From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:
The petition, which has already gathered over 300,000 signatures, asks Pope Francis to immediately proclaim Harambe a saint, elevating the great ape to the universal veneration of the Church.
“By canonizing Harambe, the Pope will not be making him a saint,” said Toby Porter who is spearheading the canonization effort. “We already know he’s a saint because he’s an animal, and all animals are worthy of eternal veneration regardless of whether they are dead or alive. Rather, Pope Francis will simply be declaring that our silverback gorilla is already with God and is an authentic example of following Christ, and worthy of imitation by the faithful, both human and ape.”
Porter later went on to add that he hoped Harambe would be added to the general calendar of the Church.
In response, Pope Francis announced this morning that he would be issuing a new encyclical titled, Banana Vitae, reaffirming the orthodox teaching of the Catholic Church regarding responsible conservation of animals and their habitats.
At press time, animal rights activists have also announced plans to ask Pope Francis to excommunicate the parents of the boy who fell into the gorilla “hermitage” for negligence, as well as the zookeeper who shot Harambe for violating the spirit of Laudato Si.
PopeWatch was able to get through to the Pope to inquire about this. “Is this about that stupid Orangutan Sandra?”, the Pope asked. Briefly PopeWatch advised the Pope about the facts behind the push for sainthood for Harambe. “You gringos have way too much time on your hands.”, and with that the Pope hung up.
So, if I get my face ripped up by a great ape, can I ask Harambe to intercede for me?
When Mr.Ed, ( the talking horse ) was elevated to sainthood, I knew in my heart of hearts that prayers we’re going to be answered. After all he was a talking horse….very rare thing on earth. Now Harambee. Wow. He joins the ranks, the like of which includes; Bowinkle, Rocky J. squirrel, the three Chipmunks ( Holy order of The Society of Varmints. SV ) and Felix the Cat.
What a great day for the Church.
The question everyone is asking: what did the zoo do with Harambe’s relics?