News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a historic compromise, Democrats in Congress have conceded to allow limited constitutional protections for unborn babies as three-fifths of a person.
“We are pleased to offer this compromise to our Republican colleagues that will certainly not look really bad when people look back on us 200 years from now,” said Senate Democrat Leader Chuck Schumer. “We are willing to consider a fetus to be three-fifths of a person, which is a major concession.”
Under the proposed Constitutional amendment, unborn babies will be protected for three-fifths of their gestation, will be allowed to keep three-fifths of their limbs, and will be counted as three-fifths of a person for the purposes of representation in Congress.
“We are so grateful for this historically unprecedented compromise which will put us all on the right side of history and will cause all the future history books to write nice things about us!” said pro-life Republicans in Congress.
Go here to read the rest.
These communities, by their representatives in old Independence Hall, said to the whole world of men: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” This was their majestic interpretation of the economy of the Universe. This was their lofty, and wise, and noble understanding of the justice of the Creator to His creatures. [Applause.] Yes, gentlemen, to all His creatures, to the whole great family of man. In their enlightened belief, nothing stamped with the Divine image and likeness was sent into the world to be trodden on, and degraded, and imbruted by its fellows. They grasped not only the whole race of man then living, but they reached forward and seized upon the farthest posterity. They erected a beacon to guide their children and their children’s children, and the countless myriads who should inhabit the earth in other ages. Wise statesmen as they were, they knew the tendency of prosperity to breed tyrants, and so they established these great self-evident truths, that when in the distant future some man, some faction, some interest, should set up the doctrine that none but rich men, or none but white men, were entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, their posterity might look up again to the Declaration of Independence and take courage to renew the battle which their fathers began — so that truth, and justice, and mercy, and all the humane and Christian virtues might not be extinguished from the land; so that no man would hereafter dare to limit and circumscribe the great principles on which the temple of liberty was being built.
Abraham Lincoln, August 17, 1858
God does not create three fifths of a soul, Shumer tells God how to create the rational, immortal human soul.
Jokers talking murder – a lot of people need to use more than 3/5ths of their brains.
‘ . .s, their posterity might look up again to the Declaration of Independence and take courage to renew the battle which their fathers began — so that truth, and justice, and mercy, and all the humane and Christian virtues might not be extinguished from the land; so that no man would hereafter dare to limit and circumscribe the great principles on which the temple of liberty was being built.’
This is galaxy-brain level satire from the Bee. I will be using it.
It will be especially useful on pro-aborts who do not understand what the 3/5ths Compromise meant….which is all of them