The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has been deposed in a coup by Reinhard Cardinal Marx, who has assumed the papacy after a hurried conclave as Pope Karl I. Apparently the Vatican food service was infiltrated by German Leftists, loyal to Cardinal Marx, who poisoned the staff of the Vatican. Whether this was deliberate or simply a result of Italians being exposed to German cookery is unknown.
“Pope” Karl issued the following papal bulls:
- Latin will be replaced by German as the official language of the Church.
- All Catholics will be assessed a Church Tax equivalent to one percent of their wealth each year.
- Abortion and Euthanasia are now sacraments.
- Married men may become priests, but only if they are homosexuals.
- The principle of subsidiarity is condemned as heresy.
- A crusade is launched against Climate Change.
- Sauerkraut will replace pasta in the Vatican cafeteria.
- Former Pope Francis and Pope Benedict have agreed to help found a monastery at an undisclosed location in the Amazon, and have taken a vow of perpetual silence.
- Mark Shea will serve as spokesman for Pope Karl.
- The American Catholic has been placed on the new Index Librorum Prohibitorum.
PopeWatch then woke up, swearing never to again fall asleep listening to Wagner while reading a Tom Clancy novel. And no more strudel after 8:00 PM.
Other than changes to the language and menu, I see no difference. In the words of the great guitar smashing philosopher Pete Townsend, “Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.”
Comment of the week Greg! Take ‘er away Sam!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXeIxtI–uc
Plausible. And what difference does it make?