“Don, There’s A Nut On The Phone.”

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I was working at my desk in the law mines Wednesday afternoon, when I heard one of my secretaries say loudly “Mr. McClarey never speaks to anyone who will not give their name!” followed by a phone being slammed down.  I sauntered into her office to see what was up.  She told me that some bitter old harpy was yelling and talking a mile a minute, demanding to speak to me and ranting about who was paying for The American Catholic, that Biden was a better Catholic than Paul Ryan, and spewing various insults aimed at conservatives.  When she wouldn’t give her name my secretary hung up on her per our standard operating procedures.  I learned long ago that if someone will not leave their name that is almost a certain sign of someone with a few screws loose, and I simply do not have the time to waste dealing with such phone calls.  My other secretary heard us and said that she had received a similar call a few minutes ago and after letting the woman vent for five minutes hung up on her after she repeatedly ignored requests to give my secretary her name.  At this time the caller called back and we put her through to voice mail.  The person began her diatribe by denouncing me as a coward, this from someone who would not give her name.  I deleted her call at this point since she was obviously merely going to repeat the tiresome rant that my secretaries had already described to me.

If she had merely given her name I would have been happy to talk to her and tell her who is paying for The American Catholic.  Fifty percent of our revenue comes from the Vatican.  I was in the midst of fingering my monthly pot of Vatican gold when she called.  This of course is in addition to the squad of albino squirrel assassins that I received from the Vatican when I helped form The American Catholic four years ago this October.  The remainder of our funds comes from the Koch Brothers.  They usually pay us in blood diamonds, although I would note that the shipment last month seemed to be of a lesser quality than they customarily send.  As a result, I am happy to report that each contributor to The American Catholic is rich, rich beyond your wildest dreams of avarice!  (Don laughs evilly:  Ha! Ha, Ha, Ha!  Chortle, snort!)

Then you wake up.  The sad and sorry truth is that we are all unpaid volunteers.  My income for four years toiling away at this blog is 0.  Next year I hope to increase it to 0.00.

A few observations in regard to my would be interlocutor.

1.  How pathetic does  a life have to be when someone, outraged over a blog, decides to work herself into a rage and call a complete stranger to vent?

2.  Other than venting what good did she think she could do by calling?  Did she think she was going to intimidate me?

3.  I blog for fun and I am always vastly amused by people who take any of this as seriously as the deranged nut who called me.  Perhaps it is my Irish blood or my profession, but although I enjoy a good verbal or written combat, I never take any of it seriously.

4.   I wonder if the deranged 83 year old Planned Parenthood supporter, who spit in the face of the Romney supporter in the video at the beginning of the post, is related to my caller?

5.   Many liberals live their life in an ideological bubble and when they encounter conservatives their first reaction is not to debate, but to lash out.  My caller obviously fits into this category.

6.  I said a prayer for my caller that something might fill her life rather than the anger that seems to have a grip on her.  Thank you guardian angel for the impulse to do so!

7.  In the law mines you tend to encounter people under stress and some are fairly loosely wired.  If my caller was intending to cause me something more than brief amusement, she failed.

8.  I trust that my caller will continue to read The American Catholic.  She may be none the wiser as a result, but she will be so much better informed.  (If she has low blood pressure, I think that reading TAC will help cure that malady for her!)

9.  Our goals at TAC are to enlighten and amuse.  However, if I have to choose, I will always prefer rage at what we write instead of complete indifference.

10. There is a scene in Citizen Kane that I have always enjoyed:

Thatcher puts on his hat.

                                    THATCHER

                        I happened to see your consolidated

                        statement yesterday, Charles.  Could I not suggest to you that it  is unwise for you to continue this philanthropic enterprise -

                               (sneeringly)

                        this Enquirer – that is costing you one million dollars a year?

                                    KANE

                        You’re right.  We did lose a million dollars last year.

          Thatcher thinks maybe the point has registered.

                                    KANE

                        We expect to lost a million next

                        year, too.  You know, Mr. Thatcher -

                               (starts tapping quietly)

                        at the rate of a million a year -

                        we’ll have to close this place in sixty years.

TAC of course has no money to lose.  As a result I promise our well wishers and detractors that we will be around for a very, very long time indeed!

30 Responses to “Don, There’s A Nut On The Phone.”

  • suburbanbanshee says:

    Argh. Annoying. Well, no point feeding real life trolls, so I’m glad your work group handled things so smoothly. (And there’s nothing like an allegedly progressive liberal for being sexist and stalkerish, so I assume this could be a hazard for guys also.)

  • Jonathan says:

    That’s right up there with people who want me to defend them against $2,000 in back child support payments, but look shocked when I tell them it will cost $700 – $1000….

  • Jay Anderson says:

    Don, that’s hilarious. And I agree with Scott that you should have kept the recording and shared it with all of us via Youtube.

    But what I find interesting about this is that it once again confirms something about the left of which we are all already acutely aware: if you want to know what they’re up to, just pay attention to what they are accusing you of.

    The reason she wants to know who’s bankrolling TAC is because the Catholic left is being financed by George Soros to undermine the authority of the Bishops and the teachings of the Church in furtherance of electing secular leftists. I suppose this lady’s (and I use the term charitably) assumption is that Catholic conservatives must be as sadly pathetic as she and the rest of her cohort are in needing to be bought and paid for by dark, outside (and non-Catholic) forces who have an agenda.

  • T. Shaw says:

    Speaking of nuts . . .

    FYI there was just a shooting in the street at the ESB. At about 9AM I was in at an ATM and I heard gunfire.

    I missed walking by the scene by about five minutes.

    The NYPD shot the shooter (I think he’s dead). It seemed six or seven people were down.

    I survived 9/11 and . . . This time

  • Paul Zummo says:

    The remainder of our funds comes from the Koch Brothers. They usually pay us in blood diamonds, although I would note that the shipment last month seemed to be of a lesser quality than they customarily send.

    Wait a second, you’ve been getting diamonds? Tito sent me a gift certificate to TGI Fridays. Methinks there is a rather uneven distribution around here.

    1. How pathetic does a life have to be when someone, outraged over a blog, decides to work herself into a rage and call a complete stranger to vent?

    Even more pathetic would be someone who sends a passive aggressive email to a blogger’s employer in an effort to get said blogger in trouble.

    Hypothetically speaking of course.

  • Phillip says:

    “Fifty percent of our revenue comes from the Vatican. I was in the midst of fingering my monthly pot of Vatican gold when she called.”

    You have clearly omitted the recent payments from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. WHAT ELSE are YOU HIDING!!!!

  • Pinky says:

    I’d be mortified to meet someone in real life that I’ve corresponded with online. I’m old-school, which means that my paranoia is at a higher level than my aggression. I’d never use my real name online, and I’d NEVER think of calling someone I argued with in a reply thread.

    Greg Gutfeld on the NSFW Fox show “Red Eye” enumerated the reasons that that Chick-Fil-A drive-through You-Tuber represented all the worst things about our culture. Among the reasons were the self-righteousness and the sense of self-importance. I think that anyone who calls a blogger at work must have those in spades. And it’s like the dog chasing the car – what would the caller do if she caught you? Does she think that her rebuke is going to change your mind? Does she think anything other than that her sense of injustice gives her a carte blanche? Scary.

    And don’t even get me started about these young kids today with their Facebook updates. “Katrina is walking home after stopping at the ATM.” But that’s another rant.

  • Tito Edwards says:

    God is abundantly providing for TAC, that I can say with confidence.

    This is a labor of love for all of us, at least for Don and I (though I think the other contributors would say the same).

    Great post Don!

  • Paul Zummo says:

    I’d be mortified to meet someone in real life that I’ve corresponded with online.

    Well, I’ve met several people I’ve corresponded with online, and never had a bad experience. A couple of these individuals I would consider to be very good friends. But I do understand the paranoia, and there is something a bit risky with using your real name.

  • Mike Petrik says:

    “Biden was a better Catholic than Paul Ryan.”

    Translation: “Biden is more likely to make sure the government gives me money than Paul Ryan.”

  • Foxfier says:

    Incidentally, the solid gold baby toys really need to stop– the little one is teething, and it’s so annoying to get the tooth marks out. Perhaps a switch to white gold? It goes better with my decorating theme, anyways.

    Seriously, though– just re-emphasizes my desire to stay Foxfier!

  • Don the Kiwi says:

    Fifty percent of our revenue comes from the Vatican. I was in the midst of fingering my monthly pot of Vatican gold when she called. “

    So that’s where my Peter’s Pence collection goes.

    Let’s see. Don McLarey and TAC – Dwight, illinois.
    The home of cronyism and corruption – Chicago, Illinois.

    Maybe it’s time for me to move counties. ;-)

  • “The reason she wants to know who’s bankrolling TAC is because the Catholic left is being financed by George Soros to undermine the authority of the Bishops and the teachings of the Church in furtherance of electing secular leftists. I suppose this lady’s (and I use the term charitably) assumption is that Catholic conservatives must be as sadly pathetic as she and the rest of her cohort are in needing to be bought and paid for by dark, outside (and non-Catholic) forces who have an agenda.”

    Quite right Jay. The Left has more projection going on than a thousand movie theaters.

  • “Incidentally, the solid gold baby toys really need to stop– the little one is teething, and it’s so annoying to get the tooth marks out. Perhaps a switch to white gold? It goes better with my decorating theme, anyways.”

    Definitely try the white gold Foxfier, although I would recommend leaving off the the diamond encrustments!

  • Foxfier says:

    Don’t worry Don, we stick with smooth-tumbled simiprecious stones– you can get the ones that are small enough not to be a choking hazard, but still large enough to be lovely, much more easily. Plus, the colors are delightful, and WHEN one of the girls eats them, no tummy troubles.

  • Elaine Krewer says:

    “Since the cat is out of the bag, I sent Elaine a gorgeous mink coat, made from extra-virgin baby minks.”

    Must have gotten lost in the mail then, eh Tito? Hope it was insured :-)

    “Let’s see. Don McLarey and TAC – Dwight, illinois.
    The home of cronyism and corruption – Chicago, Illinois.”

    And the home of albino squirrels = Olney, Illinois.

  • T. Shaw says:

    Any sasquatch sighting thereabouts?

    They are clandestine.

    I’ve heard (a friend of a second cousin) that the Vatican uses big foots (or is it big feet?) to surreptitiously deliver Mac’s gold shipments.

  • Don the Kiwi says:

    Apologies Don.
    It was a thoughtless comment, and a joke in poor taste.
    Mea culpa.
    I guess it would be like me being accused of voting for Helen Clatk :-(

  • Donna V. says:

    Donald, about 6 months ago a troll on the WSJ website became so enraged by my observations on the Walker recall and the behavior of the Madison moonbats and union bullies that he/she googled my name (the WSJ requires subscribers to use their full names when commenting, although that doesn’t seem to stop the many leftist trolls there – most of whom do not subscribe, from posting with obviously fake names). The troll then began posting my address and workplace and asking me how my employers and neighbors would like it if they knew they had a *gasp* conservative in their midst.

    Well, my neighbors (who I do not know – I live in the city) already have an inkling of my political beliefs, since I had a “I Stand With Scott Walker” sign in my living room window and somehow the lynch mob did not show up at my doorstep. And if our HR Department received an irate call complaining about comments I made off company time, I never heard about it. Still, I admit to feeling slightly nervous about some deranged person taking the trouble to look up my personal information. Then I got angry – and even more determined to speak my mind. This is still America, not North Korea and like you, I refuse to defer to people who want to bully the rest of us into submission.

  • “Then I got angry – and even more determined to speak my mind. This is still America, not North Korea and like you, I refuse to defer to people who want to bully the rest of us into submission.”

    Bravo Donna! Men like my ancestor Major Andrew McClary, New Hampshire militia, did not die at Bunker Hill and thousands of other American battlefields so that we would cower before these cretins!

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