LarryD
Vatican Archivists Discover Unfinished Papal Encyclical!!
(cross-posted at Acts of the Apostasy)
(AoftheAP) Calling it the “most exciting archival discovery in the post-Reformation era”, Vatican archivists have announced that in October 2011, they discovered what they believe to be the unfinished 13th Rosary Encyclical penned by Pope Leo XIII. Pope Leo XIII, who had a strong devotion to our Blessed Mother, issued 12 encyclicals on the rosary between the years 1883-1898. It is believed this newly found incomplete one was started several months before he died in July 1903.
“We’ve translated the text,” Fr. Hugo Thistleway said at yesterday’s press conference, “and it’s entitled Decursu Saeculorum, taken from the first sentence of the encyclical: ‘Decursu saeculorum, sanctissimam Matrem pietatis manifestatio per fideles in recitatione a sanctissimo Rosario nuncupatur’, which translates to: ‘Throughout the ages, devotion to our Blessed Mother has been expressed by the faithful in the recitation of the Holy Rosary’.”
In all, the encyclical totals six and a half pages, and is clearly incomplete. But its content has caused an immediate controversy at the Holy See, as Pope Leo XIII indicated in very precise language how the rosary is to be prayed. Namely, that the only means by which to receive grace and indulgences from recitation, is to pray the rosary in a counter-clockwise direction. According to the encyclical, praying the rosary in a clockwise direction would ‘bear no fruit and Heaven would be closed to the petitioner and his pleas’ (‘…fructum nequaquam facient, quod caelum claudatur, et preces eius et actori.’).
“Due to its incompleteness, there is uncertainty as to the encyclical’s binding nature upon the faithful,” Thistleway said. “But make no mistake, this is huge.”
Fr. Thistleway demonstrated Pope Leo XIII’s instructions to those gathered at the press conference. “If you hold out the rosary at the crucifix, and let the beads hang down, what the encyclical is saying is that the first decade must be the one to the left of the crucifix, the second decade to the left of the first, and so on, all away around until you return to the crucifix. Starting to the right would be wrong – not necessarily sinful, at least according to several moral theologians I’ve spoken to, but wrong nonetheless.” Continue reading
The Catholic’s Examination Of Conscience Guide To The NFL Playoffs
Game on, football fans. The NFL playoffs are underway as I write this, and across this great land, millions of Catholics will be watching the games and rooting for teams.
But which teams can Catholics root for, and not be guilty of committing serious sin? If only there was some way of knowing.
Introducing the Catholic’s Examination of Conscience Guide to the NFL Playoffs, measured by the Moral Culpability Scale of Sinfulness, or MCSS, ranging from 1-10, with 1 = anathema sit!, and 10 = holier than the Pope. Teams with MCSS scores of 5.0 or higher are acceptable for Catholics to root and cheer for. If you’re pulling for teams with scores under 5.0, well, you might want to have a chat with your spiritual director before you get penalized for Immoral Procedure.
So let’s look at the individual teams and see how they rate. Keep in mind, this is focusing on teams and where they play, not personnel or coaches or anything like that. Current players are not being considered or mentioned in this examination of conscience. Because I say so. Continue reading
Star Trek TNG: To Blog Where No One Has Blogged Before
(originally posted at Acts of the Apostasy)
…alternatively titled “You Really Wanna Know What I Think Of Patheos?”
Call-to-Action: “Apparition Of Martin Luther Worthy Of Belief”
(Cross-posted at Acts of the Apostasy)
(AoftheAP) Attendees at the Call-to-Action National Conference, held earlier this month in Milwaukee, were treated to a special announcement that brought cheers and tears of joy: the apparition of “St.” Martin Luther, who had appeared to an Omaha woman over a period of seven years, has been designated as “worthy of belief” by the CTA Board of Directors.
Marjoram Fennel, a former catechist in the Archdiocese of Omaha, was warmly accepted by the CTA crowd, as she spoke to them about whom she calls her “special friend”. “At first I thought I was seeing things, or going crazy,” she explained. “But I soon discovered that we shared much in common, and his messages to me were comforting and uplifting.”
She was grateful to the Board for their pronouncement. Fennel told the crowd about the apparition’s circumstances. Continue reading
Occupy WallStreet As Described By Rush
No, not Limbaugh, not that Rush. You know – Rush.
I had to drive cross-state yesterday on a sales call, so I grabbed some CD’s to play, and one was Gold, by Rush – a compilation of their biggest hits. The Trees struck an appropriate chord.
At the very least, you’ve got some Neil Peart percussive excellence to jump-start your morning… Continue reading
The 6th Annual Cannonball Catholic Blog Anti-Awards
Drop everything. Donald, put down that book on Civil War trivia and pay attention here. Tito, maybe you should take a moment from launching those five or eight new blog ideas and listen up.
The 6th Annual Cannonball Catholic Blog Anti-Awards are on – hosted by the indomitable The Crescat…, one of the best bloggers in the Catholic blogiverse.
Why am I mentioning this? Well, The American Catholic has been nominated in the Best Political Blog category. So head on over there, show some bloggity pride, and cast your votes! Sure, no one will get a statue to put on a mantle, or any endorsement deals. But so what? It’s called “fun”.
Oh – and by the way – while you’re over there – remember to vote for Acts of the Apostasy in the Most Hifreakinlarious and Snarkiest Blog categories. Yeah, you’ll see that Lisa Graas has been nominated for Snarkiest Blog as well. So here’s a suggestion: contributors with last names from A-M vote for me, and those from N-Z can vote for Lisa. That’s fair, isn’t it? Maybe?
And you can vote once per 24 hours. How cool is that? You can pretend to be a dead liberal union member from Chicago, and it won’t be illegal or immoral! I’m not sure when the contest closes, so don’t delay.
There are other crazy categories as well – like ‘Best Potpourri of Popery’ and ‘Best Blog By A Heretic’. So go join in the celebration of averageness!
“If You Love Me…”
(Cross-posted at Acts of the Apostasy)
Earlier this week – yesterday, in fact – President Obama went to the University of North Carolina to campaign for his new jobs bill, and he actually told the attendees:
“If you love me, you’ve got to help me pass this jobs bill.”
Seriously, he said that. Can you imagine if other world leaders and famous persons had used that line?
President Ronald Reagan: “Gorbachev, if you love me, then tear down this wall!” Continue reading
Theology +
(Originally posted at Acts of the Apostasy)
There is way, way too much serious football, societal and political punditry being posted here as of late. Time for a more light-hearted variety of punditry, me thinks.
Introducing “Theology +”, featuring…
Organic Chemistry
“Amine, amine, I say unto you…”
Since Christ’s Ascension into Heaven, we have been living in the enzymes.
The Book of Ester comes after the Book of Judith.
“And they cast out many devils, and anointed with oil many that were sick, and Helium.” (Mk 6:13)
We must love our enamines and pray for our persecutors.
“Two frequent temptations threaten prayer: lack of faith and acidity…” [CCC 275]
The three theological virtues are faith, hope and chirality.*
King David committed adultery with Bathsheba, the wife of Urea the Hittite.
“Then they Cesium and led him away, bringing him into the high priest’s house.” (Lk 22:54)
OK, you punsters – put on your thinking caps and add your own in the combox.
*Yes, it’s pronounced ‘kahy-RAL-i-ty’, so it’s a stretch. But I like the way it looks.
Top Ten Topics That Will Rock Your Catholic Blog
(cross-posted at Acts Of The Apostasy)
Do you run a Catholic blog, or is it more like a Catholic blahhhhg? Do you wish you had more readers? Is your Sitemeter daily count smaller than Kate Middleton’s waist size, and you wish it would expand (the daily count, not KM’s waist)? Does your combox have more robo-generated spam comments selling shoes and junk than comments left by actual people?
If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, then what you need are The Top Ten Topics That Will Rock Your Catholic Blog, as compiled by the AoftheA Editorial Board. The EB scoured Catholic blogs for several hours days weeks months and months to generate a list of hot-button issues that delivered consistent results across the world.
If you want to increase traffic to your blog, and you want the combox conversations spiced up a bit, touch on any of the subjects listed below. You can either be pro or con – doesn’t matter. You don’t even have to write well or display logic – just have an opinion and a thesaurus and a glib turn of phrase or two, and bang! Your daily hits will spike. Your combox will quickly resemble a back alley at midnight deep in gang-contested turf. Yeah, it will get rather testy, but that’s what commenting at Catholic blogs is all about: loving our neighbors – even the Anonymous ones – with ham-fisted charity and bare-knuckled mercy. Continue reading
College Democrats of America Reveal Themselves
…and we learn that they’re rather ignorant of politics, history and economics. To be fair, I was too at their age, and since then, I’ve grown wiser and put away belief in childish things…like fairy dust and the power of unicorn farts.
There used to be a video – it was removed from Vimeo at 11:37 PM EST on 6/27 (presumably by the maker, and presumably because it was being skewered throughout the Innerwebz)) – but despair not! I found another copy of it! Fortunately, before the video was removed, I had transcribed it, and I’ve included my own commentary following each statement.
OK, you’ve watched it. Let’s go.
“I’m a Democrat because…
…because I believe hope is the stuff of dreams, and I believe in keeping that hope alive.”
[Dear Lord, they started with this guy? Yo! Spongebob Wishpants! "Hope" won't pay your college loans when you're unemployed!] Continue reading
If Ad Writers Were Only Allowed To Marry! *UPDATED*
…then ads such as the following would never get made!
From Huffington Post: Kia Sportage Ad Sparks Pedophilia Controversy
A new Kia ad is raising eyebrows—with some even saying that it promotes pedophilia. The ad, which promotes a dual-zone climate control feature in one of Kia’s cars, took home the Silver Press Lion at the prestigious Cannes Lion Awards. But it is controversial, to say the least.
The ad features a teacher lusting after his elementary school-aged student. On one side of the page, she appears as a young girl. On the other side, though, she becomes a scantily clad, buxom teen, seemingly as a product of the teacher’s imagination.
Oh wait – it won an award. It’s all good then. Never mind.
Click here if you wish to contact Kia Motors and complain. I did tried – their system won’t allow you to send a message electronically, so I called their number and lodged a formal complaint. I wasn’t the only one to call.
(Cross-posted at Acts of the Apostasy)
***UPDATE*** (10:25 PM EST 6/24/11) – from the Kia Motors website:
Statement Regarding Inappropriate Advertising Material From Brazil
Kia Motors America (KMA) has become aware of an offensive piece of advertising material that was created by an ad agency in Brazil that KMA has no business relationship with and has never worked with. This ad was not created in the U.S. by Kia Motors America or any of its marketing partners and does not reflect the opinions or values of KMA or Kia Motors Corporation. The ad is undoubtedly inappropriate, and on behalf of Kia Motors we apologize to those who have been offended by it. We can guarantee this advertisement has never and will never be used in any form in the United States, and our global headquarters in Seoul, South Korea is addressing the issue with the independent Brazilian distributor.
Kudos to Kia on the quick response. Still makes me wonder how this ad managed to get submitted in an international contest and win an award if it was never approved by KMA in the first place, but at least they’ve made a public announcement denouncing it.
When Do I Get My Month?
(Cross-posted at Acts of the Apostasy)
June is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month. It used to just be Gay and Lesbian Pride Month, initiated by former President Clinton in 2000, and then made more inclusive by President Obama in 2009. Of course, it’s not totally inclusive, because heterosexuals aren’t on the list. (So I won’t celebrate it until I’m forced to, which may happen sooner than later…)
In fact, if you read through the list of National Months, there’s no National Normal Heterosexuals Month anywhere. How come? Why the discrimination?
There’s no National Blogger Month, no Heaven-bound Catholic Pride Month, no Guys Who Love Girls and Girls Who Love Guys Month or anything like that. Where’s the justice?
There’s nothing close to a National Men’s Month, or Men’s History Month, either. Continue reading
More Oil, Less Hydrochloro-Bullhockey Please
The NRSC has come up with yet another great ad. This one pulls no punches.
I hope the 2012 Republican candidate is great as well – and not just on the issue of energy policy.
Conspiracies And Controversies
I have a coworker who is Catholic – not in a Nancy Pelosi sort of way, mind you. He’s an ardent pro-lifer who really walks the walk – prays in front of a couple local abortuaries once or twice a month, and does a bit of sidewalk counseling as well. He frequents the Sacrament of Confession often, attends Mass during the week, supports the Pope – just a solid all-around Catholic guy.
Except…
He has this one quirk that befuddles me.
He’s a truther. And a birther. And lately, now, he’s become a deather. And not in some casual, “hmmm-that-sure-seems-interesting-as-a-theory-I-wonder-if-that-might-be-true” sort of way. He’s all in. Compared to him, Fox Mulder is a doubter. As far as I know, he hasn’t rigged his house a la Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory. Still, he’s firm in his opinions and isn’t afraid to express them.
Now, it isn’t a sin to maintain an incorrect opinion, no matter how outlandish it is, on issues unrelated to faith and morals. It may be stupid, but it isn’t necessarily sinful. But what about those conspiracies that focus on the Church? Not just the sex-abuse crisis conspiracy, or the sedevacantism one either. Continue reading
Priest Uses Monkeys As Altar Servers To Compete With Megachurch
(Cross-posted at Acts of the Apostasy)
(AoftheAP) Fr. P.T. Bailey, frustrated at the steady stream of parishoners leaving his parish for a new evangelical megachurch, recently made a potentially controversial change at his parish, designed to attract new members and convince old members to return.
The change? Using trained chimpanzees as altar servers.
“Ever since Bobo, Gonzo, Chico, Matata and George arrived at Our Lady of Extenuating Circumstances, our attendance has increased by 250%,” Fr Bailey said. “Donations have been rising, too. It’s been fantastic.” Continue reading
Elisabeth Sladen (1948-2011)
Quite possibly the most famous and well-liked Dr Who companion.
From The DailyMail Online:
Tributes have been pouring in for Doctor Who actress Elisabeth Sladen who died yesterday following a battle with cancer aged 63.
Leading them was former Doctor Who writer Russell T Davies, who brought her back to Doctor Who, and said it was ‘an honour to have worked with her’.
Speaking this morning, he said: ‘It’s devastating, it’s no age at all is it? All of us who worked on Doctor Who and Sarah Jane are just reeling at the moment.
‘It’s so sad. It was a joy to know the woman and an honour to have worked with her, I loved her.’
Liverpool-born Sladen played the Doctor’s assistant Sarah Jane Smith, first alongside Jon Pertwee in 1973, and stayed on with Tom Baker, the fourth Doctor, until 1976.
She returned as the character for a spin-off series K9 and Company in 1981 and Davies, 47, brought Sladen back into the Doctor Who fold in 2006 when she starred in an episode alongside the then Doctor, David Tennant.
Sladen is the second high-profile actor who starred in Dr Who to have passed away this year – Nicholas Courtney (aka ‘The Brigadier’) died on February 23rd.
Requiescat in Pace, Sarah Jane Smith
Catholarchaeology, Inc.
*NOTE: The following is a serious article. There is no parody, satire, sarcasm or intentional humor of any kind. There is, however, 12% snark content. You’re welcome, Amawalk John.*
*NOTE#2: I take that back. The previous note was sarcasm. Thank you.*
One way of knowing that a major Christian holy day is soon approaching is by the increased frequency of news reports and History/Discovery channel shows highlighting “incredible!” archaeological finds pertaining to Christianity. Sure, you can always use a calendar, but just in case yours breaks or gets misplaced, the secular press is right there with reliable quackery to help. They pretend Christianity is non-existent for summer, fall and the second half of winter – but come Advent and Lent, stories that either seek to disprove its claims, or misrepresent them – and sometimes both – are published and broadcast. It’s the modus operandi of the industry known as Catholarchaeology, Inc.
Back in March, it was the discovery of the “Jerusalem codices” – which ironically were discovered five years ago, and are just now being talked about. And challenged as to their authenticity, as well. Big surprise.
Now there’s this story: Did Journalist Simcha Jacobovici Find THE Nails to Crucify Jesus?
JERUSALEM — Controversial journalist Simcha Jacobovici says he may have found the nails that were used to crucify Jesus more than 2,000 years ago. Continue reading
2011 Masters Tournament Features Surprise Last Minute Entrant
For golf aficionados (of which I am one), the “official” start of the golf season commences today, with the first round of the Masters tournament at Augusta. One of four Majors (the British Open, the US Open and the PGA Championship being the other three), this herald of Spring features the world’s best golfers at one of America’s premiere golf courses. Phil Mickelson seeks to defend his title against a field laden with incredible talent and fierce competitors.
Along with an unexpected last-minute contender.
Teeing off at 8:18 AM, with Ben Crenshaw, Brent Snedecker and Kevin Na is none other than…
…President Barack Obama.
In what is undoubtedly the surprise sports story of the decade, President Obama worked out a deal with Chairman Billy Payne to participate in this year’s tourney, despite the fact he is not a professional golfer. Continue reading
Who’s Your Doctor?
Alrighty then – time for a little diversion.
April 23 2011 – Dr Who Season Six starts. Here’s the trailer:
I’ve been a fan since 1982, when I first discovered the Doctor one Saturday night, channel-changing (no “surfing” then as we didn’t have a remote) and landing on the local PBS station. Just fun brain-candy sci-fi that didn’t take itself all that seriously.
Nowadays the production values are great, the special effects cooler, the locations and sets go way beyond your run-of-the-mill gravel quarry, and the story lines and season arcs are, for the most part, superb. I have found that plenty of the “reboot” fans were fans of the Original Series – and there are quite a few who discovered the series the same way I did, way back when: channel surfing and discovering this enigmatic time-traveling mysterious Time Lord known only as the Doctor.
Talk to any seasoned fan, such as myself, and they’ll tell you right off who their favorite actor was to have played the Doctor, and will volunteer which one ranks last on their list. For most, it’s either Jon Pertwee (#3) or Tom Baker (#4) as the favorites (mine is Tom Baker), with Colin Baker (#6) settling at the bottom. And everyone has their most favorite episodes, along with their least liked one.
I know that quite a few Catholic bloggers and readers are Dr Who fans as well. So let’s do an impromptu unscientific survey. Of all the Doctor’s you’re familiar with, which episodes of each were your most favorite, and least favorite? Let’s limit the discussion to the first 7 incarnations (forget about that dismal Fox movie from 1996 that featured Paul McGann as #8). You don’t have to give a reason if you don’t want to. Perhaps at a later date we’ll look at the Reboot Doctors, but for now, let’s stick with the Original Series. Continue reading
A Modest Proposal For The 21st Century
There has been much discussion regarding the unsustainability of national entitlement programs – specifically, Social Security and Medicare. These programs are either a) dangerously underfunded; b) out of money; or c) figments of all our imaginations. We can eliminate (c), unfortunately. Which leaves us with varying proportions of (a) and (b), depending on the time of day, wind direction and particular news network reporting the issue.
Current political circumstances dictate that these programs remain untouched by the scalpel-wielding budget writers. Suggesting cuts in disbursements from any of these tax-payer supplied ATM’s would be political suicide, and the last thing any elected official is prepared to do, is to take the knife intended for an opponent’s back, turn it on themselves and slide it neatly between their third and fourth ribs. Additionally, newly elected conservatives, who ran on promises of curbing spending and reducing the size of our bloatocracy, are trying to maintain their footing in the quagmire of political compromise, with a nervous eye on their calendars, recognizing that the summer of 2012 will be soon be upon them. Thus, few, if any, politicians will recommend increasing tax-payer contribution levels to these programs.
Instead, our legislators have done what they do best – they have rolled up their sleeves, sat down to serious business and played “trim the fat off the fat side of the fat” with the budget, which affords them the luxury of appearing engaged without angering any particular large financial donor group. Since each political party controls one house of Congress, it’s not surprising that stalemates and gridlock clog up Capitol Hill. Normally, I applaud such a condition. The less legislation that gets enacted, generally speaking, the better off the populace remains. However, our present circumstances require swift action. There is no time to waste.
Which brings me to my modest proposal. It will require no reduction in Social Security payments, or Medicare coverage; nor will it demand an increase in taxes of any sort, to anyone. Furthermore, my proposal will help propel the “green power” agenda forward, for what it’s worth, as well as ease the burden on middle class America. The final result will be a return to solvency of the aforementioned entitlement programs, and place our great nation back on the road to prosperity and security for all its inhabitants. Continue reading
Top Ten Rejected Shows At EWTN
(Cross-posted at Acts of the Apostasy)
Not every show that gets presented to the folks at EWTN makes it past the sales pitch. It’s just like Hollywood, without the couch. Seriously. You think it’s just some nuns and a few execs sitting with Raymond Arroyo and Fr Mitch brainstorming over a pot of Fr Leo’s “What Really Happened To The Lost Sheep” Stew? No way – writers and developers from the world over submit scripts and treatments all the time. And not just inspirational programs that teach the faith, either. I’m talking comedies, dramas, reality – the whole gamut.
Good shows like The Apostle of Common Sense, Threshold of Hope and Life On The Rock made the cut. However, many, many of them never see the light of day. Until now.
Here are the Top Ten Rejected Shows At EWTN:
Continue reading
New Lenten Observations: Pray, Fast, Create A Sustainable World
Before jumping into the topic, I want to say “thank you” to Tito and the entire staff for the invitation to contribute to TAC. I’m humbled and honored – and I hope to meet the fine standards already established here. It’s gonna mean more reliance on a dictionary and thesaurus, and the use of something I’ve seen referred to as “rational thinking”, but that’s a challenge I’m willing to undertake. Readers of my blog Acts of the Apostasy are familiar with my style; as my masthead says, “Orthodox commentary on heterodox hooligans – serious; satirical; humorous; faithful.” I can’t guarantee the most erudite (I had to look that up) commentary, but hopefully it will spark some worthwhile thoughts and conversations. So let’s begin…
Lent starts tomorrow. Ash Wednesday. A time to tighten our belts, wash our faces, deep-fry some haddock…
…and exorcise our homes of those eeeeevvilllll incandescent light bulbs.
That’s right – according to the Catholic Coalition on Climate Change, your Lent will be meaningless if you don’t focus on creating a more sustainable and just world. It’s all about forgoing plastic shopping bags and installing CFL’s. Forget about growing in holiness. It’s all about glowing in fluorescence-ness.
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