disapproval and a judgmental attitude? Don’t they know who I am?”

Courtney’s blog, “Stressed, Blest, and Breast is Best”, is one of the most widely read Catholic mommy blogs on the Internet, with tens of thousands of followers and subscribers.

“I get a million page views a month, so I have cred,” she said, her shoulders visibly shaking with rage. “These people are going to be sorry. So is the priest! The way he glanced at me when Jayden whimpered a couple times during his homily? I know what he was thinking, and frankly, I’m not going to take it.”

Courtney jotted snarky remarks and clever criticisms on an unused collection envelope during the Prayers for the Faithful, nodding approvingly with her choice selection of apt descriptors and moderate alliterations.

“Ooh, I really like the way that sounds,” she cooed, like Cruella de Vil taunting a helpless Dalmatian pup, her lips forming a self-satisfied smirk. “This is gonna be soooo good. This will go viral.”

In a rare move, Courtney bustled Jayden and her husband Roddy out of the church immediately following Holy Communion.

“I need to get home and post this right away, while it’s fresh. If there are two things I’ve learned about Catholic blogging, it’s one, write while the emotions are high and the fury is raging. And two, follow up humble apology posts are really, really popular.”

 

 

Continue reading...

20 Responses to Cry Rooms and Blogging

  • “Suffer the little children to come to me.” Courtney is obliged to stay at Mass until the priest says “Ita Missa Est.” The Mass is over and the final blessing. I attended a Mass where the people and priest all flocked to the crying babe to soothe him. People behave as though the infant does not belong to the community of faith…too much priesthood of the laity and not enough Samaritan.

  • Mary,
    I’m just over 50 and have four “kids” ranging from 16 to 23. When my kids were under 4, if they acted up at ANY point during the Mass, we left the nave so as not to disturb others and the Mass in general. I’ve been told, by my parents, that it was quite common for one parent to stay at home with a disruptive or sick child and when the other parent returned home from Mass the other parent would then attend a later Mass. It all seems rather do able and should NOT be all about ME.

  • The cry room is a courtesy for neighbor.
    What an act of mercy it becomes for parents to excuse themselves when the need arises.

    What an act of selfishness it is otherwise.

    Corporal works of mercy going on, “what you did for the least of my brother, you did for me.” Years ago I witnessed a priest stop his homily and ask very politely for the parents to utilize the cry room. The high pitched crying became the focus unfortunately, but it drowned out the message from the ambo. The parents complied without hesitation.

    The priest blessed them and child as they made their way to the room.

    Some priest’s, Fr. Larry Richards, disagree’s with that approach. He stops and wait’s for a break in the the outbursts, smiles, and continues on. I heard him speak on this topic less than a month ago on Catholic radio.

    Who’s right? I’d go with common courtesy.

  • This reminds me of the post about virtue signaling 🙂 So much judgment all around…judging the judgers.
    Personally I am never bothered by little kids, or senile people who mutter or talk aloud. I am bothered by sermons waay to often. Also I need to be more copacetic about the music.
    A side benefit of wearing a crocheted triangle for a head covering– serves as blinkers when I look down– head bowed.

  • John F. Kennedy: I have five children and I removed myself and them when they got cranky. And we went back for a later Mass. After awhile, they realized that to be still is good and they were little angels, but this was before crying rooms. It is important to bring the children to Mass. At Mass children develop their abstract thinking and their transcendent souls, the metaphysical self. Abstract thinking is indispensable in the business world and in the eternal world. I do encourage all parents with children to being them to Mass and make visits to explain the Real Presence, the saints and the rites. Magnificent.

  • Philip Nachazel: Sometime the children, especially infants, are aware of the devil’s presence at Mass and therefore they scream. Prayers to exorcise the devil will calm the children. Father Larry Richards knows this, I bet.

  • It’s a whole lot easier on parents and other parishioners not to take the little kids to Mass. My wife and I, with 11 kids, went to different Masses.

  • Kids are “graced” at Mass – so much of the wonderful work done by God through their angels is unseen and undetected but still may bear fruit in their lives.
    I wish they wouldn’t usher children out for “children’s liturgy” during the reading of the Gospel.
    Maybe part of why kids are so undereducated when they graduate today- ( and vocabulary in general seems to be shrinking) – We don’t expect them to be able to listen and learn. I don’t think my grandkids are brighter than everyone else’s- but I know they can listen and learn.

  • I love having someplace to hide when one of the kids gets going– the Duchess can get into a frenzy that is way beyond a priest’s ability to talk over her, and I’d be horrified and mortified if folks stopped focusing on Christ to rush over and fuss over my fussy kid! (Not to mention that’s usually what sets the Duchess off….)

  • I go with common courtesy. When I was growing up, most parents with young children, that is under 3 or 4, went to separate masses so as not to disturb. It is not just the crying, but everything else that is done that is so disruptive. Mass has become a picnic, with drinks and snacks and books and toys. The parents of these children are focused on the children, not on Mass. On several occasions in the last few months, I have seen 2 different mothers put a cover over their shoulder to breath feed an infant, while sitting in the first or second row. To me this is putting the focus on the wrong place. some courtesy to those around you is just common sense.

  • What a reminder of why we became Byzantine Catholic! Children are full members of the church, it’s their birthright to be there and receive the Eucharist. You think it’s selfish to bring children to church, selfish to nurse them when they’re hungry? Shame on you, and the next generation won’t be Catholic if everybody followed your rules. Christ said the kingdom belongs to such as they. You need to be more like them to be holy, not the other way around. There’s somebody here who’s selfish and it’s not the sweet families who are working very hard to raise children in the faith.

  • A old & wise priest noted, “Nor hearing a infant in Church, is a dying Church”.

  • I closed up our “Cry Room” years ago. I’ve told people that children need to be at Mass with their parents and if a child cries it just means that they are going to some day lead the choir. The people have responded well. I also tell them “If your child needs to be taken out for a diaper change or a little walk we understand that. Go ahead and do it, if you want. But come right back in and anyone who gives you a dirty look will get a free “grouchy face” sticker from me personally! It’s gotten to the point where I can say “Ah, we have a lot of children here this morning! I hope I can get them all to sing together!” We’ve turned the situation into a joyful celebration of “Children are welcome!” Now, if they could just get ME to stop making so much noise! LOL

  • Reminds me of a story by Archbishop Sheen. A baby started to cry, during one of the Archbishop’s sermons, and as the mother got up to leave, Archbishop Sheen saw her, and said, “Please don’t leave, he’s not bothering me.” The mother replied, “No Archbishop, your bothering him!”

  • Abby.
    No one is saying, STAY AWAY.

    Please use common sense.

    Is that bad?

    If you can’t because of the circumstances…Your a single mom and have three others in tow, the eldest is 7 and can’t properly take on the responsibility of the other two… Okay.
    Stay there of course.

    If you are able to utilize the cry room and the baby isn’t receiving the help of the good angel’s, but the devils are having a ball with her, then get up.
    Excuse yourself.
    Be polite.
    Be sympathetic to those around you.

    Why should a priest have to compete with a toddler and an obstinate mother who chooses to wait out the spell, regardless of the other worshipping parishioners.

    I guess I just don’t get it.
    Oh well.
    Thanks for your oppression on us.

  • Brian, GRAT story! I’d never heard that one before.

  • I don’t recall our sons as infants crying in church. When they were toddlers they were very, very active. My husband was at sea during most of that period and I found the nursery or the crying room to be helpful.
    I could concentrate on the Mass and the boys were not annoying/distracting others. Except on two occasions: at the younger son’s baptism the older one escaped from my mother’s grip and rang the bells on the altar; once in a packed crying room when I was listening intently to a good homily, suddenly the priest”s lips were moving but there was no sound. My 3 year old was no longer in the room. I rapidly crossed the hall to another room and saw my little fellow at the controls of the sound system. Praying that I would select the right button I restored the sound. Why is it children from an early age always know how to operate electronic devices?
    I am still amazed at the parents who do not correct or remove their misbehaving children from the church during services. It is particularly bad at the Spanish language Mass at my small church with young children walking up and down the aisles, and transversing past the altar at the Consecration with the “aren’t I cute” look on their faces. I think to myself, “No you are not cute and where is your mother or father?”. After one Spanish Mass I was in the church kitchen readying after Mass snacks when the priest came in. I said to father that he had a good crowd at the service. He said, “Good? No, there were screamers and running down the aisle!” I laughed and said, ” I meant a good number in attendance.” He was from a big family and liked children but at Mass he was reverent and took great care in delivering his sermon in Spanish.
    Catholic school and parents teach their children the proper respect to be shown during the Mass. The occasional sermon on rubrics of reception of Communion and decorum/dress is helpful for all ages.
    Yes, there are adults who loudly talk either before or during the service. I wish I could say they are senile which would be more understandable, but they are not hard of hearing or senile. The after Mass Coffee is the time to catch up or in the vestibule.
    I’m a proponent of breast feeding but not on the front rows of the church – some babies nurse loudly and a few mothers have a defiant agenda wherein they don’t care if it makes men uncomfortable, they are going to do it as conspicuously as possible and wherever they please.

  • Well, apparently this parody is less of a broad, general parody than I thought… ran into some “to heck with you if you can’t focus on Christ over the sounds God designed to get attention” stuff in circles I’m pretty sure are closer to the author’s.
    Ugh.

  • Foxfier.

    Funny thing. We are to take distractions and pray through them. The clicking of teeth from the fellow on the left. The mumbler on the right. It’s part of a penance we do.

    The “heck with you,” attitude is incredible.

  • I worship in a parish of the Ordinariate of the Chair of St Peter (Google it) and our congregation is about 60% minor children, thanks be to God. I myself am a senior and unmarried, and each time one of our littlest makes him/herself known AS A MEMBER OF THE CONGREGATION I rejoice to think: In another place, you could have been aborted.

PopeWatch: Bugged

Saturday, March 18, AD 2017

 

 

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

The Vatican has refused to say whether an apology was in the works after eavesdropping allegations were made by Francis last week against his predecessor.

Pope Francis’ claim that his confessional was wiretapped by Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI has yet to be supported by evidence, but the Pontiff isn’t ready to apologize for the accusation just yet.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Director of the Holy See Press Office Greg Burke told reporters on Friday when asked if Francis would apologize to Pope Benedict if his allegations were debunked. “I think it’s important to see where this goes, and I don’t want to prejudge the investigation at this time.”

Pope Francis has alleged in a number of tweets last Saturday that Benedict had let Vatican officials conduct surveillance on his Buenos Aires confessional before becoming pope.

“Terrible! Just found out that Benedict had my ‘wires tapped’ in San Roberto Bellarmino Church In Buenos Aires just before my papal victory. Nothing found!”

 

Go here to read the comments.  PopeWatch attempted to contact the Vatican for comment, but when his phone began to make odd sounds like a Bulgarian singing a Gregorian chant backwards, PopeWatch hastily ended the call.

Continue reading...

3 Responses to PopeWatch: Bugged

  • Believe it or not, Fr. Raymond de Souza actually took this seriously. He took to Facebook warning people that this was fake news. A Catholic media figure who is too ignorant to realize EOTT is satire. Now there’s a real hoot for you. Sad too, when you think about it.

  • The international C.H.A.O.S. group is behind the wiretap. They were behind the Crow drone in the infamous Peace Dove attack at the Vatican a few years ago;
    https://youtu.be/QTj0xs6t8z8

    CHAOS is; Catholics Honoring Another Oracle than holy Spirit.

    This movement is catching on and some believe woman Priest’s​ will be the next big development since the election of its first Pope.

  • Fr. de Souza was right to spell it out. I knew several who thought Dan Brown’s “Da Vinci Code” was non-fiction.