News that PopeWatch missed:
HEAVEN—God, the sovereign Lord of the heavens and earth, issued an apology Wednesday for failing to smite the created order with fire and brimstone during the recent blood moon cluster, but promises He is pulling out all the stops to make sure that doomsday will be primed and ready by the next lunar tetrad.
“Due to a lack of resources, the apocalyptic season has been once again postponed,” the press release read. “All our departments were stretched thin dealing with crises in the Middle East, Donald Trump’s campaign, and the rise of various rank heresies within the church.” The document went on to reassure constituents that the end of all things is still at hand—pending the next bizarre astronomical coincidence. “We are working around the clock to ensure we don’t miss the next big set of blood moons coming up in, I believe, 2032. You can count on it this time.”
Go here to read the rest. Pope Francis announced from the Vatican that the rank heresies within the Church had to be the work of fundamentalists. He was thus setting to work on a long list of excommunications, his naughty list, which he would announce on Christmas Eve. The reaction of Saint Blog’s was predictable: Jimmy Akin published Seven Things to Know and Share About the Pope’s Naughty List, Mark Shea sent the Pope several million American names to put on the naughty list, The American Catholic published a ten part series on naughty lists in Catholic history, Cardinal Burke announced that he was contemplating making a statement, Archbishop Vigano was quoted as saying that he hoped his name was at the top of the list and Santa sued the Pope for copyright infringement.
😂
Brilliant!