An American Pope

After a deadlocked, and stormy, according to rumor, month long Conclave, the news began to spread on the morning of June 6, 2025 that a new Pope had been chosen.  Then the incredible news that an American Pope had been elected began to filter out, and that he would be styled Pope Donald.

Scion of Fred Trump, a wealthy New York real estate owner, Trump’s destiny seemed to be set in stone:   that he would follow in his father’s footsteps, and so he likely would have but for the oddest of incidents.  On April 1, 1966, at age nineteen, he was shot in the head by a deranged individual who claimed to be a time traveler from the year 2026.  Trump’s life was saved by his father paying for the best brain surgeons on the planet.  When he awoke from a coma after thirty days, to outward appearances he seemed to be the same, but internally he had undergone a startling metamorphosis.

It has been variously described, but most accounts say that Trump saw Christ being flogged and the Blessed Mother pleading with Trump to help her Son.  Then the bleeding Christ turned to Trump and said “Follow Me.”

For a year Trump did his best to deny the command of Christ, but he eventually converted to Catholicism and entered a seminary.   Nothing came easy for him.  He found his studies difficult, prayer hard and he fell asleep every time he meditated.  He had every reason to drop out, but because of what he had seen he persisted and was eventually ordained as a most unlikely  priest.

After a dozen years of parish work in which he was noted for his popularity and his concern for the poor, he became an aide to John Cardinal O’Connor and used his wealth to help relieve the poor of New York City.  He quickly became known as a master negotiator, convincing other men of wealth to give vast sums to support the charities of the Church.  Thanks to  O’Connor’s influence he became a Monsignor and spokesman for the Archdiocese of New York City.  Shortly before O’Connor’s death, Trump was made a Bishop.

Entering the mission field he was assigned to Nigeria and became notable for constructing buildings in the slums of Lagos that the residents began to call Trump Towers.  Trump became known as a shrewd deal maker, and began to be used as a trouble shooter by Popes to resolve disputes within and without the Church.

It is suspected, but not admitted,  that he used his wealth to hire mercenaries to protect Nigerian Christians from the predatory attacks of rogue Muslims.   He worked tirelessly to aid persecuted Christians around the globe.  Trump Towers spread throughout the third world, with Trump insisting that the poor be employed to help build them and to learn a trade in the process.  Pope Benedict raised him to Cardinal.

It has been said that Pope Francis and Cardinal Trump were mortal enemies from first sight.  Be that as it may, they did have a well-attested shouting match when Pope Francis attempted to compel him to resign at age 75.  No one really knows what was said, but Trump did not resign.  In the conclave of 2025 Trump bluntly declared that Vatican II was a grand error, and the Church needed to chart a new course.  Referring to his Cardinal motto: Fac Ecclesiam magnam denuo, he said that the Church had been great once, and that it was time for her to be great again.  A hopelessly dead locked Conclave eventually turned to the American who seemed to have no doubts about how he wished to lead the Church.

The first challenge for the new Pontiff, perhaps, will be to work with President Robert Prevost, although they are very different men.