PopeWatch: Oops

PopeWatch occasionally receives contributions over the transom.  This one smelled slightly of brimstone and PopeWatch in no way vouches for any portion of it.

Nihil, 563, 100,000,000,000,023

Infernal Regions

My dear Barkrub,

I have been an Undersecretary for eons, as humans count time, but you present a situation that I find no precedent for.

Our Father Below has awarded you the third lowest decoration that Hell can bestow, and you write to me to inform me that you are not worthy of it?

When in doubt review the facts:

You are the personal demon of the patient known as Jorge Mario Bergoglio, who is currently the “Pope” of that entity which is our main adversary, short of the Enemy, the Catholic Church.

This individual became “Pope” due to a series of unlikely events and the machinations of a faction within the Church that works knowingly and unknowingly in our interest.

Since he became “Pope” he has worked ceaselessly to transform the Church into a “Leftist”, I believe that would be the appropriate current term, political party and has injected large amounts of chaos and despair within the Church.

This of course gladdened the Lowerarchy, hence your award.

Now you tell me that you had nothing to do with any of this.  That what passes for thought processes in this animal are so chaotic that you doubt he has ever paid any attention to you.  You suspect that the lackey of the Enemy, what the Catholic Church refers to as a “guardian angel”, has had a similar difficulty and that Bergoglio is that rarest of creatures, a completely autonomous human.

How such a creature functions at all is a mystery to you.

Thus the facts.  You ask me what you are to do.  I can answer that question precisely.

You will appear at the awards ceremony.  You will give a short speech which I will write and from which you will not deviate by one iota.  You will attribute all your success not to your own abilities, that at least is certainly true, but from the anti-grace, I believe that is the popular buzzword at the Infernal Court currently, freely given to you by Our Father Below.

This mortal, by his own actions, should end up as food for us in a short while.  If he escapes our claws, due to lacking the mental capacity to sin presumably, you may rest assured that I will protect you and find you a low position on my staff.  Keep all of this under your horns of course.  If news of this gets out, some might interpret this as an insult to Our Father Below, and the penalty for that—well. let us not dwell on that.  Come what may, I shall protect you!  You may rely on me!

Screwtape