Pope Francis: Well, who did it?
Swiss Guard Captain: I have no idea Holiness. (snicker)
Pope Francis: Do you think this is funny?
Swiss Guard Captain: No Holiness. Well it does strike me like something from an old Three Stooges short video.
Pope Francis: Tres Stooges?
Swiss Guard Captain: An American comedy series involving the misadventures of three men with the humor usually depending on physical misfortunes.
Pope Francis: That sounds like something the gringos would waste their time watching. Well, how are you going to get me out of this?
Swiss Guard Captain: This should be simple Holiness. Simply unbutton your cassock. The glue will hold your cassock and I can lift you from the chair.
Pope Francis: Ay Caramba!
Swiss Guard Captain: Pardon Holiness, I should have activated the brake on the wheel chair first. Let’s try again.
Pope Francis: Oof!
Swiss Guard Captain: You are free Holiness!
Pope Francis: Why do you look disturbed?
Swiss Guard Captain: I am receiving reports that a viral video of all this has been posted to YouTube, to the music of Three Blind Mice.
Pope Francis: Gringos are loco! What is this bumper sticker on the back of the wheel chair?
Swiss Guard Captain: I believe it is the national motto of the Confederacy Holiness.
Pope Francis: Confederate stooges? I am being stalked by Confederate stooges? I wish I was back in Buenos Aires!
