Palin Derangement Syndrome
Hattip to my friend Paul Zummo, the Cranky Conservative. One of the bright spots in life during the ongoing disaster that is the Obama administration is the way in which so many people, most, but certainly not all, Leftists, completely beclown themselves when the subject of Sarah Palin arises. Case in point: the Washington Post has a reporter David Weigel who reports for the dwindling Post readership on that small, only 40% of the American public, cult known as American conservatives. The column is always good for a dose of unintentional humor, but on May 25, 2010 Weigel outdid himself. Responding to the news that Sarah Palin had welcomed stalker journalist, Joe McGinniss, who decided to rent a house next door to Palin as he is preparing an anti-Palin tome, with this light-hearted response, Weigel thundered that Palin was “despicable” for being a bit put out. As Paul Zummo notes,
A journalist rents a house next door to Sarah Palin with the sole intent to write a book about her, Sarah Palin writes some fairly tongue-in-cheek things in response to this development, and it the latter who is “despicable?”
The indispensable Iowahawk explains what is going on for us in the daffy world of Palin obsession:
Oh hi there! I was out shooting caribou on the Arctic Cat and saw your synapse lights on, and so I said to myself, “now, gosh darn it, Sarah, you’ve been living inside this nice person’s cerebral cortex for, what is it, almost two years now? By golly, it’s about time you dropped in at their frontal lobe with a plate of your famous homemade Alaska welcome wagon cookies and introduced yourself.” So anyhoo, I sure hope you like ‘em. Don’t want to give out a family recipe, but the secret ingredient is baby seal. I clubbed ‘em fresh this morning!
Oh my goodness… you look kind of confused. I get that a lot! You were probably thinking, “hey, I only wanted to move next door to Sarah Palin — now what in the goshdarned heck is she doing inside my brain?” Well ya see, the deal is I’m not Sarah, but boy I gotta tell ya, we sure do get mistaken all the time! No, I’m just a plain ol’ homunculus Sarah Palin that your own id created to sublimate your deep-seated psychosexual neuroses. Or so those egghead books say, anyway. But if you ask me that sure sounds like a lot of elite Anti-America liberal professor gobbledegook! By the way, your id says hi.
Gosh darn it, where the heck are my manners? Here I am, gabbing away, like some plainspoken chatty old chatterbox, while you’ve probably got things to do. I imagine you’ve got an important op-ed or comedy skit to write about that other Sarah Palin, the one from corporeal reality. And why she’s irrelevant and ridiculous and such. Oh no, don’t worry, I won’t take it personal. After all I’m not her, remember? Though I bet it can probably get confusing trying to keep straight which one of us is which, and who really said what. Tell you what — why don’t you just take the cookies as my gift, and I’ll drop by later when it’s more convenient. Or, if you like, I’ll just be on my way and let you live in peace. You tell me. After all, I’m really only a figment of your imagination. Just stop thinking about me, and poof — I’ll mush the ol’ dogsled straight back to your subconscious forever.
Alright, if you insist! Like they say, you should never be too busy to visit with those obsessive hallucinations who live in your head. Now you go brew up a hot pot of Folgers, and I’ll take the Saran wrap off those cookies. Mind if I take a quick look-see around while you’re fiddling in the kitchen? I gotta say this sure is a beautiful anterior conscious you’ve got here! I absolutely love the open floor plan. It reminds me a lot of Andrew Sullivan’s brain. How many square feet did you say? So spacious and clean and open minded, with the neutral colors. I could really see myself in a place like this, especially with a few moose heads and Eskimo dolls to brighten things up.
Say now, that’s one heckuva bookshelf you’ve got! Mind if I browse? Not much of a reader myself, other than the good book of course… let’s see… 101 Things You Didn’t Know About Sarah Palin… Going Rouge: An American Nightmare … Sarah Palin’s Secret Diary … Terminatrix: The Sarah Palin Chronicles … The Lies of Sarah Palin … Thanks But No Thanks: A Voter Guide to Sarah Palin … You Betcha!: The Witless Wisdom of Sarah Palin … Hockey Mom: Sarah Palin’s Shot at Glory … Going Rude: Sarah Palin … wow! With all that heavy reading you do, it sure must be hard keeping up with your housework!
Oh, there we are! By golly, that coffee sure smells great. Skim milk no sugar for me thanks, gotta watch the ol’ figure. How about the two of us have a sit down on the couch and get to know each other, because I have a feeling we’re gonna be spending a lot of time together. You betcha, a whole lot of time. I always say it’s important to get to really know folks, especially if you’re gonna be camping out in their cerebellum for a few years. Because sometimes you can get off on the wrong foot, ya know? I’m guilty of it myself sometimes. Ya know, as much as I go off and complain about those goshdarn Washington and Hollywood elites, I gotta say those folks are just about the most welcoming, hospitable people on God’s green earth. I swear, once they invite you in their head, they’ll insist you help yourself their last neuron! Take that Tina Fey for instance. She’s pretty much given me the run of her place, rent free. Her id says it’s because she has severe body image anxieties, but if you ask me I think she’s just lonely and needs somebody to talk to.
Say, do you mind if I use your little girl’s room? I just realized I’m going into labor. Back in a jiff!
Go here to read the hilarious rest. For revealing the demented, and comical, hatred that a strong conservative woman, who is, gasp!, also attractive, a mother and happily married, forments in many minds on the port side of our politics, Sarah Palin is worthy of the thanks of a grateful nation.