Coo-Coo

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Joe Biden has been plagued with questions about his age and mental health, but he’s brushed off suggestions that he needs a cognitive test and has even gotten irritable at the suggestion. This came to a head yesterday when he was seen screaming at a pigeon, “I don’t need a cognitive test!”

It’s unclear what the pigeon said (though most suspect it was some sort of pigeon coo), but it riled up the presidential candidate. “Listen, bucko!” Biden yelled, jabbing his finger at the pigeon. “I get tested every day! You hear me? Why are you just bobbing your head around? Are you some sort of junkie?”

Biden opened up a bag of Wonder Bread he had with him. “I don’t know who you little jerks are, but you have to leave me alone,” he told the pigeon. “I just like to come to the park and eat a loaf of bread in peace, but you’re always pestering me, questioning my mental health, and calling me ‘Sally.’” Biden then began cramming slices of bread into his mouth.

Go here to read the rest.  The campaign slogan writes itself:  Joe Biden:  A Mad Candidate for Mad Times.

Double header:

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Joe Biden’s cognitive test results are not out yet. According to his doctor, the results were inconclusive, since he ate the entire test as it was being administered.

“No, Joe! Spit it out!” shouted Biden aide Michael Paulson as the presidential candidate consumed the entire test in just a few bites. “Oh, man. Not another one. Hey, Sarah, can you go print out another copy of the test?” he shouted up the basement stairs.

“Again!?” the other aide called back. “Did he eat the whole packet this time or just the math portion?”

“Whole packet!” a frustrated Paulson said as he patted Biden’s back, trying to get him to spit it up. “What did we tell you about eating the test, Joe? What did we learn today?”

Aides are going to try again tomorrow. In the meantime, Biden has been returned to his basement, which has been Biden-proofed with padded walls and corners and a toddler gate.

Go here to read the rest.  Come on Bee!  With Biden in the race you are barely keeping up with reality!