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Demons Have Grievances Too

Demon Grievance

 

In Hell there will be nothing but law and due process will be meticulously observed.

Grant Gilmore

Dear Satan,

It is with great animosity that I file this official complaint regarding my recent assignment to possess a high school student at Blessed Karl Rahner Catholic Community.  As you are well aware I am a very junior demon and this was my first possession assignment outside of Hell. The training I received from senior demons in preparation for this assignment did not prepare me in the least for what I experienced. From what I was told, I would be sent into the world to fight the forces of good and score a victory for the powers of Hell. Instead I myself was exposed to a Hell I have heretofore never experienced.

As you are aware, as a junior demon I have been assigned to the more shallow circles of Hell and my contract explicitly states I am not to be exposed to anything approaching the 5th circle or greater. As you will see my experience during this possession rates at least an 8th, if not 9th circle level of torment.  I have included a statement of what transpired below as evidence of my claims.

In addition, I am petitioning for compensation.  I want to be assigned for at least six weeks to demon corps seven, which is assigned to tempt Catholic politicians. As you know the demons in this corps do practically nothing since it is impossible to tempt people who have no conscience. This will give me adequate time to recover from my traumatic possession experience inflicted by the negligence of those senior demons who failed to properly prepare me. Thank you for your consideration of this request.

Demonically,

Anibalus Continue reading

Feeling Mulish

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Sometimes com threads take on a delightfully daffy life of their own, and so it was on my other blog, Almost Chosen People, in regard to my post on Streight’s mule raid.  Such threads I cherish.

The kind of things that leads people to say that “military intelligence is a contradiction in terms”.

  • On April 21, 2013 at 9:12 am Donald R. McClarey said: |Edit This

    You can say that again Fabio!  I have always found studying military disasters fascinating.  To be fair to Streight he did seem to recognize the problem of the mules from the first.  What I can’t understand is why Grenville Dodge and his 8000 cavalry weren’t sent along on the raid.  Dodge went on to win fame as a manager of military railroads for Grant and played a substantial part in the completion of the Transcontinental Railroad, but he was unimpressive in his role in the Streight Raid to say the least.

  • On April 24, 2013 at 8:46 am Dennis McCutcheon said: |Edit This

    I wrangled mules in Montana the summer after high school and before joining the Navy… I think I joined the Navy knowing that there were unlikely to be mules in my future.  Strong beasts, could take impressive loads, but a devious lot they were.

    • On April 24, 2013 at 10:29 am Fabio P.Barbieri said: |Edit This

      Mules are for high mountain fighting. When I served in the Italian Army in the eighties, the Alpini unit I was attached to had hundreds of them, and although the barracks and grounds were kept wonderfully clean, when the wind was in the wrong direction and you caught the whiff of them you knew it. Luckily for me, I was infantry and under no obligation to care for them – though I’m sure it would have taught me a lot. I don’t think they have invented anything better, even now, for moving heavy loads at high altitude. But as for using them at any other level, WELL!

      • On April 24, 2013 at 10:50 am Dennis McCutcheon said: |Edit This

        Chuckle.  We had a huge white mule (Tony) that could carry a house but he always wanted to lead the string.  The head wrangler would shorten the lead so that the lead horse would crap on Tony’s face.  I cleaned his face on several occasions.  He would take off through the woods in an attempt to take the lead if you didn’t keep him on a short rope.  He bit me once and tried on several other occasions.  The second weekend I was at that ranger station I saw someone putting his children on Tony for a ride.  Fabio I cleared the steps five/six at a time to get down to the pen to save those children.  But that damn mule had a completely different attitude with kids.  He would side step to keep those kids balanced on his back. The ranger laughed at me when he found out I was trying to save his kids from death. Tony loved kids… hated adults trying to load him.  Maybe they are smarter than we think.

        So infantry in highlands of Italy, must have been some mighty pretty sights at times.

    • On April 24, 2013 at 5:50 pm Donald R. McClarey said: |Edit This

      “He would side step to keep those kids balanced on his back.”

      Mules tend to have well-developed senses of personality and I suspect their own mule codes of right and wrong.  Looking at that it sounds crazy, but they are very strong willed creatures but will be quite obliging if they like you.  If they do not however…

  • On April 24, 2013 at 11:11 am Fabio P.Barbieri said: |Edit This

    Not infantry – Alpini, specialist mountain troops. That is why I, as a mere infantryman, had no truck with mules. Mind you, being an Alpino had its perks. Because of the hard work to be expected on mountain duty, they get larger rations than ordinary infantry, plus one large block of solid chocolate and a glass of strong “grappa” with every lunch. And because Alpini officers are the cream of the army, you may in general count on exceptionally well ran barracks and facilities – I tell you that, for as long as Lt.Col. Mario Giordano was Deputy Commander at our base, we ate better than in many restaurants. It may be the good fellowship, the songs (Alpini choirs are famous), the mountain environment, or just the grappa, but boys who have been Alpini never forget it, and annual reunions are enormously well attended and enjoyed. You might like these photos, from an Alpini festival held in Rome,when a particularly popular public personality was given an honorary Alpino hat with the gold-on-red badge of an Army Commander-in-Chief: Continue reading

Yes, There Are People That Dumb

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Everyone can tell the difference between a dog and a ferret right?  Perhaps not!

Dog lovers paid out hundreds of pounds for fashionable ‘toy poodles’ – only to discover they were fluffed-up ferrets on steroids.

        One pensioner was duped into buying two of the “pedigree” pets from a market in the Argentine capital Buenos Aires.

        But when he took the animals to a vet for their vaccinations he was told he had bought two ferrets which are known in Argentine as ‘Brazilian rats’.

        The ferrets had been given steroids at birth to increase their size and then had some extra grooming to make their coats resemble a fluffy toy poodle.

        Another woman had been told that she was buying a chiuhuahua, but ended up with a ferret, according to local TV news.

        Toy poodle puppies can cost as much as £700 while ferrets can be had for as little as £50. Continue reading

Why I Could Never Be a Priest

Father William Van Horne

 

 

I could never have been a priest.  I never had a call from God to be one, but looking at the priesthood I know I would have made a bad one.  Not because of celibacy or rotten pay.  Those are sacrifices of course, but if the job is worth doing it is worth such sacrifices, just as someone signing up for the military knows that it could mean an early death, or having a crippling injury.  No, the main reason I would have made a bad priest is contrasting myself to Father Gregory Shaffer, as detailed by The Motley Monk in this first rate post here.  Father Gregory Shaffer showed infinite patience in dealing with Damian Legacy, and what a treat that name is, who had the odd belief that he could study to be a Catholic priest while having sex with men:

During his freshman and sophomore years, Legacy spent nearly all his time outside of classes at the Newman Center, and regularly served the altar during mass. When Legacy called Shaffer in the middle of the night, he knew his spiritual adviser would answer.

But when Shaffer found out that Legacy was in a relationship with another male student, and he and Bergen were both running for leadership positions in Allied in Pride, they were shoved out. Legacy, then a sophomore, said he remembers Shaffer calling him wicked and faithless for being gay, and said it destroyed his “sense of self.”

“To have my faith leader view me that way, just because of one piece of the way that God made me, and to think that one part is responsible for the destruction of my human dignity, it just didn’t, I can’t even begin to describe the mental conflict that it creates,” Legacy said.

Legacy, who was on the path to Catholic priesthood, said Shaffer’s counseling and teachings, in which he indicated that Legacy was “intrinsically disordered” because he was gay, set him on an emotional rollercoaster for months.

One day, he would practice celibacy, and the next day, he denounced faith. He remembers at one point ripping the Vatican Flag down from over his bed and throwing his cross across his room.

“At the time, I thought it was a battle for my soul,” Legacy said, stuttering, losing words to continue.

And while Legacy said he is now more comfortable with both his sexuality and his religion, and has since become an ordained priest in the Old Catholic Church in October, he said he doesn’t want anyone else seeking Shaffer’s counseling to feel that same torment. Continue reading

Pope Francis Resigning! Pope Benedict Pope Again!

Pope Benedict and Former Pope Francis

 

 

In a shock April 1, 2013 announcement the Vatican has stated that Pope Francis is resigning today and Pope Benedict will resume his duties as Pope.

Pope Francis is quoted as naming two factors in his decision for resigning:  1.  The rich Italian  cooking that could get him up to 400 pounds if he stayed in Rome;   and 2.  Criticisms from Catholic blogs, especially in America.  Noting that his predecessor had warned him about reading the blogs, Pope Francis was disturbed by the divisions his election had caused.  “I do not want to be the cause of acrimony among Catholic bloggers.  If I stay as Pope it could be another “torture debate”, and I doubt if Western civilization could survive that.”

As for Pope Benedict, he is described as rested, fit and rearing to resume his duties as Pope.  Father Lombari, Vatican press spokesman, said that Pope Benedict feels 75 after weeks of sleeping all night and eating hearty monastery food.  As for blogs, Pope Benedict stopped reading them after the condom flap, according to Father Lombardi, although he conceded that the Pope did sneak a peak at Acts of the Apostacy for a laugh now and then. Continue reading

The Ten Commandments of the Science Fiction Writer

Ten Commandments

 

 

My co-blogger Darwin has a good post at his blog, Darwin Catholic, expressing his irritation at three laws proposed by the late science fiction writer Arthur Clarke.  Go here to read it.  The proposing of laws seems to often go with the territory of being a science fiction writer.  Asimov had his laws of robotics, for example.  Reading Darwin’s post propelled me into imagining the ten commandments for science fiction writers, and here they are:

 

 

1.  You are a science fiction writer, and will write only science fiction:  no fantasy, no (spit) urban fantasy, no (gag) romance novels disguised as fantasy.  This rule is subject to being overruled if you really, really need the cash.

2.  You will not bow down to the idols of popular taste or to what will sell in the mass market.  Kindle and e-publishing will have your sole worship.

3.  You will not take the name of science in vain and have more than three scientific absurdities in each story that you write.

4.  All the rest of creation labors for only six days.  For science fiction writing wretches remember the words of Heinlein:  “Six days shalt thou work and do all thou art able; the seventh the same, and pound on the cable.

5.  Honor your father and your mother as they may well be the ones supporting you as you seek fame and fortune by scribbling endlessly for a living. Continue reading

Top Ten Reasons Why Obama is Not Satan

Satan Obama

 

The Internet is abuzz with the fact that Satan on the History Channel’s The Bible miniseries, which has gotten great ratings, looks a tad like Obama if Michele gets him to go on a veggies only diet.  I really don’t see much resemblance but it does give us a good excuse to look at the top ten reasons why Obama is not Satan:

1.  Hell has never run a deficit.

2.  Satan, whatever his other manifest evils, has never voted present.

3.  Satan resides in Hell and Obama resides in Chicago.  (A small difference I concede.).

4.  Satan is the prince of liars, while Obama is at most an archduke of liars.

5.  Satan to my knowledge has never eaten dog. Continue reading

No One Expects the Irish

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Hattip to Ann Althouse.  When I was at the University of Illinois I had a friend who was a grad student in physics.  He was part Black, part Sioux, part Irish, part Mexican, part Greek and part Italian.  He was also a conservative Republican and an Evangelical.  He used to take sly amusement in giving affirmative action officers fits when he put down “smorgasbord” as his ethnicity.  One asked him on what continent the country of Smorgasbord was located.

How the Running Dogs Live

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A North Korean propaganda video as to how we poor Americans live.  It reminds me of Japanese propaganda in World War II that used to tell Marines that while they were fighting their wives and girlfriends were sleeping with Hollywood Stars like Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck.  In regard to North Korea there is only one piece of “propaganda” we need to use which is pictured below: Continue reading

Cardinals Vote Down Drone Strikes Against Liturgical Abuses

(Cross-posted at Acts of the Apostasy)

(AoftheAP) A source out of Rome tells AoftheA News that during Thursday’s pre-conclave meeting, the Church’s cardinals voted down a proposal to authorize the use of drones to identify and eliminate known liturgical abuses.

The source, speaking on condition of anonymity, was able to provide few details of the vote, but could confirm that the vote was a close one.

“There was impassioned debate,” the source revealed. “Cardinal Burke campaigned for their use, citing Just War Theory, canon law, and the history of the Crusades as justification for the practice. His PowerPoint presentation and video simulations, from what I was told, impressed a good number of the prelates.

Simulated drone strike on a  papier-mâché puppet.

Simulated drone strike on a papier-mâché puppet.

“Equally persuasive, though, was Cardinal Mahony, who feared that many of the churches in his former archdiocese would end up being targeted.”

At that point, the source said, the discussion turned to whether the drones should only be used against Call-to-Action gatherings. That was rejected, because most of their meetings take place in Episcopalian facilities, and some cardinals pointed out that attacks on their buildings would hamper ecumenism efforts.

At Last Night’s Emergency SCHISM Meeting…

(originally posted at Acts of the Apostasy)


EXT. SWAMP – NIGHT

Moonlight streaks through moss-covered trees. In the middle of a clearing stands a black-domed structure – the secret hideout for the nefarious super-villain group SCHISM [Society of Catholycs Hellbent on Instituting Secular Modernism].

INT. SECRET HIDEOUT

People seated around a large round table in a dimly lit room. One person is standing, a scowl on his face. It’s KING KÜNG (aka Hans Küng), leader of SCHISM. With him are REESE’S PIECES (Fr Tom Reese); McBRAIN (Fr Richard McBrien);RAINBOWKID (GLBTQ androgynous-looking character); LIVE CURRANT (Fr Charles Curran); COSMIC GIRL (Sr Joan Chittister); and the SOUR PATCH KID (YouthGen member from Call-to-Action).

KING KÜNG

Ah, fellow SCHISM members, ist everyvun present? EX-cellent. I zhingk you all know vhy I have called zhis meetingk?

RAINBOWKID

You DVR’d the Grammy’s?

KING KÜNG

Vhat? Vhat’s a “Grammy”?

LIVE CURRANT (to SOUR PATCH KID)

What’s “DVR’d”?

KING KÜNG

Ach, be quiet, you dummkopf. No, not you, CURRANT, zee other dummkopf, zee RAINBOWKID. Now listen to me, all of you. Zhis morning, our nemesis, zee German Shepherd…

ALL

Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!

KING KÜNG

…announced zhat he ist resigningk at zee end of zee month. A vonderful opportunity has been dropped right onto our face! Continue reading

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