News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
CIMMERIA—Local adventurer and slayer Conan the Barbarian has decided to temporarily lay aside the rich juices of red meat, the stinging wine on his palate, and the mad exultation of battle to pursue an advanced degree in biology at a local university. According to sources, his lack of expertise in biology made it difficult for him to know whose lamentations he was hearing.
“This is what is best in life,” said Conan to reporters. “To crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentation of their… uh… crap. Women? Maybe? I dunno. I’m not a biologist. I need to look into this.”
Conan will attend Snowhawk University for the next six years where he will learn everything there is to know about the feminine creatures who cry and lament over their slain warriors after Conan defeats them.
Several activists from the University have condemned the admission of the new student due to his politically incorrect—some would say savage—views, and also due to the fact that he keeps slaying people. “Conan has no place at our university,” lamented an angry professor moments before being hewn in two by Conan’s Atlantean Sword.
Go here to read the rest.
“Know, oh prince, that between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the gleaming cities, and the years of the rise of the Sons of Aryas, there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars – Nemedia, Ophir, Brythunia, Hyperborea, Zamora with its dark-haired bleeders and towers of spider-haunted mystery, Zingara with its chivalry, Koth that bordered on the pastoral lands of Shem, Stygia with its shadow-guarded tombs, Hyrkania whose riders wore steel and silk and gold. But the proudest kingdom of the world was Aquilonia, reigning supreme in the dreaming west. Hither came Conan, the Biologist, black-haired, sullen-eyed, DNA test in hand, a scientist, a sex tester, a gender master, with gigantic bills and gigantic waiting lists, to determine to the terminally clueless who was a man and who was a woman..”
