From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. In my law practice I am sometimes called upon by judges to act as Guardian ad Litem in juvenile and dissolution cases when the question of custody of minor children comes up. In that capacity I represent the kids in court and give my recommendation to the judge as to who should have custody. I have often been involved in cases where I thought the kids would be better off being raised by wolves than either parent. However, being raised by a journalist? We must draw the line somewhere!