Tips to ISIS on Chicago
Chicago ain’t no sissy town!
Alderman Michael “Hinky Dink” Kenna
Got to love the modern age. An Isis terrorist purportedly tweeted the above image which shows the Old Republic building in Chicago:
WGNtv.com reports the message on the paper as, “Soldiers of the Islamic state of Iraq and Syria will pass from here soon.” The message is dated “20 June, 2014.”
The text of the tweet adds: “We are in your state, We are in your cities, We are in your streets.” Other tweets say, “we are here #america near our #target…sooooooooooooon.”
Go here to read the rest. As someone who has some experience with the Windy City, I would like to give the ISIS terrorists some tips:
1. Keep your beheading axes firmly under wraps. If not, they will be quickly taken by the skilled thieves of Chicago and fenced within two hours flat.
2. If you set up an operational base in a commercial section, it will be only a matter of hours before some official will be around talking about safety inspections. Slip him at least 200 or I guarantee something will be found wrong and your base will be shut down.
3. If you do park a vehicle on the street some sketchy individual will come up and offer to watch your vehicle. If you do not pay him you might come back and find your car vandalized. If it is a high end vehicle you might come back and find your car gone.
4. Rush hour is never a good time to go around the City, so plan any get away accordingly, unless you wish to be stuck in traffic for the first portion.
5. Sturdy beggers will come up to you for alms. If you do not pay them they may decide that the voices in their heads are requiring them to follow you for blocks yelling at you.
6. If you travel around Chicago by car do not be surprised if, in heavy traffic, you notice that many of the other drivers, as they are driving, are not looking at the road but rather texting, reading a book, manicuring their nails, arguing with the person in the passenger seat, etc. This would be an opportune time to pray to Allah.
7. Chicago invented random, senseless violence, so be cautious, but if you do get caught in a gang cross fire hitting the dirt is usually a very good idea, even if the dirt is a very filthy piece of pavement. Do not agree to be interviewed by the reporters who will be swarming the place soon thereafter, and the police who will be seeking a statement and an address. Tell all and sundry if you do get asked about it that you saw nothing, which will be accepted as a traditional Chicago response.
8. If you do perform a terrorist attack in Chicago, I would advise you not to be caught by a Chicago mob thereafter for the reason set forth in the below video clip: