4 Responses to The Bubble

As God is My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly

Tuesday, November 22, AD 2016

 

Well actually some Turkeys can.  Wild Turkeys can fly, albeit clumsily and not more than about 100 yards at a time.  Domestic Turkeys, bred for the table, cannot fly, largely due to their overdeveloped chests, home to all that prized white breast meat.  I don’t know if the publicity stunt would have fared much better with terrified flying wild Turkeys landing near onlookers.  Some things man simply was not meant to meddle with, and that includes dropping Turkeys from great heights.

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3 Responses to As God is My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Fly

  • Unforgettable moment in WKRP history!

    A couple of (wild) toms were scrapping behind the barn yesterday right in the heart of a blizzard, taking advantage of a scoop in the snowdrifts beneath a still-leafy oak. Looked like two kickboxers in a ring. They took off and flew just fine in 30mph gusts. Generally turkeys run for cover, but when the snow is deep, or they are startled abruptly, they fly to the treetops. A flock of 50 or 60 big wild turkeys erupting from thick brush right under your nose is… dramatic.

  • I have a flock of wild turkeys visiting my yard come spring through fall, never have seen them in winter. They are not the prettiest birds, rather ugly and not at all like the pretty depictions we see on cards for greetings on Thanksgiving, and they can be very mean. There is usually a leader of the group who will come charging at me if I step out of my slider into the yard, beak wide open ready to peck at me for no reason I can figure. They also hang out in a local cemetery and peck away at many of the decs on some of the grave sights. When I visit I usually just sit in my car by my loved one’s grave, fearing an attack. I wish they WOULD fly away, from my yard and the cemetery, they are frightening.

  • Nearly 40 years ago, early mornings we would see Wild Turkey on lawns in a NYC suburb on Long Island. They roosted in the wooded margins along the parkway running to Jones Beach.
    .
    Ben Franklin wanted the Wild Turkey, as opposed to the bold-looking Bald Eagle, as national symbol. He thought the BE is a scavenger and thief. The WT is highly intelligent and courageous. They can fly but not soar. They roost overnight in treetops. Many hunters value them. They’re hard to get.
    .
    Some farmers raise WT or WT hybrids. I’ve read that they need to clip one wing’s pin feathers so the WT can’t fly around.
    .
    Our son rented a small house on 11 acres outside Fort Polk, LA. I helped him move in. Each day about 25 wild turkey would “work” the fallow field to the left of the house; except when we were exercising our Second Amendment rights to sight in.
    .
    Less populous are Ruffed Grouse which we sometimes “kick up” while still-hunting for deer. It’s startling and you can’t swing a .30 cal. deer rifle on a freaked out grouse. Believe me I tried.
    .

PopeWatch: Instruction Manual

Saturday, November 19, AD 2016

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Telling the press today that instructions of Pope Francis’ IKEA gift to them had numerous inconsistencies, four cardinals wrote a letter to him asking that he “resolve the uncertainties and bring clarity to the instruction manual for the armchair.”

“We the undersigned, but also many bishops and priests, ask that you provide the correct interpretation to page three of the IKEA instructions for your AMÖRIS Armchair gift,” the cardinals wrote.

They went on to add that “both theologians and scholars have proposed interpretations” of how to put the armchair together, especially its third and fourth pages, “which contradict one another.”

“Compelled by our pastoral frustrations over this hastily written instruction pamphlet, and desiring to put this chair together once and for all, that faithful visitors may sit upon it, we, with profound respect, ask you, Holy Father, as Supreme Teacher of Construction, called to confirm his brothers in the build, to resolve the uncertainties and to bring clarity to these vague images of nuts, bolts, and other material that we cannot distinguish.”

A foreword to the letter states that the main issue regarding the instruction manual is that the legs of the armchair shown in the instructions in page five were not included in the box, giving the chair “no legs to stand on.”

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2 Responses to PopeWatch: Instruction Manual

  • My instruction manual says the item of concern was made in Argentina and not Rome as advertised. Furthermore it is refurbished and not OEM.

  • The dangers of outsourcing.

    The instructions were originally organized and placed into a formal manual, however the outsourcing of said manual via Germany and Argentina lead to discrepancies and ambiguous interpretations due to a lavender material that was incorrectly used to print the instructions on. Big mistake that.
    Everyone knows weak lavender can never be used for print. It’s mushy and practically impossible for the Word to adhere correctly. To correctly construct the armchair without overlooking any important steps one might be prudent by sticking to the original text on sturdy paper.

    Outsourcing costs jobs too.
    Just ask Cardinal Burke.

5 Responses to Internet Hitler Reacts to the Clinton Defeat

PopeWatch: Saint Luthor

Saturday, November 5, AD 2016

 

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

In a press conference aboard the papal plane this morning, Pope Francis confirmed reports that he would be investigating the life and works of 16th century “reformer” Martin Luther, stating that it was better late than never in “the Church’s eternal quest for ecumenism.”

On October 15, Pope Francis welcomed a number of Lutherans from Iceland, Norway, Sweden, and Germany to his residence in the Vatican, and called Martin Luther a brave Christian who was trying his best to reform a financially corrupt Church, which automatically makes the person a saint in the Church’s eyes.

Francis also said that the pivotal character in the Protestant Reformation was in heaven, noting that “all Christians that fight against greed are saints.”

“From here on, paintings and statues of Martin Luther are welcome in all churches around the world, because he is blessed,” Francis told those gathered. “Christians who suffer ridicule today because they, in essence, overturn the tables of the money changers extend a reflection of Martin Luther’s courage and bravery.”

Francis went on to state that it was his hope that by this time next year, all members of the Catholic Church would be reciting the entire Ninety-five Thesis just after the Nicene Creed during Mass, and that the next Jubilee would commence by his walking through the “Holy Door” of All Saints’ Church in Wittenberg where the Ninety-five Thesis was first posted.

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3 Responses to PopeWatch: Saint Luthor

  • Luthor – Luther – Lucifer – whatever…..

  • Lex Luthor is Superman’s enemy…an evil bald genius. I only match him on the bald part.
    Luther should have been seized by Charles V, dragged to Spain and put on trial by the Inqusition. They would have put his keester in its place. Bad ideas come from Germany….Luther, Freud, Marx, Hitler (yeah, I know he was Austrian).

    On an unrelated note, it is a shame that Charles V was not able to come to the aid of Mary Tudor, his cousin. Charles V’ mother was Juana (Juana La Loca/ Juana the Crazy), daughter of Queen isabel of Spain. Mary Tudor’s mother was Catalina of Aragon, youngest daughter of Queen Isabel.

  • To Spain: Cards Marx and Kasper. Soon in a plane, yes I know never plain, planned impropmtu press conference: Pre-Death Papal Self-Canonization. Check it out, it’s in the penumbras of John’s Gospel and the shadows of the “epistle of joy” to the Phillippians. And no more rabbit-like love, St. Margaret Sanger coming to a parish near you. Guy McClung

4 Responses to Reformations

Nothing to Get Scared About. Really. Maybe.

Sunday, October 30, AD 2016

And scattered about it, some in their overturned war-machines, some in the now rigid handling-machines, and a dozen of them stark and silent and laid in a row, were the Martians–dead!–slain by the putrefactive and disease bacteria against which their systems were unprepared; slain as the red weed was being slain; slain, after all man’s devices had failed, by the humblest things that God, in his wisdom, has put upon this earth.

 H.G. Wells, The War of the Worlds

 

Remember, no panicking.  All will be well.  Nothing to worry about:

 

Amateur astronomers are puzzling over a seemingly anomalous cloud that has shown up on images of Mars taken over the past few days. Is it really a cloud, or a trick of the eye? Does it really extend 150 miles up from the surface, as some of the observers suggest? And what churned up all that stuff, anyway? The amateurs and the pros will be trying to resolve those questions before the phenomenon fades away.

“It’s not completely unexpected,” Jonathon Hill, a member of the team at the Mars Space Flight Facility at Arizona State University, told me today. “But it’s bigger than we would expect, and it’s definitely something that our atmosphere guys want to take a look at.”

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4 Responses to Nothing to Get Scared About. Really. Maybe.

5 Responses to Out Behind the Gym

PopeWatch: Successor

Saturday, October 22, AD 2016

 

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

The Vatican announced this week that Chicago Archbishop Blase Cupich has been selected to be Pope Francis’ successor after the 79-year-old pontiff hits the age of retirement next year.

Cupich told worshipers yesterday that he was “so very grateful and humbled by the news that he would be given the opportunity to wreak havoc upon the Church while wearing white.”

Cupich, 67, will receive his “white hat” in Rome on December 18, 2017, the day after Pope Francis turns 80. Cupich’s succession to the papacy also means he will have his choice of who will succeed him in the future.

“I would have to say as I reflect on it, while I’m pleased with this, I don’t feel any different,” Cupich told EOTT shortly after the news broke. “Joking, I feel pretty awesome and superior to everyone else. In a way, I’ve always felt like that, but now I’ll have more control to do as I wish with the Church, if that makes sense.”

Though this is the first time a pope has named a successor, it was no surprise to many that Cupich’s name was the one chosen on Sunday. Just last year, Francis picked Cupich to participate in a meeting to discuss how to better confuse the living crap out of people when it comes to the Church’s teachings on marriage, contraception, divorce and homosexuality.

Francis also named Cupich to the Congregation for Bishops, a Vatican panel that helps prevent orthodox and conservative bishop candidates from being elevated.

“Francis was looking for a doppelganger, someone who shares his mission, his message and his practices,” a Vatican representative told EOTT. “He found him in Chicago.”

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PopeWatch: Checkmate

Saturday, October 8, AD 2016

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Society of St. Pius X chess grandmaster Larcel Mafebvre has turned four of his pieces into bishops without approval from the World Chess Federation, officials have confirmed.

“Mr. Mafebvre has, without approval from the Federation, created bishops out of pawn pieces,” said World Chess Federation head Antonio Salamanca. “After speaking with Mr. Mafebvre regarding abiding by the new chess rules, wherein players are given the freedom to concelebrate the match, and to say the words of ‘checkmate’ in the vernacular, he has sadly decided to ignore our requests.”

Salamanca went on to tell reporters that Mafebvre had automatically incurred excheckommunication because of his disobedience.

“I must do what is in my conscience to preserve the dignity of the game,”  Mafebvre told EOTT in an exclusive interview. “Therefore, I have decided to consecrate four of my pieces into bishops to help my depleted side, for, from some Fischer, the smoke of Satan has entered the chessboard of God.”

At press time, one time follower of Larcel Mafebvre’s, Bavid Dawden, told EOTT that he has decided to become head of the World Chess Federation, though he only has three pawns to play with.

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5 Responses to PopeWatch: Checkmate

  • St. Pope JPII. How I miss him.
    His quote, recalling to mind the character, Mongo! “Mongo only pawn..in game of Life.”

    God help all those Mongo’s.
    Some have been raised to Bishop status you say?….Nooooo Way!

  • I can’t say I understand this or how it relates to the pope. As far as internet Catholic news, views, opinions and credibility about the Vatican, I have to say I see very little.

  • fxavier.

    The site, Eye of the Tiber, is satirical.
    On Saturdays, for a lighter note, The American Catholic draws out one spoof from EOTT.

  • Recently I have been doing much research and reading about Pope St.Pius X and the history and letters from cardinals concerning the documents of Vatican II, and on the liberalisation – read ‘protestantistion’ – of the One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church.
    This has been becoming more and more obvious in my diocese in Godzone, and in the Archdiocese in Wellington headed up by Cdl. John Dew. This week, in our parish, they have suggested – from the pulpit – that next years Sacrament of Confirmation may be conducted in the Anglican Church a few hundred yards from our own St. Mary Immaculate Church, which will be available anyway, and this has the approval of our Bp. Steve Lowe.
    I will be protesting in the strongest terms that this profanation of a Sacrament be resisted.
    Thank God we have the FSSPX in New Zealand, and I have been talking to them, along with on of our diocesan priests. They may soon have a deacon in their ranks.

  • Don the Kiwi.

    Not that it truly matters…but…what was the reasoning for this “invitation” to be confirmed in the Anglican Church next year.

    Are there so many that need to be confirmed that St. Mary Immaculate Church needs the room? ( enter sarcasm )
    In all seriousness.. I’m with you!
    Explain to the Bishop your dismay and possible move to FSSPX!

11 Responses to Thanks for Nothing

  • I love it! Hollywood idiots. Heh. I’d love to see the response go viral.

  • I think the first one, SAVE THE DAY, was 3 minutes too long.

  • The first one was three minutes and one second too long.

    Hollywood should be converted to an Air Fore bombing range.

  • Famous actors? I thought I saw Nathan Fillion in that line up (not sure), but couldn’t have named any of the others.

  • Hey, they are “following their heart” as liberals love to say. Which means it is all about FEELING and not THINKING. Feeling is what drives most folks including our dear Pope. It is the primary cause of our on-going demise in our culture and our Church.

  • Speaking of Hollywood, now that it’s October the month of Halloween, the trailers for new series and movies are worse than last years’s grotesque offerings with all sorts of gore, bondage, torture and the occult. Hollywood and the music industry have a lot on their consciences, if they have any, for the sickness of our culture.

  • Anything I have to say to or about the Hollywood actors and actresses in the 1st video should not be printed. Baby murderers, sodomites, lesbians, fornicators, adulterers the lot of them. Disgusting worthless refuse of Western Civilization’s end that they have so willingly brought to pass.
    .
    All the more do I want Trump to win, so that I can scream at them, “Get the hades out of my country! You’re not welcome! Out! Get out, the lot of you.”

  • Penguins Fan. They are not worth the powder to blow them to Hell.
    .
    I don’t take advice from people that earn their bread repeating words (they likely don’t understand if they’re longer than four letters) written by other imbeciles, while making faces or tearing off their clothes.
    .
    The only exception is Charlton Heston. He played Moses.

  • I really resent being told, urged, instructed to vote. This baffles me. Voting is a duty, a privilege, a civic responsibility. I don’t need a sh*t load of famous people telling me to do it. it’s also my right not to vote. Am I an idiot that I don’t realize the importance of something unless famous people point it out? I guess they think so. I resent these directives from government agencies as well. “Drink water!” “Don’t smoke” “Don’t forget to breathe”
    I registered to vote at DMV when I was 18 or so.. Everybody just did it. Then everybody voted ON ELECTION DAY.
    When I started to see them out with their clipboards soliciting about 12 years ago I knew something was up. I live near Union Square (I call it Red Sq. I’m wondering ‘Who are these people? Democrats I assumed. Who is paying them to do this? Then followed the Acorn scandal, the ‘Republicans are suppressing the vote’ meme, states granting voting rights to felons, early voting, same day registration/voting, absentee voting, mail voting and every state is different. Too much room for fraud. I think there is no vetting once a person is registered to vote. They are entered on the books. There is really no vetting when you register. No proof of citizenship is required- only an address. The Muslim mall shooter from Turkey voted in the last 3 elections even though a non citizen.

PopeWatch: Catfished

Saturday, September 24, AD 2016

 

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Social media users are very much used to dealing with phony accounts, and Catholics in the world of Facebook and Twitter are no exception to the rule.

Pope Benedict “broke the internet” this week after admitting to using the Twitter handle “ThisCatholicPope” in order to carry on the persona of a 79-year-old pope named “Francis.”

“The fact that a pope started a Twitter account just so he could retire and still have power to hold the Catholic faithful in the palm of his hand is deplorable,” local catfished Catholic Brenda Summers told EOTT. “By doing this, he made fools of both the right and the left in the Church. He made conservatives long for his authority and wisdom, and he kept liberals at bay by writing a bunch of crap about the environment.”

After being confronted by EOTT, Benedict explained his actions and apologized outright.

“It was never anything personal. At the time, I was being really selfish…I wanted to pray and study without having to deal with the gay mafia in the Vatican. That’s the best excuse I have,” Benedict said, before adding, “Francis is someone who knows how to deal with the politics in the Church and the world. He’s my inner-popular Peter. Everyone loves him. No one ever loved me before Francis. No one ever awarded me TIME’s Person of the Year. I was just the old german who was once a member of the Hitler Youth.”

At press time, Pope Benedict is asking the Catholic faithful to forgive him and to just love him for who he is…on the inside.

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One Response to PopeWatch: Catfished

5 Responses to How to Argue Like a Theological Liberal

  • Alternate title: “All of mark shea’s arguments in under 2 minutes.”

  • The primary logical principle of liberals, from Jorge B on down is the principle of nonnon contradiction-a thing can simultaneously be and not be. For example: a person can at one and the same time be an adulterer and not an adulterer; or a person can, at the same time, sin by choosing to engage in homosexual sex actions and do an act of virtuous love by choosing to engage in homosexual sex actions. And get ready for this theological argument: Jorge B declares the Jubilee Year Of Service and that the episcopacy is the summit of service, priesthood a lot of the spectrum of service, service a gradual thing from laity up to Poper, and -drum roll- deaconesses will now be simply be wonmen who do not have the fullness of service, but a real part of the ideal of service. Having part of the spectrum, – louder drum roll please-of course just as it has been declared that adulterers can recieve Holy Communion, women can – loudest drum roll-be ordained priests. Now that is liberal theology. Guy McClung, San Atnonio, Texas

  • Drip, drip, drip, drip and suddenly the pail is full and overflowing. “Jubilee Year of Service”. I can see it happening.

  • CAM-the “dripdripdrip” is so on point. WE can have some fun disclosing what exactly is dripping. And imagine what they will then do with the Jubilee Year Of Belief. Any denomination with a du-inity-only God the Father and God the Holy Spirit- instead of a trinity will be said to have part of the ideal of trinity and, therefore, be part of the one true holy catholic apostolic church. Any church that preaches only two last things- death and heaven-will have part of the true belief and will be declared part of the one true holy catholic apostolic church. Wait a minute-!- that has already happened with the Mercy Heresy proclaimed by the Mercy Bully, there is no condemnation forever; so there are not 4 last things, Death, Judgment, Heaven, Hell. Praise the Lord! Since they are getting ready to issue the Martin Luther Holy Cards, St. Arius and St. Margaret Sanger cannot be far behind. Guy McClung, San Antonio, Texas

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Tim Kaine’s Guardian Angel Quits

Tuesday, September 20, AD 2016

 

 

At The American Catholic we are dedicated to giving you up to date news on the election campaign.  Thus we have this report from Acts of the Apostasy:

(AoftheANews) NEW YORK – The guardian angel for Democrat Vice-Presidential candidate Tim Kaine told AoftheA News that he is quitting the Clinton campaign, and has announced his endorsement of Donald Trump.

“I’ve had it with him. Completely had it,” the angelic messenger said, relentlessly puffing on a Marlboro. “I haven’t slept in days. He’s driving me nuts. His comments on so-called same-sex marriage over the weekend were the final straw. He really thinks the Church will someday change its position. Sure, he was taught by Jesuits, but he oughtta know better.”

The bedraggled, unshaven divine host of heaven went on. “I probably should have done this when Hillary selected him, but I had hope, you know? Turns out I was just fooling myself.”

He explained that his endorsement of Trump was merely an attempt to get Kaine’s attention. “I’m hoping it’s a wake-up call,” he said, pouring himself a glass of Jack Daniels. “Shock him a bit. Once he hears I want to ‘make America great again’, he’ll come to his senses. Maybe. I’m so beyond frustrated.”

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20 Responses to Tim Kaine’s Guardian Angel Quits

PopeWatch: Gringo Mass

Saturday, September 17, AD 2016

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Despite efforts to figure whether they were in a Catholic or Protestant service, local parishioners were left baffled after an “animated” man wearing vestments put on a head mic and began pacing back and forth as he delivered his sermon.

“The man looked like a priest and I was quite certain I was in a Catholic Church,” said longtime parishioner Joyce Parlin who had no clue as to what the hell was going on. “But he kept pacing back and forth, ending each statement with a ‘can I get an amen?’ No one was exactly sure what he was asking for. I overheard one gentleman respond, ‘yes, I suppose,’ but the priest or pastor or whatever he was kept desperately asking if he could get more amens.”

Parlin went on to add that the priest or pastor or whatever the heck he was continually used words like “fellowship” and “ministry” during his sermon, words, Parlin admitted, she had never heard before.

“He also used the phrase ‘saved by the Blood of the Lamb,’ which I suppose is some sort of Christian take on the TV show ‘Saved by the Bell.’ Hell, I don’t know.”

At press time, the band has begun singing praise a worship as beach balls are being thrown to and fro, confirming that the event is a Life Teen Mass.

Go here to read the comments.  PopeWatch was about to call the Vatican for comment when he received a call from the Pope.  The Pope got quickly to the point. 

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8 Responses to PopeWatch: Gringo Mass

  • “Then PopeWatch woke up.”

    In a rubber room sporting an “I love me.” jacket. Because one would have to be crazy to even dream that Pope Francis would put Cardinal Burke in charge of anything important.

  • Cardinal Burke for Pope. Oh to hear him ex communicate Tim Kaine, Nancy Pelosi, Joe Biden and all the rest.

  • In our Faith Community, aka Catholic Church, the focus is on something called
    ‘Stewardship as Our Way of Life’ which encompasses Hospitality, Prayer, Formation, and Service. Our Mission is to be the Heart and Hands of Christ. We have over 100 active ministries. Our Rector, trained in the theology of Karl Rahner, is very enthused about parishioner involvement in Stewardship. There is something about the whole thing that troubles me but can’t quite articulate it. One point to be noted is that participation in the religious aspects of being a Catholic are seldom mentioned or non-existent, i.e., confession, adoration, holy hour, holiness, etc. I would appreciate any comments.

  • Mr. Dowd,

    http://www.servelec.net/mothertheresa.htm
    Maybe this will help you see what’s lacking.

    We are not called to be social workers. We are called to do everything for the Lord. Not because we are so good for doing it. Because we are nothing and He is everything. And if we so not sanctify our work, I’d we do not so it For the Lord, and to His Will, then it is not the Good He wishes it to be.

  • Thanks Alice. You are correct. What’s lacking in the Church was withdrawn after Vatican II. We need to practice the religious aspects of our religion.

  • This reminds me of the time I visited my oldest and best friend by then retired and living down south. Sunday morning we drove to the nearest, and they are few and far between down south, for Mass. The edifice appeared as plain as a dentist office. My friend cleverly quipped, “This is a Catholic church cleverly disguised as a Protestant church”.

  • My parish is one of those dual language/dual culture English-Spanish parishes. The Spanish-language masses I’ve attended are just as irreverent in their own way. I think our present and immediately past parish priests, for whom Spanish is their mother tongue, are/were deeply embarrassed by that. I also believe that embarrassment inhibited them when they could have made needful corrections to the parish’s English language masses.

  • re: Micha Elyi’s comment

    “Gringo Mass” indeed !!! Racists…

    I hadn’t thought about this for awhile since I haven’t been to a Spanish Mass for a long time… There tended to be a lot of little kids crawling around, running around, making noise, etc. at espanol misa. People also used to eat at Mass too, and I don’t think it was just little kids eating cheerios. Sure, the priests — gringo and otherwise — try to correct it. Also I hate to say it, but years ago I was at a weekday evening Mass which was geared toward trying to get the teens to Mass before youth group. When I went up to Communion I noticed a hispanic female youth who had stuff in her hands as she went up for Communion. I think it was a pack of cheese crackers and something else. She was given Communion in the hand anyway. I watched her. She received the Host in her hands but instead of putting It in her mouth, she took it back to her seat at the rear of the church where she was sitting with friend(s). She just sat there and I knew she still had the Host. I motioned for her to put It in her mouth which she did. I hope she swallowed it. I later informed the deacon after Mass. Maybe I should have asked for the Host to be given to me since she didn’t seem adequately prepared to receive it. I was kind of shook up at the time. I don’t know if she was ignorant, or had some other more nefarious plan in mind. Some years ago, another area parish had a problem with hosts being stolen and sold for evil purposes. (I don’t know the identity or race of the people who did it.) To this day the parish has lay people posted to watch you when you receive Communion. It’s like you’re guilty before being proven innocent…

PopeWatch: Plague

Saturday, September 10, AD 2016

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

 

In an effort to combat what is being called a “fast-moving and highly contagious disease,” officials at the Diocese of San Diego announced today that they will begin spraying for orthodoxy this month.

Diocesan spiritual health officials will spray parts of San Diego after several individuals tested positive for orthodoxy last month.

One San Diego resident recently returned from a one week retreat at a Benedictine monastery where orthodoxy is known to be active. The individual developed symptoms before returning home.

The case was confirmed after testing at the San Diego County Public Spiritual Health Laboratory came back positive.

When diocese Orthodoxy Control inspectors visited the individual’s home, they found a breviary and books by Pope Benedict XVI nearby.

“If Benedict’s books were exposed to others living nearby, they could spread the orthodoxy,” said Janette Durante, Deputy Director of Doctrinal Laxity. “It’s very important for Catholics to inspect in and around their parishes and to toss out anything that comes even close to resembling proper catechesis.”

This Sunday, spiritual officials plan to go door-to-door leaving notifications for Catholics to inform them of where the spraying will occur.

To minimize your exposure to the “anti-ortho” spray, diocesan officials recommend staying inside, closing bibles and catechisms, and covering up crucifixes, although a standard cross without the corpse or a resurrexifix is fine to keep out.

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One Response to PopeWatch: Plague

  • Just consider the consequences if ever the contagion made it’s way to the Vatican.
    Pope Francis, infected!
    Ohhh….the sanctity of it all.
    That…thhat.. would mean no formal Papal acknowledgement of the Reformation on its anniversary….aaa…and and no more videos on the dome of St.Peters….I don’t know if I could handle it all… just to much to even consider.

Larry the Lobster Assumes Room Temperature

Tuesday, August 30, AD 2016

 

It would take a heart of stone not to laugh at this:

 

The 2016 Larry was saved from the stockpot, too. He was destined for dinner when several concerned citizens worked with a group called iRescue Wildlife, Inc., to intervene, the Miami Herald reports.

Larry had been reserved for one family’s dinner when the activists offered to buy him and send him to freedom, ABC News reports.

“They really opened up my eyes and it got me a little emotional,” Melluso told ABC. “We went ahead and donated the lobster to them.”

The Larry-savers made plans to ship him to the Maine State Aquarium, which said it would accept him, quarantine him and then decide what to do with him after that. There was a swift response from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

They called on the aquarium to let Larry loose.

“Lobsters are smart, unique individuals who feel pain and suffer in captivity,” PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman said in a statement. “PETA is calling on the Maine State Aquarium to let this elderly crustacean live out his golden years in freedom and peace.”

Alas, Larry’s golden years were never to be.

He arrived at the Maine Aquarium … less than alive.

Jeff Nichols, communications director for the Maine Department of Marine Resources, says that there’s always a challenge in shipping a live animal.

“Maine lobster dealers do it all the time … they ship live lobsters all over the world, but it’s something that is part of their business practice and their area of expertise,” he told NPR. “This was a situation where, you know, it was somebody trying to figure it out.”

The first attempt to ship Larry was scuttled when FedEx sent him back. And unfortunately, he spent some time on freshwater ice, Nichols says, which isn’t ideal for a marine animal.

The Florida activists repackaged him, with some coaching from the Maine State Aquarium’s staff, and sent him again, the Portland Press Herald reported on Wednesday:

“Larry was packed in a Styrofoam clamshell with seaweed and frozen gel packs intended to keep him cold. The Styrofoam package was then put in another box, providing extra cushioning and protection from leakage. iRescue did not respond to questions about the shipping cost.

“The packaging method has worked in the past for others who have shipped live lobsters to the aquarium, Nichols said. But when staffers opened the box Wednesday around noon, they found a motionless crustacean and broken gel packs.

“Unsure whether Larry was dead or alive, a staffer touched the lobster’s eye, but found it dry and unresponsive.”

Larry hadn’t made it.

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10 Responses to Larry the Lobster Assumes Room Temperature

  • All I could see is the scale of justice.

    For the men and women at PETA and iRescue Wildlife a small fetus is placed on the right side of the scale, Larry the lobster on the left.
    Christ Jesus asks the question; Which one did you try to save while you were on Earth?

    The mindset of hypocritical individuals that support killing children yet fall over each other on a old lobster is testimony of a world in peril. A society in ruin. Heartless and gutless.

  • Animal “rights” activists are another symptom of the current age, along with “enviornmentalists”, who care nothing for humanity but will stop at nothing to further their own causes.

  • http://usccb.us8.list-manage.com/track/click?u=b927174dbe854683d4b527f98&id=962f9257e5&e=5711bef68f

    In today’s first reading St. Paul nails it on the head; “…we have not received the spirit of the world, but the Spirit of the one from God.”

  • The original article left out the best line from the PETA statement:

    “PETA is calling on the Maine State Aquarium to let this elderly crustacean live out his golden years in freedom and peace.”

  • Pinky.

    It’s a Monty Python script…. seriously!?

  • Philip-Re: your scale: But Larry could feel pain. And aren’t you showing your bias placing the baby, sorry fetus, on the “right” side of the scale? PETA will tell you Larry had a Constitutional right to be on the right side. Just check the penumbras of the commerce clause and the shadows of the 5th amendment. Guy

  • So, a fairly quick and delicious death became a slow, torturous, wasteful death. Congratulations iRescue.

  • This crap happens every day of the week. At least 2 entire 1000 page books could be written re: so called “rescue” groups and the animals they have killed in their “rescuing” and the animal abuse taking place under the title of animal “rescue.” These “rescue” groups are getting rich. Recently, while begging for more money, the humane society here in my area had $5 million dollars put up in a CD in one single account. Check out the percentage of animals that are in PETA’s custody that don’t make it out alive–it is literally almost 100 percent.

  • And the ASPCA is a contributor to PLANNED PARENTHOOD.