In many, many religions other than Catholicism children do not take part in assemblies of the religion’s adherents along with adults. For me, it has sometimes been an eerie feeling to be in a non-catholic denomination’s main assembly room and there are no children present. I have wondered if the Child Catcher from Ian Fleming’s Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (written for his son, Caspar) had come to life and caught and imprisoned all of them; or maybe the couples there were fruitless, simply ignoring the command to “be fruitful and multiply.”
Of the many sins of mine which will require purging in purgatory before I can enjoy the beatific vision, one will be how often I thought a child’s screaming was better than a sermon (yes, this implies I was not paying strict attention to the sermon). Another grievous moral shortcoming of mine for which I will need purification will be how I have often thought that God in His wisdom has willed that a child, and sometimes a chorus of them, not only interrupt but drown out a priest’s words. Perhaps, as have I, others have wondered at the divine timing – e.g. reverent silence right through to the end of the readings and then Bam! – A high-decibel, well-orchestrated, five-part disharmonious cacophony of those who clearly were still a very long way from reaching the age of reason.
I will never be able to get this image out of my mind: a screaming, struggling child spitting out the cheerios with which a caring mother is trying to fill the child’s mouth to lovingly quiet the child. To do this successfully takes real parenting skills and the selfless, unconditional love which only a mother can give a child.
Having said all that, the Parent Supporter & Appreciation of the Year Award should go to the pastor in a parish south of Houston, Texas who wrote the following for the parish bulletin.
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
We are very blessed at this parish to have many young families who regularly attend Mass with their children. Sometimes these children can be a little unruly, so I would like to clearly state the parish’s policy on children at Mass. It comes from the Gospel of St. Matthew 19:14:
“Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.”
Everyone is welcome to attend Mass here and we are greatly blessed by the presence of so many young families and their children. Those children are the next generation of Catholics, and the church belongs especially to them.
It is true that the parish has a cry room where children can be taken when they are unruly, and a narthex with glass doors that do a good job dampening the noise, but a parent should never be made to feel unwelcome because they did not bring their child out or they didn’t bring them out “soon enough”.
I received an email last week from a young dad who had come to the parish with his wife and child for the first time. After the Mass, a man approached him and told him that he should have taken his child to the cry room. This comment really left a bad impression of our parish, especially when the dad had taken his child to the back when he started making noise. Parents with young children, even those new to the parish, are well aware of their children and the noise that they can make and where the cry room is located, it does not need to be pointed out to them unless they ask.
The Catechism says that,
“parents receive the responsibility and privilege of evangelizing their children. Parents should initiate their children at an early age into the mysteries of the faith” and that they “should associate them from their tenderest years with the life of the Church” (CCC 2225, emphasis added).
It continues stating
“Education in the faith by the parents should begin in the child’s earliest years…. The parish is the Eucharistic community and the heart of the liturgical life of Christian families; it is a privileged place for the catechesis of children and parents” (CCC 2226).
If you think a child is being too loud and the parent isn’t doing anything, then you can empathize with the translators of the Douay-Rheims Bible who render the same passage from the Gospel of St. Matthew as
“Suffer the little children and forbid them not to come to me.”
Raising children and educating them in the faith is hard work, we owe parents our thanks and our support in this difficult task.
May God bless you,
Fr. David Angelino
Pastor, St. Theresa’s Parish, Sugar Land, Texas; Bulletin Oct. 16, 2022
K, my “can you please get out of my church?” story.
I had two girls under three.
My youngest was having an autistic meltdown. I was HALF A BLOCK AWAY from the church door, because she was too loud for the crying room.
I’m as far away as I could get, and be on Church land, in the rose garden.
A …young female… came out and felt the need to tell me that they could hear my daughter in the church.
I want freaking cookies for not cursing at her, and instead informed her that yes, I was trying ot deal with it, buzz off and let me try to control the meltdown.
“Of the many sins of mine which will require purging in purgatory before I can enjoy the beatific vision, one will be how often I thought a child’s screaming was better than a sermon (yes, this implies I was not paying strict attention to the sermon.”
Given some calorie-free word salad homilies I’ve heard over the years, it would be a sin to NOT think a child’s screaming was better. But that’s just one man’s opinion, albeit a correct one.
I used to attend at a parish with a young priest who would emote dramatically (that is to say, shout an occasional word for emphasis) during his homilies. He used to get visibly frustrated at screaming children. He just couldn’t grasp that he was startling the babies awake with his delivery, and causing his own problem.
Heh. How unlike our preacher who, when one boisterous bout of emphasis woke a newborn from her nap during her first attended service, he paused and with a chuckle said, “I’m sorry, Sadie [the baby]. I know I take some getting used to.”
Dear MotherFoxfier, You are my hero. Guy, Texas
When there is evil in the church, children cry or struggle against that evil. Please do not kill the messenger.
“Parents with young children, even those new to the parish, are well aware of their children…” This is the crux of the matter. Every parent is explicitly aware of the issue and is bearing the embarrassment. Every. Single. Time.
When I was deployed overseas, my pregnant wife would take our three children, all under age 5, to Mass and often remained in the narthex due to #2s frequent meltdowns. After months of this an usher came over and told her that she’d have a lot fewer problems if her husband would just come to Mass. It’s a miracle he’s still alive.
A helping hand or even a prayer are worth more than a snide remark or a glowering glance.
A parish without children is a dying parish. See, e.g., just about any Episcopal or “Anglo-Catholic” church in America. Ushers ought to be trained with that in mind. Of course, if the Mass were stil universally celebrated according to the 1962 Missale Romanum, noisy children would be much less of a supposed issue, since it’s not necessary for the faithful to hang on every word spoken by the celebrant, and there are no contrived “responsories.” 😁
At our Novus Ordo parish, I like to pray for the Moms and Dads who willingly go through the difficulties of bringing small ones to the Holy Sacrifice and trying to keep them more or less quiet. And for everyone else to be patient and charitable, including me.
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