Six Impossible Liturgical Things before Breakfast

Inspired by Pope Francis’s latest pronouncements on proper conduct at Holy Mass, I’ve thought of  some other things that we might wish to happen.

  1. No hymns written after 1905 will be sung at Mass.
  2. There will be no drums, wind instruments, or guitars accompanying the choir for hymns or other liturgical music.
  3. The “Our Father” prayer will be recited or chanted;  anyone who sings the “Notre Dame Folk Choir”  “Our Father” will be required to do penance.
  4. All children under three will sleep through Mass.
  5. No one will arrive at Mass after  the opening prayer;   no one will leave until the second verse of the recessional hymn is sung.
  6. As Pope Francis requested, all cell phones will be off and conversations will be held outside the church.

I have many more, so look for another edition of this.  And feel free to add your own.


Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast

“Alice laughed. ‘There’s no use trying,’ she said. ‘One can’t believe impossible things.’

“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,’ said the Queen. ‘When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”–Lewis Carroll, Alice through the Looking-Glass

  1. Stephen Hawking, Sean Carroll, and Lawrence Krauss enter RCIA classes, preparatory to entering the Church.
  2. Madonna is admitted to a cloistered Carmelite Nunnery.
  3. Nancy Pelosi, Richard Durbin, Andrew Cuomo and several other Democrat politicians join a demonstration against abortion at a Planned Parenthood Clinic.
  4. President Trump cancels his Twitter account and engages in a two-week silent retreat.
  5. Pope Francis invites 10 “climate change deniers” to Castle Gandalfo, to tutor him on how science is done.
  6. Dear Reader:  you name the sixth.