Blessings For Beastialists – All Irregulars Now Regular

Hope Now For BINZAPPPSEMTS Irregulars Worldwide

[WARNING! Nota Bene And Note Well: This is Satire, Not Fact – (well, sure, true? . . . maybe some of it could be  . . .)]

Those here on earth now in control of the offices of the Catholic Church have had their Pope approve their  Declaration “Fiducia Supplicans.”  Asserting publicly that this in no way provides for the public blessing of abominations, perversions, and sins, those in earthly  power in the Vatican say [nudge, nudge, wink, wink] that this new doctrine only makes it possible to bless practicing homosexual couples, with absolutely no acceptance of or  recognition of their love or of how they love.

Of course  they say [nudge, nudge, wink, wink], this is to be done without:  any type of ritualization, any inference of  the significance of  marriage in such unions, or implicitly or explicitly conveying the impression that voluntarily homosexual actions of two [or more] consenting adults [for now, not children] are acts of virtue.

Without explanation, they have said verbally, strictly off the record,  that the Declaration is now part of the Church’s ordinary magisterium. Since there are only oral reports of this magisterial claim, it is still unclear whether all the faithful are now required to definitively hold and believe their doctrine.

Sources who have demanded that their identity be kept confidential [who gave all assurances they had validly received the sacrament of Holy Orders] , revealed that the ordained hierarchical earthly-power elites have said in the privacy of their group soirees that this is the way to gradually bring the Church into line with what they believe and how they live, and how they can, without fanfare or tumult, change the antiquated, discriminatory,  and divisive old doctrines regarding marriage, sexuality, and love.

While openly denying that it does so, they say  in private that they fully realize that, in the new Declaration, the blessings of what heretofore were called ‘irregulars’ will  actually signify the approval of the unions, joinings, and relationships  of not only active adults voluntarily engaging freely in homosexuals actions, but of all irregulars – hence the joyful reaction of  BINZAPPPSEMTS around the world.

Regarding the very real possibility of their new doctrine causing a schism in the Church,  one of the higher ranking cardinals,  an openly practicing homosexual Vatican official, has said, privately, with a smirk, “Under the benign, and loving, guise of  what we publicly refer to as a  ‘broadening and enrichment of the classical understanding,’  we actually  officially validate their status and change what the Church perennially teaches about  sacramental marriage and love in all its forms. We come to bring schism, not peace.”

[Note:  For the purposes of the new doctrine, at a minimum, organized irregulars, going under the acronym ‘BINZAPPPSEMTS,’ include those who engage in one or more of:  Bestiality, Incest, Necrophilia,  Zoophilia,  Arborialism (loving actions with trees),  Pederasty, Polyamory, Pedophilia,   Sadism,   Exhibitionism,  Masochism , Trafficking (when done for love), and  Scoptophilia].

Mr. Dunifrede Dolittle, in commenting on the courageous act of those employing Jorge Bergoglio to proclaim their doctrines, said, “My llama and I have had, for some years now, a special relationship. No word, other than ‘love,’ sufficiently describes the depths of our feelings for each other.”

He went on to say that it is a hate crime to call what he does with his beloved ‘bestiality.’  “This denies the reality that Gertrazia is so much more than just a llama to me. To call her a ‘beast’ is an insult to me, to her, and to all who find such hate speech offensive.”

He said that he and other BINZAPPPSEMTS know it is only a matter of time, God willing, until Jorge’s governors publicly assert  that this doctrine requires  a more inclusive, gentler, more loving term for the hate-filled epithet  ‘beastialist’  and the other nasty words used to describe all kinds of  true love. “This is how they have gotten the faithful ready for, and then used to,  so many of the new teachings, and those yet to come; teachings  that prejudiced, wicked, bigoted, hate-filled traditionalists have called ‘heresy,’  some even calling a collection of all the heresies of Jorge Bergolgio “Bergolgianism.’ As if there is any similarity with very real heresies such as Arianism,  Pelagianism,  Apollinarianism,  and Nestorianism.”

Father Jamie Mertone, Society of Jesus, known as an active advocate of chaste  clerical homosexual relationships, including faithful ones, was interviewed about the real meaning and impact of the Fiducia Supplicans” Declaration.  At the outset he made it clear those who now control the Vatican Offices have come to  realize that, for the Church to progress, they must use what to  some seems to be ambiguous wording that requires, what he calls,  a loving “reading between the lines,” to fully appreciate the impact and import of what is being said.

He had this reply to those who castigated the document for using “weasel words” that, if interpreted in accord with his own previous public pronouncements  about what some call perversions and sins,  made the document a declaration of heresy:

If they see us as rodents, those of us who are trying to make Jesus’s Church a loving community, so be it. The Holy Spirit guides not only us, but the Holy Father, in bringing the truth about love to all the faithful. The Gospel message of love for all cannot be stifled. This was the loving message of the Holy Father’s apostolic proclamation, Amoris Laetitia, in which he made it magisterially clear that God’s mercy extends to everyone no matter how they love or what loving situation they are in. As the weeds are separated from the good crops, those who try to confine Jesus’s Church and his love to what they call its “traditional” form, a hate-filled form, will be cast out into the anti-love darkness that is of their own making.  ‘Weasel words’? Yes! We are weasels for Christ if that is what it takes to make the world aware of the true nature of His Church and of his love.

Employing the new magisterial hermeneutics of love and loving, Father Mertone provided the correct interpretation of key passages from Fiducia Supplicans:

From a strictly liturgical point of view, the blessings require that God’s will be conformed to what is blessed, as expressed in the new teachings of the Church. The Church does  have the power to impart a liturgical blessing on irregular or same-sex couples, and on all irregulars.

The Declaration offers a theological-pastoral understanding of blessings which, of course,  can be received and valued within a liturgical framework, especially  in a realm of greater spontaneity and freedom.

The third part of the Declaration declares, although somewhat implicitly, that irregulars can, and have the right to, claim a legitimation of their own status, based on all  that is true, good, and humanly valid in their lives, in how they love, and in their love relationships, including those that are semi-permanent or permanent. Such blessings can become the norm.

Both the couple (or more) is blessed along with the union. What is blessed is the manner of the love and the  legitimate love relationship between the two (or more) people; e.g., in a brief or extensive prayer preceding this spontaneous or planned blessing, the ordained minister could ask that the individuals have peace, health, a spirit of patience, dialogue, mutual assistance, and love, all in accord with God’s light and strength to be able to fulfill his loving will completely.

With the assurance that there will be no confusion or scandal, since it is, in essence,  love that is being blest,  when a couple (or more) in an irregular situation or same-sex couples ask for a blessing, it can  be imparted in concurrence with the ceremonies of a civil union, and  even in connection with them. So as not to offend or exclude, such blessings can be performed with any clothing, gestures, or words that are proper to a wedding.

When he made the statement that, under the auspices of the Pope, the Society of Jesus has been transformed into a community of love and of loving persons, Father Mertone was questioned about the application of the Declaration to the clergy. He replied that the principles of love are universal and, of course, what had hitherto been seen by many as ‘irregular situations’ for the loving ordained are within the scope of the mercy, and, more importantly, the loving breadth of the divine love of the Declaration.

He affirmed that “Without a doubt, such blessings are for priests, bishops, and cardinals who are in love. Happily, since they are ordained, they can bestow blessings on each other.”

One reporter present voiced her amazement at this. Father Mertone, who has regular, private meetings with the Pope, told her that she should look at what has happened since the new Pope was invested, and how those in the Vatican have already changed the Church dramatically. As one example, he said that very recently, only a few years ago, it was published that the blessings of the new Declaration were impossible; then the Fiducia Supplicans  declaration was issued.  As another example of how denial, often repeated denial,  then acceptance are subtly and pastorally  employed to change the Church, he noted that Jesus himself, in his love for everyone, was a sign of contradiction.

He said that what had been declared many times to be impossible about female ordination will, perhaps soon, by the grace and will of God be made real. He told the reporter  and all those present to notice how the declarations of  the impossibility of female ordination to the ministerial priesthood are becoming more frequent and more detailed. “This is a certain indication,” he said, “that very soon there will be female priests ordained, and within a very few years, the first female bishops will be consecrated. Many of them will bring their now regular loving relationships with them to the priesthood and then to diocesan positions. And of course this will begin with the what will be called ‘deaconesses’ whose role will be said to be forever limited to mere assistance at some ceremonies, as were unordained deaconesses in early church history who were never ordained to the ministerial priesthood.”

When pressed, Father Mertone admitted that heterosexual relationships of the laity and of the clergy are also now considered to be ‘regular.’  “The magisterially-enshrined moral principles of Amoris Laetitia and of Fiducia Supplicans apply to everyone in whatever loving situation they may find themselves and however they actually love. Since this now includes the regular relationships of those in heterosexual adultery who are now publicly active in parish ministries, of course those who freely choose to love those of an opposite gender can be blest.”