News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a daring feat of undercover journalism, The Babylon Bee’s embedded DC reporter has acquired a leaked copy of Joe Biden’s debate prep notes. We are proud to introduce them to the world for the first time. Please enjoy. Many undercover journalists died to bring us this information.
Here they are in all their glory:
The pictured scan has been translated for you below:
(page 1)
My Debate Notes:
Reminder: You are JOE BIDEN and you are running for PRESIDENT
You’re from SCRANTON
You used to be VP with Obama
ORANGE MAN BAD
Answer Key:
- Hunter & Ukraine = “Come on, man!”
- Taxes & Jobs = “Look, here’s the deal.”
- Emergency use only = “You’re a lying, dog-faced pony soldier!”
- If you get lost = “You know, the thing!”
Reminders:
- Tug on your left ear and Chris Wallace will throw you a softball
- Go backstage between commercials for MORE DRUGS!
- Don’t forget to tell Corn Pop story
Ideas:
- Push up contest?
- Punching and slapping?
(page 2)
Give the Gettyzburg Address!
(complete transcript of the Gettysburg Address)
My favorite Hair (for inspiration)
(three doodles of women with different hairstyles)
NO SNIFFING OF HAIR
(even if you want to)
Go here to read the rest.
Trump’s opening line:
Glad you could make it here tonight Joe, considering….
You must be thrilled to have the opportunity to present your case in person and clear up confusion where you stand on all the recent violence by some of your supporters. This should be fun. And I bet Chris Wallace and the rest of the mainstream media are as excited we are to have this chance to exchange views.
The President definitely needs to work in the fact that Joe would never like being president anyway given the fact the Oval Office is on the first floor and not in the basement where Joe is clearly most comfortable.