News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
CARLSBAD, CA—After confiscating a LEGO Capitol Building from one of the conspirators of the worst day in our nation’s history, January 6, FBI agents uncovered an even more sinister plot, saying the LEGO conspiracy is far worse than they had feared. They’ve traced the conspiracy all the way to the top, raiding a massive terrorist compound in Carlsbad, California.
“This place is terrifying,” murmured an FBI agent scoping out the place, which had big letters over the entrance saying “LEGOLAND.”
According to investigators, they found models of nearly every government building in D.C. throughout the park, models of a giant X-Wing and various other starfighters, and even people dressed up as LEGO characters — all of which point to a terrorist plot to blow a bunch of things up around the world and across the galaxy.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we got ’em,” said one agent as he put a man in a Ninjago costume into giant handcuffs and led him away. “These crazies won’t be causing any insurrections anymore. I can guarantee you that.”
The raid was fairly dangerous for many of the government agents. Some FBI agents tripped on a box of LEGO bricks in the gift shop, causing painful LEGO bricks to be scattered all across the floor. “We were lucky to escape with our lives.”
Go here to read the rest. Back in the fun house mirror that is somehow now reality:
Court documents obtained by The Smoking Gun reveal the feds have seized many potential items of evidence from the home of the 27-year-old suspect, including a “Don’t Tread on Me” flag, “writings that included ‘Step by Step To Create Hometown Militia,’” a military utility bag, and a “fully constructed U.S. Capitol Lego set.”
It is unknown whether Morss used the Lego version of the Capitol to figure out how to storm the real thing, but photos of Morss obtained by investigators show him allegedly trying to take a baton, shields and a flagpole from police officers and guards.
A LinkedIn profile listed in Morss’ name suggests he joined the Army in 2011 and served as an infantryman before enrolling at Penn State in 2016. He was working as a substitute social studies teacher at the time of his arrest last month, but has since been fired.
Gee, I wonder if he was using the Lego set as a substitute teacher? The internet is filled with detailed plans of the US Capitol and videos, so resorting to a Lego set would appear superfluous, but when you have a nothing burger prosecution and are trying to make it a something burger prosecution, I guess you seize on anything.
If I had been lead prosecutor on this case I would have told the investigators, “Are you trying to make us look like laughing stocks, or are you really this stupid?” If they try to build an insurrection charge on this, I will personally make sure that everyone involved has Lego attached to their names forevermore.
Update: This gets better and better:
It reminds me of the great ice throwing scandal of Brett Kavanaugh’s college days. That was when even the late night comedians, no friends of Kavanaugh, had to balk at the crazy.