Gift ideas from The Babylon Bee:
Mother’s Day is this Sunday, and you completely forgot. Oh no!
But don’t worry, The Babylon Bee is crashing into your life like the Kool-Aid man. Except instead of bringing cool, refreshing beverages, we’re bringing high-quality gift ideas for your wife since it totally slipped your mind. We got you, squad.
- Play golf on Mother’s Day so she gets 5 hours of quality time with the kids — She will love you forever. She’ll be so speechless from this gift that she might not be able to say anything to you for days.
- Give her permission to take the day off and just do all the chores on Monday — Let the dishes stack up, honey! Relax a little — there’s always Monday.
- Dim the lights, turn on the TV, and whisper the seven words every woman wants to hear: “Lord of the Rings Extended Edition Marathon” — The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air.
- Get a vasectomy — Once you have a full baseball team worth of kids, the snip is the most romantic thing you can do.
- Three words: surprise baby adoption! — If the vasectomy doesn’t do it for your wife, surprise her with the gift of a newborn! Or make it triplets if you really love her.
- Give your kids unlimited glitter and glue to make a card. — Tell them to knock themselves out. And be sure to do it over the carpet. It’s the gift she’ll get to remember and lovingly reflect on every time she vacuums until the heat death of the universe.
- Play Xbox all day and dedicate every Warzone kill to your wife. — When you snipe n00bpwnr69 right as he parachutes into the battlefield, put one finger up in the sky and say “This one’s for you, babe.”
- Don’t get her anything, since she said she didn’t want anything and you were definitely supposed to believe her. — If she said she didn’t want any presents this year, just listen to her. It will make her feel loved and respected.
- A fancy new spatula — Nothing says “I love you” like the gift of a spatula.
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When I was seventeen.. I completely forgot, but I thought to give my mother a homemade card with three handwritten coupons. Each promising to do “any task” she asked me to. She said that was the best ever.
Hey, flowers only last about a week, but a good solid spatula, she’ll be looking at that every day for the next 50 years remembering you bought it for her for Mother’s Day.
Hey! I actually put a spatula on my Christmas list once. My nephew bouht it for me. When his Dad, my brother, criticized his purchase, he replied “If someone says they want a spatula, they should get a spatula”! And, btw, good solud stainless steel spatulas are not always easy to find. Too many thick plastic versions out there. So, praise to those with the courage to purchase the humble, simple spatula. The shall be remembered every time it is taken up.
Just make sure it’s an artisanal spatula you bought off of Etsy.