Back in 66, two years before she died, my maternal grandmother Alice, a grand lady, was visiting us in Paris, Illinois. She saw my Mom slap me, not an uncommon event as I was very impetuous, to put it politely, in my youth. Alice called my mother a savage. (They loved each other dearly, but outspokenness, red hair and Irish blood run in my family.) My Mom responded that if she didn’t discipline me then I would be the one growing up to be a savage, respecting no one and nothing. Mom, as usual, was right. Alice met her death two years later from cancer with complete faith and courage. (Fortunately we visited her and her husband Dyke in Saint John’s Newfoundland in 67.) When asked by her priest if she was afraid to die, she said simply “My bags are packed.” , the same courage and faith my Mom displayed when she died from cancer sixteen years later. When my time comes, I hope I conform to their example.
Yep
- Donald R. McClarey
Donald R. McClarey
Cradle Catholic. Active in the pro-life movement since 1973. Father of three, one in Heaven, and happily married for 43 years. Small town lawyer and amateur historian. Former president of the board of directors of the local crisis pregnancy center for a decade.
A good number of pithy old sayings turn out to be right much of the time. Example: Spare the rod, spoil the child. I, too, am grateful that my parents followed that rule.
Late last year I caught an article about this very subject. It said that fewer parents than ever now spank their kids. It mentioned, however, that just because suicide, violent crimes and homicides among our youth are at staggering levels, don’t be fooled. Spanking still causes kids to become violent. I had to chuckle. I sometimes think our biggest problems boil down to the simple fact that no matter the disastrous results, we are in a period that will never admit we were wrong.
You mean Alice didn’t spank her own kids, or she thought differently when it was her grandson?
I gather your mother and father didn’t punish you because one or the other was having a manic episode, or because one or the other had had too much to drink, or because one or the other was in a foul mood about something you had nothing to do with or in a foul mood for no reason at all.
“You mean Alice didn’t spank her own kids, or she thought differently when it was her grandson?”
Mom was Alice’s only child born to her out of wedlock. She went out to work while her mother, who my Mom always called Nanny Barry, raised Mom. (They all lived together.) Nanny Barry died only two or three years before Alice died. By that time Alice had been married to a tough longshoreman Dyke Moore, who was a wonderful surrogate father to my Mom and a wonderful surrogate grandfather to my brother and me. He died about a year after Alice in 69 or 70.
No, all my spankings and slaps I earned from my Mom, and I got less than I deserved because I quickly became adept at covering my misdemeanors. My Dad gave me one light slap, the one time I directly disobeyed him. My Dad was a very gentle man but his word was law as far as my brother and I were concerned, and he did not have to enforce his edicts except on that one occasion.
The hands pulled back to deflect the blow never worked for me. Somehow my mom was fast enough to slap my hands away and deliver the strike in lightning speed. Impressive.
I notice not only the spanking, also the clothing. His pants might be jeans, yet that seems a fairly nice shirt, likely a button-down. i recall “casual” was the norm during my teens (later 80s, early 90s), so lots of jeans and t-shirts. Amusingly, a Reader’s Digest article during my Junior year forced reconsidering that norm. I ultimately wound up adopting pants and “casual nice” shirts by my later 20s.
Dave it’s interesting because I heard referenced – though I’ve not found it yet – that another study determined that kids who were spanked during a certain time frame in their lives had better outcomes than BOTH kids who were not spanked at all, vs those who were spanked… I think it was something like almost every year well into their teens.
Like I said I’m trying to find the original source and look into it more but things are turning around where some acknowledge that a bit of discipline is good. (Though for me it was as Jordan B Peterson said: You may have to spank once, maybe twice, and after that the threat is enough. That worked on me.)