News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA—Another celebrity has come out publicly against the dangers of rampant misinformation. The famed groundhog Punxsutawney Phil has refused to emerge from his hole to determine the remaining length of winter until Joe Rogan is canceled.
“I’ve wanted to do something about Mr. Rogan’s dangerous peddling of misinformation for some time now, but couldn’t think of a good way to do it,” said the esteemed rodent while munching a stalk of celery. “Then I heard about some amateur singers named Ned Young and Joni Munchwell making waves and wondered what would happen if an actual celebrity like myself were to join the fray. Of course, my decision was galvanized when the greatest musical artist of all time—Mr. Barry Manilow himself—voiced his protest.”
After hearing the groundhog’s ultimatum, nervous representatives for Spotify, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace announced the immediate cancelation of Joe Rogan.
Go here to read the rest. Central Illinois is having a blizzard today, so any groundhogs foolish enough to come out from their burrows will quickly find themselves snow coated and lost. Stay inside Illinois groundhogs!
I was going to write about how heroic Punxsutawney Phil is for taking a stand like this, but I don’t know what Punxsutawney Phil’s preferred pronouns are, so I couldn’t do it. The Babylon Bee seems to assume it is he/him, but I heard that they are fundamentalist Christians, and you can kind of tell how they are profiting from our animal siblings in this exploitative way.
Ground Hog Day has ties to the Catholc observance of Candlemass, feast of the Presentation of Jesus, brought to PA by German immigrants.