From the only reliable news source on the net, The Onion:
NINTH CIRCLE, HELL—Stressing that the situation in the underworld was quickly spiraling out of control, Satan, the Great Tempter and Father of Lies, announced Wednesday that he would not allow any more Catholic priests to enter hell. “This place is completely overrun with those monsters, and frankly, they kind of creep me out,” said the Prince of Darkness, adding that every time he looked up, he saw another recently deceased member of the Roman Catholic clergy being cast down into the fires of hell, where each is expected to be tortured until the end of time by Satan and his minions.
Go here to read the rest. A few years ago I noted that I thought that Pope Francis was the worst Pope since Alexander VI. Pope Alexander, I humbly apologize for the odious comparison. Heck of a job Francis, heck of a job.
From the only reliable source of news on the net, The Onion. The above video would be funny if it were not also devastatingly true. I would put on my notepad a New Year’s Resolution to be more organized and plan better, but I can’t seem to find the notepad.
From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. A few years ago I began noticing a new category of evidence emerging: Facebook evidence. People involved in child custody disputes were using the Facebook pages of their adversaries to point out misbehaviors such as drunkness, constant use of profanity, threats to kill, etc. From my perch of 30 years at the bar, I view this development with bemusement. When I was young, people were no more virtuous than they are now, but they usually had more sense than to blast out to the world that they were drunks, hedonists, verbally challenged except when using the F-Bomb, or to have photos of themselves published to the world in, and how truly Victorian the phrase seems now, compromising positions. Most people understood that their personal lives were personal, and not to be broadcast to the planet at large. Now, it seems as if exhibitionism is the order of the day, and Facebook and other social media exist to trumpet every portion of one’s life, especially the tawdry aspects. Time for me to enlist two shades from the next world to provide commentary. First, the famous phrase that Cicero used in his second oration against Verres: O Tempora, O Mores! Second, the late Ray Walston: Continue Reading
In a gesture of bi-partisanship: Continue Reading
Tomorrow is the tenth anniversary of 9/11. To head off any “Truthers”, a truly despicable and delusional movement that contends that 9/11 was an “inside job” perpetrated by nefarious, and apparently omnipotent forces in our government, who could arrange for terrorists to hijack four airliners and launch their attacks at the same time that the real dirty work was carried out by government agents, and keep this conspiracy hidden from view for a decade, except from the paladins of the “Truther” Movement who are able see beyond mere facts and evidence to the evil conspiracies within, I would suggest viewing of a series of videos on You Tube that patiently debunk 9/11 conspiracy theories one at a time. The above video is one of them. Go here to watch others in the series. Continue Reading
From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. Being in favor of freedom to express opinions that you hate is easy. Being in favor of the free expression of babble that you find deeply annoying, aye, there is the rub!
From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. I am honestly surprised that this wasn’t done. With ever improving CGI graphics endless sequels await! I can’t wait to view the Silmarillion part XXV! Continue Reading
From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. Well, being part Cherokee I do not think that there is anything to this silly rumor. However, if any of you out there wish to make money offerings to appease the anger of my outraged ancestors, I guess I could force myself to accept the funds! 🙂
From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. That was creepy. Thank goodness that was Africa and we have nothing like that in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave! Continue Reading
From the only reliable source of news on the net, The Onion. It is only a rumor that the 5 year old screen writer was brought in to do last minute patch ups on the screenplay for Mel Gibson’s beaver opus, The Beaver.
From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. Hmmm, so I guess that Facebook could potentially do more harm to people than merely being a venue where future employers can see drunken photos of job applicants. I don’t know, this seems a bit too clever for the CIA. On the other hand, if someone wanted to claim that Facebook was started by the Internal Revenue Service, I would readily agree.
From the only reliable source of news on the net, The Onion. Well, I guess I will not be posting that video of a pig playing the piano after all.
From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. I don’t know, I think we would be better off if Congress had forgotten how to pass a law a few years ago. At any rate, I always attempt to come to the assistance of fools, drunks and the United States Congress, so here is a little reminder as to how a bill becomes a law: Continue Reading
From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. Personally, I am waiting for trained flying monkey servants to do the jobs homo sapiens do not want to do. It is only a rumor that Governor Quinn of Illinois is attempting to land a contract for the construction of a Giant Crab hatchery on the lake shore of Chicago.
From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. I have heard that a similar offer has been made to President Ahmadinejad of Iran in regard to the next Superman movie. Unfortunately he turned it down. Clark Kent looked too Jewish to him.
From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. Well the featured “medium” I suppose was either intended to be a fake (A fake “medium”? Astounding!) or just a naturally boring guy. The humor works better if he is simply naturally boring. I once attended a lecture on roller coasters and the professor speaking managed the considerable feat of making roller coasters seem dull and tedious. Some people have a natural ability to take any activity, no matter how exciting, and drain the life completely from it.
From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. The true humor of course is that a cottage industry has arisen claiming that 9-11 was an inside job. No belief, no matter how farcical, will fail to have fools and knaves to rally about it. A useful resource to answer some of the whacked out contentions of the 9-11 Truther Movement is the Debunking the 9-11 Myths at Popular Mechanics. Another first rate source is the Journal of Debunking 9-11 Conspiracy Theories.
From the only reliable source of news on the net, the Onion. Does any one still read Time or US News and World Report? (I know no one reads Newsweek which was recently sold for a dollar.) In the days of the Internet who wants to pay for outdated news and Beltway opinions? I think they only survive as ornaments in the offices of Doctors and Dentists.