LOS ANGELES, CA — In an effort to further smooth things over following the controversial decision to re-invite LGBTQ+ activist group Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the Los Angeles Dodgers have now summoned Satan himself to throw out the ceremonial first pitch at Pride Night.
“It fits perfectly with the spirit of the entire night,” said Dodgers President & CEO Stan Kasten. “Who better to kick off Pride Night and throw out the first pitch than the Prince of Darkness himself? He has been one of the boldest advocates for transgender ideology over the last few years, so it’s an honor to have him.”
In preparation for the event, the grounds crew at Dodger Stadium has received orders to mow a pentagram into the grass surrounding the pitcher’s mound and sprinkle the entire field with the blood of a freshly slaughtered goat. Sources also confirmed that the 7th-inning stretch will feature a rousing “Hail Satan” chant set to organ music.
“Beelzebub is the patron saint of tolerance, filthy lucre, and self-worship, all cherished values at our organization,” said Kasten. “We can’t wait to watch him throw a blazing fastball down the middle!”
Instead of the Damn Yankees, it apparently is now the Damn Dodgers.
Never forget that when we are dealing with any pleasure in its healthy and normal and satisfying form, we are, in a sense, on the Enemy’s ground. I know we have won many a soul through pleasure. All the same, it is His invention, not ours. He made the pleasures: all our research so far has not enabled us to produce one. All we can do is to encourage the humans to take the pleasures which our Enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He has forbidden. Hence we always try to work away from the natural condition of any pleasure to that in which it is least natural, least redolent of its Maker, and least pleasurable. An ever increasing craving for an ever diminishing pleasure is the formula. It is more certain; and it’s better style. To get the man’s soul and give him nothing in return-that is what really gladdens our Father’s heart.
CS Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
Los Angeles Caídos
If it were any other religion this group would be accused of committing a hate crime.
Beelzebub means Lord of the Flies. The sisters of perpetual ignorance are coming. The Dodgers’ competition ought to refuse to play by such evil rules.
In the l850s the Know Nothings threatened Catholic churches in New York and New England. Irish Catholic men soon put an end to the nonsense. Could be the job is not quite finished.
My gut tells me that God will teach the LA Dodgers a valuable lesson and see them flunk the season.