Breaking news! Vatican spokeswoman, (speaking with assurances from all present that her anonymity would be respected and maintained) admits that the principles of the apostolic proclamation Amoris Laetitia are not totally principles after all. She said that what were initially promulgated as doctrinal principles aren’t really, but are still mostly. {She is henceforth here referred to as Sister XX].
Although the almost-principles do not apply in whatever situations in which any and all sinners may find themselves, as the document had clearly stated, Sister XX assured the faithful sheep that the almost-universal mercy principle does, still, apply, to thieves, sodomites, pederasts, liars, idol worshippers, pedophiles, sexual predators, public adulterers, rapists, racists, abortionists, child molesters, democrats, murderers, torturers, euthanizers, and human traffickers, lay and clerical. She noted that whether or not traditional catholics, usurp sinners or not, are within the spiritual scope of the “whatever situation,” is now under study.
A parish priest at Livorno in Tuscany, Italy, (previously Father) Ramon Guidetti, has been excommunicated for calling Jorge Bergoglio a “usurper.” He committed this unspeakable atrocity while speaking in his parish church during his public New Year’s Eve sermon, which occurred on the first anniversary of the death of Pope Benedict XVI.
“In this new development of doctrine,” said Sister XX, “The almost-totally loving, almost-without-exception, almost-principles do not apply to anyone who commits the unpardonable sin against the Holy Papa of calling him a ‘usurper.’”
She refused to dignify with a response questions of similarities between this and the Emperor Has No Clothes story. She also refused to comment on whether or not the clothes she was wearing included something around her neck that could be mistaken for a Roman collar.
Sister XX said that (now former Father) Guidetti’s statement – that excommunication was a “mark of pride to be out of this Church, which is a tyranny” – showed that he was, so far, unrepentant; and that he had failed to express true contrition. She added that the Dicastery for Studied Theological Ambiguity & Progress would reconsider if there would be further development of Amoris Laetitia’s stated principles, specifically its declaration that hell is not eternal, in light of layman Guidetti’s sin. She said that recent archaeological research has shown that perhaps Jesus actually meant literally what He said about hell for those who would sin the usurp sin as has been sinned by now-Mr. Guidetti.
Sister XX also revealed that a new Index Of Usurp Words would be soon issued which will make it clear that not only the damnable word “usurper,” but any word spoken with the intent to convey an accusation of usurping (in any form) against a holy father will be within the ambit of the condemnatory anathema, including, but not limited to “takeover,” “authoritarian.” “autocrat, “dictator,” “despot,” “totalitarian,” “tyrant.” “absolutist,” “boss,” and ”oppressor.”
“As has been magisterially promulgated, she said, “nothing can be intrinsically evil, e.g., abortion, rape, torture, voluntarily engaging in homosexual actions, human trafficking, and racism. But it has now been determined that committing the usurp sin is intrinsically evil; i.e., the intentions of the usurp sinner or the circumstances of the sin cannot make it an act of virtue. It is always a sin.”
She also announced the recent resurrection and re-invigoration of the Suprema Congregatio Sanctae Romanae et Universalis Inquisition (the Supreme Sacred Congregation of the Roman and Universal Inquisition) and that a new TIFUS – Tribunal of the Inquisition For Usurp Sins against a holy father – has been formed within the Vatican Police Force to deal with the cases of the guilty, i.e., anyone accused, of this heinous canonical crime.
She ended the interview noting that, although thieves, sodomites, etc. could now be blessed, individually and as couples (or more), the new blessings doctrine, implicitly, denies a blessing to sinners who commit the usurp sin.
Anyone wondering now if he was the one who was denied forgiveness in confessional due to hypocrisy instead of reverse- only one he ever withheld forgiveness for? His lack of self awareness is grotesque