As I used to tell my kids, it’s a crazy world out there, and it gets a little crazier every day:
“We play a range of classical and opera music and so far it seems to be working.”
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Barry Manilow Would Have Done it for Me
Donald R. McClarey
Cradle Catholic. Active in the pro-life movement since 1973. Father of three, one in Heaven, and happily married for 41 years. Small town lawyer and amateur historian. Former president of the board of directors of the local crisis pregnancy center for a decade.
A suitable playlist should include Boulez, Stockhausen and Xenakis. America could be represented by John Cage.
I would suggest the Barney theme song, but that might run afoul of the Geneva Convention.
Boulez, Stockhausen and Xenakis… John Cage
I recommend going full-throttle bad cop with 24/7 Schoenberg. Any hoodlums that remain could then be rushed to the medical wards for treatment, given that they would have to be either profoundly deaf, delirious, or psychopathic. That would probably also get rid of all their customers, too, so that later, once their appetites returned, they would instead go eat a salad or something. It’s win/win.
“Get off my lawn” becomes “Listen to this!”
Yes, Manilow plays well, I suppose, but he’s no Paderewski
A gas station down the street from me used to play ’50s doo-wop and early ’60s British Invasion classics. The kids stayed away in droves. I took my sweet time filling up and all – my windshield was never cleaner.
If they play Bartok, that would drive them broke – they’d denude the place completely, including customers. 🙂
“Get off my lawn” becomes “Listen to this!”
I used to say the “Lord’s Prayer” to heavy breather crank phone calls. Works on them too.