News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
U.S. — Following the revelation that a deadly parasite was once removed from his skull, political experts were shocked to learn that the dead worm found in Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.’s brain was already polling higher than Joe Biden in 11 states.
The latest poll results indicated a large portion of the electorate had abandoned Biden in favor of the deceased parasite that had previously been lodged in RFK Jr.’s brain, leaving the White House scrambling to formulate a strategy to combat the dead worm.
“We weren’t expecting to see numbers like these,” said one high-ranking Biden campaign strategist under the condition of anonymity. “We considered the fact that Joe would struggle up against living competition, but seeing him fall behind a worm that isn’t even alive is a huge red flag. We’re really fighting an uphill battle here. And, from what I’ve heard, you never want to fight uphill.”
A campaign team had already begun to coalesce around the dead brain worm, believing it to be the most viable candidate on the left to provide an alternative to Biden. “Brain Worm 2024!” shouted one excited campaign staffer. “Why risk another four years under a failed Biden administration when you can take a stand for a brighter, more prosperous future with a dead brain worm at the helm?”
Go here to read the rest. In response a group of Reagan Republicans are planning to go to the Reagan gravesite at The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Ventura, send a couple of gigawatts through it, and run for President whatever comes shambling out.
More news from America’s Newspaper of Record: Priest Reveals 12 Weirdest Sins People Have Confessed:
https://babylonbee.com/news/priest-reveals-12-weirdest-sins-people-have-confessed
Some items on the list that probably should be sins even if they officially aren’t include “I claim to be a big LOTR fan even though I’ve only seen the movies and never read the books”, “I’ve never used my air fryer even though I told my husband I would use it all the time,” and “I invented Labradoodles”.
“In response a group of Reagan Republicans are planning to go to the Reagan gravesite at The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Ventura, send a couple of gigawatts through it, and run for President whatever comes shambling out.”
Well, it’s about 154 miles between the 2.2 gigawatts of the Diablo Canyon nuclear power plants and Simi Valley where the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library is located, so providing the necessary gigawatts for resurrection should be possible.
I like and respect Reagan.
Why would I want to bring him to 21st Century America?