News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA — Locals and Groundhog Day enthusiasts alike were caught off-guard today, as the eponymous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, emerged from his burrow and declared to the crowd gathered at Gobbler’s Knob that there was a cache of documents marked “Classified” in his underground home.
“I know you’re all here waiting to find out if I saw my shadow and if there will be six more weeks of winter and all that stuff,” Phil said, “but I thought you all might want to know that there’s a big stack of files and folders down there stamped ‘Classified’ and ‘Top Secret’ in red ink. Not sure where they came from. These are probably important, right?”
DOJ officials scrambled to retrieve the documents from Phil’s burrow as word began to spread among the assembled media that yet another hidden stash of Joe Biden’s classified documents had been discovered. The White House quickly issued a statement on the incident. “These documents do, in fact, belong to the President,” Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said. “The documents were, indeed, temporarily stuffed into the burrow of one Punxsutawney Phil by an unknown person. The documents, are, however, highly classified, therefore I am not at liberty to discuss the situation any further.”
Go here to read the rest.
Has anyone else noticed that, when they were Trump’s documents they were “Top secret documents possibly containing nuclear launch codes!!”, but with Biden’s documents they are “documents with classified markings” … Biden’s documents sound much less dangerous.
No doubt Phil’s documents contain information about Israel’s weather-controlling space laser. That would explain his excellent track record of climate prognostication.