Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter Review

Thursday, July 5, AD 2012

The reviews of the film had been dismal, but I felt duty bound to watch it, and give the film a review.  On  July 3, having closed my law office for the afternoon, my family and I went to the movies.  While the rest of my family, not sharing my duty to report on the film, joined the folks seeing Spider-man III, I strolled over to see the Great Emancipator dispatch vampires.  The viewing was rather like a private showing.  The audience in the vast theater consisted of me and one individual in the back.  I found this aspect of the film quite pleasant.  Alas that is the first and last positive aspect of this film that I can report.  Intrepid souls who wish to can follow me into the bowels of ALVH below, the usual spoiler  caveat being in force.

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8 Responses to Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter Review

  • Thanks, Don, for saving me $10. No, make that $11, because now I won’t even get it from Red Box when it lands there sometime next week.

  • Very disappointing to hear. What a ridiculous choice to play it as a straight-up drama.

  • Thanks for the heads-up. Cancel this for a boys-night-out activity with the Msgr and the guys from church.

  • It’s interesting that they should choose such a noble and prominent historical figure to play the role of a vampire hunter. I didn’t see the film but it certainly seems like a worn-out angle on the vampire theme: it takes a heroically good person to overcome evil.

  • Prometheus is another one that should be canned. Burdened by a mishmash of themes, and held together with a predictable plot, that of the search for our roots and the answers to the existential questions, it is a film that barely comes to life when Elizabeth Shaw was giving birth to the Alien monster. It is rather tedious the X th time one sees computer generated terrain or horrible octopus-like creatures sucking the lifeblood out of sundry beings, when the movie itself lacks dramatic tension. Ridley Scott apparently felt that he could get by the two hours, by inducing some identikit memory of movies past, for which reveries the audience would be grateful. The wife was scathing after the show.

  • I think the director was Timur Bekmambetov, rather than Tim Burton (although he hasn’t been that great lately either).

    My oldest daughter (7) upon seeing the title on Rotten Tomatoes said “That sounds like a really weird, silly movie.” While I am sure there is room for a good entertaining story with the vampire/historical figure premise, it definitely raises the level of difficulty. Thanks for reviewing and removing the temptation to rent it!

  • True John Henry. He and Burton were the co-producers with the directing credit (sic) to Bekmambetov. Judging from interviews he has given though, it does appear as if this was Burton’s pet project

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Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter the Movie!

Tuesday, May 22, AD 2012

Born in a valley in Ken-tuck-ee

Greenest state in the Land of the Free

Raised in the woods so’s he knew every tree

Kilt him a vamp when he was only three.

A-bie, A-bie Lincoln, King of the vamp free frontier!

After the book Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, one had to know the movie was inevitable!  It is being released on June 22.   Historically, Lincoln was portrayed as a vampire in some cartoons by critics during the Civil War, but I do not believe that he was ever accused of killing one! Here is a video that was done to promote the book when it was first published:

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7 Responses to Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter the Movie!

  • I’m reading the book now – a couple chapters in – and hope to have it completed before the movie is released. I’m looking forward to it, just for the sheer campiness of it.

    The author of the novel, Seth Grahame-Smith, also wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (among other “rewrites”), which was hilarious.

  • I never got beyond the (incredibly wordy and boring) prologue and a couple bits of Lincoln. And the problem was that my dad’s a Civil War buff, so knowledge kept getting in the way of comedy. Maybe I just didn’t get to the funny parts.

    And who in heck would hire a Russian director to film a comedy about American history? I mean, if he’s been studying six hours a day for his citizenship, that would be different. But so far, it doesn’t look American; and though I love Timur and he’s good with action and comedy, he’s a weeeeird choice.

  • And what the heck is with the kid playing young Lincoln? He’s not tall, he’s not dark, he’s not gawky, he doesn’t have a big nose and big cheekbones and hollow cheeks. He doesn’t look like anybody from back in the hollows in Kentucky or Illinois.

    What’s the point of doing a Lincoln movie if the guy doesn’t look like Lincoln? And half of that could be fixed with hair dye and makeup, so sheesh.

  • So what’s next, Albert Einstein versus Nazi werewolves?

  • Too late. It’s been done. Strong language and good taste cautions for the link below:

    http://www.unleashthefanboy.com/movies/fdr-nazi-werewolves-and-bad-assery/4033

  • I find this insulting and degrading to the name of our Confederate ancestors and ourselves. The media is only allowed to attack Southerners consistently. Someone should come out with Jefferson Davis: Yankee Hunter.

  • Darth lets face it we still have to deal with people treating other people as no more than tools. I do think though that a lot of people do have a prejudice against the south despite all the slavery that goes on in foreign countries such as Thailand, China, India, and particular countries in Africa.