Fictional Hates





Ah, the world of fiction.  It entertains us and helps lend spice to the mundane world.  However, some of the characters who inhabit it simply put our teeth on edge.  Here are the three top annoying characters on my list.

Dobby the House Elf-From the time I first saw Dobby in the Harry Potter films, I found him intensely grating.  His voice, his mannerisms, his obsequiousness to Harry Potter, all make me choose Dobby as the fictional character I would most like to ask to attempt to unjam a  woodchipper by sticking his arm into it.  I did restrain myself from giving a cheer when he shuffled off his fictional vale of tears in the penultimate Harry Potter film.

Jar Jar Binks-This character immediate signaled to me that something was going badly awry in the second Star Wars trilogy.  A bizarre unackowledged homage to Stepin Fetchit, George Lucas, if he were not a completely conventional Hollywood liberal, would have become the poster boy for entertainment racism by the NAACP.

Barney the Dinosaur-Only a parent who had small kids in the nineties can really hate this piece of Dino filth as much as he deserves.  Played endlessly, and I do mean endlessly, Barney during his heyday was ubiquitous and endlessly tedious to anyone who had graduated from kindergarten.  Sometimes even the very young recognized him for the foul menace he truly was.  One of my sons howled endlessly in terror when a much chagrined photographer attempted to use a Barney handpuppet to elicit a smile from him during family portraits when he was 3.  I knew precisely how my son felt.

Well, those are my choices for fictional characters I would like to see on the receiving end of fictional, agonizing demises.  Please tell me your candidates and why they are on your fictional hate list!

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Donald R. McClarey

Cradle Catholic. Active in the pro-life movement since 1973. Father of three and happily married for 35 years. Small town lawyer and amateur historian. Former president of the board of directors of the local crisis pregnancy center for a decade.


  1. Jar Jar Binks tops my list. Yuck!. Couldn’t even make it through the posted clip. Don’t ever do that again.

  2. When it comes to fictional bad guys, Dickens created the worst, or best, if you like villains: Fagan and Bill Sikes in Oliver Twist stand out, along with Madame DeFarge in Tale of Two Cities.

  3. The blacks are hypocritical about Stepin Fetchit. They bitched like hell when he appeared in mainstream movies doing his bit, but when he did the same thing in “race” movies, that were only shown to black audiences, they laughed their heads off. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Race_movie gives a good summary of this genre.

  4. I don’t think that is hypocrisy Stephen. I might like seeing a comic portrayal of a drunken Irishman. I would not like seeing the same portrayal before audiences who assumed that every one with Irish blood is a drunk. Having said that, Iet’s keep the comments here light. This is a humorous rant, and the last thing I want is to have this thread tainted with a serious discussion. 🙂

  5. It seems licit for a Christian to harbor uncharitable thoughts for fictional characters.

    Plus, you can close the book or turn off the DVD and go to the fridge for another beer.

  6. “Watch the entire clip Phillip. I think you will be pleased by the end!”

    Okay, I like that ending. 😆

  7. Dobby isn’t grating to me, but my frame of reference on that character is based on the portrayal in the books and not the movie version. His character is actually very endearing in the books. Its funny, though, because I find Hermione significantly more geeky and annoying in the books than in the movie version. And S.P.E.W. is the worst plot point ever.

  8. I was recently watching the tv version of the Avenger’s Series and the Android Ultron 5 was the bad guy in this episode. What gets my nerve about him is that he automatically is more powerful than his creator and almost wipes out the earth. The line his creator used is that he made him too human. The only way to defeat him was to fix him with machine logic. The message of we bad humans and machines are better like somekind of twisted alogory of how we are to God – grates my nerves…

  9. Is the first clip a Dobby ‘omage? I couldn’t get past the first minute. (Though I don’t find him nearly as annoying as these others — probably as being primarily a book reader.)

    I can’t place the JarJar scene at all. Does he bite? I repressed my memories of the new movies.

    And Barney, well, what’s not to hate.

    I have a fondness for him, but Roger Rabbit might class with these guys. I very much enjoyed the movie as a kid/early teen, but re-watching it recently I wanted to reach through the screen and tie his ears together.

  10. Note that I said human being. If there’s one thing I’ve learned online, it’s not to say that anything is worse than Scrappy-Doo. Hear that, online people? I’m not saying that Peggy is more irritating than Scrappy.

    (Yikes. Scrappy-haters are intense people.)

  11. Scrappy is definitely up there (down there?) among the worse. But nothing, nothing grates more than those blasted eewoks. Made me realize stormtroopers had at least one redeeming quality.

    Lucas takes the prize for creating two of the most irritating characters crossing two millenia, no less!!!

  12. c matt,

    Thanks for bringing up the Ewoks. I thought the Star Wars series started its dive down by introducing those things. I have to say I took pleasure in seeing them get blasted.

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