PopeWatch: Musk to the Rescue

Fresh from his purchase of Twitter,  the world was astonished to learn that Elon Musk has purchased the Vatican.  The rumored price is one hundred billion euros, and that the Chinese forced him to spend more than he intended, with President Xi angrily departing from Saint Peters after he lost the bidding war.  Mr. Musk has stated that the Catholic Church is vital to Western Civilization and that he intends to aid it in achieving new greatness in its mission of preaching the Gospel of Christ.  He has announced a ten part plan:

1. Traditional Catholics may worship freely.
2. The Vatican China deal is abrogated.
3. Pope Francis has resigned and is traveling to a remote monastery in the Andes.
4. A Conclave will take place in the near future, with each participant being required to pass a test on Catholic doctrine before they may vote in the Conclave.
5. All orders  and rulings of the prior pontificate, including the appointment of Cardinals, are to be considered abrogated pending review by the new Pope.
6. The Popemobile will now be driven by computer.
7. The Oath against Modernism is made mandatory for all clergy, with an additional oath against wokeness.
8. The prayer to Saint Michael will be recited after every Mass.
9. Twitter is now the official forum of the Catholic Church.
10. All alarm clocks will be banned.

And with that Sister Calamus woke up to the jarring sound of her alarm clock..  “Oh, Boo, she told her teddy bear, it was so lifelike and so inspiring.  It does give me ideas however!’  And with that the Sister began typing on her computer.

“What do you think Boo?  Too over the top?  For now, but it will not be before I am done.”  The sister then began to laugh, and the Pope would have been chilled if he could have heard that soft Tennessee laugh.