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PopeWatch: Gringo Mass

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From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:

 

Despite efforts to figure whether they were in a Catholic or Protestant service, local parishioners were left baffled after an “animated” man wearing vestments put on a head mic and began pacing back and forth as he delivered his sermon.

“The man looked like a priest and I was quite certain I was in a Catholic Church,” said longtime parishioner Joyce Parlin who had no clue as to what the hell was going on. “But he kept pacing back and forth, ending each statement with a ‘can I get an amen?’ No one was exactly sure what he was asking for. I overheard one gentleman respond, ‘yes, I suppose,’ but the priest or pastor or whatever he was kept desperately asking if he could get more amens.”

Parlin went on to add that the priest or pastor or whatever the heck he was continually used words like “fellowship” and “ministry” during his sermon, words, Parlin admitted, she had never heard before.

“He also used the phrase ‘saved by the Blood of the Lamb,’ which I suppose is some sort of Christian take on the TV show ‘Saved by the Bell.’ Hell, I don’t know.”

At press time, the band has begun singing praise a worship as beach balls are being thrown to and fro, confirming that the event is a Life Teen Mass.

Go here to read the comments.  PopeWatch was about to call the Vatican for comment when he received a call from the Pope.  The Pope got quickly to the point. 

I have heard you crazy gringos have masses that could pass for  a protestant service.  Is this true?

Regrettably yes, sometimes Holy Father.

Don’t you gringos know how to say the Mass properly?

I don’t think knowledge is the problem Holy Father.

I will tell you the problem!  You gringos seem to love ugly churches, ugly liturgies and ugly music?

Since Vatican II, Holy Father, one might have that impression.

Are all of you gringos loco?

Not all Holy Father.

What’s the solution?

Put Cardinal Burke in charge of liturgies in this country.

Done!

Then PopeWatch woke up.

 

 

 

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Donald R. McClarey

Cradle Catholic. Active in the pro-life movement since 1973. Father of three and happily married for 35 years. Small town lawyer and amateur historian. Former president of the board of directors of the local crisis pregnancy center for a decade.

8 Comments

  1. “Then PopeWatch woke up.”

    In a rubber room sporting an “I love me.” jacket. Because one would have to be crazy to even dream that Pope Francis would put Cardinal Burke in charge of anything important.

  2. Cardinal Burke for Pope. Oh to hear him ex communicate Tim Kaine, Nancy Pelosi, Joe Biden and all the rest.

  3. In our Faith Community, aka Catholic Church, the focus is on something called
    ‘Stewardship as Our Way of Life’ which encompasses Hospitality, Prayer, Formation, and Service. Our Mission is to be the Heart and Hands of Christ. We have over 100 active ministries. Our Rector, trained in the theology of Karl Rahner, is very enthused about parishioner involvement in Stewardship. There is something about the whole thing that troubles me but can’t quite articulate it. One point to be noted is that participation in the religious aspects of being a Catholic are seldom mentioned or non-existent, i.e., confession, adoration, holy hour, holiness, etc. I would appreciate any comments.

  4. Mr. Dowd,

    http://www.servelec.net/mothertheresa.htm
    Maybe this will help you see what’s lacking.

    We are not called to be social workers. We are called to do everything for the Lord. Not because we are so good for doing it. Because we are nothing and He is everything. And if we so not sanctify our work, I’d we do not so it For the Lord, and to His Will, then it is not the Good He wishes it to be.

  5. Thanks Alice. You are correct. What’s lacking in the Church was withdrawn after Vatican II. We need to practice the religious aspects of our religion.

  6. This reminds me of the time I visited my oldest and best friend by then retired and living down south. Sunday morning we drove to the nearest, and they are few and far between down south, for Mass. The edifice appeared as plain as a dentist office. My friend cleverly quipped, “This is a Catholic church cleverly disguised as a Protestant church”.

  7. My parish is one of those dual language/dual culture English-Spanish parishes. The Spanish-language masses I’ve attended are just as irreverent in their own way. I think our present and immediately past parish priests, for whom Spanish is their mother tongue, are/were deeply embarrassed by that. I also believe that embarrassment inhibited them when they could have made needful corrections to the parish’s English language masses.

  8. re: Micha Elyi’s comment

    “Gringo Mass” indeed !!! Racists…

    I hadn’t thought about this for awhile since I haven’t been to a Spanish Mass for a long time… There tended to be a lot of little kids crawling around, running around, making noise, etc. at espanol misa. People also used to eat at Mass too, and I don’t think it was just little kids eating cheerios. Sure, the priests — gringo and otherwise — try to correct it. Also I hate to say it, but years ago I was at a weekday evening Mass which was geared toward trying to get the teens to Mass before youth group. When I went up to Communion I noticed a hispanic female youth who had stuff in her hands as she went up for Communion. I think it was a pack of cheese crackers and something else. She was given Communion in the hand anyway. I watched her. She received the Host in her hands but instead of putting It in her mouth, she took it back to her seat at the rear of the church where she was sitting with friend(s). She just sat there and I knew she still had the Host. I motioned for her to put It in her mouth which she did. I hope she swallowed it. I later informed the deacon after Mass. Maybe I should have asked for the Host to be given to me since she didn’t seem adequately prepared to receive it. I was kind of shook up at the time. I don’t know if she was ignorant, or had some other more nefarious plan in mind. Some years ago, another area parish had a problem with hosts being stolen and sold for evil purposes. (I don’t know the identity or race of the people who did it.) To this day the parish has lay people posted to watch you when you receive Communion. It’s like you’re guilty before being proven innocent…

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