It is truly a gift when an author gives us a ray of sunshine and hope. This is the case with a new book, Joyfully Married – Wisdom from Couples Married 50 or More Years, by Jeanne Curcio. There is more than enough doom and gloom to go around with the evils rampant in the world and in the church. But every once in a while an effervescent beam of brilliant light shines through the clouds. Such is the case with Mrs. Curcio’s book.
Joyfully Married is a much-needed counterpoint to a world in which we hear again and again that more than half of marriages end in divorce or annulment and that “marriage” can be whatever anyone wants it to be with whoever or whatever one pleases.
The book’s simple premise – that there are many folks out there who have been married, happily, blissfully, joyfully for over 50 years – belies the hours of work that evidently went into gathering the wisdom conveyed in the stories of these half-century-married couples. It would be beyond wishful thinking to hope that at some point there is a series of video recordings of each of these couples talking about what has happened in their lives and how it has been possible for them to stay together for so long.
Mrs. Curcio asked over 20 couples a simple question: “ What has kept you joyfully married for 50 or more years?” Two of the couples were married for over 60 years. One was married for almost 70 years. The most common factors appearing in many of the responses are God; faith; commitment, respect, friendship, and liking each other in addition to loving each other. Doing things together, dancing, skiing, listening, being there, having a healthy sense of humor, saying “Yes, honey,” and not going to bed mad were important to many of the couples.
Kissy-face and huggy-body moments also had an important role.
Richard & Merry Carol, married 1968: Starting and ending each day with a kiss.
Bill & Paula, married 1965: Holding hands.
Don & Judy, married 1960: Giving each other a kiss at the start and end of each day.
One of the many virtues of Joyfully Married is its relative brevity. It is as if the author distilled the essence of these successful marriages into a succinct, pithy, comprehensive outline for How To Do Marriage. For this reason, this book can be poignant, useful, and helpful for those who are dating; those who are engaged; and those who are married. In the realm of such books, it would be unequalled as a discussion starter and sharing catalyst for a couple, a class, a seminar, a conference, or for a group considering how to have a happy, joy-filled marriage.
On a final note, Joyfully Married is simply a “good read.” The reader will find that he or she is smiling without realizing it when reading many of the couples’ responses. Also, the love of these married persons for one another will make the reader realize that, indeed, heaven and earth are full of God’s glory.
Joyfully Married was published earlier this year by Westbow Press, a division of Thomas Nelson and Zondervan, and can be ordered through the publisher directly or on Amazon.com.
[This article was originally published at site Catholic Stand]
Sounds good. Society needs good testimonials like this book.
We have been married 32 years and still chugging along. I hope to make 50!!
It is much better than my favorite Grimm fairy tale below.
Sharing Joy and Sorrow
A fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm.
There was once a tailor, who was a quarrelsome fellow, and his wife, who was good, industrious, and pious, never could please him. Whatever she did, he was not satisfied, but grumbled and scolded, and knocked her about and beat her. As the authorities at last heard of it, they had him summoned, and put in prison in order to make him better. He was kept for a while on bread and water, and then set free again. He was forced, however, to promise not to beat his wife any more, but to live with her in peace, and share joy and sorrow with her, as married people ought to do. All went on well for a time, but then he fell into his old ways, and was surly and quarrelsome. And because he dared not beat her, he would seize her by the hair and tear it out. The woman escaped from him, and sprang out into the yard, but he ran after her with his yard-measure and scissors, and chased her about, and threw the yard-measure and scissors at her, and whatever else came his way. When he hit her he laughed, and when he missed her, he stormed and swore. This went on so long that the neighbors came to the wife’s assistance. The tailor was again summoned before the magistrates, and reminded of his promise. “Dear gentlemen,” said he, “I have kept my word, I have not beaten her, but have shared joy and sorrow with her.” – “How can that be,” said the judge, “when she continually brings such heavy complaints against you?” – “I have not beaten her, but just because she looked so strange I wanted to comb her hair with my hand; she, however, got away from me, and left me quite spitefully. Then I hurried after her, and in order to bring her back to her duty, I threw at her as a well-meant admonition whatever came readily to hand. I have shared joy and sorrow with her also, for whenever I hit her I was full of joy, and she of sorrow, and if I missed her, then she was joyful, and I sorry.” The judges were not satisfied with this answer, but gave him the reward he deserved.
Not sure if it’s a universal Jewish custom, but a Jewish friend tells me that in his old-school Eastern European tradition it’s customary for the groom, on a night before his wedding, to sit down with his elder, married relatives and friends. They eat and drink—and most importantly, the groom’s elders speak to him about what they’ve found to be important in keeping a happy marriage. My friend told me it was eye-opening, and all done in both seriousness and great good humor.
I’ve always thought it sounded like a fantastic custom. Joyfully Married sounds like that tradition, but in book form.
[…] ISSUE: Bonus: Joyfully Married; Book Review – Guy McClung, Ph.D., J.D., at The American Catholic Top Stories: The Chapel of Thomas […]
John F. Kennedy. Sharing Joy and Sorrow
A fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm. Thank you for this.
I knew of a wife beater, kicker, brutalizer, misogynist who blamed Eve for eating the apple. As Eve’s husband, Adam had the power to eliminate Eve’s mistake by not eating the apple. Then Adam blamed God for giving “this woman.” to him.
When confronted with his brutality, he explained that it takes two to make a fight. (It is hard to fight with an unconscious wife.)
They did the same to Susan B. Anthony. You know that there is a God because there is a hell.
Buying several books for my married grandchildren.
NOV 6th is our 46th wedding anniversary. On both sides of the family the younger generation are males. Only two of the six are married. Each were 30 when married and now have 2 children each. With the glowing review I’ll order a copy of Joyfully Married for our never married bachelor sons 40 and 42 who are in serious relationships. These are long distance relationships: Spain/San Francisco and Virginia/Louisiana. The last dinner at the beach the 8 of us discussed the hurricane that had passed us but damaged SW Florida. The younger son’s new girl opined that she hoped FL would just disappear from continental US. There was silence at the table. My son is very conservative as was everyone else at the table. It will be intersting to see how this romance works out…