Patel FBI

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

Kash Patel is now the presumptive head of the FBI and he’s planning on some big changes. Here are just a few of the most incredible.

Here are 10 drastic changes coming to the bureau:

1. All FBI agents must go back to wearing trenchcoats, carrying snub-nose revolvers, and saying “see?” after every statement: Presentation matters, see?
2. Cancel all current plans to assassinate Donald Trump: But cool trenchcoats first.
3. All of Melania’s underwear recovered during the Mar A Lago raid must be returned: They’ve had it long enough.
4. From now on, all agents must submit a written request before grooming a mass shooter: Finally, a return to common sense MKUltra policies.
5. X-Files to be reopened: Agents therein now report directly to the president.
6. New Applicants must weigh under 400 pounds: This is a step in the right direction for fitness requirements.
7. The Chief Officer of Quadrapalegic Black Lesbian Representation will be fired: No severance package.
8. Remove all 850 wiretaps at Mar-a-Lago: It’s a waste of resources since Trump publicly shares everything anyway.
9. Agents are now required to arrest pedophiles: This is a new, cutting-edge idea in criminal justice.

Go here to read the rest.