The Onion

Giant Crabs: Just What the Economy Needs!

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From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion.  Personally, I am waiting for trained flying monkey servants to do the jobs homo sapiens do not want to do.  It is only a rumor that Governor Quinn of Illinois is attempting to land a contract for the construction of a Giant Crab hatchery on the lake shore of Chicago.

The Kimchi Crusader!

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From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion.  I have heard that a similar offer has been made to President Ahmadinejad of Iran in regard to the next Superman movie.  Unfortunately he turned it down.  Clark Kent looked too Jewish to him.

Ghost Boredom

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From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion.  Well the featured “medium” I suppose was either intended to be a fake (A fake “medium”?  Astounding!) or just a naturally boring guy.  The humor works better if he is simply naturally boring.  I once attended a lecture on roller coasters and the professor speaking managed the considerable feat of making roller coasters seem dull and tedious.  Some people have a natural ability to take any activity, no matter how exciting, and drain the life completely from it.

9-11 Conspiracy Theories Are Ludicrous

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From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion.  The true humor of course is that a cottage industry has arisen claiming that 9-11 was an inside job.  No belief, no matter how farcical, will fail to have fools and knaves to rally about it.  A useful resource to answer some of the whacked out contentions of the 9-11 Truther Movement is the Debunking the 9-11 Myths at Popular Mechanics.  Another first rate source is the Journal of Debunking 9-11 Conspiracy Theories.

This Explains a Lot

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From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion.  Does any one still read Time or US News and World Report?  (I know no one reads Newsweek which was recently sold for a dollar.)  In the days of the Internet who wants to pay for outdated news and Beltway opinions?  I think they only survive as ornaments in the offices of Doctors and Dentists.

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