Monday, March 18, AD 2024 9:44pm

PopeWatch: Gringo

In the Pope’s office in the Vatican.

Pope Francis:  It has been a quiet week.

Swiss Guard Captain:  The type of week I prefer Holiness.

Pope Francis:  No plague of Frogs chanting in Hebrew?

Swiss Guard Captain:  (Laughs)  No Holiness!

Pope Francis:  Well, maybe the gringos have given up trying to gaslight me.

American Cardinal:  (Enters room running and out of breath.)  Holiness we have a sniper situation!

Pope Francis:  What?

American Cardinal:  As I was crossing in front of Saint Peters along with some of my brother Cardinals, they were struck down. 

Pope Francis:  Are they dead?

American Cardinal:  No Holiness but they are covered in what appears to be Coca Cola.

Pope Francis:  A sniper who fires Coca Cola pellets?

Swiss Guard Captain:  I will put a stop to this.

Swiss Guard Captain:  (Returns to office of the Pope, covered in Coca Cola, mustard and hot dogs.)  The snipers are quite skillful Holiness, and they are waving the Stars and Stripes and humming Yankee Doodle.

Pope Francis:  How many of them are there?

Swiss Guard Captain:  Enough so I think we should call on the Roman police.

Pope Francis:  And tell them we can’t handle jam snipers?  Handle it yourself!

Several hours later.

Swiss Guard Captain:  (Bedraggled and dripping Coca Cola, mustard, hot dogs and French Fries, followed by some of his men in a similar condition.)  We have been defeated Holiness.  Their leader, Popewatch, has demanded that you resign.

An alarm clock rings.  The Pope awakes in a cold sweat.  Now the gringos are gaslighting me in my sleep.  This has to stop.  I will call the gringo!

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