Prayer Request

Friday, June 23, AD 2017

 

LarryD at Acts of the Apostasy has the dreadful news that his nineteen year old nephew took his life.  I would regard it as a personal favor for prayers to be offered for LarryD, the young man’s family and the repose of the soul of the young man.  I have long believed that before we reach our end, God throws a rope to us.  Let us hope that the young man grasped it before his soul left his body.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.  Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.  Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen.

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Not My Paws Only But All of Me!

Saturday, April 8, AD 2017

 

 

Larry D at Acts of the Apostasy brings us this news:

 

ROME – Reports from the Vatican indicate that Pope Francis has scheduled a stop at a local animal shelter to wash the paws of 12 dogs on Holy Thursday, after washing inmates’ feet at an Italian prison.

Church officials told the AoftheA News Vatican Bureau that Pope Francis is excited to visit the dogs spending the Easter holiday at the shelter, and extend this act of mercy towards them. It’s unsure if he will wash all four paws, or just their front paws.

“His Holiness feels that dogs deserve to be treated this way, as it’s quite evident that Jesus had a soft spot in his heart for dogs,” one official said, speaking under condition of anonymity. “You see in scripture how dogs cared for Lazarus by licking his sores, showing that they lived their Christian faith better than others at that time. You see how the Canaanite woman changed Jesus’ mind when she said ‘even dogs eat scraps that fall from their master’s table’. Plus, it wasn’t that long ago that Pope Francis declared that dogs indeed go to heaven, so it’s entirely appropriate to being Christ, and bringing Christ, to them.”

Another official said the Holy Father believes Christ’s mercy is available to every living thing, including those with mange, hip dysplasia, or worms. “Jesus didn’t come for the healthy, but for the sick. His Holiness reminds us, though, to be wary of those ridden with fleas, for if you lie with them, you will certainly rise with them and be infested.”

Animal activists are pleased with the Holy Father’s plans, and that he will be raising animal rights awareness. Amanda Hugginkhyss, director of “Animals Are People Too”, said it’s a strong sign Pope Francis is making the Catholic Church a more inclusive place. “Is what he’s doing perfect? No, but it’s a start, and like all progressive initiatives, all we hope for is a crack through which we can infiltrate, and then start making our demands for animal rights in the church.”

When asked why cats housed at the shelter aren’t included, one official told AoftheA News: “Cats are evil, that’s why.”

He also confirmed that Pope Francis’ favorite movie is “All Dogs Go To Heaven”, but wasn’t all that impressed with the sequel.

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9 Responses to Not My Paws Only But All of Me!

  • Please tell me this is a late April Fools joke. Or an Eye of the Tiber gotcha.

  • LarryD does humorous pieces Elizabeth. Doesn’t it speak volumes about this ponticate that one could imagine this as as being a straight news story?

  • Yes, it sure does. I woke up this morning and thought of my comment of yesterday and started feeling a bit foolish that I even considered that this was for real. Strange times indeed.
    Is that site, Acts of the Apostasy, kind of like The Onion or Eye of the Tiber then? I’ve heard of it but never looked at it.

  • Does that raccoon have any nukes? If so would that complicate the feet washing?

  • “Is that site, Acts of the Apostasy, kind of like The Onion or Eye of the Tiber then? I’ve heard of it but never looked at it.”

    LarryD is a faithful Catholic and a good writer, along with a delicious sense of humor.

  • Funny bit… the “Animals are people too,” is sadly a social justice mantra being absorbed by progressives who refuse to respect the unborn human life but gladly bemoan the abuses of dogs or cats that are “suffering.”
    I like pets however to give them a status above the sacredness of unborn human life is pathetic. A sure sign of a culture without a clue. A blackened and stained culture.

  • The Pope has decided to cancel the foot washing ceremony at the pound, citing fears of getting bit in the ass from a rabid dog-ma.

  • However, Pope Francis has agreed to administer last rites to a Self-Absorbed Promethean Neopelagian pooch that is scheduled to be put down that day.

  • Greg Mockeridge.

    The pooch in question was caught “breeding like rabbits,” and didn’t heed his Holiness command to “practice responsible parenthood.”

    Hence the decision to put the pooch down.

I Resemble That Remark

Thursday, April 6, AD 2017

 

 

From LarryD at Acts of the Apostasy:

 

Horace MacTaverson, long time parishioner at Our Lady of Special Occasions, told AoftheA News this morning that he’s mighty unhappy it’s likely he won’t get to park in his regular spot this Easter.

“First row, next to the last handicap space,” he growled. “8:30 Mass, every Sunday mornin’, for the past thirty-one years.” Horace stared off into the distance and noisily clicked his partial upper plate. “Except on Easter. And that one time it snowed so hard I couldn’t make it up the drive, but that don’t count none.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Those dang Chreasters, showin’ up two times a year, actin’ like they own the place, parkin’ wherever they dang well feel like it,” he grumbled. “No respect, I tell ya. No respect!”

Horace ran his weathered hand through his sparse hair. “This is gonna mess up my mornin’ schedule. Instead of arrivin’ at ten minutes past the hour like always, I hafta get here at ten minutes before the hour, and even that’s no guar-own-tee my spot won’t be taken!”

His jaw clenched. “Just thinkin’ about this is gettin’ my goat. My whole Sunday mornin’ routine is gonna get screwed up. I hope Father says sumthin’ about this in his sermon, give these Chreasters the ol’ what for. Downright rude, coming to Easter Mass and makin’ me park somewhere else. But he’ll prob’bly just talk about love, and peace, and other stuff like that.”

Horace wagged his index finger. “And don’t get me started about my seat being taken neither! Third row, on the aisle, behind the Pattersons.” His shoulders shook with a violent quiver. “God, Easter is the worst.”

 

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3 Responses to I Resemble That Remark

  • Even though a Protestant my father attended Mass on his own when he travelled in the Air Force; invited missionaries to our quarters when stationed overseas, in fact, had many priest friends; and insisted that my brother and I attend Catholic school. After every Sunday Mass at St. Thomas More we’d be sitting in traffic which would trigger his tangent about the “so-called Christians in the parking lot.” He couldn’t understand how Catholics could receive Christ at Mass and then afterwards be so rude exiting the parking lot. He always said it was a factor in delaying his conversion. He joined the church at age 55. Died at age 90. We all still miss him 13 years later.

  • This is why I almost always park on the street when I go to Mass.

  • Eye contact seems to be a big plus… or having small children that delay you half an hour getting out.

    Hey, I think I figured out why the “donuts after mass” thing started!
    (We always go on Saturday if possible, but the effect is the same.)

Nap Time

Thursday, March 30, AD 2017

 

From LarryD at Acts of the Apostasy:

 

SLEEPY HOLLOW – Three-year-old Remy Nodderson took full advantage of the gospel at Sunday’s Mass, as the priest read the long form rather than omitting the bracketed sections, allowing him to get what he called “the best nap I’ve had in weeks”.

“I was all prepared to throw a Category 6 tantrum,” Remy told AoftheA News. “It welled up inside me during the Responsorial Psalm, and I felt it cresting during the second reading. But when Father went long form for the Gospel? It was lights out, baby.”

Remy’s nap on the cushioned, soft-as-a-cloud pew bench, his head supported by his dad’s comfortably weathered leather jacket, lasted until the Sign of Peace, when his older sister Corma stepped on his face as she reached out to hug her mother.

“Yeah, if she hadn’t shoved her Florsheim up my nose, I would’ve slumbered like a baby through Holy Communion, nestled safely against daddy’s shoulder. I thought about screaming like a stuck pig for maybe half a second, but damn, that nap was soooo good. I really couldn’t care less.”

Remy yawned, stretched his little limbs, and cracked his knuckles. “Sure, my parents are grateful now. Wait til it’s 2 in the morning, and they’re still trying to make me go to bed.”

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4 Responses to Nap Time

  • I love Pope Benedict XVI, napping and awake.

  • That 27 hour visit to Malta occurred in April 2010. His Holiness’ catnap on the altar was not mentioned by the Times of Malta. The real news on that trip was that Benedict arranged a prayerful meeting with victims of clerical abuse, and that he praised citizens of Malta for their devotions to the faith. Abortion and divorce are illegal in Malta and he praised the citizens for their continued respect for life and marriage . Pope Benedict will 90 years old April 16th. Who knows what meds he was or is prescribed that might induce drowsiness.
    He needs our prayers even in retirement.

  • Thanks for the link, Don!

  • Thanks Larry for giving me a smile so many times with your articles!

Quick! Someone Get Warren Beatty Up Here!

Monday, February 27, AD 2017

 

LarryD at Acts of the Apostasy gives us a timely lesson in alternate Church history:

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(AoftheANews) – CARTHAGE, 397 AD – Confusion reigned for several moments last night during the closing ceremonies of the Council of Carthage, as presenters of the Inspired Scripture: Gospels category accidentally announced the Gospel of Thomas, along with Matthew, Luke, and John, as having won.

Members of the Gnostic community were already on stage to receive the award, when a flurry of activity behind the scenes caused confusion and delay.

“As soon as I saw acolytes and presbyters scurrying around, passing scrolls to one another, with panicked looks on their faces, I knew something was amiss,” one Gnostic said. “I had this feeling they were keeping secret knowledge from us, and I became concerned.”

Moments later, amidst cries of “Heresy!” and “Anathema sit!” from the stunned crowd, a council official announced that the Gospel of Thomas was mistakenly announced as being inspired and canonical, saying that the winner was the Gospel of Mark. The news was greeted with thunderous applause and cheers.

The Gnostic community was understandably upset. “Sure, Mark’s been a de facto Gospel for a couple centuries, but we thought we had a legit shot at this council. Yeah, we fell short in 251, 256, and 345, but we felt really confident. Maybe 411 will be our year.”

 

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9 Responses to Quick! Someone Get Warren Beatty Up Here!

  • Acts of the Apostasy has a slight error. They would have had codices on this stage, not scrolls. Christians of this time were at the cutting edge of media technology. Sorry LarryD.

  • The Russians Hacked The Oscars. It Was not her Fault.

  • “The Gnostic community was understandably upset.”

    It’s poetic justice.
    For two hours or so, the Gnostics ripped apart at the leadership of our nation. A jab here, a protest there and throughout the evening the self made God’s and Goddesses applauded themselves as the creme de la creme, sweetness beyond all sweetness and holiness beyond all holiness. There’s is a vocation that resembles the zenith of Truth and thus they expect the respect from the lowly ones who don’t share a “life to live,” because they are not ACTOR’s. They, the insolent, can’t possibly understand the creative genius and brilliant talent that towers over all vocations ever imagined. There’s is a magic kingdom. To illustrate this point they took commoners from the street and paraded them at the feet of the Gnostics of high art. Stunned and kissing the hands of the glamorous, they shuffled off…stage left.

    One hundred years ago it was said; “He who laughs, lasts”-1917 Nov. 3rd W.E. Nesom (Perverted Proverbs)

    At the Grand Finale of Hollywood’s Holy Grail we see the botched and bewildered.
    The fools, Kings and Queens all, provide the best ending…A TRiUMPant ending..proving that he who laughs last, laughs best!

  • Nobody beats Abbess Dolores Hart, but nobody.

  • It is interesting that after trashing Trump they ended up looking like chumps.

  • Recalls what Mgr Ronald Knox said of our forefathers:

    “They were content MARK, MATTHEW, LUKE & JOHN
    Should bless th’old-fashion’d Beds they lay upon :
    But we, for ev’ry one of theirs, have two,
    And trust the Watchfulness of blessed Q.”

  • @ Mary De Voe.

    Great story!
    She slipped by my radar.
    Thanks for the introduction.
    A true star if ever there was one.

    Incase I wasn’t the only one with limited radar; http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2105662/Dolores-Hart-Elvis-Presleys-flame-turned-Hollywood-live-convent.html

  • Thank you for the link, Philip. Saw Dolores Hart at the Oscars that night and I loved her immediately.

  • As one whose education and avocation is history, I would just note that although a number of texts were considered for inclusion in the bible, some did not make it simply because they did not have tradition and authentication on their provenance. Many of them contain matters worthy of consideration. The objective of this article is well taken but to regard all non-included texts to be without value would be to carry the matter a bit too far.