News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
BLOOMINGTON, IN — The disaffected congregation of First Baptist Bloomingdale has decided to register their complaints silently by holding up little signs on paddles throughout the worship service.
The signs will communicate various messages of protest to the pastoral leadership, such as “Music Too Loud”, “Wrap It Up”, and “I Disagree.”
“Ugh, the pastors keep it freezing in here. Hand me that ‘It’s Too Cold’ sign,” said local parishioner Jennifer Dawn. “This is so much better than waiting to complain to some committee. You get to really let the pastors know everything you don’t like in real time. Wait, what did he say about spiritual gifts? Give me my ‘I Disagree’ sign.”
According to sources, the congregation has continued to expand production of signs as new issues arise each week. “Last week the dish of peppermints at the sanctuary entrance was empty, so we made ‘Where Are The Mints?’ signs,” explained parishioner Barry Loudon. “Also, they just have a worship band instead of a choir because they couldn’t recruit enough people for the choir. So, we also added ‘We Want Choirs, Not Noise’ signs. It’s small, but we’re doing our part.”
Go here to read the rest. Best to reserve paddles for their true function:
I’ll always associate paddles with my punishment as a kid – I had to fetch my father’s fraternity paddle off the wall the same way other kids had to cut switches or what have you.
I think last Sunday (before Ash Wednesday), I could have used the auction-style ones at Mass – we sang “All Are Welcome” to begin and “City of God” to end, and were subjected to a sermon about the glories of illegal immigration and how welcoming them is right there with taking care of our own mothers. A good “HERESY” paddle could have been useful!
Heresy paddle would only be good if you could use it the way our parents did. Showing it to the “presider” would be useless because most of them are tone deaf.
All may be welcome but very few respond to the Wedding Feast of the King. The guilt trip inflicted is not warranted.