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PopeWatch: Miracle Drug

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

A new anti-anxiety drug called Xanoft is now being offered to parishioners as young as five-years-old to help curb the devastating effects of the sound of bad church music, scientist are reporting.

The drug, which many parishioners are calling a “miracle,” is said to be able to soften the senses to the sounds of guitar, tambourine, and other instruments when played inside of a Church.

“It’s the most amazing drug on the market,” said local Catholic Debbie Kang who has been using a trial version of the drug for the past month. “I used to seizure every time the church band started playing. But not I’m able to stay conscious so I can curse the members of the band under my breath.”

Another Xanoft user, Logan Thomas, told EOTT that he was on the verge of leaving the Church for SSPX before learning about Xanoft.

“I just couldn’t take it anymore. But now with Xanoft, I’m able to sit through an hour of the most ungodly music during Mass without having to go to confessions right after.”

Go here to comment.  PopeWatch has ordered a year’s supply.

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Donald R. McClarey

Cradle Catholic. Active in the pro-life movement since 1973. Father of three and happily married for 35 years. Small town lawyer and amateur historian. Former president of the board of directors of the local crisis pregnancy center for a decade.

3 Comments

  1. Yes, but worse than drums and guitars is elevator Mass music. Music so banal and tepid, even when there’s the hint of a melody, that you want to turn away from the Liturgy. And have you noticed: most of these “hymns” have been composed by Jesuits. At least the Protestant Evangelicals have hymns that do turn you to God.

  2. Yes the music is terrible, if professional. (we have a donated grand piano and a breath-taking arpeggio per minute. Now, is it “pick up your Xanoft daily and follow Me” time?
    Bravo, bravissimo!
    When the music compete for attention and distracts from the Holy sacrifice of the Mass–I say, then shut if off and let me pray.

  3. Maybe if parishes started burning Oregon Press “hymnals” along with all rainbow flags, we could finally put that evil capitalist drug company out of business. It would be one less thing for Mark Shea to bitch about.

Comments are closed.