News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
COLUMBUS, OH — The world’s leading theologians admitted this week that they have been collectively struggling to find a good explanation for why a loving God could allow Ohio.
“It’s become our most challenging question,” Princeton Divinity Professor Dr. Alistair Vance said. “We can explain natural disasters, and we can explain the mystery of suffering… but when you look at a landscape that is 98% corn and 2% orange road construction cones, it becomes difficult to argue for a divine plan. How could a loving God craft such a wretched place?”
The debate intensified after a recent trip to Akron, where researchers found that the local atmosphere consists entirely of corn fields and broken dreams. While some fringe groups suggested that Ohio was actually a form of purgatory designed to make Cleveland Browns fans appreciate the sweet release of death, others have argued it was simply a leftover piece from all the wonderful other places God created.
“We believe we need Ohio so we can appreciate the things in our lives that aren’t Ohio,” Alistair explained. “When we truly examine the nature of the divine, we come to realize that without Ohio, we would be unable to feel true godly sorrow and know what our purpose on this earth is supposed to be. Ohio helps us to more deeply understand the true nature of God’s love in our lives.”
Go here to read the rest. Perhaps God wanted some group to praise the lowly buckeye. A potential other candidate. After the Civil War General Lee’s wife was upset that they would not be able to return to Arlington, now filled with Union soldier graves. Lee consoled her by indicating that their new home in Lexington, Virginia was not the ends of the earth. Then, recalling his service in Texas prior to the War he said, “Now Texas, Texas was the ends of the earth.”.
2% orange road construction cones, it becomes difficult to argue for a divine plan. How could a loving God craft such a wretched place?”
2%? 2%!!?*,;:? Child’s Play! Try coming to the state that lost the Toledo War. We have so many orange cones and construction zones that they just close down freeways for multiple years shoving all the traffic onto the side streets. The last 5 years have convinced me that hell is populated with highway engineers, orange cones and 70 era Church musicians that insist upon doing all the stanzas of the sappy 70 songs at the conclusion of Mass long after Father has left. It’s way beyond a near occasion of sin.
On second thought, Ohio won the Toledo War. Their prize was Toledo. Nuff said. Not sure loving God would do that to anybody.