How much of our lives consist of what we learn and what we teach.
Thought For The Day
- Donald R. McClarey
Donald R. McClarey
Cradle Catholic. Active in the pro-life movement since 1973. Father of three, one in Heaven, and happily married for 43 years. Small town lawyer and amateur historian. Former president of the board of directors of the local crisis pregnancy center for a decade.
Teaching four to drive was scary, odds and all. But the essential and most fun thing was to take them each to a very large open parking lot after a snowstorm and have them in a controlled way just spin the car around.
Because when you do slip or spin, there’s no time to think -it’s all reaction.
We are in that season with our eldest daughter. My husband and I have very different driving teaching styles. 😬
Me: “Foot on brake! Foot on brake!”
Husband: “Accelerate! Accelerate!”
Ezabelle, lesson one for my kids: “Mr. Brake is your friend.”
God gave me varied children. I’ve taught two to drive so far. One reluctant, good friend of Mr Brake and convinced the double yellow line was fire. The other eager and in need of reminders that the car will last longer if you take it easy on the gravel road…
Two more to go.
Driving may be dangerous, but it’s theology that really scares me. After all, everybody talking to my kid about driving pretty much agrees on the mechanics, the dangers, and the purpose. Not so the modern Church, let alone alternative “drivers” from other places….
I guess I’m a coward or a slacker…all my kids learned to drive at driver’s schools (free in the high schools); and they all learned manual transmission. There was an insurance rebate if theyhad learned from a certified course.
Bob, my kids also had Driver’s Ed. In Illinois there is a requirement for substantial additional time behind the wheel with parents. Also, the Driver’s Ed for my son, which he got an A in, did not adequately prepare him. Driving a stick is becoming a lost art. I learned how to do it in a factory one summer, on an ancient truck far older than me, where a real stick had to be stuck into the gear shift!
My Dad taught all of us how to drive using a manual transmission. He took us to a gravel hill and kept making us restart if we spun the tires in the slightest. He tried explaining to me how the process works, but I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. Finally, he had me pull over and just showed me, and I said “Oh. I thought you had to have your foot completely off the clutch before using the gas” and then I got it. Some people learn differently. It doesn’t help that my older brothers worked on a lot of race cars with Dad so had an understanding of what Dad was talking about, but Dad wasn’t doing that by the time my sister and I came around so we got none of that.
A small addition- apparently Dad tried to teach my younger sister the same way, but when he tried to explain it to her, she just looked at him and told him she had know idea what he was talking about. Got out of the car and walked all the way home. Dad followed her, telling her to get back in, but she refused, so he just followed slowly to make sure she was safe. I ended up telling Dad to just show her like he did me, which he did, and she got it then.
My oldest son is nearly 17. He got his permit months ago.
I have two cars. Both are a 2018 Ford Focus with a 5 speed manual transmission. I learned to drive with a manual transmission VW Rabbit in 1979. We always had one car with a manual. I took the school drivers ed…no longer offered almost anywhere anymore.
This “son” refuses to try to learn to drive my cars. Fine with me. I was going to pay for a drivers ed instructor but he didn’t want it. Fine with me as well.
Why? I really should not post the things he has said and done to me and my property. He refuses to go to church anymore. In its infinite insanity, an adolescent of 14 can refuse medical treatment including for mental problems.
He starts arguments after midnight or 1 AM, barging into my room and screaming at me, leaving no real recorse except to get un my car and go drive for hours. One Friday I left at 2 AM and came hone at 8AM.
I should say no more. I’m 61 today. Some happy birthday.
A cousin of mine had a troublesome youngster of the sort you describe (their youngest). He was the source of much dismay between the ages of 12 and 25. She and her husband planned to put him out on the curb on the day he turned 18. He surprised them by leaving of his own accord without a word.
==
He managed to stay out of prison, though he’s seen the inside of a jail cell and hates cops. At 42, he’s married and working with his wife in a small business. He’s adaptable and done all sorts of work over the years and picked up some tertiary schooling on the way. He has a post-adolescent daughter (not his wife’s) who is very fond of him. One of his sisters dotes on him. Turned out a great deal better than people were expecting twenty years ago.
I understand, Art..but it doesn’t make things easier at the moment. Thanks, anyway.
Dad took me, age 16, to an empty college parking lot in Mobile where he taught me the basics. Easy, it was a push button station wagon. I was always volunteering to go the Pak A Sak for bread or milk or whatever for drive time. My parents did not let me drive at night. When we moved to Fairfax the other family car was a 2 door, manual Mustang. Dad drove to a two lane hilly road; put the car in park facing up hill telling me to get in the driver’s seat. I was scared I would roll backwards and was in tears. I drove up and down hills, stopping and starting ’til my father said okay. After that I liked manuals. One summer My brother and I bought/shared a ’62 TR3. When the car was tuned up at a garage near campus I was charged for 6 points and plugs. A month later I realized the Triumph was 4 cylinder. When I bought my ensign car, a MGB, I could change a tire, etc.
Older son at 17 took drivier’s ed in H.S. My husband and I went to traffic court with him several times. The younger one and his friend were driven around by a cute upperclassman so at 18 he received his license from driving school which he paid for. Both as adults are excellent mechanics for diesel and gasoline vehicles. They like vintage cars. Too much rolling stock in my opinion but they enjoy the hobby.
Penguins Fan, Belated happy birthday. I feel for you. Been there. You and yours are on my prayer list.
It’s tough when there is a younger son watching what goes on with the older one.
I remember years ago you were frustrated with your older son who was a handful. He was maybe 8. I remember because my older son “John” was similar acting in his teens and many years later now has a successful business in 18 states.
I wrote a very long comment of what we went through with John, but decided to make it shorter. Luckily your son is still a minor so if there is property destruction it can be a time out stay in house (good for all concerned) or a short stay in juvenile detention or community service. John did community service as a library page which morphed into a paying job. The librarians loved him.
First of all a good admissions officer at teen psych facility knows how to trick a 14 y.o. adolescent into admitting himself. Virginia has that stupid law. Acting out was situational depression for John. Thank God no bi polar or schizophrenia. He was in a facility for 3 months.
What are his friends like or is he a loner? Is there a Svengali that influences the kids?
Has your son ever been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD or a learning disability? Ours had ADHD diagnosed in 1st grade. The paternal grandfather, a pediatric allergist didn’t believe in that nor did his father.
Is there a problem, social or academic, at school that the administration hasn’t told you about? In Jr. H. son had stomach aches and wanted to stay home. He was being teased. In H.S. a Latin gang threatened to slit his throat. Because he had a mowhawk. We had him transferred to an alternate H.S. Without notifying us the vice principal told him he should get a GED.
Does your son play a sport that he’s good at or a hobby? This was a turning point when Cousin Rick had him do chores at his mother’s house in return Rick taught him how to service a car. Soon his pals were paying him to change the oil on their
cars or fill in dents, etc.
John had a lot of anger and was oppositional with his father. My husband worked long hours. I think he saw a lot of his own adolescent behavior in John.
A big turning point, after community college classes John and my dad would sit on their front porch and chat. John suddenly had goals and shed his unsavory pals.
I guess my point is a boy needs a role model and a dad may be too close.
Also he needs to have a talent.
John has long talks with his father when he visits every quarter. He always ends a text or phone call with me, “I love you, Mom”.
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CAM…my son has at least four disorders. Body dysmorphic, opposional.defiant, post traumatic stress and ADD/ADHD. He is also extremely immature.
He is fixated upon his teeth. I have spent $10K on his teeth and he wants composite bonding. He blames his failures at making friends and finding work on his teeth. He hates God and Jesus because he is not wealthy and was picked on.
I was going to pay for the bonding. He got ahold of three credit cards and my line of credit and ran up over $7K of debt on accounts I wrote to have closed. He has taken money from my bank accounts. He has “home schooled” because he claims he was picked on but he refuses to do any work.
I have turned over statements to the local police department.
The worst thing is I found out that I am an “alleged” child abuser. I was to go with my younger son on an FNE camping trip to DC last weekend but I received a report – that says I am an alleged abuser but there is no specific abuse cited, nor a date, just a case number and that it is “under investigation”. I could not go.
Last week my son put me in a headlock twice, threw me down and bit me.
I am going to an attorney to clear my name.
Penguins Fan- Including you in my prayers tonight.
I have had blessings through the intercession of St Dymphna and St Jude.
It’s a hard road, but you know that. (Wish you didn’t.)