Men in groups tend to establish pecking orders pretty quickly. Women tend never to settle on accepted pecking orders within groups and engage in constant competition. I assume it is a result of biology and the different traditional roles of men and women, making allowances for exceptions, exceptions always being a part of the human experience. Mark this under things our grandparents knew and which is a great shock to clueless people now.
An unintentionally hilarious video from The Atlantic in which the authoress blames toxic female competitiveness on, you guess it, the Patriarchy.
One of the responses was classic, and similar to what I have heard from a lot of women in workplaces over the years:
I think it’s a male / female thing.
With a flock of hens that grew up together their pecking order in the flock is fluid, constantly in motion.
With roosters that grew up together, it’s established and I don’t mean violently. It’s just not up for question.
Interestingly male and female have separate pecking orders. A common way to introduce young hens to a flock is to include a young rooster. He’ll protect his younger girls while the older ladies will think he’s handsome.
And perhaps this is why polygamy doesn’t work. Not because the husband can’t be kind and loving to all his wives, but because there can be no domestic tranquility among the wives.
Polygamy among the Mormons only “worked” with rich Mormons like Brigham Young who could afford separate quarters for each wife. However Young had divorces from ten of his wives. No more than between twenty and thirty percent of the Mormons practiced polygamy and it was never a popular teaching, especially among the women.
Definition issue– it’s not that one is more “competitive” than the other. (seriously, what wiggle room! Any pursuit of a limited resource is competition) It’s that they compete in different ways, and for a different purpose.
Very roughly, guy-competition is to form the teams. Girl competition is to keep them running. You need both someone who can smack heads, and someone who can nip the nerving-yourself-up-to-challenge in the bud; someone who will kick the wolf in the nose, and someone who juggles all the straws so they don’t beak the camel’s back.
If women are being openly competitive, it’s a bad situation. If guys are being all small pissing-match type competitive, it’s a bad situation. Both of those indicate dire insecurity, either mental or actual.
And perhaps this is why polygamy doesn’t work. Not because the husband can’t be kind and loving to all his wives, but because there can be no domestic tranquility among the wives.
Same way that polyandry fails; you can’t be secure when you are in an insecure situation. Both of them have one side fighting for their children, which will always raise the stakes.
Ever look at how God got rid of multiple wives in the Bible?
He didn’t tell the Jews, “one wife, one wife ONLY, no side-pieces.”
He said that they had to provide exactly the same to both wives… which in one swoop eliminated the younger-wife-as-servant and the abandon-older-wife-for-cute-young-thing dynamics.
That is why I always stepped back when my wife was having a “discussion” with another woman.
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The quiet, unrelenting and pitiless determination with which women make metaphorical war upon each other is something that only successful coup planners can appreciate.
Ok here goes – I’m not speaking on behalf of all women when I say this- but generally- it’s generally understood that women tend to have emotional reactions to situations and people, where as men are obviously pragmatic. So a woman’s natural inclination is to take things personally and react accordingly. Even when the situation isn’t personal. Females are also details driven (which believe it or not is a good thing)- the bad side to this is that more things bother a female than they do a male because they notice more. In business, females have to regulate themselves and their emotions to “think like a man” if they want to lead because it isn’t built in naturally. Having said that, there are a few things more loathsome than a bitchy, gossipy female. Especially one in a leadership position. If she gossips and bitches to you about another person, you bet your bottom dollar she is gossiping and bitching about you when you are inconvenient. High school teaches you that.