Monday, March 18, AD 2024 10:09pm

There is Precedent For This

 

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an unusual legal twist, defendants charged in the January 6 riots have asked to have their charges reclassified to include child abuse so that the FBI will lose interest and move on to something more important.

“We here at the Bureau deeply apologize for arresting all those alleged rioters, who it turns out were only serially abusive pedophiles,” said FBI Director Christopher Wray. “No child molester should ever have to suffer such indignation at our hands. We promise we will make this right, whether that means forging testimony, burying allegations – whatever it takes to ensure those twisted perverts walk free.”

Several of those involved in the January 6th riots expressed discomfort at admitting to pedophilia, but the FBI was adamant that such an admission meant a free pass. “Look, I shattered a window, I deserved to get in trouble – but they were telling me I was staring down five years of jail time! Then my lawyer comes in and tells me if I just say I’m a pedophile, all of this can go away. Made me sick to my stomach, but I can’t go to jail. Got actual kids to take care of.”

Go here to read the rest.

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