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PopeWatch: Offensive Catholics

 

 

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

A Catholic university is under fire this week after school administrators accidentally hired 37-year-old Todd Alguire, a practicing Catholic, to head their Department of Theology.

Diocesan bishop Kevin Sterling  has now demanded an investigation into the ‘offensive’ hiring after rumors spread that students would need to “brush up on the fundamentals of the Catholic  faith” before beginning this upcoming semester.

Ryan Gurley, a sophomore who described himself as ‘devoutly spiritual,’ told EOTT that his refusal to participate in any further religion classes might lead to his suspension.

“I understand that I’ll eventually either be suspended, or I won’t ever be able to graduate, but I have to stand my ground. I’ll never cave when it comes to my faith. I’m a spiritual zealot, which means I faithfully believe in every religion – so long as it isn’t Christianity, of course.  And that’s why I now stand on my rights as an American citizen and Catholic to not be forced to have to learn the tenets of Catholicism in a Catholic school. What next, having to learn the fundamentals of analytic geometry in Calculus class?”

School officials say that the accidental hiring of Mr. Alguire came after someone in the administration’s office neglected to perform a competent background check.

“This is a major oversight and, as you can probably imagine, a very embarrassing moment for the university,” said one school official. “The background process is pretty simple and straight forward. As a proud Catholic university, we do not ask for resumes or any other official documents proving competency. The only thing we do is to make sure that the applicant is either an anti-Catholic Protestant, an atheist, or an agnostic, and that if the applicant does happen to be a Catholic, that he attends no more than two masses a year, preferably none. When it comes to nearly all other departments outside of History and a couple of others, the door is wide open to practicing Catholics. That’s what makes us a Catholic university. Also, we just put up some bland, random crosses around the university so that parents of potential students may feel proud and comfortable not only sending their children here, but for paying the outrageous tuition we charge to do so.”

 

Go here to read the comments.  Offensive Catholics, always gumming up the works, from Saint Stephen who greatly upset the powers that be in Jerusalem, to the members of the Underground Church in China who make so much work for hardworking Communist bureaucrats!  PopeWatch thinks he will have a T-Shirt made up:  Offensive Catholic, and Proud of It!

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Donald R. McClarey

Cradle Catholic. Active in the pro-life movement since 1973. Father of three and happily married for 35 years. Small town lawyer and amateur historian. Former president of the board of directors of the local crisis pregnancy center for a decade.

3 Comments

  1. Don
    I thought Eye was a satire sight not anew sight.

    When I attended a Major Catholic University (late 60’s early 70 ) It’s Catholicism rested on three pillars

    recruited students as a Catholic University.
    Solicited donations as a Catholic University.

    Enough other stuff so the first two did not violate the Civil Statute of Frauds.

    Otherwise an excellent secular University.

  2. I attended a secular, non-Catholic, university … hence the likely reason I remain a practicing, orthodox, Catholic more than forty years afterwards. Mind you, Marxism had not prevailed everywhere in academia and beyond back then, so the Church had a fighting chance.

  3. My husband’s favorite saying on the subject: “Why let a “Catholic” university send your kid to hell when a secular one can do it just as well, and for less?” Pretty cynical but true.

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