7

PopeWatch: Burke

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Akron, OH–Pope Francis has reportedly planned to remove Cardinal Raymond Burke from head of the Apostolic Signatura, demoting him to the largely ceremonial role as Head Chaplain for the Akron RubberDucks minor league baseball team.

Although his removal from the Roman Curia (the body of Vatican-based Cardinals who are close advisers to the Pope,) appears to be a slight to many conservative Catholics, some Akron-based Catholic  RubberDucks fans believe Burke’s new role as chaplain and adviser to the minor league team will help revitalize the beloved Double-A affiliate of the Cleveland Indians.

President of the Akron RubberDucks Jacob Wallace told EOTT this morning that the team has been playing liberally in the past few years, and that it was time for a change. “We need to begin playing a lot more conservative…the way we used to play when were winning,” Wallace said. “We believe that his spiritual impact on the team will help us reduce errors. I have personally spoken to Cardinal Burke and he has assured me that there will no longer be anymore stealing bases. Anyone caught stealing will be removed from the team immediately. If we’re going to win, we’re going to win with integrity.”

Burke, who is not only a liturgical conservative, but also a baseball conservative, is also expected to change the RubberDucks jersey back to the old-fashioned retro jerseys the team wore when it was founded in 1997. Continue Reading

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Another Vote For Scottish Independence

“The noblest prospect which a Scotchman ever sees, is the high road that leads him to England!”

Dr. Samuel Johnson

As faithful readers of this blog know, I am in favor of Scotland voting to break away from the UK.  Go here to read my reasons why.  I welcome Groundskeeper Willie to the cause, particularly because of his keen insight into the Scottish national character, as he demonstrates below in mentioning some of the mortal enemies of the Scots:

Update:  Ah, PJ O’Rourke has joined the chorus calling for Scottish Independence:

 

This coming Thursday the Scots will vote on whether to make Scotland an independent nation. And I hope they do because it will be a disaster.

I don’t say this as a prejudiced Irishman. Even though the thistle-arse sheep-shagger Scots swiped Ulster and sent a herd of Presbyterian proddy dogs and porridge wogs to squat on our land and won the Battle of the Boyne in 1690 by using unfair—indeed, unheard of —- organization, discipline, and tactics on an Irish battlefield. We Micks only hold a grudge about such things for 300 years or so. Continue Reading

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Microaggressions as Opposed to Simple Kvetching

 

Microaggressions Klavan?  I think this is a new term for thin skinned nitwits who do not have real problems in their life to be upset about.  Go here for some additional examples.  My personal favorite:

 

A Facebook friend posted a picture of a PSA billboard encouraging parents to teach young boys to be respectful of women and the friend added her observation, as a teacher, that young men will meet such expectations if placed before them.

A male commenter added, “And the same can be said for young girls, when they are expected to act like ladies.” Made me feel defensive and unsafe, as though I only deserve respect if I adhere to a strict behavioral code that meets some dude’s definition of a “lady”. Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Noise

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Yonkers, NY––Blake Jennings, lead guitarist at St. Therese Parish in Yonkers, New York is outraged over what he calls “years of concerts being interrupted by the Mass.” The 56-year-old accountant and father of three has played with his band at the 9:30 Folk Mass since 2009. “Our fans love us,” Jennings said, after Sunday Mass. “You can see it in their eyes…the way they droop down, lazily closing as we play…as if they’re entering into some kind of ecstasy. Or the way some in the parish are so moved they just can’t stand another moment of joy, and simply walk out…presumably to get some air.” But according to Jennings, many in the band have been becoming ever frustrated with the frequent interruptions to their concerts. “Father’s always interrupting…always trying to upstage us. First it’s a gospel, then a homily, eventually the words of consecration…there’s always something with this guy.” Jennings has recently begun a petition, and hopes to get 2,000 signatures to send to the diocese. Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: This Explains Liturgical Dance

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From the only source of reliable Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

It is being reported this morning that world-renowned liturgical dancer Doris Griffin has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. A USCCB spokesman said that trace amounts of an illegal substance were found in Griffin’s blood early Monday morning. This comes just days after reports that Griffin’s trainer, Jake Stately, admitted that he had not only injected Griffin before “numerous Masses,” but that he also had one of the syringes used on the 56-year-old dancer.

Griffin, who is best known for her treatise on liturgical dancing, The Art Of Body Worship, And So Can You, told Eye of the Tiber that the drug found in her system may have been the result of an over-the-counter weight loss medicine that she had recently started taking. Meanwhile, friends of Griffin have come to her defense saying that, though she had recently been under a grueling schedule, that the liturgical dancing phenomena would never resort to injecting. “The Lord has just blessed her body with such a rhythm…such an ability to properly express the proper flow of worship as to ever need any drugs,” a friend of Griffin said.

The USCCB Commission for Mass Doping, meanwhile, say that they will be suspending Griffin from participating in all Masses where dancing is involved until they have concluded their investigation. “For the time being, Ms. Griffin will only have access to the Tridentine Low Mass.” Continue Reading

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Sleep Easy America, Biden is on the Job!

Father Z points out a celebration of the fierce comments of beloved National Clown and Veep Joe Biden on ISIS/ISIL:

 

Meanwhile, from The People’s Cube, we have a solution to the problem of ISIS!

I hope the President is taking notes.

ISIL to be Defeated by Twitter and Instagram Bombardment
Dear Comrades,

Comrade Vice President Joseph Biden has announced that the USSA will chase The Islamic Caliphate (PBUI) ‘to the gates of hell’ with a barrage of fearsome Twitter messages and fatally ironic Instagram photos.

Already successful used by the USSA State Department’s Information Directorate against the bourgeois imperialist Vladimir Putin and the Boko Haram in Nigeria, The Islamic State can soon expect to receive thousand of potentially embarrassing texts and pictures from high-capacity online accounts being prepared at the White Fortress.

Throughout the USSA, countless college students have already volunteered to repost and retweet State messages, adding even heavier firepower to the State’s already considerable resources. So many messages are expected to put Caliphate accounts that many officials expect a total retreat within weeks, if not the closing of thousands of account by disloyal terrorist operatives.

Debilitated by shame and unable to handle ironic humor, Comrade President B. B. Obama has told Party officials he expects total destruction of the enemy back to manageable proportions before his mid-Autumn golf season begins in early October.

We will embarrass the Caliphate back to the Stone Age! Social Pressure is the preferred People’s Weapon!!

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Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Spirit of Vatican II

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

CINCINNATI, OH- A Solemn High Requiem Mass was held Thursday at St. Martura Church in downtown Cincinnati for the Spirit of Vatican II, aged 52. After suffering a progressively debilitating illness for the last ten years of its life as a new generation of priests re-examined the Council in light of Sacred Tradition, the Spirit of Vatican II passed away quietly in its sleep last Tuesday.

“The Requiem Mass really brought closure to the community,” said 26-year old Father David Flannigan, FSSP, who celebrated the Mass with Deacon Brady Schwartz, 32, and Subdeacon Anthony LaViera, 23. “While the death of the Spirit of Vatican II was certainly expected, we were glad to offer Mass for its repose.”

“What a beautiful Mass!” commented long-time parishioner Gladys O’Neal. “I hadn’t seen black vestments since I was a little girl. And as much as I love the song On Eagle’s Wings, the Dies Irae sequence really got me thinking about the Four Last Things.”

The Spirit of Vatican II is survived by a dwindling number of aging hippies who dropped out of seminary in the ‘70’s, some faded felt banners, and tambourines presently gathering dust in storage.

When asked to comment, Pope Francis said, “He never took care of himself and took way too many drugs back in the Sixties and the Seventies, which explains his taste in hymns.  May he rest in peace in glorious silence.”

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Tips to ISIS on Chicago

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Chicago ain’t no sissy town!

Alderman Michael “Hinky Dink” Kenna

Got to love the modern age.  An Isis terrorist purportedly tweeted the above image which shows the Old Republic building in Chicago:

 

WGNtv.com reports the message on the paper as, “Soldiers of the Islamic state of Iraq and Syria will pass from here soon.” The message is dated “20 June, 2014.”

The text of the tweet adds: “We are in your state, We are in your cities, We are in your streets.” Other tweets say, “we are here #america near our #target…sooooooooooooon.”

Go here to read the rest.  As someone who has some experience with the Windy City, I would like to give the ISIS terrorists some tips:

 

1.  Keep your beheading axes firmly under wraps.  If not, they will be quickly taken by the skilled thieves of Chicago and fenced within two hours flat.

2.  If you set up an operational base in a commercial section, it will be only a matter of hours before some official will be around talking about safety inspections.  Slip him at least 200 or I guarantee something will be found wrong and your base will be shut down.

3.  If you do park a vehicle on the street some sketchy individual will come up and offer to watch your vehicle.  If you do not pay him you might come back and find your car vandalized.  If it is a high end vehicle you might come back and find your car gone. Continue Reading

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Kids!

Christopher Johnson, a non-Catholic who has taken up the cudgels so frequently for the Church that I have named him Defender of the Faith, addresses at Midwest Conservative Journal the perennial question of what to do when a child decides to go astray:

From the dawn of time, parents everywhere have dreaded having to face that terrible moment when one of their children rejects the family religious tradition:

Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Buyout

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

Irondale, AL–EWTN Global Catholic Network announced today that it has acquired the Vatican-based Holy See.

“EWTN has been a partner with the Holy See for many years, and I am very pleased and excited that this highly respected organization will become a part of the EWTN family of services,” said Network chairman Michael P. Warsaw. “Since its founding two-thousand years ago, the Vatican has proven itself to be a valuable source for all things Catholic.”

Under the terms of the agreement, no cash will be exchanged between the parties, and EWTN will assume control of all ongoing activities of the Vatican. Host of The World Over Raymond Arroyo is expected to be named new head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.

“Among other impressive accomplishments, the Vatican is the world’s largest charitable organization in the world,” Arroyo said. “It was founded in 33 A.D. and it’s been expanding ever since. I truly believe that this union is a match made in Heaven.”

Though the Holy See has long been a player in religion, it has struggled of late with many financial issues. But many analysts are saying that with EWTN’s power and influence now backing the Holy See, it should really start becoming a real contender again. Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Middle Earth Ecumenicalism

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

MORDOR––Sister Florence Deacon announced today that the upcoming annual assembly for the Leadership Conference of Women Religious would be taking place at the smoldering base of Mount Doom in Mordor, and would be led by the Dark Lord Sauron. The announcement came in a joint statement between LCWR leaders and numerous well know officials from the lands surrounding Mordor including Azog the Defiler, Uruk-hai Scout Captain Ugluk, Orc Captain of the Warg Rider Sharku, and President of LCWR Carol Zinn. LCWR and Mordor leaders would not comment on the specifics of the upcoming conference except to say that they were eagerly anticipating the conference, which would focus on the ongoing situation with the Vatican. “We shall soon celebrate the dawn of a new era!” Zinn shouted to tens of thousands of cheering Orcs and LCWR nuns as they all furiously, mindlessly slammed their spears against their shields in unison, over and over again. Zinn went on to conclude her rousing speech, shouting, “One conference to rule us all! No habits to bind us! No veil to blind us! And with liberation at our helm shall they be defied!” Continue Reading

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Thomas the Right Wing Tank Engine

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Christopher Johnson, a non-Catholic who has taken up the cudgels so frequently in defense of the Church that I have named him Defender of the Faith, brings us the latest news from Leftist Crazyland:

 

 

 

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Tracy Van Slyke, authoress of the SINGLE dumbest thing ever written:

Thomas [the Tank Engine] and those friends are trains that toil away endlessly on the Isle of Sodor – which seems to be forever caught in British colonial times – and, on its surface, the show seems to impart good moral lessons about hard work and friendship. But if you look through the steam rising up from the coal-powered train stacks, you realize that the pretty puffs of smoke are concealing some pretty twisted, anachronistic messages.

ANNNNNNNNND we’re off.  What kinds of “pretty twisted, anachronistic messages” can be worked into a kid’s TV show, Tracy?

For one, these trains perform tasks dictated by their imperious, little white boss, Sir Topham Hatt (also known as The Fat Controller), whose attire of a top hat, tuxedo and big round belly is just a little too obvious. Basically, he’s the Monopoly dictator of their funky little island. Hatt orders the trains to do everything from hauling freight to carrying passengers to running whatever random errand he wants done, whenever he wants it done – regardless of their pre-existing schedules.

Because he’s a human being and they’re…talking machines?

Inevitably, the trains get in a fight with or pick on one another (or generally mess up whatever job they are supposed to be doing) until Hatt has to scold one of them about being a “really useful engine”, because their sole utility in life is their ability to satisfy his whims. Yeah, because I want to teach my kid to admire a controlling autocrat.

Trace?  Sweetie?  You do know that Sir Topham Hatt isn’t the central focus of that show, don’t you?  And that sentient trains don’t actually exist?

But there was one particular episode that caused me to put the brakes on Thomas for good. It revolved around James, a red engine who is described in the opening credits as “vain but lots of fun.” (Wait, it’s OK to be vain if you can show others a good time occasionally? Great – that’s going in my Parenting 101 book.) In the episode “Tickled Pink”, poor vain James, is ordered by Topham Hat to get a new coat of paint. But while James has only had an undercoat of pink slathered on, Topham Hatt interrupts and demands that James go pick up Hatt’s granddaughter and deliver her and her friends to a birthday party right now.

You all know what pink means.

James is mortified that he has to travel while pink and proceeds to hide from all the other trains along the way. When he’s caught, the other trains – including Thomas – viciously laugh and mock him.

Thomas the Tank Engine.  Gay basher.

“What are you doing James? You’re a big pink steamie,” says Diesel, the bad-boy engine. (For the record, all the “villains” on Thomas and Friends are the dirty diesel engines. I’d like to think there was a good environmental message in there, but when the good engines pump out white smoke and the bad engines pump out black smoke – and they are all pumping out smoke – it’s not hard to make the leap into the race territory.)

Check that.  Thomas the Tank Engine.  Racist gay basher.

But once James gets back on the rails and picks up Granddaughter Hatt and her friends, all seemingly ends well because the girls love pink.

Well guess what? It’s not OK. You think a little boy watching Thomas is going to file away the lesson that pink is OK for boys? No, what kids remember is that James was laughed at, cruelly, over and over again, because he looked different and was clad in a “girly” pink color.

Whatever, kid.  Trace?  You’re right to be concerned.  If you play any given version of a British Thomas episode backward, do you know what you’ll hear?  Campaign commercials for the UK Independence Party (play an American version backward and you’ll hear a whole lot of people explaining why Barack Obama is the single worst president in the history of the United States of America).

Get help, Tracy. Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Abdication

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

BRAZIL––The German National Team today stunned soccer fans across the globe with their announcement that they would abdicate the World Cup title, effective today. FIFA, the international governing body of association football, said today it has voted the largely unknown Argentinian National Team to assume the title of champions of the soccer world.

In a statement issued today, the German National Team wrote: “…in today’s game, subject to so many rapid changes on the pitch and shaken by questions of deep relevance for the beautiful game, in order to govern the bark of the World Cup and proclaim the goodness of futbal, both strength of mind and body are necessary, strength which in the last few quarters of play, has deteriorated in us to the extent that we have had to recognize our incapacity to adequately fulfill the duties necessary to being World Cup champions.”

The Argentinean Nation Team takes over title as FIFA is embroiled in a storm of controversy after accepting Qatar’s bid to host the 2022 World Cup. Moments after news broke that Argentina would be taking over as World Cup champions, soccer fans from the across the globe were enthusiastic about the news. One American soccer fan, Timothy Clark, told EOTT that it was a time for a change.

“The old champions were not a good fit for today’s game. They didn’t allow soccer to evolve from the antiquated way it used to be played. It seemed like they wanted to take game back to the early days of soccer. But the Argentinian team appears to be a champion for the people. They seem open to changes. I really think they will open the door to female players in the near future.”

At press time, the Argentinian National team has told the press that “If a player wants to slap another player on the butt after a goal, who are we to judge.”    Continue Reading

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Are You Middle Aged or Ancient?

Middle-Aged

 

Courtesy of Father Z.  I don’t know, I think my kids would say I am ancient.  Let’s take that test:

1.  Are your veteran benefits paid in sesterces for your valiant service in the Social War?

2.  Is your reaction when people say, “We can’t be fired, slaves have to be sold!”, well, duh!

3.  Do you view the tribunes as a radical destabilizing force in the Republic?

4.  Do you think those illegal aliens from Magna Graecia should be shipped back south, especially if they won’t learn Latin?

5.  Do you think the Dionysian mystery cult is leading the younger generation astray? Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Brazil

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

“From the beautiful beaches of its coast along the Atlantic to its lush rain forest surrounding the Amazon River, the Almighty harbors a deep and serious hatred for the country of Brazil,” said St. Gabriel the Archangel, Press Secretary of the Kingdom of Heaven since the resignation of Jay Carney earlier this year. “The Trinitarian Godhead, who is infinite both in His Justice and His Mercy, just plain old doesn’t like the place, and for some reason contained in His Mysterious Providence, wishes for its people nothing but bitter sadness in their life. That is why he allowed Brazil to suffer such a bitter and humiliating loss to the German National Team.”

The Archangel explained, however, that this hatred is “not in any way” toward the souls of the Brazilian people, and His Salvific Grace is always poured out to them. “It’s not that the Alpha/Omega desires their eternal torment; He wishes that all men be saved. But in this temporal life, the Creator simply wants them to suffer with terrible agony.”

St. Gabriel reassured the public that Brazil is not alone in the Almighty’s hatred. “I know that the lands of Haiti and Iraq are definitely up there as well.” When asked about the city of Detroit, the archangel abruptly announced, “This press conference is over.”

When asked to comment Pope Francis said, That is a relief!  After Kirchner was elected President I assumed God hated Argentina.

Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Obama Mass

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

 

Southbend, IN––Three years after Notre Dame invited Barack Obama to deliver the commencement speech to its graduating class, the university has now reportedly invited him to say Mass at the Basilica of the Sacred Heart. “We’d like to let our students and their parents know that we would never compromise our faith tradition,” Notre Dame President, Reverend John Jenkins, said Friday, “It is a simple show of Christian unity.” But not all Catholics are in favor of the university’s decision to allow a pro-choice, non-Catholic to say Mass. Sophomore Alice Bell had some reservations about the decision, telling Eye of the Tiber that she and her friends would not be attending Mass for the next year or two in protest. No word yet on whether the democratic president intends to hear confessions prior to Mass. Continue Reading

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Schadenfreude, Sweet Schadenfreude

National Catholic Reporter

 

Go here to read the often hysterical, and frequently unintentionally humorous, comments on the Hobby Lobby decision at the National Catholic Reporter.

 

One of my personal favorites:

No, Pete, this decision is not good and it is not a start. Thanks to Congress and the US Supreme Court it is a continuation of the slide from a pluralistic society into a theocratic one. And not just a theocracy, but a Christian theocracy. (Judaism and Islam is not included.) And not just a Christian theocracy, but a so-called Christian theocracy embraced by a small minority who hold certain “sincere beliefs.”
With this decision all tax payers of whatever belief or no belief will have to allocate part of the US budget to pay for medical benefits for women who are denied those benefits so their corporate employers can be free to exercise their “sincere beliefs.”
As we celebrate this Independence Day 2014 it might be beneficial to ask if this is what the founders had in mind when they wrote the First Amendment U.S. Constitution.
George McCartin
priest/lawyer

 

 

1

PopeWatch: Nutmail

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

Boonville, NC–Writing under the pen name “Nerocious,” 67-year-old Max Kroeger of Boonville, North Carolina sent an irate letter to the Vatican this week denouncing what he called the “abuse and corruption” inside the Vatican. Kroeger reported this morning that the 12,000 word letter addressed to “TO WHOM IT MUST CONCERN” was the fruit of a vigorous and ferocious one hour writing session he had had the prior evening after finishing the book Hitler’s Pope. Father Roberto Abate, who had the privilege of opening the letter, told Eye of the Tiber that he had never seen such a well crafted letter in all his years. “It was outstanding,” Abate said, still in tears by the fervor that seemed to pour forth from the passionately written letter. “I was moved even before I read its contents. The entire thing was written in caps, which automatically caught my attention and alerted me to the fact this was a serious matter, and that this man, whoever he was, was extremely furious about the state of the Church.” Abate went on to say that the masterfully executed letter, with its flawless use of all caps, as well a large number of just perfectly positioned bold ones that helped to emphasize certain aspects Kroeger believed the Church was lacking, could very well make it to the Holy Father’s desk. “This is what the Pope likes to see. It is not enough to write a letter. You must mean it…you must make it stand out. After all, without capitalized words, bold words, underlined words, and perhaps even highlighted words pointing out phrases that you don’t want the reader to overlook, how can you expect anyone to know that you’re frustrated?” Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Excommunication

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

 

Washington, DC––In an astonishing move today, Minority Leader of the House of Representatives and Mouthpiece of God in the United States Nancy Pelosi has excommunicated San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone.

The move comes just a day after Pelosi sent Cordileone a letter asking him not to attend the National Organization for Marriage march in Washington D.C., calling the event “venom masquerading as virtue.” In response to the letter, Cordileone issued a response saying that the March for Marriage “is not anti-LGBT, but rather, it is a pro-marriage march.”

The letter of excommunication begins with Pelosi regretfully informing the San Francisco bishop that, due to actions displaying disdain and hate towards LGBT persons, “I, Nancy Pelosi, Mouthpiece of God Almighty, Secretary of Defense Against Bigotry, Director of the Office of Tolerance, and Ambassador to the Alpha and the Omega, hereby impose a ferendae sententiae, excommunicating you from my Catholic Church. I ask you to ‘evolve’ and to mend your bigot ways.”

“We separate him, together with his accomplices and abettors, from the precious Body and Blood of the Lord and from the society of all Christian people,” Pelosi told EOTT as she stroked the point of her long red tail. “We exclude him from our Holy Mother the Church in Heaven and on earth; we declare him excommunicate and anathema; we judge him damned, with the Devil and his angels, to eternal fire until he shall recover himself from the toils of the Devil and return to amendment and to penitence. So be it!”

At press time, Pelosi’s uncle, Screwtape, is very proud of her. Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Trees

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

VATICAN–Just moments after Israeli President Shimon Peres and his Palestinian counterpart Mahmoud Abbas helped Pope Francis plant an Olive Tree in the Vatican Garden yesterday, the Jewish news outlet The Fiddler reported that peace had broken out in Israel.

Upon hearing the news, Pope Francis told Israeli and Palestinian leaders “I told you so. I told you so. Didn’t I tell you this was a magic tree?”

Surrounded by Palestinians and Israelis holding hands and giving each other piggyback rides, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu Skyped Pope Francis to inform him that everything had been a misunderstanding, and all was now settled.

“The Palestinians are wonderful people!” Netanyahu told Pope Francis as he signed an executive order to open all checkpoints in the country, allowing free access for Palestinians to move around. “As of today we will have two states. Israel and Palestine will from here on, live happily side by side.”

The recorded Skype video shows jubilant Hamas leaders hoisting Netanyahu on to their shoulders as they chanted, “Peace! Peace! Peace!”

But less than one day after receiving news that every single Middle East conflict had been resolved, the magic Olive Tree that Francis, Peres, and Abbas had shoddily planted into the ground toppled over with a gust of wind, instantaneously causing a chain reaction of violent outbreaks all across the Middle East.

Speaking to reporters from the Vatican Gardens, Francis said that he was saddened to hear of the news, going on to tell the press that he had received another Skype from Netanyahu showing the Israeli Prime Minister in a fist fight with Hamas leaders.

Both sides are now blaming the other over whose shoddy work caused the fall of the tree. Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Torture

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

ROME –  Pope Francis led a pep rally yesterday in Rome’s Olympic Stadium in front of more than 50,000 Catholics who follow charismatic movements.

While listening to what many have termed “the most heinous music ever prayed to,” 50,000 Catholics raised their hands in unison as they prayed for Francis, who silently and repeatedly asked God Almighty to just make it stop.

Francis told the faithful that the devil wants to destroy the family, which he described as the “domestic church,” and went on to plead for the end of the use of torture.

“We also call on the international community to put a stop to the torture of prisoners. I’m guessing that this is why this music is playing in the background. That we may know what it is to suffer excruciating pain.”

Francis told the crowd that when he was Buenos Aires Archbishop, at first he didn’t “share” the way the exuberant charismatic Catholics prayed there, but now realized that he still has not changed his mind, going on to encourage everyone to man up and stop crying already.

Many in the crowd, we think, told EOTT while speaking in tongues that they were thrilled by the visit, saying, “Я тоже не знаю, что говорю.”  Another woman said that “In realta’, non so quello che sto facendo adesso,” while her husband concurred with whatever the heck his wife said, adding, “Ich glaube, ich bete für euch gerade jetzt, aber ich kann nicht sicher sein.”

“It was wonderful to see him there,” said Donetta Corti, a charismatic Catholic living in Rome, as she swayed back and forth with one hand in the air like some doped up hippy just moments after taking a hit of that sweet, sweet ganja. “The entire experience appeared to overwhelm His Holiness as it does most every newcomer. Many times you could see him slumped over, vomiting, and asking God to just stop it and to put him out of his misery. It was obvious the man wanted to die a martyr. What humility…to plead to God on your knees in front of 50,000 people to end the misery of the world…to vomit because the pain and suffering in the world touches him at such a deep level.

Toward the end of the event, Francis invited members of the charismatic movement to the Vatican for a prayer service, adding that there were many people in the curia and Vatican Bank that he would like to have “sit through this” as a warning to never act out of line again.

Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Ouch!

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

VATICAN–Vatican sources are confirming that Pope Francis has nearly completed his new Encyclical Letter, and is awaiting the final approval of Reginald Edwards, an internet troll commonly known as “PiusXIIRoxII.”

Edwards, who has read several paragraphs of the Catechism, three books by Peter Kreeft, and half of St. John Paul II’s “Fides et Ratio,” is universally regarded as the final authority in matters of Orthodoxy in internet chatrooms, forums, and the comment section under YouTube videos.

Speaking from the kitchen this morning, Reginald’s mother told EOTT over a phone interview: “I’m so proud of Reggie for getting to be a consultant to the Vatican. He’s more than earned it. All he does is sit in the basement on his computer, answering questions and demanding people justify their beliefs to him. He gets so into it that he often locks the door and doesn’t let me down there, even to bring him lemonade.”

Edwards has already made several notes on the new Encyclical, titled Bora et Labora, having circled or underlined several paragraphs in red and written margin notes such as “a little too Spirit of Vatican-II-ey” and “where is this in the Catechism?” Continue Reading

PopeWatch: Smile When You Say Shalom or Salaam

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

JERUSALEM–Fifty years after the historic embrace between the heads of the Catholic and Christian Orthodox Churches, Pope Francis will become the fourth Pope to visit the Holy Land and try to walk away unscathed.

There he will hold his own private meeting with the Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople at the Apostolic Delegation in Jerusalem, where they will sign a declaration promising that the Patriarch won’t attempt to poison his glass. His pilgrimage will include the delivery of three masses (said for the intentions of his own life) and a private visit to the Grotto of the Nativity in Bethlehem.

But in addition to inter-Church relations, the Pope will be extending an olive branch to the other Abrahamic faiths that share the land. Accompanying him on the trip will be Rabbi Abraham Skorka and Muslim leader Omar Abboud, who both hail from the Pope’s native Argentina, and who could, if needed, be used as shields against a barrage of bullets.

Their packed three-day itinerary, includes a trip to the West Bank, Jerusalem, Israel, and Jordan, where, if you seriously think about it, could turn out to be a trap, like in that one movie where the lead cop in the presidential motorcade leads them into an alley, which turns out to be a trap. And then people on the roof start firing down on them as the music gets all crazy and dramatic and everyone gets killed except for the president.

At press time, the Vatican is announcing that, to address the ongoing Israeli-Palestinian political conflict, Pope Francis will waste his time visiting Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: It’s a Miracle!

VATICAN-POPE-AUDIENCE

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

VATICAN—Just days after Pope Paul VI moved one step closer to canonization after a miracle required for Beatification was formally approved, an EOTT source inside the Vatican’s Congregation for the Causes of Saints today is saying that a second miracle was approved this morning.

A yet to be released report by the Vatican states that an unidentified priest, through the miraculous intercession of Pope Paul VI, gave an entire homily on the topic of Humanae Vitae during the Summer of 2012.

The unidentified priest reportedly gave the homily during National Natural Family Planning Awareness Week in 2012, which occurs annually around July 25th, the anniversary of the release of Humanae Vitae by Pope Paul VI.

One former parishioner who was present during the miraculous homily told EOTT today that she had “never heard something so obscene” in all her years. “That was the last time I ever stepped foot into a Catholic church. Many parishioners, myself included, left to become members of the Unitarian Church across the street that very day. We felt so much more accepted. Our new church even has Zumba Yoga!”

Some parishioners, although admittedly taken back by the shocking homily, have hesitantly remained in the Catholic Church. “We were so confused at first,” said Sarah Miller, a lifelong Catholic studying Women’s Studies. “He usually starts homilies with a Deepok Chopra quote or a story about a disabled puppy that overcame obstacles, so this was very new to us. It was the summer, so there weren’t as many people at Mass. It was extra quiet. He started to talk about…stuff…stuff I’d rather not mention.”

Although the parish where the homily was given has since lost more than 50% of their parishioners, for some, it has become a pilgrimage site, with hundreds flocking to the site every year to kiss the lectern where the homily was given. Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Ferret Feet

VATICAN-POPE-AUDIENCE

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

VATICAN–Pope Francis visited the Don Gnocchi Center in Rome today to wash the feet of 12 residents for the Holy Week ritual.

According to the Catholic Information Service, those 12 included  one woman, a Muslim, a pet ferret named Wilbur, and a double amputee, which falls in line with Pope Francis’ actions during last year’s Maundy Thursday.

The ceremony, which is rooted in the story of the Last Supper, made headlines last year when the pope visited a youth detention center and washed the feet of several young anyone who happened to be in his proximity.

Alessandria Stefanoni, the Deputy CEO and Director of Policy and Programs at Good Works Incorporated, told Vatican Radio the pope has shown a commitment to bring attention to those most often forgotten in society, including the disabled, four-legged mammals, and nearly anything else that was created by God. “It is giving a voice,” Stefanoni said. “It’s showing respect for their dignity.”

In November, Pope Francis critiqued society’s tendency to “hide physical fragility,” which he rejected by greeting hundreds of people in wheelchairs and encouraging them to become “protagonists” in the Catholic church. He also critiqued society’s tendency to discriminate against mammals belonging to the weasel genus of the family Mustelidae. Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Saint Peter?

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

VATICAN––Members of the Society of St. Pius X have stormed the internet and radio waves in violent protest against the upcoming canonization of Pope Simon Peter I. The backlash was worse than expected by the Holy See, and the protesters have not pulled any punches. One commentator on a popular tridentine website morecatholicthanthepope.com wrote, “This is the guy who denied Christ three times in one night, and now they want to canonize him? This isn’t the way Christ instituted the Church. This man is not an example to me or my 14 children.”

An SSPX blogger accused the former Pope, who was martyred for his faith in the First Century, of liturgical abuses, saying, “Christ was crucified head-upward. That is the pattern He established. Then this Peter guy comes along and decides he wants to be crucified upside-down.”

Some have even accused Peter, born Simon, son of John, of heresy in his famous debate with Paul regarding circumcision, while others claim his attitude toward the “circumcision party” was not true heresy but an exaggerated ecumenism. Continue Reading

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You Knew This Was Going to Happen Eventually, Didn’t You

VATICAN-POPE-AUDIENCE

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

VATICAN––The Vatican Press Office Director Father Federico Lombardi issued a statement to the media today concerning Pope Francis’ recent telephone call to a divorced and remarried Argentine woman, in which he supposedly gave her permission to receive Holy Communion. The woman at the center of the story, Jacqui Sabetta, and her ex-husband told reporters that His Holiness told them that “divorced people who take communion are not doing anything wrong.”

In response to the controversy, Lombardi has issued the following statement:

Statement from the Director of the Holy See Press Office

Several telephone calls have taken place in the context of Pope Francis’ personal pastoral relationships.

Since they do not in any way form part of the Pope’s public activities, no information or comments are to be expected from the Holy See Press Office.

Consequences relating to the teaching of the Church are not to be inferred from these occurrences.

Nevertheless…in light of how out of control these phone calls are becoming, and the distraction they are causing from the Church’s mission, we have decided to disconnect His Holiness’ phone service indefinitely. For the lack of a better term, His Holiness is hereby grounded, his phone has been taken away, as well as his access to social media. He has said nothing wrong, but he knew better than to give ammunition to you in the media.

Our telephone provider, Telefonica, has been notified of our wish that no one be allowed to call outside the Vatican until the end of His Holiness’ pontificate,  and they have assured us that phone service in the Vatican is to be disconnected sometime tonight, before His Holiness finds some spare time and decides to dial someone back home. We ask all of you in the media to please keep this news on the hush-hush until service is successfully shut off.

Thank you for your cooperation. Continue Reading

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Didn’t You Always Suspect This?

 

Bad News

From the only reliable source of news on the net, The Onion:

 

WASHINGTON—Putting the nation on alert against what it has described as a “highly credible terrorist threat,” the FBI announced today that it has uncovered a plot by members of al-Qaeda to sit back and enjoy themselves while the United States collapses of its own accord.

Multiple intelligence agencies confirmed that the militant Islamist organization and its numerous affiliates intend to carry out a massive, coordinated plan to stand aside and watch America’s increasingly rapid decline, with terrorist operatives across the globe reportedly mobilizing to take it easy, relax, and savor the spectacle as it unfolds.

“We have intercepted electronic communication indicating that al-Qaeda members are actively plotting to stay out of the way while America as we know it gradually crumbles under the weight of its own self-inflicted debt and disrepair,” FBI Deputy Director Mark F. Giuliano told the assembled press corps. “If this plan succeeds, it will leave behind a nation with a completely dysfunctional economy, collapsing infrastructure, and a catastrophic health crisis afflicting millions across the nation. We want to emphasize that this danger is very real.”

“And unfortunately, based on information we have from intelligence assets on the ground, this plot is already well under way,” he added.

A recently declassified CIA report confirmed that all known al-Qaeda-affiliated organizations—from Pakistan to Yemen, and from Somalia to Algeria—have been instructed to kick back and enjoy the show as the United States’ federal government, energy grid, and industrial sector are rendered impotent by internal dissent, decay, and mismanagement. According to statements made by top-level informants and corroborated by leading Western terrorism experts, if seen through to its conclusion, al-Qaeda’s current plot could wreak far more damage than the events of 9/11.

In the past year, money transfers to al-Qaeda cells around the world have reportedly been accompanied by instructions to use the funds to outfit safe houses with the proper equipment to receive American cable news broadcasts and view top U.S. news websites, allowing terrorists to fully relish each detail of the impending demise of the last global superpower Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Secession

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

Washington—Catholic Democrats voted to secede from the Catholic Church in a referendum yesterday, with final results showing that 95.5% of ballots were in favor of becoming Pagan.

Leaders from the Pagan Coalition will pass legislation allowing Catholics in the Democratic Party who follow their consciences even when they conflict with moral teachings of the Magisterium to be known as Pagans. The Vatican has welcomed the results, with the Vatican Press Office today issuing a statement of support and congratulations.

“Results of the referendum in the Democratic Party clearly showed that Catholic Democrats see their future only as part of the Pagan movement,” said Vatican Press Secretary Roberto Ansaldi. “We support their decision and hope that their transition will be seamless. ‘Transition’ isn’t the right word there is it? ‘Transition’ would imply some sort of change from one position to another.”

Continue Reading

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My Little Pony Cavalry Commander

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Ah, if only this proposed computer game did not have an April 1 announcement date.  My daughter would have loved it when she was younger.  I have always believed that every well brought up young lady should have a firm grasp of at least basic military tactics and strategy.  (The same applies for well brought up young gentlemen): Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Women

VATICAN-POPE-AUDIENCE

 

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

Washington, DC––Fresh off her groundbreaking sermon denouncing “the misogynist St. Paul” for depriving the demoniac girl of her spiritual gifts in Acts 16:16, Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church Reverend Katharine Jefferts Schori has published another landmark piece of scriptural exegesis.  In a new set of essays entitled The Great Amend, Schori highlights the systematic oppression, degradation, and misunderstanding of women throughout Holy Scripture. Prominent examples include Delilah, long viewed as a villain, actually a sexually-liberated freedom-fighter; Jezebel, a trailblazing political leader and forerunner to such modern figures as Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi; and Eve, an independent, free-thinking woman who was ostracized by the all-male establishment because of her dietary preferences.  “By far the most egregious example of the oppressive patriarchy within the Bible,” Jefferts Schori observes, “is a particular teenage girl, about three-quarters of the way through the book, who is forced to consent to an unwanted pregnancy.  Any fair and just society would have provided her access to proper reproductive services — including safe, legal, state-subsidized abortion.” Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Art

 

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Painting of The Rise of the Sentients in Guardian Angels Cathedral in Las Vegas, Nevada

VATICAN CITY––An official at the Vatican Press Office today announced that the Vatican was in preliminary negotiations with Las Vegas bishop Joseph Pepe to swap Michelangelo’s The Last Judgment with the world-renowned painting The Rise of the Sentients located inside Guardian Angel Cathedral in Las Vegas, Nevada. Monsignor Alexander Bader, a spokesman for the Sistine Chapel, told reporters earlier this morning that The Last Judgment, though exquisite in its own right, had “run its course.” “We do not doubt the beauty of Michelangelo’s piece,” Bader told reporters. “But the fact is that the wonderfully pure artistry and vibrant colors of The Rise of the Sentients, with its images of bare-chested sentients flying up, up and away to heaven or Krypton, call it what you may, lends itself to what the theme of our chapel ought to be…artwork communicating itself on an inner level, found not so much in the painting itself, as it is in the viewer…very much like our faith.” Bader did not disclose many specifics about the trade, saying only that it was officials at the Sistine Chapel that initiated the offer, and that thus far, Pepe has been reluctant to trade the piece. “Who could blame him? All I can say at this time is that Bishop Pepe has indeed denied our first offer. We are currently working on a proposal that could also include the Pieta, and possibly even the Basilica of Saint Mary Major.” Continue Reading

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ObamaCare: Do It to Shut the Nagging Moms Up

A tribute to just how delusional contemporary liberalism is.  Young people do not want to sign up for ObamaCare policies which they view as too expensive, and almost certainly unnecessary for them while they are young and healthy.  Solution:  have celebrity moms nag them to purchase the insurance and they will sign on in droves!  These people truly do believe in unicorns and pixie dust as the solution to real world problems, and that self interest will bow to the lure of second hand celebrity.  (At least unicorns and pixies would be entertaining as compared to the wretched video above.)  Liberalism since the time of McGovern has been a long revolt against reality, but reality always wins in the end.

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Saint Patrick’s Bad Analogies: Updated

From those wickedly funny folks at The Lutheran Satire.  On Saint Patrick’s Day it is good to recall this from his confession of faith:

For there is no other God, nor ever was before, nor shall be hereafter, but God the Father, unbegotten and without beginning, in whom all things began, whose are all things, as we have been taught; and his son Jesus Christ, who manifestly always existed with the Father, before the beginning of time in the spirit with the Father, indescribably begotten before all things, and all things visible and invisible were made by him. He was made man, conquered death and was received into Heaven, to the Father who gave him all power over every name in Heaven and on Earth and in Hell, so that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and God, in whom we believe. And we look to his imminent coming again, the judge of the living and the dead, who will render to each according to his deeds. And he poured out his Holy Spirit on us in abundance, the gift and pledge of immortality, which makes the believers and the obedient into sons of God and co-heirs of Christ who is revealed, and we worship one God in the Trinity of holy name.

Anyone who can say Amen to that will be honoring Saint Patrick today in a manner he would truly approve.

Update:

The folks at The Lutheran Satire delve what happens to YouTube captioning in a video filled with bad Irish accents and Trinitarian jargon:

Then Donall and Conall tangle with Mormon missionaries:

 

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PopeWatch: Clowns

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

CM

Sacramento, CA––Sources say that just minutes after a Circus Mass at St. Pius X Catholic Church concluded earlier this morning, Church Pastor and Ring Master Fr. Reggie Smith reprimanded a clown deacon for having honked the horn several seconds after the consecration. “The GIRM clearly states that ‘a little before the Consecration, when appropriate, a server honks a horn as a signal to the audience. According to local custom, the server also honks the horn as the priest and ringmaster shows the host and then the chalice,” An infuriated Smith told EOTT as he kissed and hung up his ringmaster whip. “And our local custom is to honk the horn at this point. After all, what’s the point in using the Sanctus Horn if it’s not used to alert the faithful of the consecration.” Smith added that not even the Pope himself had the right to change the rubrics of the Mass, and that doing so was in complete contradiction to the spirit of obedience. At press time, Smith says that he will consider administering disciplinary action should this type of negligence happen again in the future. Continue Reading

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Hollywood Should Continue to Blacklist Mel Gibson

Mel and Friend

 

 

Is it time for Hollywood to stop blacklisting Mel Gibson?  Journalist Allison Hope Weiner thinks so:

 

In the years that followed, Gibson made several comments that went public, made him seem anti-Semitic and racist. They made him persona non grata at major studios and agencies, the same ones that work with others who’ve committed felonies and done things far more serious than Gibson, who essentially used his tongue as a lethal weapon. As a journalist who vilified Gibson in The New York Times and Entertainment Weekly until my coverage allowed me to get to know him, I want to make the case here that it is time for those Hollywood agencies and studios to end their quiet blacklisting of Mel Gibson. Continue Reading

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Top Ten Reasons Why Obama is Not the Anti-Christ

Obama and Cross

At a recent event, President Obama was called the anti-Christ by a heckler.   This is so unfair!  Here are the top ten reasons why Obama is not the anti-Christ.

 

10. Obama can’t be the anti-Christ because he is a Christian…O.K., make that the top nine reasons why Obama isn’t the anti-Christ.

9.  Obama fears that 666 is the number of daily calories that Michele will allow him on his next diet.

8.  Satan has not taken possession of Obama, although some sort of lease arrangement is a possibility.

7.  Elijah and Enoch haven’t been killed by drones. Yet.

6.  The anti-Christ would never vote present.

5.  Putin doesn’t fit into his Gog costume. Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: No Gold for the Vatican

VATICAN-POPE-AUDIENCE

One loss is good for the soul.  Too many losses is not good for the coach.

Knute Rockne

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

SOCHI, Russia––For only the third time in Winter Games history, the United States swept the podium, capturing the top three spots Thursday in Slopestyle Skiing’s Olympic debut, an event that many sports historians say was created in the past four years by a half-baked college kid in his dorm room in Colorado. In the meantime, the Vatican has yet to medal, leading EOTT to ask just why the Holy See National Team has failed to take to the podium.

“From what I’ve seen, it’s probably because there is no Holy See Olympic team. I’d definitely start there,” said EOTT sports reporter S.C. Naoum in an interview with Raymond Arroyo this morning. “The problem is that the Church is not impulsive. They take their time with nearly everything, including canonizations, which have been known to take centuries. There’s no way they could ever learn the ever-changing sports that seemingly materialize out of nowhere every four years.

The last time the Holy See had an Olympian was in the 2012 Vancouver games when Father Roberto Manisini competed in Cross Country Skiing. Mansini took last place that year after Vatican officials took nearly three months to pray and contemplate whether Mansisni should remain behind the pack to conserve energy, or to try to take an early lead. Afterwards came another two years of back-and-forth paper work passed from one Vatican department to the other, until then Pope Benedict XVI gave his final seal of approval to conserve his energy and wait for a better opportunity. Mansini came in last with a time of 19,723 hours. Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Biden Culpa

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

Washington, DC––Vice President Joe Biden announced today that he was stepping down as Vice President just hours after an altercation on the phone between Biden and President Obama regarding the sanctity of life. This comes on the heels of Biden’s visit with with Pope Francis after the conclusion of the pope’s Installation Mass, in which Biden could be heard uttering the words “what have I done…what have I done.” “It appears as though Mr. Biden has had a change of heart with regards to the abortion issue after his meeting with the pope earlier today,” U.S. Press Secretary Jay Carney told the press moments ago. “He [Biden] called President Obama and informed him that he could no longer stand by as millions of babies were aborted. He also said that he had confessed his sins and now looked to remain in good standings with the Church and the good Lord. He also urged President Obama to make peace with God.” Although the full details of the phone conversation have been slow to come out, Washington insiders have said that after a heated debate about when life begins, Biden told President Obama that he was stepping down ”effective immediately” to live a life of prayer and meditation. Biden aides have yet to comment on the details, but have confirmed reports that the former vice president had placed a call to Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI about staying with him until he could get an abandoned monastery of his own to live out the rest of his life. At press time, a bare-chested Biden was seen on his knees outside St. Peter’s Basilica, repeatedly lashing himself as he screamed the words “mea culpa” in reparation for his sins. Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Marty Haugen

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

Geneva, Switzerland–New guidelines set down by the international community during the fifth Geneva Convention this week has extensively defined the basic, spiritual wartime rights of the Church Militant by outlawing all Marty Haugen music used in and around war-zones. What is officially being called The Geneva Convention relative to the Protection of Parishioners in Times of Spiritual War has become the fifth convention establishing the standards on international law for the humanitarian treatment of spiritual war. “Our new resolution states that all Catholics who are in the process of spiritual warfare are to be treated humanely,” Said General of the Counsel Robert Durant at a press conference earlier this morning. “The following acts are to be henceforth prohibited: Violence to life and person, in particular, cruel treatment and torture by means of being made to listen to Gather Us In. Outrages upon personal dignity, in particular humiliating and degrading treatment such as asking parishioners to sing along to We Remember. And finally, all acts requiring parishioners to listen to said music during the reception of communion.” Continue Reading

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Makes Sense

Drunk Insurance

 

I am normally skeptical of “scientific” studies that purport to find a linkage between what seem to be unrelated phenomena, but this makes sense:

When a U.S. state becomes more liberal politically, its consumption of beer and spirits rises, researchers say.

Pavel A. Yakovleva and Walter P. Guessforda, both of Duquesne University in Pittsburgh, said they estimated  the relationship between political ideology and the demand for beer, wine and spirits using a longitudinal panel of all 50 U.S. states Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Battling Metaphors

VATICAN-POPE-AUDIENCE

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

VATICAN–In a gesture at the Vatican’s annual “Caravan of Peace,” Pope Francis happily watched as two children at his side released a pair of white doves as symbols of peace and unity from the window of the Apostolic Palace.

But just moments later, two metaphors, one, of the world’s unwillingness for dialogue, and the second, its utter hostility at the thought of compromise swept down on the hapless symbols of peace as tens of thousands of people in St. Peter’s Square looked on.

One dove managed to break free from one of the metaphors, losing a few feathers in the brawl, symbolizing that, though the chance of peace in the world is not dead, that it is severely fragile to more dominant and negative attitudes. A crow playing the metaphor of the world’s hostility toward compromise had a better grip on the other dove, pecking the symbol of peace repeatedly, reminding all those gathered that in the face of hatred, there really is not much of a chance for peace anywhere in the world, let alone the Middle East.

In the end, both symbols of peace got away, although the extent of their injuries wasn’t immediately clear.

The boy looked upset at the bird’s misfortune, prompting the pope to embrace him and pat his head. The young girl appeared to be cynically laughing at the turn of events, perhaps realizing for the first time in her short life that achieving peace is doomed to violence and struggle against the oppression of tyrants and Muslim terrorists. Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Chatting with the Prez

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Matt Archbold at National Catholic Register, go here to read it, has a post where he imagines ten things that Obama might say to the Pope.  Here is ten things that PopeWatch thinks the Pope might say to Obama:

10.   Joe Biden, is he like that in private?

9.     No, it is true, Buenos Aires is windier than Chicago.

8.     Yes, I can perform an exorcism but I do not think it would help Nancy Pelosi.

7.      Yes, I used to smoke also.  No I did not have to hide it from my wife as I have never been married.

6.      Yes, not being married is a job requirement.

5.      Freedom of worship is not the same thing as freedom of religion. Continue Reading

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Sinister Rotary

AbeLincolnevent2013

Service Above Self

Motto Of Rotary

 

I always stop in at Ed Driscoll’s blog each day.  He is always worth reading.  As a member of Rotary since 1985, go here to view the Dwight Rotary Club’s web site, I have found one of his latest posts quite a hoot:

More seriously, if Keillor’s rhetoric sounds sclerotic and reactionary, it’s because he’s tapping into a nearly century-old tradition of “Progressives” who see no evil on the left; but plenty bubbling up from the right. In his new book, The Revolt Against the Masses, Fred Siegel looks back at Sinclair Lewis’s 1935 book, It Can’t Happen Here, which posited that the Rotary Club(!) was poised to seize American power:

The heart of It Can’t Happen Here is laid out in the opening chapter, which presents the local Rotary Club, with its Veterans of Foreign Wars tub-thumping patriotism and prohibitionist moralism, as comparable, on a small scale, to the mass movements that brought Fascism to Europe. Later in the novel, he has a character explain, half-satirically and half-seriously, “This is Revolution in terms of Rotary.” In other words, Lewis’s imagined fascism is little more than Main Street writ political. When he wants to mock Windrip, he describes him as a “professional common man” who is “chummy with all waitresses at . . . lunch rooms.” For Lewis, fascism is the product of backslapping Rotarians, Elks, and Masons, as well as various and sundry other versions of joiners that Tocqueville had once celebrated as the basis of American self-government. There is more than a hint of snobbery in all this. The book’s local incarnation of evil is Jessup’s shiftless, resentful handyman Shad Ledue, who was a member of the “Odd Fellows and the Ancient and Independent Order of Rams.” Ledue uses Windrip’s ascension to rise above himself and displace Jessup from his rightful place in the local hierarchy of power.

If the book were merely an indictment of red-state nativist intolerance, there would be little to distinguish it from numerous other novels and plays of the 1920s that were part of “the revolt against the village.” Lewis was hardly the only writer of the period to, Mencken-like, describe the average American as a “boob” or “peasant.” What made It Can’t Happen Here compelling was that it showed the boobs working through a familiar institution, the local Rotary, to become a menace to the Republic.

In a 2012 issue of Commentary, building on research for The Revolt Against the Masses, Siegel goes on to note that after World War II, the Frankfurt School picked up the left’s attack against middle America:

“In the over-developed countries,” wrote Herbert Marcuse, who became the most famous Frankfurt School theoretician of the 1960s, “an ever-larger part of the population becomes one huge captive audience—captured not by a total regime, but by the liberties of the citizens whose media of amusement and elevation compels the Other to partake of their sounds, sights, and smells.” He was arguing, in effect, for greater social segregation between the elite and the hoi polloi.

Dwight Macdonald, the most influential American critic of mass culture in the late 1950s, concurred with the Frankfurt School. Writing in crackling prose redolent of Mencken’s, he too argued that bourgeois prosperity was creating a cultural wasteland: “The work week has shrunk, real wages have risen, and never in history have so many people attained such a high standard of living as in this country since 1945,” Macdonald complained.

“Money, leisure, and knowledge,” he went on, “the prerequisites for culture, are more plentiful and more evenly distributed than ever before.”

Macdonald, who was educated at Phillips Exeter Academy and Yale and associated with the anti-Stalinist leftists at Partisan Review, still couldn’t bring himself to support the United States against the Nazis in World War II on the grounds that “Europe has its Hitlers, but we have our Rotarians.”

My dad, who passed away in 2006, was a life-long member of the Rotarian Club, and president of his local South Jersey chapter for a year in the mid-1970s. At the time, I just remember him putting on a gray suit, navy blue rep tie and his omnipresent double-soled black Florsheim wingtips to trundle off to the weekly meetings.

In retrospect, I had no idea how Absolutely. Hard. Core. he was.

Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Good Morning Father!

VATICAN-POPE-AUDIENCE

 

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

VATICAN––Shortly after it was revealed that his predecessor, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, defrocked 400 priests for sexual abuse of minors, Pope Francis decreed the immediate removal of priestly faculties for 300 priests from Europe and the Americas who were found in defiance of liturgical norms and persistently refused to greet parishioners with the traditional “Good Morning” liturgical salutation. “The rubrics are clear in this regard; the celebrant is to smile, holds his hands out widely and welcomingly, and say ‘Good Morning,’ in a jubilant voice, before continuing with the Penitential Rites,” said a spokesman for the Holy See, defending the Holy Father’s decision. He continued, “a committee has been established also to ensure that liturgical norms for homilies are followed strictly by all who preach at Mass.” These norms, he explained, are somewhat more flexible: “the priest or deacon or layperson with a degree in theology or pastoral ministry has the option, in this case, of beginning with either a story or a joke. But beyond this, there is little wiggle room. Defying this would be the liturgical equivalent of deliberately changing a note in Marty Haugen’s ‘Mass of Creation’ setting for the Eucharistic Prayer, the Canonical penalty for which is an automatic excommunication.” The spokesman concluded firmly: “We are not at liberty to tamper with the Holy Liturgy of the Church, adding and subtracting as we see fit. That would make it more about us than about God.” Continue Reading

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PopeWatch: Priestless

VATICAN-POPE-AUDIENCE

 

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

VATICAN––Days after abolishing the title of “monsignor,” Pope Francis has now reportedly eliminated the practice of granting seminarians the title of ”priest,” a Vatican insider told EOTT this morning from Rome. According to a report Sunday by the Italian newspaper La Repubblica, only single laymen over the age of 65 will from now on be eligible to receive the title of priest. “The title of priest is primarily honorific, and should normally only be granted to laymen as a reward for service to the church, such as having been an usher for more than four decades,” Apostolic Nuncio to the United States Giovanni Martinelli told EOTT. “Or it should be given as a sign of a unique function a layman has performed in the church, such as being the guy who selects which family will walk the gifts up to the altar.” The title was once granted by a bishop on the recommendation of God. But many have criticized the practice, saying that ordination naturally leads to an “air of careerism in the church.” According to Martinelli, every nuncio across the globe has been asked to write to bishops within their territories to inform them of the pope’s decision and to say that those who have already been given the title of priest can keep it; for now. Continue Reading