Humor

ObamaCare 3.5

ObamaCare 3.5The only reliable source of news on the net, The Onion, reports that the Obama administration has a solution to the computer glitches that have marred the ObamaCare roll out:

 

WASHINGTON—Responding to widespread criticism regarding its health care website, the federal government today unveiled its new, improved Obamacare program, which allows Americans to purchase health insurance after installing a software bundle contained on 35 floppy disks. “I have heard the complaints about the existing website, and I can assure you that with this revised system, finding the right health care option for you and your family is as easy as loading 35 floppy disks sequentially into your disk drive and following the onscreen prompts,” President Obama told reporters this morning, explaining that the nearly three dozen 3.5-inch diskettes contain all the data needed for individuals to enroll in the Health Insurance Marketplace, while noting that the updated Obamacare software is mouse-compatible and requires a 386 Pentium processor with at least 8 MB of system RAM to function properly. Continue reading

Canadian Thanksgiving?

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Well what do you know?  Today is Canadian Thanksgiving Day and the above video explains the differences between their day and our November Turkey feast.  In case there was a language barrier while viewing the above, the below video might help: Continue reading

If the Modern Media Had Covered Christ

Wanted  Jesus

 

 

 

 

 

 

From Jennifer Roback Morse at Aleteia:

 

 

 

The headlines swirled around the Levant as itinerant preacher Jesus of Nazareth reportedly excuses both prostitutes and the men who frequent them. The latest controversy came when Jesus, whose followers believe is the Son of God, retold the story of a family whose younger son had squandered the family inheritance with prostitutes.

Roman observers speculate that this is a sign of a new openness to Roman social mores.

Lucius Gaius Paterculus, spokesman for the Herod Administration, said, “We have always found these Hebrews amusing, with all their sexual hang-ups.  This is the Roman Empire; they need to get with the times. Prostitution is not so bad. Maybe this Jesus preacher will turn the tide and lead these backward people into the modern world.”

Earlier this spring, Jesus created a sensation when he protected an alleged adulteress, and even broke bread with her.  

Reuben bar Timeus told the Guardian, “I recognized my father in that story Jesus told.  He can’t disguise the characters in his parables enough to hide the fact that he was talking about my putz of a brother and my pathetic father. I’m considering a slander suit. This Jesus guy should keep his mouth shut and show some respect to our family.” Continue reading

Chipotle’s Food War

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Over the top and entertaining which is how I like commercials if I have to endure one.  I like Mexican food but I have never liked Chipotle as the menu is too limited and their massive burritos leave me cold.  Just as well, as those things weigh in, on average, at a 1000 calories, which makes their wholesomener than thou commercial hilarious.  Yeah, we treat the animals we slaughter for your plate in a kinder and gentler fashion as we serve you their remains to make you obese!

I do appreciate however that Chipotle burritos can apparently double for plastic explosives in a pinch: Continue reading

Twisted Trailers

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I love fake trailers that completely twist a movie and the above is a fine example of the genre:

Don’t run away! This modern trailer recut for “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” is just about the most awesome thing that happened on the Internet this week. Because, come on. It’s not every day that someone goes and makes “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” seem like a high-budget medieval Jerry Bruckheimer blockbuster. (Instead of, you know, just a bunch of guys running around Scotland with coconuts.) Kudos to Stefane Bouley for putting this gem together and for nearly resisting the temptation to include any humor. 

Another example:  Can the world survive Rambo, the Musical?

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Top Ten Reasons Syria Differs From Iraq

 

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President Obama was an ardent critic of the war in Iraq.  Here are suggestions for arguments to be made explaining how intervention in Syria is completely different from intervention in Iraq.

1.  Assad has used chemical weapons on Syrians which is a terrible crime against humanity, unlike Saddam who used chemical weapons against Iraqis which is permissible.

2.  The US intervention into Syria will be a proud go it alone venture by the US, unlike Bush who mucked up the Iraqi intervention with lots of allies.

3.  Obama is a Nobel Peace Prize winner, so we can trust him unlike that cowboy Bush.

4.  Michele Obama is proud of this intervention.

5.  John Kerry is onboard with this intervention unlike Iraq which he supported until he changed his  mind. Continue reading

Satan and Blogging

Obama and Lunch

 

 

I have always been fairly indifferent to the hits my blog posts receive, possibly since blogging makes up 0.00000 % of my  income.  However, over the years I have noticed that certain topics usually do draw massive amounts of hits.  Here are the top ten:

1.   Anything with Satan in the title.

2.   Sarah Palin-A sure fire blog crowd draw since 2008, and I suspect she will remain so for the rest of her life.

3.   Ted Kennedy-The “lion of the senate” has been dead for four years, but he still ignites intense emotion.  (Overwhelmingly negative on this blog.  You leave one, just one, young woman to die in a car and some people hold it against you!)

4.   Obama and canine cuisine.

5.   Jimmy Carter and his senile anti-Catholic rants. Continue reading

Sharknado a Ratings Flop

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Apparently it is possible to underestimate the taste of the American people:

The SyFy movie about flying sharks and bad weather was seen by just over 1 million people. It had a 0.4  rating in the 18-49 demographic in early Nielsen numbers. That’s not just a bust by cable standards. It’s a bust by SyFy original movie standards. “Most Syfy originals have an average viewership of 1.5 million people, with some getting twice  that,” Claire Suddath reports.

The peculiar thing about this bust was that it was a social media blockbuster. There were more than 600,000 tweets sent about the movie between 8pm and 3am last night (fewer if you go by Nielsen’s numbers), which is two tweets for every three people in America watching Sharknado. That’s particularly strange since Syfy original movies have an average viewer age of 52, and fiftysomething guys are a bit off the key demo for Twitter. Continue reading

BREAKING! Pelosi’s Guardian Angel Is “Calling It Quits”!!

(Cross-posted at Acts of the Apostasy)

(AoftheAP) In what’s being called “one of the most unprecedented theological events ever”, Nancy Pelosi’s guardian angel has tendered his resignation, apparently in reaction to her statement “It is sacred ground”, with regards to late-term abortions.

AoftheA News received a copy of his resignation letter, in which he cites “I can no longer handle accompanying the most unfathomable degree of stupid ever, so I’m calling it quits”, and “I’ve done my best, but when all is said and done, even I can’t believe all the idiocy she has said and done”.

A representative of Celestial Helpers for Eternal Reward Union Brotherhood, Local 94103, told AoftheA News – speaking on the condition of anonymity – that the resignation came as a total surprise. “To be honest, based on Pelosi’s recent actions and statements, I had assumed he resigned years ago.”

It’s believed that this resignation is the first of its kind. Theologian I. O. DeDerrio explained to AoftheA News that guardian angels remain with their charge until the person’s death has always been Church teaching. “Based on this letter, though, it appears that guardian angels might ‘resign’ upon what could be termed ‘spiritual death’, or maybe even irredeemable idiocy. If so, this represents one of the most unprecedented theological events ever. At least since the Ascension.”

It’s not known at this point if the guardian angel’s resignation has been accepted. Pundits are saying that if Pelosi makes even more theologically ridiculous statements in the coming days, it’s a good bet that it was.

Questions to the Celestial Helpers for Eternal Reward Union Brotherhood regarding the status of VP Joe Biden’s guardian angel remain unanswered at the time of publication.

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