Imagine if Pope Francis had given an honest inaugural address back in 2013:
I would like to thank the conclave for my election. In my pontificate I will emphasize mercy for all, especially for non-Catholics, although self–absorbed promethean neopelagian had better start running. I am mildly proud of how humble I am and extreme humility will be a hallmark of my reign. In regard to Global Warming I intend to fight it with as much energy as I will fight most signs of traditional Catholicism.
In regard to economic matters I despise markets and look with favor at government regulation and control.
As for international peace, it will never come until every last arms merchants is bankrupt.
I believe it is time for the Church to rethink the blanket ban on Communion for Catholics in adulterous marriage.
Europe would greatly benefit from a huge influx of Muslim immigrants.
Please feel free to add to the Inaugural Address in the comboxes.
It is essential that communist Cuba be rewarded with full recognition by the USA, as long as they promise not to change their present bad behavior.
Also, he might have said, and by the way I am abolishing orthodox Catholic doctrine as it’s not merciful, insensitive to folks who do not wish to repent of their sins, and completely at odds with my desire to finish Protestantizing the Catholic Church.